Chapter Text
“My name is Tenya Iida and I am eihgt years old. Today I talked to my brother and watched an astronaut go into outer space for the first time! I want to become an astronaut and be the bestest one there is yet. I'll go to the moon and then Mars and then Jupiter!! So when I get bigger I will try my hardest to be an astronaut!”
Sero put the pen down and laughed to himself, prompting a quizzical stare from the bespeckled boy in front of him. He looked up from his book, coughing to clear the air. “What are you laughing about?” He asked.
Sero turned the notebook around so Iida could read it. As Iida squinted to read the small handwriting, Sero answered. “You know how you told me you wanted to be an astronaut when you were younger? I’m doing an exhibit on childhood dreams. D’you think I was accurate?”
“Well I would’ve spelled eight correctly, first of all,” Iida defended. He sighed, embarrassed to admit that Sero was probably right. It’s been fourteen years since Iida decided to become an astronaut, and it seemed like his big break was finally coming. The Japanese Aerospace Exploration Agency put out an ad for the first time in years saying that they were looking for astronaut applicants for missions.
Sero was the first one to notice; he saw the Tweet from the JAXA Twitter account on his timeline and sent a screenshot of it to Iida right away. The post was made at 4 AM, and when Iida woke up two hours after, he promptly berated Sero for having such a bad sleep schedule before losing his mind over what he was sent.
“Are you serious!?” Iida yelled after calling Sero.
The black-haired boy yawned, rubbing his eyes to get rid of the sleepies that formed. “Good morning to you too…” He greeted grumpily before continuing. “And obviously. Unless this is my elaborate April fools joke.”
“Fuck you! Is it!?” Iida panicked. Sero sighed, taking a mental note to slap his normally-sharp boyfriend.
“Tenya, it’s September.”
“Fuck… You’re right…” Sero snickered, sitting up from his bed. These next few years would be tough on Iida, but Sero would learn it’d be tougher on him.
The JAXA employee in the room continued to talk to Sero but the words didn’t meet his ears. He stood up from the seat, walking as close as he could to the mission control room, his hands on the glass divider. His knees felt weak, and it took everything in him to not collapse on the spot. He gripped the silver railing and stared with baited breath.
On the big screen was Tenya, his Tenya, struggling for his life during his EVA. He had fallen, off his buggy and down a slope, into the darkest crater of the moon. The small light in his helmet was all the camera could see of him, and as Tenya continued to limp forward, he came to realize that he was walking towards the abyss. Each blind step was dangerous, and it didn’t take a trained astronaut to realize that each step he took could very well be his last. As he hesitantly moved forward, Sero shut his eyes, scared to see what would come next.
It would take a miracle for everything to go smoothly, but if Sero had to sacrifice all the good luck in his life for this moment, he’d do it without any hesitation. He looked up to the sky and prayed to every god he could think of, asking for their protection over Tenya. Each second that passed felt like hours. Before long, he was forced out of his trance; he felt a hand on his shoulder, waking him up. He turned to his side and looked at the employee, who motioned him inside the control center.
Sero nodded, dragging his feet as he followed the worker. They walked slowly, holding onto the man’s arm, as it felt like Sero would fall at any second. They made it inside, and the world they were merely spectating came to life; different workers were calling orders and making announcements. The noise of keyboards clicking and real-time simulations being run filled the tiny room. They brought Sero to a seat and explained the situation to him.
“To be frank, it’s not looking the best,” he started, and Sero immediately began to cry. He nodded and pursed his lips tightly to feign toughness, but the steady stream of tears told everyone how he really felt. The scientist paused to let the boy recover a little before continuing. “We scanned the area Iida fell and have a general idea of where he is, but that’s only the beginning.”
“What… do you mean?” Sero barely got out. The worker pointed to his left to a table. Displayed on the surface was a topographic map of the crater he fell in. He could see how Iida’s position (marked by a navy blue arrow) was inside a crater, and while there was a steep incline on one side, the other sides had steep drops.
