Archive of Our Own

You are amazing, you know that? I mean it, I seriously do.

Every day I am thankful that you chose to give us a chance. I hope that you’ve never regretted that decision. I hope I’ve made you as happy as you’ve made me.

It’s been one year! Can you believe?

A year filled with fun and crazy adventures. A year of us getting to know each other. A year proving to everyone that non-soulmate couples work.

It feels like so much longer. Doesn’t it to you?

I still can’t wrap my head around it sometimes, that this wonderfully kind, gorgeous, witty, strong-willed person is my partner. But you are, which makes me the luckiest person alive.

Here’s to many more years ahead, because I can’t imagine wanting anything else.

It doesn’t matter that you don’t have a soulmate, because you have me.

And I’ll shout it from the rooftops if need be.

Katsuki is trying to compare the descriptions of two products when it happens.

A sudden jolt resembling an electrostatic shock hits his left hand, causing him to flinch and drop the bags in his hold.

Everyone in the aisle turns at the sound, much to his embarrassment as he bends down to retrieve the items, but internally he’s freaking out because what the fuck?

Then someone gasps, and when Katsuki stands up he finds a finger pointed at him. Before he can question the stranger, “I can’t believe I’m witnessing a soulmate reveal moment!” is shouted somewhere from the crowd, and realisation dawns on him.

The situation has caught the attention of many more now, and vaguely Katsuki hears the sound of clapping and excited chatter, but mostly he’s staring at his left hand, a strange feeling of numbness overcoming him.

It’s already started transforming, the thin black line Katsuki’s had with him since birth is gone, and in its place is a red band, still expanding the length of his proximal phalanx. It’s fascinating to watch, to be honest. He’s never seen a mark change before.

He wonders whether this is why so many people are hovering around, to witness the phenomenon.

When the band stops growing, something else happens. A thread seems to materialise out of thin air. One end is wrapped around his finger, and Katsuki follows the rest of it to—

Someone who is already looking at him, hand halfway in the air. The red thread connects them both. Which makes this person…

Katsuki’s soulmate.

Silence falls around them, as if the strangers have collectively decided to hold their breaths, waiting for one of them to break the tension.

Katsuki is still staring. He can’t be sure whether he has actually comprehended what is happening right now.

It’s his soulmate who speaks. A simple greeting, just a ‘Hi’, accompanied by a smile, and Katsuki…

He’s shaken to the core, drawn to someone he doesn’t even know, and it makes him feel out of control.

He always thought it was stupid how quickly people were gone on their soulmates once meeting them, told himself he wouldn’t be the same, and yet—

The thing is, he’s never really paid much attention to his mark. It’s just a tattoo he can’t get rid of. It doesn’t mean much to him aside from that. What’s important is that he’s with Shouto. And that he’s happy with Shouto. Meeting one’s soulmate is rare anyway, so Katsuki never thought about what that moment might be like, what he might do or say. He didn’t have any expectations at all.

Katsuki knows that Shouto cares though. He looks at Katsuki’s mark a lot, usually when he thinks Katsuki can’t see the anguished expression on his face. He knows that Shouto often thinks about it, about Katsuki meeting his soulmate someday, and what that means for him.

He knows that Shouto still holds himself back. In little ways, mostly, but still noticeable enough. He can be so closed off about his emotions, and Katsuki knows he still has a few walls up, but sometimes he swears Shouto rebuilds walls he’s already taken down. He’s careful too, always. Restraining himself only until Katsuki pushes, until Katsuki tells him, shows him, that he wants this. A lot.

Katsuki can count on two hands the number of times Shouto has initiated anything over the two years they’ve been together.

He hasn’t fully given himself to Katsuki. There are still pieces he’s keeping locked away, and although he’s never said why or even acknowledged the fact—maybe he isn’t even aware he’s doing it—Katsuki knows it’s because of the soulmate thing.

Katsuki doesn’t blame him. He knows that Shouto had a difficult childhood which exacerbates the issue. And yeah it sucks sometimes, but it just makes the occasions where Shouto does let Katsuki in so much more special.

The only thing is that Katsuki wishes he could reassure Shouto somehow, put all his worries at ease at once, but now that he’s faced with his soulmate he’s almost glad he didn’t, because it feels like he would’ve gone back on every promise he made.

Shouto asked Katsuki to never give him false hope once, and Katsuki doesn’t know how Shouto could’ve known that Katsuki would be so thrown off like this, because he is, and it feels like his mind is going to explode.

He’s panicking, and then he realises that most of the people are staring at him now, and that he never greeted his soulmate back.

What does he say? How does he bring Shouto up? He doesn’t think, Hello, nice to meet you. I already have a partner, is very polite, but he can’t pretend that Shouto and their relationship don’t exist either.

In the end he settles with, “Hey. I’m Bakugou. Nice to meet you,” because it’s simple, and he’s sure there’ll be a proper opportunity to mention Shouto later.

His soulmate smiles again, which affects Katsuki way more than it should, and replies, “Nice to meet you too, Bakugou-san. I’m Suzuki. I guess we’re, uh, soulmates?”

The random people inserting themselves into this very confusing moment of Katsuki’s life start cheering, and it makes them both flush. Finally, someone says that they should go back to their own businesses. “Leave the youngsters to themselves! Let the lovebirds get to know each other.”

It makes Katsuki’s soulmate blush even more, which in turn makes Katsuki’s face hotter, because he really likes how it looks.

And then he’s wracked with guilt because Shouto.

He’s so caught up in worrying that he doesn’t notice someone approaching him as the crowd disperses, and jumps when Suzuki speaks.

“Hey. We really gave them a show huh?”

