Work Text:
«Hey, Minho!»
Jisung reaches for the arm of the older man about to leave the dance studio. The damp, warm skin feels so soft in his hand as he holds it hard enough to grab the other man’s attention, but never hard enough to hurt.
Jisung’s eyes meet brown as Minho turns around in his grasp. He’s breathing heavily from exertion and Jisung can see a light blush on his face. His eyes follow a small drop of perspiration as it travels from Minho’s forehead to his cheekbone, where it reflects the harsh light in the room.
«Let’s go somewhere tonight,» Jisung follows up as he finally finds his voice and focuses back on the task at hand. Minho opens his mouth slightly to answer, but Jisung continues before he has the chance, «just the two of us».
Promotions for their latest comeback had taken a toll on them both. Sure, they had spent practically every night in each other's bed - either Jisung’s or Minho’s, they weren’t picky - but it felt like forever since they had the chance to be just them. Just Jisung and Minho. Without someone in the bed a few feet away, or next to them at a restaurant, or even with them on the couch while they watch tv.
Don’t get him wrong, Jisung loves all his bandmates. Really! It’s just...
It’s been a long time since he could feel the bubble of comfort he’s become custom to associate with Minho. The feeling of just the two of them.
He knows, deep down, that none of the other boys care, and that he should feel comfortable, but with other people, it’s just different. When they’re with other people, even their bandmates, it’s like there’s this unspoken agreement between them to keep PDA and all things that might seem more than friendly, to a minimum.
It’s different when it’s just them. No cameras, no «Han» and «Lee Know» in front of said camera, and no one else around. Just them. Minho and his surprisingly soft personality, his strong arms, and deep thoughts. Secrets shared, whispered ideas, and soft kisses.
It’s different.
«Uhh..» Minho begins and Jisung mentally checks if he misremembered that they both had the evening off today, but before he has the chance to freak out, Minho’s eyes soften. «Sure!» He replies.
Jisung is embarrassed by the soft smile he can feel spread on his lips. «Let’s have a shower and meet up in the dorm living room?»
Minho gives Jisung a smaller, more timid smile and a nod before he carefully places his free hand over the one Jisung’s holding him with.
«See you in a bit, then,» the elder says softly as he squeezes Jisung’s hand lightly. A barely-there touch, yet one that sends butterflies flurrying in his stomach.
———————
Jisung is nervous as he looks at himself in the full-body mirror in his bedroom.
He should be used to this nervousness considering he still remembers how on edge he felt when he first realized his feelings for the other man. The thing with Minho though, is that as soon as they both knew they were on the same page about their relationship, it felt easy. Sure, there were some awkward moments in the beginning, that stage between friends and something more where everything felt like a bigger deal than it needed to be. And keeping everything from their bandmates definitely put unnecessary strain on their relationship. But it always felt easy. It felt right.
Realizing his feelings was scary, but actually acting on them, knowing that Minho reciprocated, was the easiest thing Jisung has ever done.
Mostly because nothing much changed.
One day they were sleeping in Jisung’s bed with minimal space between them after having watched a terrible drama that Minho literally dragged Jisung into watching, and the next they were laying in Jisung’s bed after watching the rest of the drama - because Jisung could admit that although the acting was awful, he too wanted to see how the love-triangle would transpire - except this time Jisung was laid on Minho’s chest, his faced tucked into the other man's neck while Minho’s thumb rubbed soft circles into his shoulder as they discussed when the other had realized there might be more than friendship between them.
Jisung can still remember the shocked look on Minho’s face as Jisung had interrupted his rant about the over-the-top acting from one of the characters in the drama with a soft; «I fucking love you».
Jisung had felt the same burning need to say it out loud today as he watched Minho dance in the floor-to-ceiling mirrors of their studio. He was just so good, and Jisung knew first-hand how much work went into it. He felt so proud, and the need for some alone time reached its peak. He needed to tell Minho, just to make sure he hadn’t forgotten in the months they spent together but felt so far apart.
And to be honest, Jisung needed a reminder too. A reminder that he was still as important to Minho as Minho was to him.
