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We were all born with a black mark on our body somewhere. It’s where your soulmate first touches you, and your soulmate also has one where you first touch them as well.
When your soulmate dies, that mark slowly fades away and nobody knows why. Tadashi always thought it was to show you don’t have a soulmate anymore, and the marks no longer needed to remind you, but that just kind of sounds miserable, living without a mark.
Yamaguchi has a mark on his nose, a fingerprint, and it kind of looks like an animal nose.
Unconsciously, he felt himself smiling. It seemed wholesome. I mean, you see people meeting their soulmates when the first contact they have with each other is something like punching or kicking.
It would make a nice laughable memory when they got older to remember that, but it would be weird in the present.
Yamaguchi’s just glad his doesn’t involve anything with hurting someone.
There was a knock, and he’s pretty sure it was him. Instinctively, he ran down and opened the door.
“Hey, Tsukki! You wanted to uhm, hang out?”
“Hello Tadashi.”
He waved at him and Yamaguchi stepped outside.
“That nose mark still makes me wonder why your soulmate would touch your nose as your first physical contact,” Tsukishima broke the silence, “what weird soulmate do you even have?”
“I think it’s pretty adorable!” Yamaguchi replied, “I don’t see anything wrong with it, though it does look like a painted animal nose.”
“It looks like you got black paint and just dotted it on your nose.”
“Does it really?”
“Kind of.”
“That sucks.”
“Oh well.”
Small talk was one of the primary sources of talking. Granted, Tsukishima doesn’t talk much, but it’s still alright. He’s Tadashi’s best friend and he doesn't care that he doesn’t talk much, as Yamaguchi probably does most of the talking.
“Well, on the topic of our marks, what about yours? Mine is on my face so I can’t really hide it but I don’t see yours,” Yamaguchi asked, and waited for the short response.
“It’s hard to explain, but it’s like someone hugging my chest.”
“That’s interesting! I think that’s really wholesome!”
“You think everything is wholesome.”
“Well, you don’t seem like a person who likes hugs so it’s cute that your soulmate would hug you!”
“Who would see me and be like, oh I want to hug that guy?”
“Maybe you’ll meet them one day after a while they might hug you?”
“Why are we talking about hugging?”
“Do you want a hug Tsukki?”
“No thanks, I don’t do that.”
“That’s alright!”
A faint smile formed on both of the faces, Tadashi’s a bit bigger. Cheerful and quiet. The saying opposites attract really does live up to its name.
“Are we going to go, Tsukki?” He asked, and headed towards the sidewalk outside his house, waiting for him to come. He just nodded his head with a small hum of reassurance, before they started walking.
The walk was silent, but peaceful. Tadashi had interrupted the silent environment, but not by a question or sentence. Just humming a song.
“What song is that?”
He looked over to him, Tsukishima had taken off his headphones, Yamaguchi presumed when he started the little song.
“Hm? Why?” Yamaguchi asked.
“I don’t know, it just sounds like I heard it before and now I’m curious.”
“Lemon Boy, by Cavetown.”
He gently smiled, followed with a small laugh. Tsukishima pulled out his phone, before typing out some text before showing him his screen and putting his headphones on his ears.
“Is that the song?”
He listened and it didn’t take long.
“Yep! I think it’s a really good song and it’s kind of been stuck in my head,” Yamaguchi replied, and took off the headphones to give them back.
Tsukishima took them, and seemed to type away on his phone for a bit before Yamaguchi got curious and tried to see what he was typing.
“Are you adding it to your playlist?”
“Yeah.”
“Cool!”
Yamaguchi couldn’t stop smiling like an idiot. He doesn't understand why, but it’s giving him butterflies. It’s a weird feeling, one that’s hard to explain perfectly. He’s not sure if he could even explain it.
“Do you ever wonder why our marks would disappear if our soulmate dies?” Yamaguchi asked to break the silence after a while.
“I haven’t thought about it much. What do you think about it?”
“I always thought it was to show you don’t have a soulmate anymore, and the marks are no longer needed.”
“That’s some way to put it.”
“There is really no actual answer, so you have to improvise and use your imagination!”
Yamaguchi smiled, while Tsukishima just stared back. It was like he was contemplating on saying something but was holding back. Yamaguchi didn’t want to pay any mind to it.
It was days like that Tadashi wished were back again. He wouldn’t bat an eye to replay those memories.
I don’t know where he is..
I don’t know where he is.
“Shoyo..”
“It’s going to be alright, Yamaguchi!”