It draws a laugh out of Katsuki. “Yeah, damn. They definitely… enhanced the experience.”

Suzuki laughs too, and then smiles at Katsuki. Katsuki smiles back. It feels natural and easy. Like it was just meant to be.

“So—”

“I’m dating someone at the moment,” Katsuki blurts. He can’t hold it back anymore, he thinks his head might burst.

His soulmate visibly deflates, but recovers quickly and says in a cheery voice, “Oh! That’s alright. I wasn’t expecting anything to happen right away. Everyone goes about this differently, you know?”

Katsuki nods, though he can’t help but feel like it’s a jab at him for dating someone who isn’t his soulmate. He wonders whether Suzuki is one of those ‘save yourself for your soulmate’ people. Maybe the two of them won’t be so perfect together after all.

The thought simultaneously brings Katsuki relief and disappoints him. He doesn’t want to think about why.

“I’d still like to get to know you though, is that alright?” Katsuki nods again. “Great! Here, you can put your number in.”

Katsuki saves his contact in Suzuki’s phone. In the meantime, Suzuki picks up the items Katsuki dropped, which now feels like happened hours ago, and considers the two packages before holding out one in particular for Katsuki to take.

“You like to cook?” Katsuki asks with a raised eyebrow.

Suzuki smirks, telling him, “Oh, I’m the best cook around.”

It ignites the competitiveness within Katsuki. Shouto is a disaster in the kitchen, and it’s endearing, really, but Katsuki has always thought that it would be nice to have someone who understands…

Katsuki shakes his head. What is he thinking? He shouldn’t be comparing them like this.

He reaches for the product in Suzuki’s hand and accidentally makes contact in the process. He hates to admit it, but his heart skips a beat. By the looks of it, Suzuki’s did too.

They look up at each other, the eye contact is filled with tension and makes Katsuki feel strange, but Suzuki’s phone vibrates and disrupts the moment. Suzuki glances down and curses. “I have to go, but I’ll text you later. It was really nice meeting you!”

Katsuki waves and watches until Suzuki disappears out of sight. Then he looks down at the item in his hand, at where his fingers brushed against his soulmate’s. He can still feel it now, and it makes his heart beat faster.

Fuck.

How the fuck is he going to tell Shouto?

He panic buys a bunch of baking materials. He doesn’t even think about it, just lets his feet lead him to the appropriate aisles and allows his hand to pick up various products.

He’s going to stress bake the fuck out of some desserts when he gets home.

Katsuki’s students notice right away. Of course they do, perceptive little buggers.

They flock to him like baby birds to their mother, holding his hand and looking at his newly transformed mark from all angles.

With wonderstruck voices and wide eyes they say things like, “Did you meet your soulmate?!” and “Wow!” and “It’s so pretty!”

One of them, a quiet girl Katsuki used to call Pigtails, asks, “What about Shouto?”

“Shouto-san,” Katsuki corrects instinctively. He’s long since stopped trying to get them to say ‘Todoroki’ instead.

But Bakugou-sensei always calls him ‘Shouto’!

After hearing that argument every time Katsuki tried to educate them on showing respect for one’s elders, he eventually conceded the point. Some of it is probably his fault anyway, for dropping the honorific in front of them.

The question throws him off balance though. What about Shouto?

Their conversation last night had been horrible. Katsuki felt so guilty, and he hated doing that to Shouto, hated seeing Shouto’s reactions even more. He closed himself off immediately, he couldn’t even look at Katsuki after he told him. They barely talked over dinner. They kept to themselves the rest of the night. Shouto went to bed before him, and was sleeping at the very edge by the time Katsuki entered the room.

Since yesterday, Katsuki has also been thinking about soulmates more than he has in all his previous years combined. He’s learned that he’s considered to be in the middle age of when people meet their soulmates. Not too early, nor too late.

It feels incredibly early to him though. He’d just barely started his relationship with Shouto. Two years isn’t a short time by any means, but when Katsuki was envisioning so many more with him…

So yeah, meeting his soulmate now is too soon for him—if he’s being honest it was something he didn’t particularly think had to happen, but like so many things, after meeting Suzuki he’s had to rethink his prior opinions—but he does know why it’s not considered early on the whole.

Because some people happen to meet their soulmates before their personalities are even formed. And as a result, their personalities get shaped around each other.

They have a pair like that at school. Children of best friends, who’d been absolutely terrified, and then ecstatic when they brought their newborns to meet each other only to have them erupt into tears, before noticing that the tiny black rings which had barely been on their tiny fingers for a few months were changing into red bands that seemed just as tiny, because they were that small.

Those two are kept apart for classes, but every other time they’re stuck to each other and are completely inseparable.

Katsuki wonders what that’s like, having your entire being be based on someone else. To have that person’s entire self be based on you. Are you even two people at that point? Or just two halves of the same whole?

Katsuki isn’t sure he’d like it. He appreciates the independence he got, both from not meeting his soulmate at a young age, and from being an only child. He is truly his own self, as true as one can be, anyway.

But that’s an extreme case. A few years ago Katsuki and some of his other colleagues were invited to watch a past student race at a tournament. Katsuki was told that his attendance was of utmost importance, since it was because of him that the student was still racing at all.

Katsuki didn’t think he deserved that much credit, but he still went. And it was just before the student’s race that it happened. A soulmate reveal, one of the few Katsuki has witnessed, between three junior high students.

They all came from different schools and were split across two year levels. Apparently, the other two already knew each other from training, and actually liked each other too, but were hesitant to pursue anything because their marks never changed.

Then the student who graduated from Katsuki’s school showed up, and all at once three red marks grew.