The worker cleared his throat, and Sero turned back to face him. “Well, this crater isn’t made for people to be in. We suspect that this is a big impact crater based on how steep the slope is, so finding a path that’s safe for Iida to take is tough. Furthermore, there are areas where the crater drops even further, so falling again only means…”
He didn’t need to finish for Sero to understand the situation’s severity. One wrong move and Iida was dead, wasn’t he? Sero took a second to pause, the tears on his face dried. He wiped his eyes dry and looked up to the worker determined. “What do you want me to do, then?” He asked. “There has to be a reason you called me, right?”
The scientist nodded, standing up. He motioned for Sero to follow, and he did. They moved to another table, where another worker sat. There was a microphone in front of her, and on her screen was Iida. “We ran a vitals check on him, and while the fall damaged our equipment, we could tell that Iida’s blood pressure and heart rate are high. We thought that maybe you could help calm him down, so we called you over.”
Sero nodded. This was something only he could do. “I’m assuming in the meantime, you’re doing everything you can to find the safest route for him?” The worker nodded, reassuring the boy. He gulped, taking a seat next to the worker.
She covered her microphone, turning to face Sero. “You must be him?” She asked. Sero nodded with a nervous smile.
“Th-That’s me,” he got out nervously.
The girl gave him a reassuring smile back and reached over to his hand, squeezing it. It didn’t get rid of all his nerves, but it was extremely helpful knowing that someone was looking out for him. “Iida,” she said into the microphone. “We have someone here for you to help calm you down. Don’t think of this phone call as a last message, or anything, alright? This is only to help you focus.” She took off her headset and handed it over to Sero, who gulped. He closed his eyes and counted to three. Then five. Then ten. Even after that countdown, his heart wouldn’t stop racing, but he needed to be strong. For Tenya.
“T-Tenya?” He said into the microphone.
“Hanta?” Iida said back. His voice was staticky, as if the signal was barely reaching him. For a second, his face relaxed, but then he got scared again. “Hanta… Y-You can’t be here right now…” From the monitor to Sero’s left, his heart rate spiked up to be the highest yet.
Sero heard it in his voice—the anxiety he tried to hide. Iida knew that when he accepted the mission to go to space, there was a possibility that he wouldn’t come back. Sero knew it too, as they talked about it extensively before he left. It’s easy to say you’re ready to die, but the story’s a little different when you’re staring death in its face.
“I want to be here,” Sero reassured the other. “I want to see you, both now and when you come back.” Even though his safe return was in the air, Sero chose to believe that Iida would overcome it. His crewmates would reach him and bring him back to their shelter, and whenever he comes back to earth, he would wrap his arms around him in a tight embrace, never letting him go. To ensure that future came true, though, he had to do what he could now.
He kept a close watch on the monitor, the camera showing only Iida’s face. His eyebrows were furrowed, showing the wrinkles on his forehead that he loved. Beads of sweat were sprinkled around his face like freckles, and his breathing was heavy.
“You’ll be fine,” Sero continued, trying to calm Iida down. Perhaps he was also trying to convince himself. He quietly continued to repeat it like a last-ditch prayer. “I know you’ll be fine. I know you will…”
Iida took a deep breath and frowned. “Hanta,” he started, but his voice faltered. His mouth opened again to speak, but words weren’t coming out.
“I’m here,” Sero said, leaning in to the monitor. He placed his hand on the screen; the glass was cold but he could feel his warmth.
Iida tried again, tears threatening to spill as they formed. “I’m scared,” he said quietly. Sero hadn’t heard this voice before. In the years he’s known him, he’s never shown a scared face. He was strong and always prepared for adversary. Everytime something happened to him, he kept a level head. Sero didn’t want to acknowledge it, but the fact that he saw this side of him now meant that this truly was it.
“I’m here for you, you know that right?” Sero said, changing the topic immediately. He refused to respond to Iida’s fears. It was his turn to be brave. “We’ll get through this together.”
Iida nodded, though his face betrayed him. He knew this was the end. “I’ll always love you, Hanta.” was all he could say.