“How would you feel if you don’t know where your best friend is, Hinata..”
“I would feel sad as well..”
“I’m terrified. He was just gone.”
“Even if I didn’t really like him, I don’t hate him enough to want him gone.”
Hinata came over after the news of Tsukishima’s whereabouts were unknown.
“Where is he..”
“I’m sure he’ll be fine, Yamaguchi.. He knows how to defend himself..”
Tadashi sighed before looking back at Hinata. Even if he kind of joined Tsukishima in picking on him, we still developed a mutual friendship kind of bond. He’s glad for that.
“You just never know..”
“Shoyo?”
“Yeah, Tadashi?”
“Do you think one day he’ll be found?”
“I’m sure! I know we can find him!”
.
.
.
“You know how your soulmate mark fades when your soulmate dies… Right?” Yamaguchi looked at his new friend.
Ever since the disappearance, Hinata has been supporting him.
It’s really reassuring.
“Yeah, why? Is your mark fading.?”
“No. What if his soulmate has that fading mark?”
“Tadashi don’t think like that, think of the possibility of finding Tsukishima..”
“Shoyo, I know you don’t like thinking of the bad things, but it’s possible,” He looked down at his feet, “what if Tsukki isn’t on earth anymore?”
“I don’t want to think of that, Tadashi.”
He’s full of positivity.
Hinata Shoyo isn’t the one to think of the bad. That’s just his personality. Cheerful, energetic. Always excited, and quite loud. The personality of a shining sun, he doesn’t want to have negative feelings interrupt life.
Tadashi’s not much of a refresher of that right now, is he.
we all wish to meet our soulmate one day, almost anyone wants that. The most heartbreaking thing about love is one day, one of you is going to leave the earth before the other. Anytime, it could happen. Some are unfortunate and have it happen earlier than others.
Some people are born without soulmates, some live with the burden of their soulmate being dead.
The world isn’t exactly fair with everyone.
The earth is picky, like a citrus. It’s sweet and sour at the same time, intoxicating sourness and loving sweetness, all at different times with different people. Some are unlucky, and get the taste of sour. Some get lucky, and get the taste of sweetness.
Someone in the world right now is feeling the taste of overwhelming sadness, while another might be feeling extreme happiness.
Think about it. With the billions of people on earth, how many people are feeling a stage of grief, or are being carefree, and feel as if they’re on cloud nine?
It’s a really weird way to describe it, but not everybody in the world is joyful at the same time. Someone is most likely feeling down at this very moment, but you’ll never know who because people are always focused on themselves and pay no attention to their surroundings.
People like to care about themselves and forget others still exist.
Life’s a little shit sometimes.
Tadashi would trade about anything to have him back..
After all, they found out they were soulmates at the worst possible time.
A few minutes right before the last breath he took, that’s when he knew. The stupidest time to find out, when he was going to die.
Life isn’t fun.
“He’s in the hospital..”
“Tsukki?”
“Hey, Tadashi, we can visit him together.!”
“Shoyo, why is Tsukki in the hospital..”
“We can visit him together..”
“Please tell me why Tsukki is in the hospital, what happened..”
“Come on.”
“Shoyo, can you answer me? Please?”
Hinata wouldn’t answer him. He’s avoiding the question. It’s making Tadashi even more anxious, the feeling of everlasting uneasiness building up. He can’t take situations like this, it’s too much to handle.
“Please give me the news and stop making me more of a nervous wreck..”
“Tsukishima would want to see you right now,” Shoyo said and looked up, “so we’re going to visit him.”
“Shoyo…”
“Tadashi, please. I know you’re in shock.”
“My best friend is in the hospital, I’m going to be in shock..”
“That’s why we’ll visit him together.”
“And you’re supposed to be joyful all the time.”
“It’s impossible to always be happy, Tadashi.”
“That’s true, I guess.”
“We can still visit Tsukishima together, if you want too.”
“I’d love to visit Tsukki, lead the way..”
He really didn’t understand why Shoyo found out before him. I guess he’s really nosy, and found out accidentally.
The world’s covering him in a sour citrus, figuratively of course. The earth is making Tadashi experience the sourness of the citrus, after experiencing the sweetness.
It’s funny how you can make figures of speech and compare two things that are not even remotely similar, but it’s still possible. A fruit and a planet being compared to each other, how did it even get to this point? It sounds stupid before you hear the explanation I’m sure of it.
Shoyo and Yamaguchi were headed towards the hospital, where Tsukishima was presumed to be. It’s a shocker, knowing your best friend is in the hospital and you have no real knowledge of why he’s in there.