It was crazy, Katsuki remembers the excitement of it all, and wonders whether the strangers who’d witnessed his own soulmate reveal moment felt the same. There’s just something about it that makes you so happy, seeing others happy.

Except Katsuki hadn’t been too happy at all.

Well, he is. For some reason, despite all the anxieties, some part of him still finds the room to be happy, feel pure joy, at having found his soulmate. It’s pretty disconcerting, but it doesn’t seem like he can do much about it.

Finally, he remembers that he was asked a question, but instead of answering it he tells the entire class, “Alright, that’s enough prodding and staring. Let’s get to work.” He finishes with a bit of a frown, “It’s not like the mark is going anywhere.”

Despite Katsuki’s words and how the statement holds true, his students seem to remain interested in his mark and his soulmate even a week later after it first changed.

Even weirder is that Katsuki starts to talk with his students about Suzuki. In his defence though, they like to ask questions and even though Katsuki knows they’re just trying to get out of work, he indulges and answers anyway because, well, he can’t tell Shouto, can he?

He almost slips up at home sometimes, opens his mouth to recount some funny story Suzuki told him earlier, or he’ll start answering a question Shouto’s asked before realising his answer involves his soulmate.

Occasionally he thinks about just saying it straight up—why should he be hiding it? He’s tired of having to be careful with his words, having to really think about what he’s going to say and making sure there’s no mention of Suzuki before speaking.

But then he’ll see Shouto’s expression, how he goes still and completely shuts down, looking like he’d rather be anywhere else, like he wants to escape their home and escape Katsuki, and decides that it wouldn’t be worth this. Hurting Shouto in the process.

So, Katsuki holds back. And that means he requires some other way to get everything out because he can’t just keep it in forever, and isn’t it oh-so-convenient that he sees his students every day?

He can’t believe that his confidantes are a bunch of prepubescent children.

But hey, at least they don’t judge him. Much.

And they have loyalty to him, which is more than he can say about anyone else right now.

When Suzuki asked him out, Katsuki felt butterflies.

He had been the one to ask out Shouto after all. It’s a different experience.

It made him so… excited initially. He was caught off guard for one, because he wasn’t even sure how Suzuki felt about him, and he wasn’t thinking about a potential relationship himself, but once Suzuki said those words…

Bakugou-san, will you go out with me?

Katsuki understood why Suzuki wanted to call him then. It was the first time they’d spoken over the phone, the first time Katsuki had heard Suzuki’s voice since they first met, and honestly… He liked it.

What came after, of course, was the emotion that Katsuki has become intimately familiar with.

Guilt.

He didn’t used to feel it often. The last time it was this bad was when he finally realised what a right shit he’d been to Deku all those years. But Deku, in Deku fashion, forgave him after barely anything, which only made him feel worse for a while, until he learned to forgive himself too.

Now though, he feels it all the time. It follows him everywhere—greeting him in the morning, sometimes even appearing in his dreams. It’s a horrible feeling, one he wishes he could shut off, but, he’s unfortunately aware enough to know that it won’t go away for a while.

Not until he makes a choice at least.

He hadn’t even realised that he would need to do such a thing. And then Suzuki asked him out, and it all became so clear.

What also becomes clear is that there’s no real winning in this situation. No matter what, someone is going to end up hurt at Katsuki’s hand, and that fact will hurt Katsuki.

Fucking hell.

Suzuki had been polite and understanding when Katsuki apologised and replied that he couldn’t answer that now, not until he talked with his partner. The disappointment was clear in his soulmate’s voice though, and Katsuki almost regretted the words.

A part of him wishes that he would’ve just gone for it, just said yes to Suzuki, and then gone home and told Shouto that he was going on the date, because he didn’t need Shouto’s permission to do so.

But he isn’t that person. Not anymore. He has to at least hear Shouto out. Even if he does actually want to go on that date.

It goes just about as well as he expects. And then… better.

“You should go,” Shouto says, and Katsuki can see it in his expression that he’s upset, that he doesn’t actually mean the words, that in truth he doesn’t want Katsuki to date someone else.

But he also sounds so determined, and he’s holding Katsuki so dearly, in a heartbreaking way that tells him everything:

Shouto knows that Katsuki wants this, and for him he is saying yes, because he knows that Katsuki otherwise won’t.

As selfless as Katsuki may be, it’s evident that Shouto is even more so.

Katsuki doesn’t try to fight him further.

Dating Suzuki is… great.

It’s fun—Katsuki enjoys himself and enjoys Suzuki’s company, and is always just a bit freaked out by how much they have in common.

They go to all types of places, the movies, out for lunch, an amusement park. Katsuki makes great memories, and at the end of every date he tells his soulmate he’s looking forward to the next one.

And it’s true, it is, but as he’s heading home the excitement and adrenaline will start to fade, and then he’ll start to question his behaviour.

After almost every outing with Suzuki, Katsuki will wonder whether what he’s doing is ethical. There’s no way he’s the only one who met their soulmate when they were presently dating someone else, but no matter how hard Katsuki searches he can’t seem to find any answers.

Most of the forum posts he finds are about asking for advice on how to break up with their current partner, because they want to be with their soulmate.

Katsuki always finds it so cruel. Those people are just throwing away years of history, sometimes even decades, for a person they’ve just met, solely on the basis that they have marks on their fingers tying them to each other. They won’t even give their current partner a chance. It’s like they never meant anything to them at all. It’s incredibly dishonest.

Katsuki thinks all that, thinks lowly of those people, but then he asks himself, is he not doing the same?