Throughout their «Noeasy» promotions they had spent all their time together, but never alone, and while Minho was good at showing Jisung that he cares through small things, Jisung could easily admit that he missed his boyfriend. And that he might sometimes be a needy bitch that requires some verbal affirmation.
Jisung looked at his loose jeans, sweater, and black jacket, contemplating changing his outfit into something nicer when he heard a loud whistle from behind him. He turned around sharply at the catcall and smiled as he found his boyfriend leaning on the doorway.
«I see that we both dressed up for the occasion» Minho laughed as he took in both their outfits.
They were both aware that the chances of getting recognized in public were much greater if they dressed up as «Han" and «Lee Know», and not Han Ji Sung and Lee Min Ho. Besides, Minho had once admitted that he liked Jisung best with his hair down, make-up free, and ideally wearing one of Minho’s hoodies. So that was the look he was going for. Minho had the same thought, apparently, and Jisung was left staring at him for longer than strictly necessary.
There was just something about Minho in sweatpants, a hoodie, and the fluffy, black jacket that looked two sizes too big on him. He looked soft.
«Excuse you,» Jisung replied with a smile, acting offended at Minho’s joke, before he stepped closer to his boyfriend, «I look fucking great».
«And to be fair, you know I love that jacket» Jisung continued as he was within touching distance, grabbing the collar of Minho’s jacket before placing a small kiss on the other man’s cheekbone.
He then grabbed his lover’s hand before dragging him towards the door, and the busy night below.
«Let’s get going».
————————
«Where exactly are we going?» Minho finally asks as the couple reaches a busy street, about fifteen minutes after leaving their dorm.
Jisung’s hand feels cold from having to leave Minho’s as soon as they stepped out of the dorm. He quickly wonders if Minho also feels cold from their unwanted separation.
Having to hide is tough, but it still felt necessary. Even at night, when the moon is out and the streets seem almost desolated, you can never be too sure of who’s watching. And while Jisung is confident enough in his relationship with Minho to entertain the thought of one day telling the world about their relationship status, he wouldn’t do that to Minho or the other boys right now. It’s just not the right time.
«I was thinking of getting some ramen at that place we went to a couple of months back» he replied.
The «the place where we don’t have to worry about hidden cameras and mobs of fans» went unsaid. Jisung could tell Minho understood by the look in his eyes that suddenly seemed to soften.
«Want me to yourself that bad, huh?» Minho replied while throwing Jisung a cocky smile, a soft laugh coloring his voice.
«I do,» Jisung replied, not even bothering to try and hide it. They might not be able to hold hands, but in the moments where it’s just the two of them, Jisung has made it a rule to be as honest as possible.
Minho’s face turns from cocky to soft so fast it’s almost enough to give Jisung whiplash, but he doesn’t get the chance to comment on it before Minho grabs his arm and leads him into an empty side street.
Jisung can feel the cold from the bricks behind him seep into his back as Minho cages him in against the wall of what looks to be a small convenience store.
«I’m sorry» is all Minho says, but the look in the older’s eyes tells Jisung so much more.
I’m sorry that I can’t hold your hand. I’m sorry that we need to hide. I’m sorry for all the times Hyunjin or Yeongin invited themselves to our movie nights. I’m sorry for spending so much time in the dance studio. I’m sorry that I saw Bang Chan more than you while recording our album. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.
Jisung can feel his eyes sting as he realizes how much he needed to hear the phrase. All of a sudden it feels like two months' worth of longing and loneliness leaves his body, and he is unable to meet the dark brown eyes in front of him. As Minho’s left hand curls around his cheekbone, Jisung finally lets a tear escape.
Then he feels angry. Betrayed by his body that allows him to feel so needy and upset when Minho - beautiful, amazing Minho - has only been doing what he needs to. Minho, who was probably already feeling guilty for something that’s completely out of their control.
«It’s fine» manages to escape Jisung’s lips, but it’s weak even to his own ears.
Jisung, still not meeting Minho’s eyes, feels him step closer before an arm loop around his neck and another comes up to rest on the small of his back.
«No,» Minho says, pulling him into a hug, and Jisung can feel more than hear the words as they vibrate through Minho’s body. «No, it’s not ok» he continues.
