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"Why are you friends with someone like me?"
It is a question that Takemichi always wanted an answer to. No matter how many times he would ask Mikey, he never seems to give him a proper answer.
It is dark and Mikey had the courtesy to offer him a ride home after the late-night meeting with all the division leaders.
"What a stupid question," He replies with a huff, not wanting to explain why. "Stop asking me that."
It is a quiet ride after that, only when Mikey finally drops him off at his house does he speak up again, "See you tomorrow Takemitchy," Mikey says, the sound of the engine coming from his bike becoming faint in the quiet night.
Among all of Mikey's friends who had been there for him with unwavering loyalty since the beginning, he does not get why Mikey would consider him in the same regard as them.
Someone who can't fight or prevent any tragedies from happening.
Takemichi doesn't know how long he has been lying awake on his bed, with his dirty shoes still intact. The dying need for answers made him unable to fall asleep. He looks up the white ceiling blankly as if they would give him an answer to everything. He muses to himself,
"I'm so worthless."
"Is apologising for everything a talent of yours?" His manager mocked. Her dull eyes glared holes into Takemichi, who was looking down at the ground after he had just been yelled at by a customer. An unlucky accident where he tripped over himself, which ended in dropping the stack of DVDs on his hands onto the customer who was in the way. The man was furious and shouted curses at him, Takemichi could only apologise with his head low.
You could say something like that, Takemichi thought sarcastically. But instead, he replied in a meek tone, "No, it's not."
She sighed exasperatedly, "Arrange the shelves and stop causing trouble for me, would you?" She walked away to greet another welcoming customer, "Useless," He heard her mutter under her breath.
Takemichi stood still for a long time, shame creeping up his body. Yet he wanted to laugh at everything.
After school in the middle of November, Takemichi decides to go back to the assembly area where it all started. Where the fighting ring was held at.
It is empty when he reaches the place, different from when it was packed with tough-looking middle schoolers. He leans against the railings at the top of the stairs. As if imagining things, he could see himself fighting Kiyomasa down there, getting a beating from him that bruised his body. And the pain, he remembers it so clearly, searing all over. Was this the view for the people who were watching him? He could see everything.
Takemichi returns to reality when he notices a raven-haired man standing there in the middle. Strange, he thought. He is sure this place was empty when he got here. He tenses when the stranger looks up, meeting eyes with him.
It is a face that undeniably belongs to Mikey, yet it is older and looks so much more tired than the younger Mikey that is in this current timeline. The Mikey whom he met at the ruins in Manila, the Mikey whose body definitely turned cold in his arms.
He squints his eyes and slaps himself on both cheeks, Mikey is still there. How is he here in the past? Takemichi had never once travelled to the past in his present body.
He tenses when Mikey breaks into a smile and waves a hand at him. Immediately without a second thought, he runs down the steps towards Mikey.
"Mikey-kun?" He calls out incredulously, this must be an awful dream, a joke. Maybe it is from the stress of the heavy burden on his shoulders that he must be hallucinating.
Standing before him, he could spot every feature on him, a sick dream to taunt him like this. But Mikey's face softens into a smile, "Takemitchy, It's me," As if he is convincing him that he is not a dream nor a delusion.
He is wearing the same clothes on that same day, yet there is no bloodstains nor a gunshot wound anywhere. His skin is pale, but not deathly pale. But his eyes did not gleam as they did before, if anything it looks haunted.
"It's you," He repeats, blinking slowly. He can't find words to say, It is a shock seeing him standing right there in front of him, alive and breathing, just inches away.
There is a long pause, Mikey raises his head to the sky. "It's a good day, isn't it?" He asks, sounding rather distant. Takemichi closes his gaping mouth and nods.
"This place, it's where we first met," Mikey looks back down to stare at Takemichi as he points at the ground. He gulps at the unexplainable emotions in those dark eyes.
"It's been so long since then, yet I remember it all so clearly," Mikey walks closer to Takemichi, who steps back from the lack of personal space until he stumbles onto something and falls on his ass. Mikey crouches in front of him, looking at him in the eye. The hair at the back of Takemichi's neck stands on end.
"It was the day I became interested in you,"
Takemichi was a coward, was what he realised as he watched his friend getting beaten around like a punching bag. The sick part of it was that it was all for the entertainment of the crowd that went wild at spilt blood and raised fists. They were rowdy, almost like animals if he were at a farm.
