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As a rule, Kunimi has never particularly loved Christmas.
Christmas was meant to be the happiest time of year however, Kunimi disagreed. It used to be, until they came out as non binary to their parents one Christmas and it had all been downhill since. They still remembered it so well, the disappointment in their father's voice, the misunderstanding in their mothers as they told them it was a phase, they were being stupid, they were ruining the holidays.
That was the night they had basically started living with Kindaichi, only going back to their own house when their parents demanded it of them and unfortunately, they still wanted to see them every Christmas, to paint the picture to their friends that everything was fine between them and their child. The only reason Kunimi went was because Kindaichi always went with them, was always there to stand guard at their side, always there to hold their hand and take them home when things got too much. Kunimi hoped one year they'd tell them that they accepted him, it was a pipe dream but Kunimi couldn't help but believe a little.
Their one rule to their family was, they never went on Christmas Day. Christmas Day was a day reserved for them and Kindaichi. And, Christmas Eve was for Kindaichi's family, the most supportive people Kunimi had ever met. They had all immediately taken them in and cared for them until the day they moved out with Kindaichi to college and now, they still loved them unconditionally.
So, here they were, awake at 6am on a random December Thursday trying not to, and failing, let their anxiety overtake them.
They were pretty sure it was the only day of the year they were up at such a ridiculous time.
"Akira?" Kunimi had been so lost in their own thoughts that they hadn't even realised Kindaichi had woken up next to them and was now looking at them, pools of worry in his eyes. "Are you okay?"
Kunimi just shrugged, not really having the energy to talk.
"You know, we don't have to go," Kunimi knew Kindaichi was trying to reassure them but it wasn't working. Sure, that was true that they didn't HAVE to do anything but they also knew if they didn't go, that slim chance of hope they had would never come back plus they would never hear the end of it from their parents and they didn't have the energy to ignore phonecalls for the entire year and be pushed down yet again by the people that were meant to care about them the most.
"We do," Kunimi whispered, they were trying really hard not to cry. They weren't a crier, hardly ever actually shed tears but the thought of seeing their parents was one of the few things that made them have the most emotional reaction. They leaned over and rested their head back on Kindaichi's chest, letting themself have at least another half an hour before they started stress getting ready so they weren't late. "You are coming, right?"
Kindaichi had been to Kunimi's parents house with them every single time since they'd basically started living at their house for the first time but Kunimi still felt that familiar panic every single time it came to their parents' visit.
"Everyone will leave you if you keep this up Akira."
"Y-Kindaichi won't."
"I blame him for this mess."
"Of course Akira, I'd never ever let you go there alone. You're never alone. Not anymore."
The rest of the early morning was spent with the two of them laid in bed. Kunimi was sure Kindaichi had gone back to sleep whist they just stayed awake staring up at the ceiling. They briefly mused about the fact the two of them needed to decorate their apartment before their brain went back to all of the anxiety wrapped around their stomach. Today really was the day yet again.
Kindaichi drove as he always offered to.
Every so often, his hand would land on Kunimi's knee or hand to try and combat the shaking of the other.
Arriving at the house bought up memories Kunimi never, ever wanted to remember and yet they still haunted their nightmares.
The Christmas tree lights reflected on the blank TV screen as Kunimi stared at their own reflection.
They'd been waiting for the right moment for weeks - months - if they were being honest with themself, about two years of waiting for the right moment to come out to their parents as non-binary. They were seventeen, a few months off graduating and moving away anyway, if things went badly. But, they didn't want to wait any longer, didn't feel like they should have to wait any longer, this was the biggest part of themself and they didn't want to hide that anymore.
Christmas Day was coming to a close, 9pm and Kunimi and their parents were about to say their goodnights and then Kunimi was planning to sneak out to go and see Kindaichi.
"U-Uh, can I talk to you g-guys about something?" Kunimi asked from where they were still sat pressed against the back of the sofa. They could feel the need to curl up in themself but couldn't, they wanted to hold their head high when they told their parents what was going on, they needed to.
"Akira, what's wrong?"
"U-uh, I-I'm non-binary," they rushed out the last part so fast that they weren't even sure their parents caught it but judging by the stunned silence of the room, they'd heard every word that had just tumbled from their mouth.
"Akira, what are you talking about? Is this some kind of joke?" Kunimi automatically flinched at the tone their father used. They knew that tone, it was a tone they never used with Kunimi but they'd heard it used when talking to some others; the tone of you have five seconds to explain yourself before I raise a hand. Kunimi had never seen their father raise a hand against them or their mother and they prayed to every God they could think of that it wasn't about to change now.