«We need to figure out a way to spend more time together just the two of us,» Minho says after a few seconds. «I think a part of us is still so scared of hurting the band and crossing the line of what they’re ok with, that we feel uncomfortable taking time to ourselves».
Jisung can feel a new bout of tears threaten to spill as Minho puts into words what he suddenly realizes is the main issue. He’s scared of saying no when someone asks to join them, or needs help because a part of him is scared that the others won’t be ok with their change from friends to lovers.
But there is a change.
Before, Jisung could easily go without Minho for a few days, and if their movie nights were turned into a family affair that was totally fine. Now though, he wants to spend some time alone with his boyfriend, without the fear of being too much, too sickly sweet or god forbid, what if they find it gross?
Both Jisung and Minho are yet to feel completely comfortable with PDA, even in front of the boys. This means no hand-holding, no kisses, and no whispering sweet nothings to each other while around the others. That is what he’s been missing lately. He’s missed the comfort of his boyfriend because when someone’s around there’s always a what if?
What if Bang Chan will feel uncomfortable if I grab Minho’s hand? What if Hyunjin will leave if I kiss Minho right now? What if Changbin will be annoyed if I tell him I can’t go to the studio today because I made plans with my boyfriend?
«Jisung»
Minho moves his head from Jisung’s shoulder and with a hand on his chin, forces Jisung to meet his eyes.
He looks almost as broken as Jisung feels. There are no tears in his eyes, but the wrinkles on his forehead and the set of his eyebrows tell him that Minho’s been struggling for a while too.
In a way, that alone helps. Knowing that he hasn’t been suffering alone.
As Minho’s thumb comes up to wipe beneath his eyes, Jisung lets out a short laugh. «I’m sorry too,» he says with a depreciating chuckle. «And for crying all over you just now»
Minho stays quiet in front of him, so Jisung continues.
«It’s just been a lot. I honestly didn’t even know how tired I felt, and how much I needed to hear that».
Minho leans closer, foreheads now touching.
«I understand. I needed this too» he says softly, one arm still around Jisung, while the other strokes his cheek.
They stand there just breathing each other in. It started lightly raining a few moments ago, and Jisung is finally able to focus enough on his surroundings to see the small drops of water hit the ground around them. Minho’s hair that is bathed in light from a streetlight close by sparkles as tiny drops land in the soft strands of his light brown hair. He looks just as ethereal as ever, but the smog around them and the quiet side street makes the moment even more sacred.
Jisung is just about to tell the older how much he appreciates the sight when he is cut off by Minho moving further away, cocky smile back on his plump lips.
«But,» he begins, «I’m getting really hungry, and there’s a bowl of ramen with my name on it a few blocks away, so shall we get moving?»
Jisung can’t help but let out a chuckle at that. «Sure» he replies as he gives Minho’s hand a light squeeze. «Let’s go».
——————
The ramen place is, as predicted, quiet.
Jisung and Minho once discussed whether the owners are just people who don’t care for celebrities, and therefore, never seem interested in them, or if they are actually unrecognizable in their normal outfits.
Minho argued that they might also not have heard of Stray Kids at all, and therefore don’t even know who they are.
«Maybe they are one of the few people who are still unaware of your kick-ass vocals, and quokka cheeks».
The light rain from before stopped a few minutes ago, and both their bowls of ramen are getting cold from being forgotten in favor of a conversation about their recent comeback.
They trade stories from the past month they had yet to tell each other. Like the time Jisung noticed how Minho was struggling with perfecting a jump in their chores but felt too timid to mention it since they never seemed to have a moment alone, or the time Felix baked brownies and he and Jisung ended up eating it all before anyone had the chance to have a taste.
«Jokes on you», Minho had replied to that, «I now know the reason for your massive stomach ache a few weeks back».
Minho, in return, told Jisung a story about what happened while he and Seungmin went on «Kiss the Radio» and managed to enter the wrong studio.
«I swear, the look on that poor noona’s face was the funniest thing I have ever seen»
The face Minho made to express how she looked definitely was and it almost had Jisung falling over from laughing. Minho took the opportunity to keep the happy expression on his boyfriends face by continuing to pull the grimace, eliciting a new bout of laughter from Jisung.