A heavy arm suddenly wrapped around his shoulders and Takemichi flinched, "Aren't you enjoying this," The guy whom Takemichi does not know, said with a sneer.
"I'm not," Takemichi replied bitterly, his eyes avoiding the ongoing fight.
The other jeered and the weight on his shoulder disappears, "That's too bad then,"
"Isn't it just pathetic when you can't even protect your friends?" Takemichi trembled with rage at the indirect insult, he turning to look at him who had a taunting grin. Takemichi wanted to break his teeth but he knew that it would not end well for him, the bastard knew it too.
He felt defeated despite being the one who was not in the fighting ring, he was right anyway. If he can't even stand up for his friend who needed help right in front of him, could he even consider himself a friend?
Takemichi brings Mikey over to his house to stay. If he had left him alone he would have been sleeping in the streets. Though Mikey probably would not have any difficulty with that, he could sleep anywhere even at the worse times.
It would also be good if the others did not know about the future Mikey being in this current timeline. He hasn't told anyone about his abilities, except for Chifuyu. It would cause a ruckus if they find out.
Takemichi could feel a tinge of regret as Mikey starts to explore every corner of his house. "I've been here before, but I've never realised you liked puzzle pieces," Mikey says, admiring the completed puzzle resting on the coffee table.
"Yeah, because the last time you came over, you destroyed countless things precious to me during your fight with Draken-kun" Takemichi replies with bitter humour.
All of those things that he had owned, filled with memories that he deeply treasures, had been smashed so easily by them, without a thought on what it even meant to him. But now he couldn't find himself crying over all the lost things, he can't even remember what he had lost and what memory was it holding.
Mikey does not respond after that, he changes the subject, "Don't you live with anyone?"
"Yeah, my parents," Takemichi answers quietly. Mikey hums as he walks away leisurely with his hands in his pockets. Takemichi is thankful that he doesn't ask any further than that. When Mikey enters Takemichi's room, he whistles at the sight. Trash is strewn everywhere and clothes are lying on the floor.
Takemichi is never a tidy person, whenever he cleans his room, the next day it would be back to its old disgusting state, like a rat's nest.
"Do you ever clean your room?" He asks with awe, walking around on his toes, trying to avoid stepping on anything.
Takemichi scratches the back of his head bashfully, "Sorry, if I had known that I would have a guest over, I would have cleaned the mess up." He says.
It is rather embarrassing to be caught living in a room like this. He starts to pick up the trash around, "Could you wait outside?" He doesn't elaborate further but Mikey is smart enough to understand. He leaves the room and Takemichi starts to clean his room in a hurry.
Some things have changed ever since he travelled to the past, but old habits always die hard.
"Mikey-kun, you can come in now," He calls out, wiping a sweat trickling down his forehead. There are still trash bags at the side that needs to be thrown out, but overall, the room is much neater and pleasant to be in. His heart swells with pride.
There isn't a response coming from the outside and he does not hear any footsteps approaching, Takemichi wonders if he was too soft so he calls him again.
"Mikey-kun?"
Silence.
Takemichi leaves his room to look for Mikey.
He finds Mikey at the front door, just that there are two of them. They are having a silent eye to eye conversation with one another. Takemichi curses to himself, why is Mikey even here?
"Mikey-kun what are you doing here?" He laughs nervously, getting in between them to break the heated eye contact.
This is bad, does Mikey of the past even realise who he is looking at?
"Who is this?" Mikey questions with narrow eyes, referring to the older version of himself, observing him who only smiles sweetly.
"I'm y-"
"A friend," Takemichi hurriedly interrupts with a titter, slinging an arm around the future Mikey's shoulder. "Right, Kaoru-kun?"
There is an awkward silence in the room.
There is an unexplainable darkness in the younger Mikey's eyes but it vanishes before Takemichi could realise what it was. His serious expression softens, his lips turning into a pout. "But I thought you belonged to me," He says in a fake sad tone, Takemichi knows he's definitely joking with him but his ears still turn red.
"He doesn't actually," Takemichi feels a hand on his waist, he almost forgot that there is another Mikey is right beside him.
Takemichi could sense another fight brewing so he shoves the younger out of the door and slams the door shut.
"Kaoru," Mikey begins with a teasing tone, Takemichi cheeks toast red in embarrassment.
