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Those words. They were eating Thanatos alive. He promised his support and his love no matter what. He’d give them even if it meant his own destruction, and he was sure that with this it would be.
“I’m still going to try to find a way that I can stay on the surface longer. I want to see more of the world.”
Zagreus was still going to leave. After everything. After the reparation and growth of many of the prince’s relationships with those in the house. After even the queen herself had returned to the underworld. He had everything he could possibly want, but it wasn’t enough. It was never going to be enough. He was still going to leave.
He was going to leave Thanatos behind.
That thought alone had Death Incarnate doubling over, arms wrapping around his torso as if to keep from falling apart. He fell to his knees. It was lucky he had managed to squirrel himself away in his quarters before letting his emotions get out of hand. Before he had truly let himself process what those words could mean.
The prince had stated those words with determination, fire in his eyes. Than was stunned at the suddenness of the proclamation and quickly shoved down his own feelings on the subject, opting to encourage Zag to do what he felt he had to do. He told him that if anyone could do it it would be him. He was capable of the impossible. If he wanted something enough, he would have it no matter what. It had earned Than a smile brighter than the sun and warmer than the Phlegethon.
To see him smile like that was a treasure greater than any number of riches. Despite his own conflicted emotions, Thanatos couldn’t help but bask in the unfettered joy of his dear prince, his love.
They had reached for each other then, passionate kisses followed by the shedding of clothing. There was much enthusiasm in their love making, plenty enough for Thanatos to get lost in it and forget about all the words that preceded it. He was living in the moment, enjoying every bit of Zagreus that he could get. Every touch was fire, every sound from his lover the most beautiful music. Zagreus tasted more divine than even the finest ambrosia on Olympus.
It was several hours later when they finally disentangled themselves. With his mind clear enough that he could think again, Thanatos remembered Zagreus’ words. The thoughts and feelings he had pushed aside before were flooding in with a fury now. He managed to keep his expression and voice neutral as he dressed and gave his usual excuse of work before departing from his love with a soft kiss and the toll of a bell.
That is how he came to be where he was now, curled in on himself on the floor. His breathing was harsh and loud, his body shaking uncontrollably.
Zagreus was leaving. He had promised to support him, and he was going to. He would wait for him forever if need be. He wanted only for the prince’s happiness. He just wished that what Zagreus wanted was something he could also be happy with.
It would take some time for Zagreus to come up with a solution to his sudden ends on the surface. Maybe it would be gradual, each venture on the surface longer and longer, until he just didn’t return home. Maybe that would hurt less. The thought of waking up by the prince’s side one day and parting with promises of seeing each other later, only for the prince to never return sent ice shooting through Thanatos’ veins.
If Zagreus could stay on the surface, Than figures he wouldn’t come back. Not with how the prince’s eyes sparkled with awe and wonder at what little of the place he had already experienced. There was much up there he had never seen and that he would want to see.
A sob tore itself from Thanatos’ chest. Hot tears blurred his vision and spilled to the carpet below.
Grief and anger and fear ripped at him. He felt like he was being abandoned. It hurt. Zagreus hadn’t even left yet and it hurt so much.
Zagreus hadn’t left yet.
Thanatos came to a decision then. Jaw set with determination he sat himself upright, hands scrubbing furiously at his eyes. It was a greedy resolution, one that would surely hurt him far worse later when all is said and done. He doesn't care. If he had to feel like rending himself from existence, he had at least better enjoy what was left of it to the fullest first.
His plan was to spend every moment he could with Zagreus. He’d steal kisses and trade sweet words. They’d make love. Soak in each other’s presence in those rare moments of stillness and quiet. He’d continue to give the prince every bit of himself and all his love and support. All while drinking up what love and attention Zag would bestow him. Thanatos planned to carve these memories into his heart and soul as he lived them. Had already been doing so since the beginning. He would take everything he could get. He would be greedy with Zagreus.
He would not let these pains get in the way of his love. They could wait until after Zagreus had departed the underworld for good. He locked those heart rending thoughts and feelings away somewhere deep and secure in his soul. Certainly they would have their turn later. But not now. Not yet.
Than took several steadying breaths, composed himself, and stood. He straightened up his clothing and summoned his scythe. There was work to be done. And the sooner it was done, the sooner he could return to Zagreus’ side.
With a flash of luminescent wings and green light, he shifted to the surface.
A part of Thanatos, however small, still clung to a softly glowing hope. One that he dared not feed any kindling. A hope that maybe, even if his beloved prince had seen the surface and its many wonders, he would return to him in the end.