It could be anything to diseases, injuries, illnesses, whatnot.
Any of that could have happened to Tsukishima, and Yamaguchi’s left clueless right now. The earth decided today, and there’s no stopping the inevitable.
Sweet and sour, it all happens for a reason. We might not understand right now, but maybe in the future it’ll click and be as clear as day, but that’s for time to tell.
But then humans get impatient and don’t want to wait for time to eventually tell us. An unexpected event can happen and impact others life because one was so eager to find out as soon as possible, without waiting for the earth to give them the message they oh so wanted to know.
That’s a natural aspect of life. The greediness of mankind.
“The hospital.”
The white painted hallways, blue uniforms, Yamaguchi didn’t like the eerie feeling that was still there since last time he was there.
“You seem tense, Tadashi.”
“Do I really?” It was true, he was a nervous wreck right now. Hospitals scared him, especially at night.
“Are you feeling nervous, Tadashi..?” Shoyo questioned him, hesitantly looking up as well.
“I hate hospitals, I always feel anxious every time I think about entering one, it’s mentally painful..” He replied back, and shivered at the uneasy feeling.
“Do you have nosocomephobia?” He asked Tadashi, and he nodded slightly, very small movements but still noticeable to see.
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s not your fault, It’s just the weird feeling I get from them, you know?”
“It’s perfectly normal to have a fear, even I have fears!”
“I’m sure that everyone isn’t exactly fully fearless..”
Shoyo started talking to the receptionist, and after a while turned back to Yamaguchi.
“We can head to his room now.
They both knew who “him” was. It’s obvious.
“Alright, Shoyo..”
“If he doesn’t want to see me, that’s alright but I’m sure he wants to see you.”
“He isn’t that mean..”
“It’s just in case, I’m a bit noisy I’ll admit that so I understand if he doesn’t want to see me in his room.”
Yamaguchi just quietly sighed.
“I know we should respect his wishes, but I think he would at least let you in..”
“If you say so, Tadashi!”
“I know so, but I really don’t like the feeling of hospitals and Tsukki knows that..”
“I’ll keep that in mind.”
“Thank you, Shoyo.”
Without a brain, we’d be nowhere. Damaging it would be hurtful. Like you have a plant seed, and you don’t let it grow, it doesn’t have life. Some are used for experiments, some seemingly miserable if they were people.
Isn’t every story somewhat like a seed? From being in the ground, and a person watching over it not knowing how the plant will grow. Either the plant blooms into a healthy one, or it decays and emits the feeling of sorrow, pain and maybe guilt.
Sometimes seeds are used in experiments, and somehow it feels like one's life is a big experiment, while another is untouched, and perfect.
We either love life, or we hate it.
All because of some small things or a really big problem, our views of how we see life change over time. Sometimes we’ll say we love life, others we’ll say we hate it. Even back and forth of events happening, change how we think of our life.
Or am I just thinking too much, and making useless statements that make me seem like an absolute fool?
“It should be right here.”
Shoyo looked back at Yamaguchi, trying to make sure it would be alright.
“It’s alright, Shoyo.. I think I can handle it,” He tried to reassure him, but probably didn’t really work.
“If you need to exit, I fully understand Tadashi,” he was trying to comfort Yamaguchi the best he could, “I don’t want to see you miserable just looking at him.”
“I'll be fine, Shoyo..”
“If you say so.”
He walked in the small hospital room, and Yamaguchi wasn’t ready to see the state Tsukki was in.
“Shoyo.. Will he be alright..?”
“Nobody’s sure.”
“What happened..”
“That’s for him to tell you. He’ll be up anytime soon, alright?”
Hinata can tell Tadashi’s scared, worried, and anxious. Life is cruel. The planet gives some people a chance, some not. It just so happens that Tsukishima was one of the unfortunate people that the earth decided to not give a chance to live a full normal life.
“Shoyo, I still want to know what happened..”
“I fully don’t know all myself, if I told you it’d be a whole guess.”
“I thought you knew what happened.”
“All I know is that he’s here, in the hospital.”
“Do you know when Tsukki will wake up?”
“I can’t be sure myself, but he’ll be alright, Tadashi.”
Yamaguchi and Hinata stayed there for hours, waiting and waiting. Hoping that Tsukishima would wake up. Hinata tried to break the silence, but Yamaguchi really didn’t want to talk that much, resulting in a painfully awkward silence for the both of them.
Nurses came by from time to time, checking up on both of them as well as Tsukishima.