"It just came up out of panic," Takemichi groans, not wanting to turn around to face the smug grin on the other's face.
"Was I really that possessive in the past?" Mikey asks with amusement.
"I don't know, why were you so interested in me?" He counters back.
"Because I like you."
"You have really pretty eyes," Mikey blurts out of nowhere.
They are sitting together on the couch of Takemichi's living room, in the middle of watching the television showcasing a show that became long forgotten.
"Why do you suddenly say such things?" Takemichi tries not to preen at the sudden praise.
"I think it's true, they're really pretty," Mikey repeats, attempting to convince Takemichi into accepting the compliment. "It's like you hold the vast oceans in them."
"I don't think there's anything special about me." Takemichi denies. He would tear off his so-called oceans and give them away to Mikey if he ever asks, but why would he like them so much? Takemichi has never once looked at himself in the mirror and found his eyes mesmerising.
Mikey sighs, pretending to be dishearten, "Takemitchy, Takemitchy, you'll never understand if you don't learn to love yourself."
The silence afterwards is deafening despite the sounds coming from the television.
"Could I call you by your real name?"
Mikey looks stumped at the sudden question, he lays silent, processing what was just said to him. It is a much-needed question in Takemichi's opinion, with there having two Mikeys, it gets confusing sometimes.
A minute passes and Mikey gives a tiny smile, his eyes forming into crescents, "I would like that." He has a soft, pleased expression on his face if Takemichi is bold enough to assume. Takemichi could almost forget what had happened in the past with a smile so genuine.
"Manjiro," He says slowly and he doesn't notice the way Manjiro's shoulders tenses.
On a weekday after school he finds Mikey of the current timeline waiting outside on his motorbike, Draken is nowhere to be seen. But Mikey's presence alone Is enough to intimidate other students that they all could not bear to look up when they walked past him.
When Mikey notices Takemichi, his stoic face turns into a bright grin and waves his hand side by side to catch his attention.
"Heya Takemitchy,"
"Mikey-kun, what are you doing here?"
"Go out with me," it isn't a request, it is a demand. Takemichi is startled, "All of a sudden, but why?"
"Just get on," Mikey cocks his head to the side, his cute smile becomes sickeningly pleasant and his eyes look so terrifyingly hollow at that moment. Takemichi whimpers and hops onto his bike without further question, wrapping his arms around the other's waist timidly. Feeling the stares he's receiving from schoolmates burn holes into his body.
Mikey brings him to a place that they are familiar with, the riverside where Mikey often goes to relax and admire the sky.
The sun was setting by the time they reached the place. Mikey lies on the grass, his head resting on an arm while the other pats the spot beside him, Takemichi follows and takes a seat.
It is a pretty view, Takemichi admits. The sun is reflecting on the river surface, causing it to shimmer. Is this why Mikey brought him here?
"He looks like me," There is seriousness in his tone, unlike the playful act he puts out. Takemichi knows Mikey is talking about Manjiro. His blood runs cold at the chance he is caught red-handed.
"He does?"
"Yeah, like an older version of me," Mikey replies, still gazing at the setting sun.
Takemichi could only keep his mouth shut in fear he'll expose himself. His hands feel clammy. He knows that Mikey is observant, but sometimes it becomes a burden when he wants to hide something from him.
"...like it,"
Takemichi is too distracted with his thoughts to register what Mikey had just said.
"Could you repeat that?"
"I don't like it."
Takemichi doesn't get what he means by that.
When Takemichi opens his front door, he is greeted by Manjiro leaning against the wall who is also hiding behind the door, he jumps in fright and a girlish scream comes out of his mouth.
"What took you long?" Manjiro questions, unfazed at all. Takemichi coughs awkwardly, having been seen acting so embarrassingly.
"Mikey-kun brought me to watch the sunset," He answers honestly.
Manjiro hums with acknowledgement, standing upright.
"Of course he would," He has a cloy smirk. Takemichi wonders why both of them are acting so strange. Maybe because they are technically the same people.
His mind goes blank though when cold hands cupped his cheeks and suddenly lips are pressing against his.
It is breathtakingly slow, Takemichi stands frozen unable to move a limb as Manjiro takes advantage of his stillness, hands wandering around his body. Takemichi's mind turns fuzzy, it is his first kiss, he realises.
Only when Manjiro ran out of breath did he lean away.
"What are you doing?" He asks with feigning tranquillity, his heart pounding in his chest.