«Stop» he finally managed to wheeze out. «Please stop, my stomach hurts».
Minho eventually does stop, and with it, a lull in the conversation happens as the two boys look at each other with mirth in their gaze and a soft smile on both their faces.
«I missed this» Minho eventually says. There’s an open honesty in his eyes that Jisung hasn’t seen since the night they confessed their feelings.
Jisung has to look away. Too scared to keep looking into the eyes in front of him. Scared that his traitorous mouth might say something that should be kept between just the two of them.
I love you so fucking much. I need you. You’re perfect. I want to be with you, like this, forever. Please, never leave me.
«I really missed this too» is all he says, picking thoughtlessly at the cold ramen in front of him. Maybe bringing Minho to a public place was a bad idea.
He spots his phone on the table next to him and a thought manifests in his head.
I need to capture this.
«Hey, Minho» he begins while picking up his phone, opening the camera app, «smile to the camera»
Minho gives no response. Jisung is well aware that the other man heard him, but refuses to do anything but play it off, picking at his ramen like it’s the most exciting thing in the universe.
«Come on» Jisung encourages, «Just look up!»
Still nothing.
«Please» Jisung tries, «I just really want to remember this night.»
At his words, Jisung can see Minho’s shoulders tightening before he lets out an exasperated sigh.
Jisung knows Minho secretly loves when Jisung wants to commemorate their relationship, but he always likes to put up a fight.
«I hate you» is all he says before he stops nibbling on a piece of chicken, moves his head up to face the camera, and with a petulant half-smile allows Jisung to finally take a picture of the two of them.
«Now, now. We both know that’s just a lie, Lee Minho» Jisung says, smiling, as they both throw up peace-sign in the direction of the camera lens. As soon as the shutter sounds Minho is back to focusing on his ramen, but there’s a small smile playing on his lips as he shakes his head in exasperation.
Looking at the picture, Jisung can’t help but smile. The quality of the picture is pretty bad, but it’s a photo of the two of them. The two of them on a date. Not that anyone would look at it and see more than two friends having a late dinner, but the two of them know.
Jisung knows the love hidden behind that petulant smile. Jisung knows how much this night has meant for the both of them. Jisung loves the picture, because it’s them, in all their natural glory.
As Minho continues to eat, trying his best to dodge Jisung’s attempts at another picture, Jisung snaps a few more photos. One of his food and a few selfies. He also finally manages to get a snapshot of Minho looking positively murderous as Jisung baits him into looking up from his food by telling him that a cute cat just walked past their table.
At the realization that there is no cat in sight, and that Jisung just fooled him into yet another picture, Minho looks over at him. «You know not to joke about cute cats, Jisung!» he begins, «besides, don’t you ever get tired of taking so many pictures of me?».
Jisung feels like laughing at the mere thought. As if.
«Didn’t you know? I’m starting a museum,» Minho looks unimpressed over at him. «STAY’s will have discounted entry, and as the curator, I get access for free» Jisung continues.
«Ha, ha, ha» Minho replies drily.
«I’m serious, Min! I think I’ll call this…« Jisung shows his latest photo to Minho, a contemplating finger on his lips; «Don’t fuck with cute cats.»
As Minho tries to pry the phone from Jisung’s taunting hand, Jisung moves back with surprising speed, almost sending the electric device flying, knocking over his can of soda. Minho can’t contain his laughter as Jisung takes a steadying breath at the realization that his phone is ok before he suddenly screams as he feels the cold liquid of his soda seeps through his pants.
«Shit!» Jisung yells, making grabby hands at the container of napkins at the edge of their table.
«Oh my god» Minho laughs, «I’m in love with an idiot»
Jisung barely catches Minho’s statement, but he stills as the words are decoded in his brain. They are in public. Sure, they would probably notice if anyone was listening in, so the possibility of someone hearing is small, but still.
Minho just blurted out that he loves him. In public. Where anyone could hear.
Jisung knows he should probably freak out at the idea that someone might have heard. But he can’t help but feel proud instead. Minho, his best friend for years, and boyfriend of 6 months is so enamored with him that he couldn’t help let the words spill out.