He’s essentially… cheating, isn’t he? Even though he has permission, Shouto only gave it for Katsuki, and no matter how you look at it Katsuki is two-timing Shouto.

They haven’t even— With all the dates Katsuki has been going on with Suzuki, he hasn’t had the time to take Shouto out. He hasn’t even organised something nice for them at home. He—

He’s been a shit partner, that’s for sure.

It becomes too much, later on. Shouto is… He’s so wonderful, he’s started asking Katsuki about how the dates go, because he cares about how Katsuki is doing, and even just that helps. It helps him stop feeling like he’s hiding something from Shouto, that he’s sneaking around. And yet,

“You can dump me if you want, you know?”

Katsuki says it in a voice so incredibly quiet, as they’re lying together in bed.

That’s the other thing too. He’s still sleeping with Shouto. He thought about it, whether he should take out the futon and sleep somewhere else, because maybe that would be more fair to Suzuki, but he can’t take this away from Shouto too. Not when Katsuki is already giving so little.

Shouto responds with a single word.

“What?”

Katsuki doesn’t want to repeat himself. He was half-hoping that Shouto was already asleep, that he wouldn’t hear Katsuki’s whispered confession. He doesn’t want to face the reality that maybe Shouto will, in fact, leave him.

“You don’t have to stay,” he clarifies instead. It has the added bonus of sounding less miserable than, You’re allowed to break up with me. “I know I haven’t been great to you lately. You don’t… You have no obligation to stay. With me.”

Katsuki’s words are met with silence. All he hears is the sound of his heart beating against his chest. He’s afraid to even take a breath. He’s afraid of what the next moment might bring.

Finally, there’s the sound of rustling, then the covers are moving around Katsuki, and Shouto has gotten up onto his elbows and is looking down at him.

There’s barely any light, but Katsuki can see Shouto so clearly. He looks incredibly beautiful, ethereal, and he’s in Katsuki’s bed. Katsuki’s heart clenches.

Then Shouto leans down and kisses him, captures his lips so gently, and takes Katsuki’s breath away. It’s the first time they’ve kissed in ages. Katsuki has been too scared to initiate anything, he didn’t know what Shouto would think of it, would think of him. Katsuki kisses back like a starved man, like he’s afraid Shouto will disappear once they pull apart.

When Shouto does pull back, Katsuki tries to chase the movement, but Shouto stays out of reach. He meets Katsuki’s gaze and tells him, “I’m not leaving you,” and Katsuki’s eyes widen, as if he’s surprised, as if it wasn’t what he wanted to hear. Shouto continues, “I’m not saying that I like the situation. Because I don’t. But…” He takes a breath. “I think you deserve this chance. To see what it might be like. With your soulmate.”

And there has never been a moment that has made it clearer in Katsuki’s mind that he—

But he can’t think about that now.

He just draws Shouto in and kisses him again, wanting to taste him on his lips.

They’re yelling at each other.

They’re yelling at each other and it’s horrible but the thing is Katsuki doesn’t even care right now. He’s angry and he doesn’t understand why Shouto is acting like this, why he can’t just see that—

“Never mind the fact you’re taking someone else to our place, why are you even going on these dates still? Have you not been on enough?”

Has he not been on enough?!

Who was the one who told Katsuki just a few nights ago that he deserved this chance? That he should be allowed to see what it would be like to be with his soulmate?

He can’t believe that Shouto has the audacity to throw that in his face right now when it was him, him! He who said that Katsuki should go on these dates. He who said that he wasn’t going to break up with Katsuki, that Katsuki deserved this chance.

So he tells Shouto all of that, quotes his words back at him, stands up for himself and for Suzuki. He’s not backing down from this, he knows he’s doing the right thing.

But then Shouto retorts with his own questions, and he says such unimaginable things, calls himself unlovable, and Katsuki—

He takes everything back.

He regrets every word that left his mouth.

He shouldn’t have said anything. He shouldn’t have done anything. He should never have met his soulmate.

He pleads with Shouto, tells him they should both take a moment, and he plans to apologise profusely once they have, beg on his knees if he has to, because he can’t ever have Shouto think that of himself again, but then Shouto is leaving, and he’s snatching his arm out of Katsuki’s grip, and he’s saying that he’s going to his sister’s place, and Katsuki—

Katsuki is left standing alone in their apartment, although really it’s Shouto’s apartment, it’s under his name. His siblings dote on him because he doesn’t have a soulmate, and Shouto had hated the idea at first, he doesn’t like being pitied, see, but Katsuki had convinced him to take the house. He talked about how nice it would be to have their own space, one they could make totally theirs, and it was definitely a bit manipulative but he saw how dreamy Shouto’s expression got, and knew that he was imagining the same domestic scenarios Katsuki had wanted for so long.

Shouto accepted the keys the next day.

Fuck.

Fuck!

With Shouto gone the tension starts to seep out of the room, leaving the space feeling incredibly cold. Katsuki feels like a stranger in his own skin and he can’t stop replaying the fight, can’t stop picturing the way Shouto had sounded and looked when he claimed it would be impossible to love him.

It is too easy, actually, Katsuki knows that first-hand.

But now he is gone and Katsuki can’t fix it, not yet, because anything he says or does now will just make Shouto retreat even more, and Katsuki is afraid that the next step back he takes will be out of Katsuki’s life forever.

So instead he just goes to sleep. Lies in the king-sized bed without his partner of two years by his side. He remembers how Shouto used to keep to the very edge when they first moved in together, too used to sleeping alone. Too used to being alone. He remembers the first morning he woke up to a pleasant weight on his chest, and found that Shouto had entirely tangled their limbs together.

