Chapter Text
11:07 p.m.
*Tsaritsa has added Childe, Signora, Pantalone, Dottore,+7 others to the chat*
*Tsaritsa has named the groupchat 'Fatui'*
Tsaritsa: don't make me regret this. official business only.
Scaramouche: oh you will regret it
Childe: yes you will
1:56 p.m.
Childe: it’s so boring here
Childe: scaramouhceeeeeeeeeee
Scaramouche: what
Childe: idk
Tsaritsa: official. business.
Scaramouche: well then don’t bother me if you don’t know
Childe: whatever
Dottore: i can talk about my experiments if you’re that bored
Childe: NO
Scaramouche: i can think of nothing i would possible enjoy less
Signora: spare us
Pedrelino: no
Dottore: that’s why no one likes you scaramouche
Scaramouche: i like myself
Scaramouche: are you implying my opinion holds no value
Childe: yes
Signora: yes
Dottore: yes
Sandrone: yes
Scaramouche: fine then
*Scaramouche has left the chat*
*Tsaritsa has added Scaramouche to the chat*
Scaramouche: let me go.
Childe: never
Childe: you must have no braincells if you think you can get out of this
Scaramouche: oh i have no braincells?
Scaramouche: i literally watched you have a mental breakdown over chopsticks
Scaramouche: in front of the geo archon
Childe: WHAT
Childe: WHEN DID YOU SEE THAT
Childe: you stalker
Signora: cringeeeee
Childe: i see how it is
Childe: scaramouche tripped on his hat once
Scaramouche: i did no such thing
Dottore: *sips tea*
Childe: deny it all you want
Childe: but i saw that
Scaramouche: i’ll believe it when i see it
2:46 a.m.
Childe: proof
Childe: <Attachment: 1 movie>
Scaramouche: DELETE THAT
Scaramouche: WHY ARE YOU EVEN UP
Signora: …
Pedrelino: don’t you have better things to do?
Childe: yes but
Childe: world domination is temporary. embarrassing scaramouche is forever.
Dottore: he just falls over i can’t
Dottore: i’ve watched this seven times now
*Scaramouche has removed Dottore and Childe from the chat*
Scaramouche: much better
7:03 a.m.
*Tsaritsa has added Childe and Dottore to the chat*
Childe: i have a proposition
Tsaritsa: make it a good one
*Childe has added Lumine to the chat*
Childe: the 12th harbinger
Lumine: what
*Signora has removed Lumine from the chat*
Signora: absolutely not
*Childe has added Lumine to the chat*
Lumine: why am i in a fatui groupchat
Scaramouche: no clue, but you’ve got to go
*Scaramouche has removed Lumine from the chat*
Childe: just hear me out ok
Tsaritsa: tartaglia.
Childe: yes?
Tsaritsa: i am not interested in your so-called proposition. i will not be plucking random people off the streets.
Childe: but she’s not random!
Dottore: someone’s in loooooooooooooooove
Childe: shut up no i am not
Scaramouche: looooooove
Scaramouche: what ever happened to dear zhongli
*Childe has left the chat*
*Tsaritsa has added Childe to the chat*
Childe: today i learned i can change your names
Signora: how did you not know that
*Childe has changed Scaramouche’s name to HAT*
HAT: change it back. now.
Childe: or what? and don’t say you’ll strangle me, you’re way too short for that
*HAT has changed Childe’s name to lover boy*
lover boy: yours is funny
lover boy: this isn’t
Signora: it’s pretty funny
Dottore: ^^
lover boy: don’t make fun of me
HAT: why would i stop when you practically invite it
lover boy: i do not
HAT: yeah yeah
Signora: you’re all morons
lover boy: i’ll show you who’s a moron
*lover boy has changed Tsarita’s name to moron*
lover boy: how do you like them apples
HAT: you… was that on purpose?
lover boy: was what on purpose?
Dottore: akjfskdfnkjdfbgssdfkjbg
lover boy: oh… OH
Signora: sure took you a minute to realize
*lover boy has changed moron’s name to Tsarista*
lover boy: please don’t kill me
Dottore: still not right
lover boy: what??
HAT: he’ll figure it out eventually
*lover boy has changed Tsarista’s name to Barista*
lover boy: AUTOCORRECT
lover boy: i am about to die
Signora: give it another try, you have to get it eventually
HAT: you really think he will?
lover boy: you guys are so mean to me
HAT: you make it so easy
*Barista has changed Barista’s name to Tsaritsa*
lover boy: wait you can change your own name?
*lover boy has changed lover boy’s name to Childe*
Childe: hah try and rename me again scaramouche
*HAT has changed HAT’s name to Scaramouche*
Scaramouche: ok
*Scaramouche has changed Childe’s name to ~TAR TAR TAGLIA~*
~TAR TAR TAGLIA~: really?
11:49 p.m.
Scaramouche: alright
Scaramouche: who took my hat
Scaramouche: this is where i would say i say ‘i won’t be mad if you own up to it’ but i am in fact very mad already
3:26 a.m.
Scaramouche: i’ve had enough of your tomfoolery
Scaramouche: own up you low-life thief
~TAR TAR TAGLIA~: hey scaramouche you been to mondstadt recently?
Scaramouche: no why
~TAR TAR TAGLIA~: <Attachment: 1 image>
Scaramouche: wait why is my hat on the statue of barbatos
Scaramouche: that’s photoshopped right
Scaramouche: did you steal my hat
Scaramouche : CHILDE GET BACK HERE
Signora: good luck getting that back
Scaramouche: how did he get my hat to MONDSTADT of all places
1:37 p.m.
*~TAR TAR TAGLIA~ has added Lumine to the groupchat*
Lumine: not again
Lumine: and why is your name tar tar taglia
~TAR TAR TAGLIA~: long story
Lumine: and why did you hand me a hat as tall as i am and tell me to put it on the statue of barbatos
Scaramouche: oh so it was YOU who did that
~TAR TAR TAGLIA~: see. If she can steal scaramouche’s hat you gotta let her be in the fatui
~TAR TAR TAGLIA~: @ tsaritsa
~TAR TAR TAGLIA~: WAIT LUMINE YOU PROMISED NOT TO TELL
Dottore: don’t you mean @barista
~TAR TAR TAGLIA~: the past is in the past
Lumine: one of you has to go pick up scaramouche
Signora: not it
Dottore: not it
Dottore: guess that means you gotta do it tar tar taglia
~TAR TAR TAGLIA~: why me there’s seven other people here who are perfectly capable
Lumine: jean said there is a child (i quote) who needs to be retrieved bc the knights caught him climbing and attempting to defile the statue of barbatos
~TAR TAR TAGLIA~: AKDJAJSDKJAF
~TAR TAR TAGLIA~: a child
~TAR TAR TAGLIA~: k i’ll be back with the hat man, i wanna see how mad he is
Lumine: dear archons, he’s never going to make it back here alive