Jisung suddenly feels stupid for ever entertaining the thought that he might love the other man more than what is reciprocated.
Jisung is well versed in the art of feeling so much that his mouth just runs away from him. It’s how their relationship started, after all. He knows the feeling of not being able to contain himself, words slipping out through the cracks of a carefully crafted armor.
But Minho. Minho has always been the calculated one. Sure, his brain-to-mouth filter is pretty much nonexistent most of the time, but with things that matter, Minho is deliberate. Jisung realized early on in the friendship that Minho was the best person to talk to about important things because his mind is a fortress. He will never spill important secrets, and he is irritatingly good at keeping his feelings locked inside.
So, Minho blurting out and I love you, in public, no less, is a pretty impressive feat. Jisung sends a small thank you to all possible higher powers that allow him to see this side of him, allow him to affect Minho in such a way.
What did I do in my previous life to deserve this?
Minho even has the audacity to try and look unaffected where he’s just shaking his head lightly as he focuses back on the last pieces of his food. But Jisung can tell by the stiffness in his shoulders and the way the older seems incessant to not meet his eyes that Minho also knows the weight his words carry.
And Jisung is so done with their little slice of public heaven.
Even with a table being all that separates them, Minho suddenly feels miles away. Jisung wants to hold Minho close, kiss him softly, and talk to him some more - about anything and everything. He desperately needs to show Minho that his love is reciprocated. Needs Minho to know how much the admission means to him, especially in their current setting.
Jisung carefully clears his throat.
«If you’re done eating,» he begins, «can we head back to the dorm?».
———————
«Stop moving!»
Jisung jolts as he’s hoisted further up on Minho’s back.
«If you don’t stop moving» the older continues, «I’ll seriously drop you on your ass right here. Try me.»
A few blocks back, as they were walking through a park, Jisung balancing on the edge of a short fence, he suddenly had the bright idea of jumping not Minho’s back, demanding to be carried back to the dorm. Minho, as expected played annoyed the whole time, but the way he continued to hoist Jisung up, never letting go of the strong grip on his thighs tells Jisung that it can’t be all that bad.
The smile on Minho’s face hasn’t changed throughout his rants about Jisung only using him for free piggyback rides either.
«We both know you’ll do no such thing» is what Jisung continues to reply with.
They finally arrive at the dorm, and as Minho is about to step into the elevator, Jisung finally shows mercy on him by jumping off his back.
The elevator is pretty big, but they both gravitate towards each other, standing close as the doors shut in front of them.
As Jisung can feel the elevator start to ascend, he suddenly feels Minho’s hand on top of his own where it holds the handlebar behind them. Instinctively Jisung turns his hand around, allowing Minho’s fingers to interlace with his own. He looks down at their clasped hands, then looks towards his boyfriend.
Minho is looking at their hands.
«I’m really happy we got to do this today, hyung…» Jisung says with a small smile.
The thought of having to let go of the soft hand in his in a matter of seconds as the elevator reaches their floor is bittersweet. Sure, they had an amazing evening together, and Jisung appreciates it more than anything, but he hates knowing that their evening together, alone, is over already.
The thought of letting go of Minho’s hand as they enter their dorm makes him physically sick, and Jisung knows that the other boys will likely question where they have been for the past few hours before roping them into another movie night where Minho is, as always, so close but yet so far.
I physically pains him when Minho drops his hand as they leave the elevator and head towards their dorm.
«Minho,» he begins, desperate as they arrive at the door of their dorm. He grabs the hand of the older male, effectively stopping him from turning the knob, and Jisung hates the desperate nature of his grasp.
He looks at their clasped hands again.
«I…» Why are words so difficult?
With an encouraging nod from Minho, he continues.
«Can I kiss you?»
The words are out. Hanging somewhere above them, and Jisung wonders if sometimes words have the ability to just float away.
A part of Jisung is worried he said it too soft for Minho to even hear him, but then Minho gives him a sad smile before he steps closer. So close that Jisung can feel the toes of their shoes touch, and small puffs of breath on his face.
«Please,» is all Minho says before he moves his free hand to Jisung’s neck.
