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“It’s like… I really want to. I really really want to but then when I think about it or we try to actually do it I can’t shut my brain off. I can’t stop thinking about how everyone saw it. And I just get so upset that what only I was supposed to see- fuck that’s not what I meant- that makes me sound like I’m trying to own you or something, I just meant-
“-I know exactly what you meant,” said Wilhelm reassuringly. “You don’t have to explain, I understand cause I felt like that too. It fucking kept me up at night, thinking about how something that only we were supposed to have was like… stolen by everyone.”
“Yeah,” Simon huffed softly. “I just wish I could stop feeling like everyone saw everything. It makes me feel like I’m out of my skin. Which I hate because I really want to…”
Simon shifted his position to lay his head on Wilhelm's shoulder, and Wilhelm instinctively started running his fingers through Simon’s soft curls.
“This is what I have to tell myself,” Wilhelm began softly, whispering into Simon’s curls so softly that even if they were in a crowd of a thousand Simon would be the only one to hear. “I have to remind myself that they didn’t see everything. They didn’t experience everything. All they saw was some blurry, smudged, phone footage from outside a window. They couldn’t see the way I looked, the way you made me feel. Or the way your beautiful curly hair tickled my face. They couldn’t feel the way your hands pulled at my hair and made me lose my mind.”
Wilhelm took one of his hands out of Simon’s hair and gently reached out with tentative fingers, giving Simon time to pull away if he needed to. When Simon leaned more into Wilhelm, he began slowly tracing his hand across Simon’s shoulder, neck and then down his chest, lingering to feel his heartbeat.
“And they couldn’t feel how it felt to lay kisses down your chest or how you kept moving under me.”
He paused as he felt Simon shift a little, and shifted his gaze to see a blush creeping onto Simon’s features along with a shy, endearing smirk. At this adorable sight, Wilhelm simply couldn’t stop himself from continuing.
“And there’s no sound in the video. They couldn’t hear the sounds you were making when-”
“Oh my god Wille!!” Simon groaned dramatically, as he moved his head from leaning on Wilhelm’s shoulder to smushing his forehead and nose into it, trying to cover his face.
They squeezed into each other, impossibly closer as they giggled together, Simon shoving Wille, Wille shoving Simon. They continued grabbing at each other, laughing into their playful kisses. Simon finally almost had Wilhelm pinned, but Wilhelm licked in Simon’s ear.
“Ew gross!” Simon laughed, shoving at Wille and letting his guard down for a moment. Wilhelm seized his opportunity and flipped Simon under him. Simon continued laughing until he wasn’t. The realization of the position they were in washing over his face, Simon went quiet. Wilhelm felt his own boxers, as well as Simon’s become a bit tighter. They looked into each other’s eyes in complete understanding.
“Are you okay?” Wille asked, no louder than a breath.
Simon nodded with a content smile, reaching up to push a strand of Wille’s hair behind his ear.
“Do you-”
-”yes.”
Wilhelm moved gently, getting off of Simon for a moment to strip off his own shirt. Simon sat up, taking off his own sweatshirt as well.
Wille saddled himself back on top of Simon and placed a hand flat on his chest, gently pushing him from where he was sitting up to back down flat against bed sheets.
Simon let his body be molded on the bed by Wille, feeling a sense of calm wash over him.
They leaned in with a kiss that felt like coming home. As they pressed into each other it was like the other was the most delicious taste in the world and they were never going to get enough. The passion, love and heat radiating back and forth from one boy to another.
“Wait,” Wilhelm said, pulling away from Simon. Simon opened his eyes and looked at Wille with so much concern that Wilhelm’s heart nearly bubbled over. Never had anyone in his life cared so much about him in the way Simon did.
“We should-” Wilhelm said, not needing to finish the sentence because Simon already understood what he was going to say, watching his every move intently as Wille walked across the room to the windows and pulled the curtains shut.
Wille returned to the bed and his position on top of Simon. They leaned into each other for a kiss again and Wille found Simon’s hand, lacing his fingers into it.
“You’re sure?” Wille asked, coming up for air and giving Simon’s hand a squeeze.
Simon’s eyes fluttered closed, a look of serene bliss beginning to grace his features. He smiled softly and replied, “I’m sure.”