That was the last thing that Tenya said that night. Sero did all the talking, continuing to reassure him while talking about anything to keep his mind off of the situation at hand. He told him about the art that he was making and his plans for his next installation. He talked about his week and how his coffee yesterday morning didn’t taste right, so he was grumpy all afternoon, but watching his favorite movie at the end of the day made it better. How he dreamed about going to the beach and had planned to go that weekend with their friends. He cried the whole time he talked, his tears running down his cheeks before meeting at his chin and falling onto the table. Despite this, his voice never wavered.
They were only on call together for twenty minutes when his pixelated camera froze and eventually, the screen turned black. “Where did he go!?” Sero asked, being forcefully brought back to reality. He turned around and was in the control room still, the employees still running tests and simulations to safely bring Iida home.
The lady that originally worked at this station came back with a bottle of water; the one who brought Sero in followed behind her. “We lost connection to him,” she said, handing the drink to Sero. He took it in his hands and slowly unscrewed the cap, his shaky hands bringing it up to his mouth for a drink. “We’re working on getting his reception back, but until then there’s not much we can do on our side besides wait and run tests.”
Sero’s heart sank to the bottom of his stomach. Nothing we can do? He thought. That’s bullshit! There must be something they can do! Anything! He opened his mouth to say something, but the other cut him off.
“It’s late,” he said to Sero. It was around three in the morning when he came to the site, but because he couldn’t bring his phone in, he didn’t realize how much time had passed. Sero wasn’t tired, but there wasn’t anything he could do here at this point. It was all up to everyone else. “We’ll call you a cab home, and if you’re up to it, you can come back in the morning. Get some rest, alright?”
Sero wanted to yell. He wanted to say he was staying in case they regain connection. He wanted to be there for him, even if Iida couldn’t see it, but all he could do was nod. Slowly, he stood up from the chair and rubbed his bloodshot eyes. The man patted Sero’s back and slowly led him out the room. When the door closed, he no longer heard the commotion of the control room. It was quiet.
After receiving his phone again, he finally checked the time. It was 4:44. Sero recalled that as Iida’s seat number back in high school. After meeting and dating him, that number became a sort of lucky number to Sero. He prayed that this meant something good would happen, but he could feel that wasn’t the case. He exited the building and waited outside for his cab. It was cold, but he held his jacket close to his body. It smelled faintly of Tenya.
The cab ride felt long. Sero quietly said his address to the driver before he drove off. He sat in the back seat in silence, quietly crying. He tried his hardest to keep his composure, but he was afraid. Afraid of losing Tenya forever. The cab eventually slowed, and Sero looked up to see his apartment building.
The lights in the cab turned on, and Sero gave a quiet thank you before leaving the car. He slowly made his way to the entrance and walked up the stairs. He held Iida's jacket closer; when he originally left to go on his mission, Sero was so okay with being alone. He couldn’t count the amount of times he’d walk up this stairwell alone. It felt foreign to walk these stairs tonight though; he couldn’t help but think that he’d never walk up these stairs with Tenya again. He made his way to his apartment and unlocked the door. Sero went straight to the kitchen and made himself a coffee. He turned the AC on high before finally putting the jacket on. He sat on the kitchen table and stared at a wall while it brewed. When it was finished, he grabbed the mug and sat back at his seat, sipping his drink in silence.
Sero eventually fell asleep. He lied down on the living room couch and told himself that he would stay awake until morning, but his tiredness eventually caught up to him. He stood up and stretched, remembering everything that happened last night. The clock on the wall said it was two in the afternoon. He walked to the bedroom him and Iida shared in silence, and after staring at the empty bed for a while, he grabbed his things and went to the bathroom.
Half of his shower was spent standing under the cold water, tears falling from his eyes. He held onto the wall for support and wailed. He hoped the loud shower covered his screams. Sero left the shower after he had cried all that was left in his system, not bothering to actually wash. He changed into some random clothes on the floor after he dried himself and sat back on the couch, waiting for a text for any information.
It was night when his phone lit up with a text from the man working at JAXA. In that time, he turned on his TV to watch a movie, but he wasn’t paying attention. The sky from his window turned yellow, to orange, to black but he hadn’t moved from his spot. He reached for the phone as soon as he heard the message praying that it was good news, but after reading the first sentence, he dropped the phone.
Tenya was announced dead.