Jisung doesn’t have to move far for their lips to touch. Minho’s plump lips are chapped and cold from the late fall outside, but it’s still perfect. The way their lips have always been able to mold together has been the source of many late-night thoughts, and right now, their moment in the hallways is perfect.
A reverie from the world outside. The cameras, the band, the hours spent practicing to achieve perfection.
Their kisses have always been perfection and when Minho expertly opens his mouth slightly to deepen their kiss Jisung feels himself settle. He moves his arms to Minho’s head. Gently stroking the now light brown strands, as their mouths explore each other. As Jisung’s fingers get caught on a few strands Minho lets out a soft hum, and Jisung swallows it.
The kiss is without heat, but the desperation is palpable. Jisung wishes for the moment to never end, but he also knows that they can’t stay out here in the public hallway for the rest of the evening.
«Minho,» he says as he tries to move away from the warmth exuding from the other man.
«Minho, we should get inside.»
———————
Inside their dorm, Jisung and Minho had found the rest of the boys in the living room. Jisung vaguely registered screams from a horror movie playing on the tv, and six heads move in their direction as the pair practically fell through the doorway, Minho leaned over, head in Jisung’s stomach as he tripped over the threshold, arms coming around Jisung to steady the both of them.
At their spectacular entrance, Changbin had only given them an acknowledging nod and Felix waved cutely at them from his position between Seungmin and Hyunjin. The others seemed unbothered at their entrance, shaking their head in exasperation at their clumsiness before quickly reverting their gazes back to the girl being slain on the screen. Chan had perked up as he saw them though, and asked them if they had a good evening, and if they would be joining them on the couch.
Jisung, desperately wanting to continue their evening alone had looked at Minho trying to decipher what the older male thought about the invitation. Minho seemed to have the same thought as their eyes connected and Jisung tried his best to communicate his need for some more alone time. Jisung was already aware of how good Minho had become at reading him like an open book, but he still let out a small sigh of relief as Minho had turned towards Chan and told him that they would like to be alone right now, before he moved towards Jisung and Jeongin’s room.
As Minho reached for the door handle, hand clasped around Jisung’s, the pair had heard Jeongin speak up from his position on the couch.
«If you want, I can take your bed tonight, Minho».
Jisung was left speechless, and unable to trust his voice as he took in the offer. A small spark of embarrassment ran through him at the thought of what Jeongin might be insinuating, but a bigger part of him was just so thankful.
Having noticed Jisung’s inability to answer, Minho turned his head to smile at Jeongin before nodding appreciatively. «That would be nice, In. Thank you».
The kind smile Jeongin has sent their way was too pure, but as Minho opened the door to step inside the room Changbin had hollered a; «Keep it off the young one’s bed, please!» resulting in a shriek from Jeongin and the rest of the group.
Minho, being the little shit he is and having sensed that the group seemed fine with their need for some alone time had responded with a «We’ll try» and a cheeky smile, before he had pulled Jisung into the room, leaving the other boys to continue their hollering out of earshot.
Since the boys were all in the living room watching a movie Jisung now finds his and Jeongin’s room empty and dark as they enter. Jeongin must have forgotten to close their window earlier, so the room is cold and there’s a light breeze moving some of the papers Jisung left on his desk after his last songwriting session. The blinds on the window were also left open and bathes half of the room in a soft blue light.
Jisung is trying to quiet his beating heart from the interaction in the living room and looks for something to busy himself with. As he moves over to the window to close it he can feel Minho’s arms around his middle, effectively stopping him from moving. Jisung is about to complain, but the feeling of Minho’s head coming down to rest on his shoulder has him swallowing his words.
«Leave it open», Minho whispers, moving his head away and turning Jisung in his arms so they are facing each other. «There’s absolutely no way I’m sleeping in Jeongin’s bed tonight, and I know you’ll complain about being too hot if we share a blanket.»
Jisung really wants to argue that statement, but the way Minho looks at him with eyes filled with fondness has Jisung leaning up to connect their lips again instead.
The feeling is overwhelming. The way the room seems less cold as soon as their lips connect and Minho’s arms circle his waist. The way Minho’s breath hitch as their lips press together. The taste of him as he opens his mouth, allowing their tongues to clash. And the softness of Minho’s hair as Jisung’s left hand tangles in the strands. It’s too much and never enough at the same time.