He remembers how embarrassed and flushed red Shouto had been, how Katsuki had teased him for it and gotten a pillow in the face as retaliation.

He remembers how he had pulled Shouto to his chest and held him so incredibly tight after, laughing at Shouto’s protests.

He remembers how happy he had been.

It feels like such a foreign emotion now.

Katsuki cancels the art museum date with Suzuki.

In retrospect, he has no idea what the fuck he was thinking at the time. Going to his and Shouto’s spot?

Shouto was completely right.

And the thing is, he thinks he knew that last night too. But there’s always this urge to be contrary with Shouto, which is usually fun and is the basis of their great banter, but at other times it’s obviously detrimental instead.

He still feels so frantic, his mind is completely fuzzled. Katsuki hadn’t expected Shouto to return in the morning but it still surprises him when he wakes up and finds that he’s not there. That maybe, he may never be there again.

The sound of Katsuki’s phone vibrating jolts him out of his thoughts and makes him jump. Suzuki has texted back.

Is everything okay?

Katsuki picks up his phone and starts typing his response.

Yeah, I’m just feeling a bit under the weather. When…

He stops. He doesn’t know if he wants to do this anymore. Shouto had a point. Katsuki has been on a few dates already. More than enough, even. He knows what his soulmate is like, and how they get along. It would be wrong to date someone else after that fight with Shouto, Katsuki knows it would make him feel like utter shit.

He doesn’t want to see anyone right now, in fact. He needs to clear his head and really start thinking about what it is he wants—dragging it out any more will just end badly for all of them.

Deleting the current message in his textbox, he tells Suzuki, No, actually. I think I need a break. From all of this. It’s been great with you, I’ve really enjoyed getting to know you, but I think I need some time to think about everything now.

Sorry. And thanks for being so understanding this whole time.

I’ll be in touch soon.

Katsuki puts his phone on silent after sending the last message. Then he puts his head down on the table and sighs.

How is he going to go about this? Would it be inappropriate to make a pros and cons list?

He doesn’t know. He isn’t certain of anything, these days.

Katsuki is sitting in the staffroom, staring at nothing, lost in his thoughts, when Fuyumi walks in.

He stands immediately, and the food in his chopsticks drops back into his lunchbox. He looks down and frowns. He’d forgotten he was eating. But that doesn’t matter right now.

“F-Todoroki-san,” he greets. It’s weird as fuck to say, because Katsuki has known Fuyumi for years, was calling her Nee-san before he even started dating Shouto, but, well. She’s obviously going to be on Shouto’s side right?

Maybe not. She rolls her eyes as she approaches him, and gently chides, “Katsuki, please. Don’t ever call me that again.”

Katsuki nods, still a bit shocked by the lack of… He’s not sure what he was expecting actually. And then he reprimands himself for thinking that Fuyumi would be mean to him for even a second. She’s an angel. Kind to everyone she meets. Even if they don’t deserve it.

Katsuki isn’t sure if he’s someone who doesn’t deserve it.

He sits down and goes back to his lunch, as Fuyumi prepares hers. It’s awkward, at least Katsuki thinks so, but the silence is also comforting in an odd way.

When Fuyumi sits down next to him he barely manages to hold back a flinch. Maybe it’s coming now. Maybe she’s about to have a Stern talking with him, the way she does with her students sometimes when they mess up really bad. He shuts his eyes in anticipation.

But the words that come out of her mouth are, “Are you okay?”

Katsuki opens his eyes in surprise. He glances at her in disbelief, but when he sees that she’s watching him with such a tender expression he immediately looks away.

No, he really isn’t okay.

He keeps his eyes downcast and doesn’t say anything, but he knows Fuyumi can see it.

After a moment, she sighs.

Katsuki stays quiet, and eventually Fuyumi starts, “You want to know why I was so adamant about setting the two of you up?”

Not really, he wants to say, because he knows that whatever she’s going to say will hurt, but he also knows better than to talk back right now.

“I thought you’d be good for each other. Shouto was… He’d always been lonely, wasn’t willing to open up, but I thought that he might, for you. And that if he didn’t, you’d eventually get through to him with your persistence.

“And you, Katsuki. You used to be so temperamental back then. Even more so when you were still in training. I always thought you seemed so… angry, and always focused on getting better, achieving more, that you weren’t actually looking after yourself properly. Shouto would be good at balancing you out, I thought. He would help slow down your life so you could enjoy it for once.

“But god, despite the differences between the two of you you’re also so, so similar. And not always in the good ways. You’re both incredibly stubborn, let me tell you. I would tell Shouto about this colleague I wanted him to meet, and he’d say that he wasn’t interested in dating. I’d tell you that I wanted to introduce you to my brother, and you said our relationship didn’t go far enough to be meeting family.

“Then finally, finally! I managed to convince Shouto to come to an event with me, and I was determined to have you two meet, but then you got sick and didn’t show. Do you know how frustrating that was?

“And I knew that I wasn’t meant to be interfering with others’ business or trying to push you two like that, but I was so certain… I guess you could say I’m stubborn too, huh?

“I guess it all boiled down to the fact that I wanted to see my baby brother happy. He started smiling more than ever once you got together, did you know? Natsuo whispered it to me conspiratorially after our first dinner together. He sounded amazed.

“‘Hey, Nee-chan,’ he said, ‘Shouto was smiling so much tonight. I never thought I’d see it.’

“I hadn’t either. So the fact that he was nearly moved me to tears.”

Katsuki remembers that dinner. He had been so nervous, especially coming as an only child. He’d always heard about how protective older siblings were, and Shouto had three.