Reminders of if he wakes up to alert a nurse were frequent. It was too frequent that Yamaguchi didn’t like it. His fear wasn’t helping at all, just spending another minute hurt, every single time.
“Tadashi, you know how much you care about the soulmate marks?” Yamaguchi perked up. Hinata wanted to start a conversation with a topic that Yamaguchi could go off for hours about, wanting him to feel more comfort than just sitting in silence with overwhelming thoughts.
“Yeah, the marks. I’ve never seen yours and if you don’t mind me asking,” Yamaguchi still felt pretty tense, as the conversation had just started and he hadn’t gotten too deep into it yet.
“It’s alright, I like talking about the marks as well! Mine is right here, on my wrist,” Hinata rolled up his sleeve to reveal a mark that was like a painted bracelet going all around his arm.
“Maybe it’s grabbing your hand to drag you somewhere, or something, I have no ideas,” Yamaguchi slightly laughed, and flicked the hair in his face to the side to show Hinata his mark.
“Mine’s right here, on my nose! Not really weird but still an interesting place,” Tadashi was already getting in the conversation, forgetting that they were in the hospital that he feared so much.
“So like, a little touch on the nose?” Hinata asked, smiling in the process.
“Yeah! It’s really unique and almost everyone I see has somewhere on their arms or torso, none of the face,” Tadashi could go on about the marks, with theories and funny encounters.
“Have you and Tsukishima ever made touching contact ever? I’ve never seen you guys make contact,” Hinata didn’t want to bring up Tsukishima, but he was genuinely really curious.
“Actually, surprisingly never. Tsukki really doesn't like physical contact and I respected that, and I really never tried to ever make contact,” Tadashi exclaimed, and waited for Hinata to speak up again.
“Really? That’s surprising!” Hinata looked at Yamaguchi, and was pretty shocked. Even after knowing each other since childhood they never made contact? That’s really uncalled for.
“I just want to respect his preferences, so I’ve never made physical contact,” Yamaguchi explained the situation, trying to give a reason.
“That’s alright,” Hinata said and got back on the topic of the marks, “just a question, why are you so interested in the soulmate marks?”
“They’re a really fun concept to research, the marks themselves are really interesting and nobody really knows how we have them but they tell us where our soulmates first make contact with,” Yamaguchi could go on about the theories he’d created or read online, but decided that was the best way of explaining Shoyo’s question.
“You know a lot about the marks, Tadashi!” Hinata exclaimed in lots of excitement, and urged Yamaguchi to talk more.
“And like, all the theories of marks being cursed because it ties us to someone is really full of uneducated believers-” Yamaguchi was interrupted, but not by who he thought it would be.
“Hey.”
“Tsukki?”
“Sorry, was I asleep?”
“We need to tell the nurse you’re awake.”
“Tadashi, that’s not necessary I’m fine, alright?”
Yamaguchi ran over to where Tsukishima was, and looked at him worriedly.
“Shoyo, can you get a nurse?” Yamaguchi asked Hinata, and before anyone could speak Hinata was out the door.
“I told you I’m fine, Tadashi,” Tsukishima sat up, while Yamaguchi protested.
“Tsukki, please lay back down. I have no idea why you’re in the hospital but I’m not taking any chances so please lay back down,” Yamaguchi’s rant left Tsukishima sighing, and laying back down before coughing.
“What happened, Tsukki..” Yamaguchi asked him nervously, grabbing a chair to sit down in.
“Accident,” Tsukishima said calmly, but was in pain.
“Are you going to be alright..?” Yamaguchi’s eyes were full of tears, scared and frightened.
“Maybe, but I got some brain damage so I might be here a while.”
Hinata came through the room, and was followed by a nurse.
“You two can step outside for a moment, we just need to do some tests and you can return back in.”
“Alright,” was all that Tadashi said. Leaving Tsukishima’s side, he followed Shoyo outside the room and took a deep breath.
“Breathe, Tadashi, if you want we can step outside for a bit to get your mind off the hospital,” Hinata offered, and Yamaguchi declared it not necessary.
“I’ll be fine, I’ve been wanting to overcome it so this is alright. I can stay, Shoyo,” Yamaguchi’s response made Hinata smile a bit. Tadashi gaining confidence to overcome his fears was not unheard of, but was rare and Hinata was glad he could attempt to conquer the land of his fears, one by one.
After a while the nurse let them back inside, and Tsukishima looked miserable. He still had consciousness, and Yamaguchi didn’t want that going away. He heard a small laugh.