Jisung want’s to kiss Minho forever, and the first step to accomplishing this is to get comfortable.
Every time they share a bed it feels different. Sometimes it’s making love, holding each other so close that there’s no way of discerning who’s who, their bodies molded so well together that it seems obvious that the universe made them for each other and that their paths were destined to cross.
Sometimes it’s fucking. Both needing each other so much that all thoughts of soft and slow are gone from their minds, the only thing on their mind is getting off, releasing tension, and being close to their lover. Those times are also good.
Most times though, it’s like this; Jisung leading Minho over to his bed with their hands clasped together. Minho chasing Jisung’s mouth as he moves away too fast for Minho to follow the change in pace. It’s Jisung gesturing for Minho to get on the bed, before moving over to the bedside table to turn on the fairy lights that adorn his headboard. It’s Jisung taking off his shoes and jacket before getting on the bed as well.
It’s Minho wondering what Jisung wants, waiting patiently as Jisung gets in beside him, not sure what his boyfriend needs but never making the first move. Never wanting to turn things into something it’s not.
Tonight it’s Jisung rolling over to face his boyfriend, propping himself up on his elbows so that their faces are finally close again. It's Jisung looking intently at his boyfriend, before smiling lightly.
«I love you, you know?»
Every time Jisung says the words, he can see Minho physically react to them. It makes him proud to see his pupils dilate, hear as he sucks in a harsh breath. It makes him feel powerful knowing that he has that effect on the other man. Knowing that he’s not the only one who still can’t seem to fathom that they are actually loved by each other.
«Is it ok if we just sleep tonight?» Jisung finally asks, voice timid. «I know it’s been a while, and I promise you I want you - like, look at you» at this Jisung extends his free hand to gesture at Minho’s body, «but I’m really tired, and right now I think I just need to hold m-»
Jisung’s rant is cut short as Minho moves forward attaching his lips to Jisung’s own. It’s short, more of a peck than a real kiss, but it has the desired effect as Jisung stops in his track and his mind quiets.
«Jisung» Minho begins, moving one arm to lightly scratch Jisung's scalp at the back of his head. «Of course we can just sleep»
Jisung blushes and moves closer again to give Minho a small peck before he moves to lay down on Minho’s shoulder. Minho moves around, getting comfortable next to him, and stretches his arm out to pillow Jisung’s head. His hand continues to run through the hairs on Jisung’s neck, and the other comes up to trace circles on his upper arm.
For a while, they just breathe each other in.
It feels a lot like the night after they confessed. But it’s not. It’s more, better. Their heads are no longer filled with naive dreams of how a relationship will be like, but rather the realization that - while things might not be as easy as imagined - they have each other.
Jisung can feel himself settle against the rhythmic beat of Minho’s heart, and ever so often he leaves a soft kiss where Minho’s neck meets his shoulder. Reminding him that he’s still there. Still awake.
Jisung loves to kiss him there, where he’s sensitive. During sex, it always elicits the most heavenly sounds from Minho, but at times like these, with the premise of sex off the table, it still affects him. Every time Jisung nips lightly at the skin Minho shudders lightly before relaxing even further into the mattress.
«Can I be really sappy for a second?» Minho begins suddenly, snapping Jisung out of his thoughts, and his ministrations on Minho’s neck stops. Jisung moves his head up, able to see Minho’s lips form around the words. «I don’t know exactly when it started, but lately I’ve been missing you a lot.»
Jisung is left staring at him. Minho takes a deep breath and squeezes Jisung tighter against him before continuing.
«It’s like- I know we’ve been together literally every day the last couple of months, but only being able to hold you like this when we are asleep, and not being able to really talk to you has fucked with my head»
«You know I like being independent, and I- I never planned for you. I was just being loud, obnoxious Minho, and then you came and were literally even louder and more obnoxious-» Minho is cut off by Jisung slapping him lightly on his belly. Minho hits Jisung lightly on the back of the head in retaliation. «Ouch! Be nice to me! I’ll probably never say any of this again»
Jisung accepts the warning and motions with a nod for Minho to continue.