Manjiro's dark eyes are swirling with desire, guilt nowhere evident on his face. "Takemitchy, even if we are both guys, would you love me?" Manjiro asks, looking delirious.
Despite being kissed without his consent, Takemichi is keener on the reason why a guy like Manjiro would be so invested in somebody as garbage as him.
"You're strange," Is all he replies with, and he runs away to his room with his door slamming shut. He ignores the way his heart soars.
"I like you Takemichi-kun, could we go out?" Flushed cheeks, a shy smile and fingers twiddling with one another. It was the first time he had seen someone act so shyly that was caused by him. To be loved and to be wanted like this, Takemichi immediately accepted the love he yearned for.
"O-Okay."
"Let's break up."
Takemichi expected this, really. Hina was a pleasant girl, so patient and so kind. She was beautiful too with peach coloured hair, doe eyes that are radiant and a lovely mole on her chin. Takemichi was undeserving of someone like her.
Her face was filled with pity as she said that, her eyes avoided meeting his shocked azure ones. Takemichi was left speechless before he gave a solemn smile.
"I understand."
But Hina had already walked away. Whatever he said was left unheard, Takemichi knew he would not be hearing from her for a long time.
When he returned in time to have a chance to change things, he broke up with Hina. A slap was the first response given to him. She cried wondering what she did wrong and begs to at least stay as friends, he doesn't get why her reaction has changed from before and why she was so desperate. Takemichi doesn't regret his choice because if he ended it then, it wouldn't hurt that much this time.
That was what he tells himself, so why does it still hurt watching her die? Was it because she is still part of his life?
Why did she have to love him in the first place, was it because he stood up for her that time? But after that, what else was there to love? She only saw him as the kid who was living a heroic fantasy.
Takemichi knows he's someone who can't be loved, worthless and pathetic. Who could ever love him for who he truly was?
Takemichi ignores Manjiro the following day and the day after that, he also takes advantage of school to avoid being in the same place as Manjiro.
Chifuyu being his close friend is quick to notice him acting strangely during a meeting, looking fatigued than his usual self.
"Hey partner," A soft nudge on his ribs gets Takemichi to whir back to reality, he turns to face Chifuyu who looks worried. "You alright?" He whispers.
Takemichi gives a dismissive wave, "Yeah, you bet," An obvious lie.
Mikey turns an eye at them and Chifuyu has no choice but to drop the subject with a sigh.
When the meeting ends, Takemichi is in no rush to return home. He walks around aimlessly.
He doesn't know how he ends up here, it felt like a split second before he is here, swinging about on a swing at the playground. Being in a teenager's body in a kid's playground, his feet brush against the sand on every swing.
"Takemichi-kun?" A familiar sweet voice.
Tachibana Hinata. Ever so dazzling. She is wearing home clothes made for indoors, but what is she doing outside?
"Hina-chan..." He mumbles breathlessly, feeling a lump in his throat.
"What are you doing here?" She asks with a kind tone, it felt so undeserving.
"I..." Takemichi is at a loss for words, why is he avoiding home again? It's to avoid Manjiro right? "Wanted to avoid someone." He answers truthfully.
Hina cranes her head at the empty night sky. "What for?"
"I feel lost."
"Why?"
"I feel so many emotions because of the things this person does to me. Happy, confused and nervous. I don't know but my mind goes haywire with these emotions that I can't think for myself."
"Yet I can't understand why they would act this way towards someone who is nothing in this world."
Why is he rambling all these things that feel so personal to him?
Hina giggles, "Takemichi-kun, I think you can figure this one out if you just understand yourself better."
Takemichi admits that she looks so enchanting with such a blissful face at that moment. Somehow, Takemichi can't find himself feeling the same kind of emotions as when he sees someone else's slight smile, as if hiding that vulnerability.
He goes back home at the dead of the night and finds Manjiro on his bed, a book in his hand.
"Welcome home."
Takemichi shifts uncomfortably, fidgeting.
"I'm home."
Manjiro grins with his teeth all for show, Takemichi doesn't get how they could be so white while having a sweet tooth. "You finally answered me," He looks proud of himself, as if he made a huge accomplishment. Takemichi can't help but smile in return.
They share Takemichi's bed that night. Takemichi lies on his back and Manjiro on his side, facing Takemichi with his cheek resting on the palm of his hand. Mikey shamelessly stares at Takemichi.