“I’m a firefly. I have no use right now, and slowly disappearing.”
“Tsukki, don’t say that.”
“It’s true, though.”
“I need you.”
“I’m not important in your life, doctors and nurses say that the damage is terrible,” Tsukishima had slurred speeches, mispronouncing and constantly mumbling words.
“Tsukki, you are important to me. You’re not leaving me.”
“These headaches are killing me.”
“Do you need a doctor or nurse?”
“I’ll be fine, I missed you.”
“Idiot, I missed you more..”
“We sound like lovers.”
“We’re not soulmates though, Tsukki,” it did hurt for Tadashi to say, but it was most likely the case.
“You don't know that,” Tsukishima stumbled on his words even more, “we’ve never made any contact with each other even after years.”
“I’m pretty sure we’re not soulmates, we would have found out by now, right?”
“You’ll only know once two people make contact for the first time,” Tsukishima said, and had started a change in speed and rhythm in his voice, “which we haven’t made yet.”
Hinata just looked at the two, not knowing how to engage in the conversation.
“So you’re here too,” Tsukishima looked behind Yamaguchi and Hinata came over.
“I know you don’t like me, but Tadashi and I became friends!” Hinata said, and made a smile.
“I don’t mind you.”
“Really?”
“Considering I didn’t make you leave, then yeah. You can stay.”
Hinata was a little surprised, but gladly came over near the both of them, grabbing a chair to sit next to Tadashi.
“Well, safe to say I don’t know how long I’ll last,” Tsukishima was taking this like a joke, and Yamaguchi couldn’t handle all the pain.
“You could die right here, right now and you’re joking..” Yamaguchi had more tears coming out of his eyes.
“Traumatic Brain Injury doesn’t just kill you instantly, you know,” Tsukishima said, and raised his hand before plopping it back down at his side.
“Is it severe..?” Tadashi asked, in a voice full of hiccuped tears that couldn’t be held back.
“It’s a severe case, yeah.”
“So Tsukishima only has 5 years or less,” Hinata said, as he was looking down at his feet.
“Probably less than that, shrimp.”
“You still call him that even in a hospital bed..”
Hinata slightly laughed at the situation.
It had been a few years, and Tsukishima, still suffering from the damage. Tadashi made time to visit him when he was free. Any chance, he’d take. Time couldn’t be taken back, and Yamaguchi wanted to always be with Tsukishima, even if it wasn’t possible at the moment.
He was aware he had less than 5 years left, even less as the years passed by. Every year, it’s a year closer to death.
Just one day he would pass away, and there’s a chance he wouldn’t be there.
To say his last goodbye to his friend wasn't on his bucket list.
He wanted to be there in his last moments, but he didn’t want to say goodbye.
Tadashi got one thing he wanted, but one he didn’t want.
“Promise you’ll move on, Tadashi.”
“Tsukki, I’m not saying goodbye to you. That’s because you’re not leaving.”
“You’ll be the brightest firefly out in the dark, giving others light.”
Firefly.
The meaning of his name.
Kei (蛍) - Firefly
The years of mentioning fireflies, they were all a reference to his name.
“I’m a firefly. I have no use right now, and slowly disappearing.”
The reference of the firefly population decreasing. The amount of fireflies dwindling, and the earth would lose another one soon.
Kei.
“Tadashi, look at me,” Tsukishima got Yamaguchi to look at him.
Tsukishima touched Yamaguchi’s nose.
“Don’t do anything stupid after I’m gone, alright?”
Yamaguchi bursted into a sobbing mess, and clung to Tsukishima’s chest.
The first touch of physical contact was finally made.
“Wait… The soulmate marks..”
“Sorry we won’t be able to be together..”
“Tsukki.. I don’t want you to leave..”
He wasn’t the brightest firefly, but he meant everything to Tadashi.
To Tadashi, his soulmate meant the world.
The firefly had slowly started to dwindle away, away from the face of the earth.
Yamaguchi has a mark on his nose, a fingerprint, and it kind of looks like an animal nose.
“It’s hard to explain, but it’s like someone hugging my chest.”
Yamaguchi could feel his mark disappearing, and the feeling of not having a mark hit him.
When your soulmate dies, that mark slowly fades away and nobody knows why. Tadashi always thought it was to show you don’t have a soulmate anymore, and the marks no longer needed to remind you.
The world took away his soulmate.
The planet didn’t let him get a chance to properly love his soulmate.
He couldn’t speak to the firefly he became friends with anymore.