«But all of a sudden I found it more endearing than annoying, and then- then I guess I accidentally went and fell a little bit in love with you.»
«Minho, I-»
«And like, I thought everything would get easier when you told me you loved me too. And in some ways it did»
Minho rolls over in his side, facing Jisung now. Jisung feels small under his gaze but continues looking at him knowing the importance of what Minho is telling him. Jisung feels more than sees Minho’s hand coming up to softly stroke his cheeks.
«But these last couple of months have been so hard, Jisung. You have wormed yourself into every part of my life, and- and it’s been affecting me more than I could have ever known.»
Minho laughs lightly at himself, «You know I told you about how me and Seungmin entered the wrong studio a few weeks back? I was thinking about how cute you looked when I left my bed that morning and didn’t even process what I was doing until I entered the room and found that poor noona mid-monologue. An- and Felix literally threw a piece of cheese on my face because apparently, I was «drooling at you» while we were waiting for an interview a few weeks ago!»
Jisung can feel the desperation hidden behind Minho’s laugh. He’s really upset about this. Sure, being Minho, he’s probably upset about his dongsaeng’s laughing at him, too, but Jisung can tell that it’s deeper than that.
Minho lets out a huff. «I just- I just wanted you to know that today meant a lot to me too.»
Jisung has seen Minho sad, seen him crying his eyes out from missing his cats, seen him cry that time he met a fan who told him she has cancer, seen him cry from dramas and movies, he’s even seen him cry for exhaustion - although he always claims he just got dust in his eyes.
Jisung has seen Minho sad before, but never like this. He’s not crying, but there’s a desperate tilt to his voice. Like he needs Jisung to believe him. Like Jisung doesn’t already trust Minho enough to walk through fire as long as Minho says it’s safe, as long as Minho is waiting on the other side.
Minho seems desperate for Jisung to believe not only his words but also the depth of his love for the younger man. As if Minho thinks Jisung doesn’t know already.
«Minho» Jisung says a bit more stern than he originally planned. «I know»
Jisung leans closer to the other man, letting his forehead meet Minho’s. In this position, Jisung can feel Minho’s uneven breath on his face.
«Baby,» they almost never use the endearment, but Jisung decides the situation warrants it. «I know. We both needed it»
Minho looks at Jisung, pupils were blown at the use of the endearment. His lips fight a smile as Jisung’s hand moves to stroke the small lines that have formed on his forehead and between his prominent eyebrows.
«I think what you said about us taking more time to ourselves is true. We’ve both been stretched so thin- you with your dancing and me with making music - that we both forgot ourselves a little bit.»
«I think-» Jisung continues, before taking a deep breath. «I think my fear of our relationship not being ok for the other boys made me too much of a people pleaser and I ended up not taking any time for myself. For us»
Minho grabs his hand, holding it tightly in a quiet show of support. Jisung plays with Minho’s ring finger absentmindedly, before saying resolutely «but that not going to happen anymore.»
«I’m going to get better at telling people no»
At his words, Minho looks up from their hands to Jisung’s eyes. Jisung takes the opportunity to bop his nose with the older male’s. Minho cringes slightly at the sappy move, but stays quiet as Jisung continues, «and we need to get better at taking some time for ourselves.»
«Sound good» Minho smiles. Jisung can’t help the smile that spreads on his own lips.
«Good.»
Jisung carefully places a small kiss on Minho’s lips, the angle a little weird, but enjoyable nonetheless. He can feel Minho’s smile into the kiss and it sends the butterflies in his stomach going crazy. When he feels Minho gently grab the back of his neck as he begins peppering his face with kisses, he can’t help but let out a loud cackle of happiness as he tries, unsuccessfully, to move away from the attack.
To think he’s able to have this.
To have this beautiful, strong man in his bed, being sappier than he had dared dream of at the beginning of their relationship. To have him holding him safely throughout the night, anchoring him to bed even when he feels so tired he wants to float away. To have this funny, sarcastic being tell him the most outrageous stories, stories that are left for just the two of them. To have Minho look at him like he’s something worth looking at.
To have that is the greatest gift.
And so is their hidden little ramen place, off of a populated road in downtown Seoul.
End.