"No it's not a joke I-I'm non binary." They said it with more confidence this time but that soon shattered when they saw the look on their mother's face. Kunimi's mother had always been a sweet woman, willing to take in anyone who needed her. Was always happy to see Kindaichi, had always been supportive when she'd seen the real relationship between Kunimi and their boyfriend, they had never seen this look on her face before.
"Honey, you're just confused." She said, coming to sit next to them on the sofa. "This is just a silly phase you're going through and you're trying to scare your parents for the holidays. That's what this is right?"
"No!" Kunimi snapped, standing up from the sofa.
They couldn't explain it. It was like they couldn't feel their body at all as they stood up, like they felt numb all over. They suddenly weren't scared anymore, they knew this was a possibility, the none acceptance but they didn't expect it to hurt as much as it actually did and now here they were, ready to bring the entire house down and shout about who they really were and if they couldn't accept them, they knew a place that always would.
"Don't you take that tone with us young man," their dad seethed and it felt like a knife through their stomach. "Young man" they wanted to be sick.
"I just want you to understand me, I want to share this part of myself with you, why can't you just accept me?"
"Because this is wrong Akira." Their mum said, the deep disappointment evident in her tone.
"Everyone will leave you if you keep this up Akira."
"Y-Kindaichi won't."
"I blame him for this mess."
"This is nothing to do with him apart from the fact that he accepts me for who I am and loves me unconditionally, like a parent is meant to," they whispered the last part, biting back the tears that were starting to gather in the back of their eyes.
"Get out of my house Akira!" Their dad yelled, coming to stand dangerously close to them. Kunimi flinched on instinct, stepping away from him quickly. "Get out of my house. Go now."
Kunimi gulped, they didn't want to take their eyes off of their father, for the first time in their life, they were terrified of the man standing in front of them. They quickly felt for their phone in their pocket before running to the front door, only stopping to shove their feet into their trainers before running towards the only place they could think of, the one place that was always going to accept them.
Luckily, Kindaichi's house was only a few blocks away because walking outside without a jacket in December was not the smartest choice Kunimi had ever made in their life but they had to get out of there as quickly as they could.
The lights shining in the living room told Kunimi Kindaichi and his family were still awake which made them feel both relieved and not so much, they didn't know if they had the energy to deal with more than one person tonight but, they still reached up and knocked on the door which highlighted how much their hands were shaking.
"I'm getting it!" They heard Kindaichi shout, a smile in his voice. A smile that disappeared when he swung open the door to see who was standing on his doorstep, shaking like a leaf. "Akira?"
"Yuu," they managed to breathe out before dissolving into tears. Their knees gave out beneath them, causing them to fall to the floor.
Kindaichi wasted no time in kneeling down in front of them and taking them into his own arms.
"God Akira, you're freezing, come on, let me take you inside and then we can talk, come on babe."
Kindaichi helped Kunimi back to their feet and sidestepped the front room, leading them straight to the bedroom and throwing them one of his own hoodies before sitting with them on the bed. The two of them were silent for the first five minutes, neither one knowing where to start.
"Akira, love, can you tell me what happened?"
"I told them," Kunimi whispered, trying to ignore the tears that were falling down their cheeks. "I told them and they kicked me out Yuu."
Kindaichi didn't say anything for a while, just wrapping his arms around Kunimi and pulling them towards his chest. Running his fingers through their hair and placing kisses on their forehead every few seconds.
"I'm sorry Akira, I'm so sorry this happened. Do you want to stay here?"
"Will your mum mind?"
"Of course not, we'll talk to her but that's a conversation for tomorrow. For now, let's get into bed okay?" Kunimi nodded, accepting some clothes from Kindaichi before climbing under the duvet and curling up as close to Kindaichi as they possibly could when he joined them in the bed. "I love you Akira, I love you so much. Fuck your parents. You deserve so much love and acceptance, you know all of us on the team love you so much and you're welcome here for as long as you need to be here. Everything is going to be okay now, I'm here."
And even though nothing felt okay, Kunimi believed him.
"Hey, Akira, look at me," Kindaichi whispered as they pulled up outside of their old house. He rested his fingers under Kunimi's chin and pressed a soft kiss against their forehead. "We can go home right now, we don't have to do this. Block their numbers, I don't care, we don't need to do this."
"I-I have to," Kunimi whispered back, looking at the floor. "I can't let go."
"Okay, okay," Kindaichi sighed, pressing another kiss to their forehead. "Come on, the sooner we're in, the sooner we're out and remember, i'm here for you okay? If we need to leave just tell me and I'll get you out." Kunimi gave him a small smile and nodded their head, Kindaichi always made them feel safe and secure.
