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what was chuuya nakahara? some said he was a friend, others said he was a god, but a partner, his only partner, said he was an idiot who didn’t ask for help.
but why would he need it? he wasn’t human. he didn’t need anything from other people. he was fine.
“dogs have to ask for things too, yknow? it’s not good to keep all that to yourself. i didn’t think you’d have that mindset, chuuya~” dazai, the idiot who was his partner, sang his name like it was a beautiful song. chuuya knew he didn’t get it. dazai was the same, right? so why wouldn’t he agree?
chuuya huffed, “hah? you don’t think, idiot. and stop calling me a dog while you’re at it.” he stuffed some more canned crab in his mouth. dazai requested they have it tonight. chuuya, couldn’t say no because he chose last time.
they did this often. ate together. joked. spent time together. chuuya liked it, he enjoyed himself. when dazai wasn’t calling him a dog, of course. it was nice to spend time with someone who understood chuuya. someone who treated him as an equal. for the most part.
dazai simply laughed. he always does. chuuya could tell it was fake though, they all were. he didn’t take that to heart, he didn’t think anyone else made dazai really laugh. so it was fine with him.
“so why don’t you practice asking for things once in a while? i’ve heard it actually helps people.” dazai states it so smugly. but has never asked anyone for anything. why is he telling chuuya this? maybe he knows it’ll get him mad, the hypocrite.
chuuya scoffed. “like what? a new partner?” the redhead grinned and toyed with his ponytail. his hair was getting longer, he’d have to cut it soon.
dazai matched his expression, the bastard. “anything, chuuya. maybe i can even make your wish come true.” he winked and sent a kiss chuuya’s way. chuuya caught the air kiss and crushed it, laughing as dazai’s grin crumbled and crocodile tears started to pour.
chuuya considered it though. asking for something, anything, would be nice. but it meant being vulnerable, being weak. did he want that? or did that even matter, considering dazai saw him at one of his worsts, yet calmly looked at him and didn’t judge.
he leaned back in his chair a bit, finally coming to a decision.
“fine. what i’ll ask for?” he dragged the last word out a bit, shyness for the words he was about to say taking over. dazai simply nodded and let him take his time.
“i’ll ask for nothing to change. i want things to stay like this way. for as long as it can, i guess.” chuuya, who was now feeling extremely shy, shrugged.
dazai’s eyes widened, just a bit. no one ever caught him off guard, so chuuya wouldn’t get any more surprise from his partner than this.
the other just ended up grinning. “okay, let’s swear on it.” dazai held out his pinky. chuuya scoffed, which he has been doing more after meeting dazai. “what are we? twelve?”
dazai laughed. a real one. “just for this moment, sure!” he pushed out his pinky, now holding it in front of chuuya’s face.
chuuya rolled his eyes, but intertwined their pinkies regardless. “it’s a promise then!” dazai cheered.
chuuya felt happy. genuinely.
chuuya didn’t know how many bottles he had before he started throwing them at the wall. all he could think was two words.
selfish.
liar.
dazai left him. and he didn’t come back. he used him. he lied to him.
he was too selfish. and dazai left. like they all do. suddenly, he heard the words he was thinking forever. but in his brothers voice.
“you were practically asking for him to leave. this is why you don’t ask for things.”
“poor little chuuya, asking for senseless things, trying to fill his empty heart. you don’t really know what you want though, do you?”
“this is why you don’t ask for things. it makes you weak.”