Afterwards, when Shouto was walking him to the station, he took Katsuki’s hand and told him how perfect he had been. Katsuki spluttered, indignant, retorting that Shouto had to say that, that maybe his siblings actually hated Katsuki. Maybe they were gossiping about how bad Katsuki was for Shouto right then!

And Shouto had laughed at him, then pecked him on the lips.

No, he responded, gazing up at the stars in the night sky, they loved you. You’re perfect.

Katsuki misses those days. The novelty of their relationship. He felt so invincible.

“I wasn’t just happy for him though,” Fuyumi continues, and Katsuki finally looks at her. “You… You’ve become like a younger brother to me too, Katsuki, over the years. Not just because of Shouto. I was happy to see you mellow out a bit. I was glad to hear you were engaging with your students more, talking about yourself.

“I loved seeing the two of you together, Katsuki. It always seemed like you were having so much fun, you appeared so youthful. Made the lot of us feel old, if I’m being honest.” Fuyumi chuckles, and Katsuki manages a weak laugh in return.

“I just— It makes me sad that it’s not like that anymore,” Fuyumi turns to face him with wistful eyes. Her expression is more serious now, as is her tone when she tells Katsuki, “I hope that you work things out.”

It’s the closest she’ll ever get to saying ‘Get your shit together’, but Katsuki receives the message. He also knows that she doesn’t mean he needs to get back with Shouto, just that this limbo of not knowing where they’ll end up is hurting him, is hurting them both, and Fuyumi doesn’t want to see them hurt.

He nods, and she smiles at him. She knows that he’s trying.

They return to their meals, eating in silence, and Katsuki finds himself replaying all his old memories.

He hopes that things work out too.

Katsuki is getting tired of Eijirou’s shit. He asked him over because he wanted to see his friend, not because he wanted to get lectured.

Unfortunately for him, it appears to be the only thing Eijirou has on his mind.

“Do you not see how much of an idiot you’re being though?” Katsuki’s best friend asks. It’s the third time he’s been called an idiot in this conversation. Though, he should consider himself lucky that’s as bad as it’s gotten. If it were Katsuki in his position, he wouldn’t be half as nice. “You’d be stupid to let him go.”

And apparently that’s the final straw.

Katsuki gets up, knocking his glass over in the process, startling Eijirou. He screams, “I know! I know. He’s the— He is everything to me!”

“So what’s stopping you?” Eijirou yells back. “Why aren’t you over there right now, begging for his forgiveness? Why did you even let it get this far in the first place?!”

“Because—!” Katsuki grips his hair in frustration. No one gets it! He settles with, “I can’t just do that to my soulmate.”

“Who, Suzuki?” Eijirou scoffs. “Someone you don’t even know?”

“I do know Suzuki!” Katsuki argues. For some reason he feels defensive about it.

“Yeah, well not as well as Shouto.”

“It’s not like I can get to know Suzuki if Shouto’s still there, can I?” He’s only saying it to prove a point, but the way Eijirou glares at him afterwards tells him that it was completely unwarranted.

Katsuki sighs and sits back down, leaning against the couch. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”

Eijirou shrugs. “It’s not me you have to apologise to.”

They stew in the silence for a bit, before Katsuki asks, “Do you want to hear my pros and cons list?”

“You made a pros and cons list?!” Eijirou shakes his head, “Of course you did. Sure thing. Give it to me.”

Katsuki rolls his eyes at his friend’s eyebrow waggling and suggestive gaze, and proceeds to recite the list he’s been working on for the past couple of days.

What are friends for, if not to help you sort through the mess that is your life?

Katsuki is glad that he talked with Eijirou. It was helpful getting someone else’s opinion on it, someone who wasn’t so directly involved. He also felt validated when Eijirou admitted that he could see Katsuki’s point and why he was struggling after Katsuki shared all of his thoughts with him.

He still hasn’t come to a choice yet—and probably won’t for a while yet, but it does feel like a huge load has been lifted off his chest. He feels freer than he has in ages, and with that, allows himself to indulge in his wants.

One of which is to finally reach out to Shouto after all this time. Katsuki has missed him, so much, more than words can describe. He thinks—hopes—that enough time has passed that they can have a civil conversation. Maybe they’ll even be able to talk without the uncertainty of where their relationship is headed looming over them.

He’s debating how he should go about it, whether he should call Shouto, or maybe text him an apology first, or whether he should pretend nothing is wrong at all. He worries about it for maybe a week, until he’s finally had enough and picks up his phone from the bedside table and fires off a string of messages recounting the latest drama at school.

It’s incredibly impulsive, but Katsuki knows he won’t make a move otherwise. It’s also late enough that Shouto is definitely asleep, and that thought helps. Maybe it makes him a coward too, but he doesn’t want to mess this up.

If Shouto is going to reject him, he’d rather wake up to it than be waiting anxiously.

Not that he isn’t anxious now.

Because he is.

And he’s going to have a hard time falling asleep.

But it’s done now! He can’t take it back.

He hopes that Shouto will welcome the texts.

It’s crazy, how quickly Katsuki and Shouto fall back into a routine.

They’re texting daily now, and it’s been great for Katsuki. He’s calmer, more at peace with the world, and he always has something to look forward to. He’s sleeping better and it shows, he looks alive again, his cheeks fill with colour.

He’s happy, he really is.

Their conversations don’t even have to be meaningful. They’re not, most of the time. It’s a lot of gossip—Katsuki is more excited to hear the stories Shouto has to tell than he wants to admit—and a lot of small talk, but that’s the stuff he’s been missing.

The, How was your day today? And, Good. I had ice cream for the first time in a while.

It’s easy. It’s natural. It’s good.