"Akira," Their mother acknowledged, ignoring Kindaichi at their side. Kindaichi didn't care, he was used to the silent treatment from a woman he used to think of as a second mum. At first it had stung but then he was constantly reminded of what a terrible person she had become and then he didn't care as much. He just wanted Kunimi to be okay, he no longer cared about what their parents thought of him. "So nice of you to show up," she hissed, letting the two of them come into the front room where Kunimi's dad was sat, watching the TV.
"Oh, if it isn't my son," he smiled, the smile that Kindaichi hated so much, the smile that told Kunimi how much he knew he was hurting them.
"D-dad."
Kunimi felt Kindaichi take their hand gently, letting them know he was there, next to them, all the time.
"And look what you bought with you," he sneered, turning to Kindaichi. "Who said you were welcome in my house."
"Like I'd let Akira anywhere near you without me here, get lost."
Kunimi squeezed Kindaichi's hand tightly and Kindaichi stood down slightly.
"Oh, Akira, you need a bodyguard now huh?"
"No I don't but he's the only person that cares about me."
"Oh Akira, you always were so dramatic," their mother laughed, coming back into the room. "We all care about you."
"Then why can't you accept them?" Kindaichi asked.
"Because it's not normal to be non-binary or whatever it is HE wants to call it." Kunimi could feel the panic rising in their stomach, they squeezed Kindaichi's hand tightly, looking at him and Kindaichi knew immediately what that meant.
He pressed a kiss to the top of Kunimi's head before turning back to their parents.
"Well then why are we here? Why do you force them to come home every time? To protect your reputation? Well. No. I'm not having it anymore, I'm taking Akira home to our home and we are never, never ever coming back here again. They are worth so much more than either of you, they deserve love and affection not to be belittled and taken down at every opportunity so please, for the love of everything do not contact them again unless you learn some actual human decency and are ready to accept them for who they are. You're meant to be their parents you absolutely despicable humans!" Kindaichi spat at them, leading Kunimi towards the door and then the car quickly.
The car was silent apart from Kunimi's laboured breathing.
"Yuu-p-please pull over now," Kindaichi pulled over immediately, turning to face Kunimi who was continuously struggling to breathe.
"Hey, hey," Kindaichi whispered, "can I touch you?" Kunimi nodded quickly and Kindaichi placed one hand on their cheek whilst his other hand joined one of Kunimi's, resting it against Kindaichi's chest.
"I-I-"
"No, it's okay. Don't talk, let's focus on breathing okay?" Kunimi couldn't do much more than nod. Kindaichi ran his thumb over Kunimi's cheek gently. "It's okay Akira, everything is going to be okay," Kindaichi knew to keep his voice quiet as to not spook Kunimi too much more.
"Thank you," Kunimi whispered after thirty or so minutes of coming down from their panic attack. They finally managed to get the right amount of air into their lungs before they leaned forward to rest their forehead against Kindaichi's shoulder so that Kindaichi wrapped his arms around them and pressed kisses to the top of their head.
"You don't need to thank me baby. I've got you. Always." Kindaichi whispered, running his fingers through Kunimi's hair softly.
When the two of them arrived home, Kindaichi sighed to himself when he saw that Kunimi had fallen asleep with their head rested against the window. He smiled softly at his partner, gently picking them up into his arms and taking them into their apartment.
"Yuu?" Kunimi whispered as they finally woke up from their post panic attack nap. They could feel the panic coiling around their stomach again when they felt that Kindaichi wasn't next to them; they didn't even remember coming into the house or really much after leaving their parents house. "Yuu?"
"Hey, it's okay I'm here!" Kindaichi assured them as they came back into the room. "I'm here Akira," he quickly laid down on their shared bed next to them, letting Kunimi rest their head against Kindaichi's chest.
"I'm sorry we always have to go, we don't need to go again." Kunimi whispered, they could feel the tears building again at the thought of finally giving up on their parents. They weren't going to accept them, they knew that but they couldn't help but have some kind of hope about them. "I don't want to go anymore, they're never going to change."
"They don't deserve you Akira. You deserve nothing but love and care. I love you so much, sometimes it's scary to me how much I love you and anyone who doesn't feel the same way is just wrong. You are incredible. You're strong and make me laugh all of the time, you're so sarcastic and just beautiful. I love you so much."
"I love you too," they replied, letting their eyes slip closed. "Please, never leave me."
"As if I would Akira. Get some more sleep okay? I'm going to be here every single day of our lives."
"Thank you."
"I love you."
"I love you too." Kunimi could feel themself slipping into the reaches of sleep but they felt content and happy; how could they not with the love of their life by their side?