"I thought you hated me?" It is an abrupt, stupid question to ever spill out of Manjiro's mouth. Takemichi could never hate Manjiro no matter how much more amazing he is. Even if Manjiro were to commit crimes that he could never imagine him committing, Takemichi could never find it in himself to hate him. The only person he could despise is himself for failing.
But he doesn't share any of his thoughts aloud.
"I never said anything like that," Takemichi mutters under his breath, tucking himself under his blanket and turning away.
"You're assuming things," Takemichi whispers, his voice so soft, yet in the quiet night, it is loud. Manjiro does not reply.
"In the original timeline, I was treated like a slave. I had to partake in fights on a planned schedule that would bruise my body by the end of the day,"
"When I became an adult, I worked at a DVD rental shop that gave me poor pay so I had to eat instant ramen every day to be able to pay my rent. My manager was younger than me and constantly looked down on me. Every day I get reminded of how useless I am. But unlike me, you're always respected because you're everything that I'm not." Is what he wanted to tell him, a long account of his boring life.
But he doesn't, instead, he simply tells him in a shorter form. "I lived an unhappy life that made me just as pitiful. So why do you suddenly come to love me?"
A moment passes and Mikey replies, "Because you've changed since then," After endless begging, is this the answer he has been looking for? It did not feel satisfying, yet it still seems part of a truth he wanted and yearned for.
A lean arm wraps around his body, pulling his back towards a comforting warm body and a hand caresses him on the head, ruffling his bleached blond hair.
"I want to be able to meet you again," Manjiro whispers to him, soft like a gentle breeze. "I'm selfish, I want to irritate you and I want you to be in my life again and again."
"Maybe if I'm any luckier, you will be mine."
When Takemichi turns to look at Manjiro, his eyes are looking at him so fondly. His lips were curled into a tender smile. Manjiro looks ethereal in the dim night. Through the open window, the moonlight glows on him.
"Your eyes are so pretty, like an azure sky, the same one that makes me feel so free."
Manjiro goes on and on and his voice becomes brittle. Takemichi doesn't want to fall asleep. He begs to any god out there to stay awake, to keep his eyes open so he could listen to Manjiro forever. But he eventually closes his eyes.
He dreams of a universe where they meet under different circumstances. Maybe one where none of them ever experienced a tragedy. And just this once, Takemichi believes whatever compliment Manjiro tells him.
He disappears that morning. Whatever that used to remain of his existence that was once there, is suddenly gone in an instant, not even a strand of his raven hair on the floor nor the clothes that he left in the washing machine. Takemichi felt empty like his chest had been ripped out.
Maybe this is all just a long dream of the life he could have had, to have the chance to save people. If it is, it is a terrible dream. He can't save anyone even with blessed powers, Manjiro, Hina, and all his friends who saved him countless times.
He still did not grasp what Manjiro's answer meant, but maybe it just takes time and Takemichi could wait.
"Was he happy in the future?" Mikey asks a question full of innocence and curiosity.
There is a comfortable silence between them as they admire the setting sun in an orange and red sky at the shrine. Its golden hue kissing their skin.
So this whole time Mikey knew who Manjiro was, "He was my future self wasn't he?" Mikey adds on as an afterthought, confirming Takemichi's doubts. Takemichi takes a while to find words.
"I... I don't know." He hesitates, his voice is distant as if he is far away. He draws his legs toward himself and wraps an arm around his knees, and hides his face. It is a white lie and partly the truth, there is no point in telling him about the future that he'll never allow to happen again. Though maybe Manjiro happened to have found his peace and that was what he thinks made him happy. Mikey thankfully does not probe.
In the year 2007, things became better, Mikey's suffering and Hina tragic fate came to an end. Takemichi decides to visit the riverside. It's been a long time since he'd last been there.
It is a surprise that Mikey happens to also be there, sitting on the patches of grass with an expressionless face as he gazes at the starry night sky. Takemichi quietly takes a seat next to him.
"It's confusing," Mikey mutters out, "I felt so empty, it felt like there is nothing anymore for me to lose."
"I attempted to hurt you countless, of countless times, and yet you still come back every time." A pause, "Why?"
Takemichi did ask himself the same question. But after such a painstakingly long journey to save Mikey, he understands that all this time he had to find the reason himself rather than always seeking validation from others.
"Because I'm in love with you."