Katsuki starts to send Shouto photos. He always did before, just little parts of his day that he wanted to share.

Shouto doesn’t always reply to those, but Katsuki doesn’t mind.

When he does reply, it’s with his own pictures, and Katsuki doesn’t mind that either.

In fact, he likes it a lot. It’s the first time Katsuki has seen anything of him in weeks. Well, there are the photos on Shouto’s social media accounts but they’re not really managed by him, and they’re all more professional and targeted towards a public audience.

The behind-the-scenes pictures Shouto sends Katsuki are more intimate and more personal. They show him taking a sip of water as he looks at the images on the monitor, they show him still barefaced, about to get his hair and makeup done.

He even sends a video once, where he’s struck a funny pose and sent everyone doubling over in laughter.

Katsuki finds himself smiling fondly as he replays the video. He’s been smiling like a fool at everything Shouto’s sent him, actually, and in that moment he realises he’s already made his choice.

Maybe he made it back when he sent that very first text.

But the point is, even though Katsuki does like Suzuki—they get along splendidly, they share similar interests, it’s no surprise that they’re soulmates—it’s all a bit… too perfect, for Katsuki.

And he knows that it’s just how it is, that when two souls are made for each other like theirs supposedly are, it’s simply that easy.

On the other hand, with Shouto, there’s a challenge there. There’s a thrill to being with him.

They’ve only been together two years so Katsuki isn’t sure if he can properly say this yet, but every day still feels new with him. Katsuki still gets butterflies. His heart still skips a beat.

With Suzuki, well. He doesn’t want to be mean but he can see it getting boring and quick. He thinks it’ll feel like settling down, like he has to stay in one place, just be happy with what he has.

He doesn’t want that. He wants to be on the move, chase new experiences, be kept on his toes regarding what might happen next. He and Shouto could break up at any time. It’s a scary thought, not one he wants to come true, but even that—that there’s no expectation for them to be together forever—makes a difference.

It’s an active choice for Katsuki to make, wanting and choosing Shouto. It won’t be because of ‘destiny’, it won’t be because there are marks on their skin saying so.

Katsuki doesn’t want to be with someone just because the universe says they should be. He will never know if he actually likes his soulmate or whether he’s being willed to.

And that scares him. ‘Fate versus free will’, isn’t it?

He wants the freedom to determine himself who it is he wants to be with, and he’s decided that person is Shouto.

He sees it with so much clarity now, and it terrifies him. He’s nervous, because there’s no going back after this—not that he wants to go back, but, the certainty of it all is frightening.

He’s not going to do anything yet though, he needs to first confirm that this feeling won’t go away. He needs to be patient for a while longer.

It feels good though, finally knowing. It feels like everything is starting to come together.

Time passes, and with it, Katsuki only becomes more sure of his choice. He’s always rereading his conversations with Shouto when the latter is too busy to reply, just to feel close to him, and it makes him so giddy every time.

When he does the same with his past conversations with Suzuki, it just isn’t the same. It feels like ancient history, almost. Katsuki has trouble recognising the person who sent those messages to his soulmate. So much has changed since then.

A few days later, as Katsuki walks into his classroom, he notices something on the wall in the far side of the room. It’s always been there, but he’d forgotten about it, it’d become a part of the scenery.

He approaches, ignoring all the displays on the wall, save for a pink sticky note.

It reads, You’re my ideal hero, and is signed, Todoroki Shouto.

One of the projects they do in this year level is creating your ideal hero. It’s to get the kids to think creatively and work on some design skills, and it’s something they all look forward to.

Katsuki is always blown away by what they come up with and how much thought they put into their heroes. He always takes pictures of the students’ creations and shows Shouto.

One time, he asked what Shouto’s ideal hero would be like. He thought about it himself all the time, but had a hard time coming up with anything. Especially when his students had thought up way better things.

Shouto hummed, before telling Katsuki he’ll think about it. Katsuki was disappointed by the answer, but looked forward to when he would receive a proper one.

When he got up the next day, he found the sticky note on top of his pile of marked homework. It brought a blush to his cheeks and made him feel so overwhelmed, but he treasured it immensely.

He took it to his classroom and stuck it next to all the other heroes that had been created, before taking a picture to send to Shouto. Shouto had called him immediately, sounding embarrassed, saying it was a joke, that he thought Katsuki would just throw it away, but Katsuki smiled and told him that he was going to keep it, forever and ever.

Shouto swore revenge, but the sticky note has been there ever since.

Katsuki continues staring at the note. At the name attached to the note. And then he thinks, What the fuck am I doing?

Why is he still waiting? What is he waiting for? He already knows, and he knows that he won’t change his mind, so why?

Why would he go another day without Shouto, when he’s already lost so many?

But he can’t go now, not as the school bell rings, signalling the start of the day. Katsuki has never felt more agitated. He’s never wanted to leave work as much as he does now. He feels like a student who hates school, counting down the hours until the last bell will sound.

Until he can finally go to Shouto.

Katsuki sits nervously on the bench, waiting for Suzuki’s arrival. The weather is nice, it’s sunny and there’s a pleasant breeze blowing, but Katsuki can’t enjoy it just yet.

He has to get this shitty thing over with first.

When Katsuki spots Suzuki, his breath doesn’t catch. He doesn’t think, Wow. He doesn’t feel like he’ll be knocked off his feet. It’s a small thing, but it makes him happy he doesn’t hold those feelings towards his soulmate anymore. They’re just reserved for Shouto now.

“Hi!” Suzuki greets him with a smile, voice cheery, and immediately Katsuki thinks, Oh no.

This would’ve been easier if Suzuki didn’t think he was here to share good news.

There’s really no easy way to go about this, so Katsuki just says, “I’m staying with Shouto.”

Suzuki’s face falls immediately. A few beats pass, and then, “That’s what you wanted to tell me?”

Katsuki rubs the back of his neck and replies a bit sheepishly, “Yeah. Sorry. I just thought it’d be better to tell you in person, you know?”

His soulmate nods, then nods again, and Katsuki almost sighs from relief but it’s not over yet.

“And how did you come to this conclusion?”

“Well…” Katsuki doesn’t know what to say. He doesn’t know how to explain it. “I love him,” he says simply, because maybe it is that simple.

Suzuki doesn’t seem to agree. “But you could love me!”

At this point, Katsuki is starting to get frustrated. He’s already made his decision, he didn’t come here for Suzuki to try and change it. “It doesn’t matter! I’ve already chosen him.”

“So that’s just it for us then? We’ve never— We barely even had a relationship and that was enough for you to decide? Do you know how hard it’ll be for me to find someone else? No one does this, Bakugou. No one just— doesn’t want to be with their soulmate. People definitely don’t cast their soulmates aside. What the fuck is wrong with you? God,” Suzuki sinks onto the bench, muttering, “what am I going to do?”

Katsuki feels bad about it, legitimately, because Suzuki does have a point, but as cruel as it is, it isn’t really his problem anymore. Unless…

“If it helps, I could try and help you find someone. We don’t have to… We can still be friends. I would like that, if you’re okay with it.” Katsuki hadn’t thought about it before, but as he says it he knows it to be true. It’s rare, but some soulmates do simply stay platonic. He would like Suzuki as a friend. Even if it might take them a while to get there.

But when Katsuki looks down, Suzuki’s head is shaking.

“No. No, I don’t want anything to do with you ever again. Not when all it took was some… soulmate-less whore for you to—” Suzuki looks up, glaring at Katsuki. “Is it good? The sex? It’s the only reason I can think of that would—”

Katsuki stands up, fuming. He points a finger at Suzuki and snarls, “Don’t you ever fucking say that again. You can trash on me all you want, call me whatever names you want, but never, never speak of Shouto that way. It isn’t his fault. He was ready to give up everything. He had already given up so much.”

“Yeah?” Suzuki retorts. “He clearly did. Tell me, was it his ass or his dick? Does he let you fuck him or wait, do you take it instead? Hah… Fuck you, Bakugou. Fuck you and your stupid whore.”

Katsuki starts to walk away. He doesn’t have to deal with this. It’s starting to hurt him more than it’s making him angry, and he just wants to go home. Wants to go back to Shouto’s comforting embrace. He hugs his arms around himself, but it’s not the same.

A few metres later, Katsuki stops. No, he’s not done yet. He’s going to get the final word in.

He stalks back to where Suzuki is and says, “It’s clear now that Shouto is more graceful and respectful than you’ll ever be, and you know what? It is a shame that Shouto isn’t actually my soulmate because he should be. He is more than I deserve and he is better than you could ever hope to be.”

With that, ignoring Suzuki’s shocked expression, Katsuki goes home.

As soon as he’s through the door, Shouto is there to meet him. It’s such a relief just to see him, but he feels even better when Shouto wraps his arms around him, drawing the tension away from his body. Katsuki buries his face into Shouto’s chest and just breathes him in.

Shouto carries them over to the couch and sits them down. He runs his fingers through Katsuki’s hair, gently massaging his scalp. He gives Katsuki some time before saying, “It didn’t go well, did it.”

Katsuki shakes his head. “It was fine, just—” But he can’t even get the rest of the words out. It was honestly horrible, but he doesn’t want to tell Shouto that. Doesn’t want to think about what Suzuki called him anymore. It makes him so sad, and before he knows it he’s starting to cry.

Shouto pulls him closer, whispers consoling words into his ear, tells him he loves him, and Katsuki hangs on to every syllable.

He doesn’t ever want to go through that again.

He doesn’t ever want to put him and Shouto in this kind of situation again.

He just wants them to be happy now.

Don’t they get to be happy now?

A FEW YEARS DOWN THE LINE…

“Katsuki, calm down, it’s not a big deal.”

“Not a big deal?! You’re not going to decide anything for the wedding.”

Shouto pouts. That seems a bit unfair. He continues pouting and trailing after Katsuki as he frantically sets the tables until he pays attention to him.

Finally, Katsuki stops and turns around. His heart stops at the sight of Shouto, a daily reminder of just how much he loves this man. “Fine,” he concedes. “You get to suggest things, but we’re going to decide on everything together.”

Shouto beams. He presses a kiss to Katsuki’s cheek and tells him, “You’re the best. Also seriously, stop freaking out. It’ll be perfect.”

Katsuki’s eyebrow twitches. “Shouto. Your family and my family are going to be in one place. Our friends are going to be here. Do you not foresee how much of a disaster this is going to be?” In fact, he’s been losing sleep over it.

“Mmm,” Shouto takes Katsuki’s hand and brings it to his lips. “They’re all here to celebrate our love. It will be fine,” he emphasises each word.

It won’t be fine, he knows that Katsuki’s worries aren’t unfounded, but Katsuki doesn’t need to know that.

All he needs is for Katsuki to relax, which he does, breathing out a visible sigh, and sitting down on the bench.

When Shouto sits down next to him Katsuki takes his left hand and holds it next to his own. He looks at their rings, glinting in the sunlight, and smiles.

They finally match. They finally have something on each of their left ring fingers tying them to the other. It might not be a permanent mark, but they would argue that it’s even better. That it shows how they carved their own place into the world.

That it’s absolutely perfect.