Work Text:
Letter One
Dear Hinata,
It’s been a couple of months since you joined the team, and a month since I realised that perhaps I have a little crush on you. Little might be an understatement. But that bright hair and those sparkling eyes have managed to etch themselves into my brain with a sense of permanence I reserved only for my brother. it's like i've known you forever.
Osamu told me to tell you how I felt.
But I’m a coward.
So I resigned to write you letters instead. Maybe writing to you in my head could help build up the courage so desperately needed. Because right now it’s nerve-wracking to even write on paper that will never reach your eyes.
I’ve given myself the number ten. Your number.
I’ll write you ten letters and if by the last one I haven’t told you how I feel out loud, I’ll give you these. It’s an ultimatum. Because I can’t go on like this.
Not with you burrowed in my mind. Not when you smile at me so happily and so in awe, and you have no idea that I want nothing more than to freeze that smile and have it painted on every wall in my house - just so I can always have it directed at me. You have no idea that I like you.
Atsumu.
P.S. that ultimatum is probably going to be ignored, because I’m terrified. But I’ll try.
P.P.S. maybe I’ll get Osamu to check me on the ultimatum.
Letter Two
Dear Hinata Shoyo,
The smile you gave me today made me weak at the knees. Being distracted by your own teammate is probably the least professional thing you could imagine, yet here I am, pouring out my feelings for the little jumping jack of a man we call number ten.
You smiled at me today because I gave you a set that you were thrilled with. Even after years of playing volleyball with a team you still feel that same adoration that you told me you felt that day of your first year of high school when you realised you were on the court with a team. Now I’m your team, and that adoration is directed at me.
But I think I want more.
I don’t think I want to be just your teammate, or just your setter. I want to be the central star in your solar system just as you are the sun to mine. It’s laughable really. Who’d have thought that it would be you to grab my heart and put it in a safe that I don’t know the combination to.
Maybe I don’t want the combination.
Maybe I want you to be at the forefront of my mind all of the time. Like some kind of shining spirit haunting me, one that I can’t exorcise, and one that I don’t want to.
Maybe I want to like you, Hinata Shoyo.
Maybe I want to see your smile always.
Atsumu.
Letter Three
Dear Shoyo,
You fell asleep on my shoulder today. On the way to a practice game. Maybe you’d been up late the day before, practicing. Which wouldn’t be surprising. You devoted your whole self to volleyball.
Or maybe, you were up late thinking of me. No . You weren’t. That’s what I was doing. Though, it was you I was thinking of, not myself. I’m not that self-absorbed. Or maybe I am, maybe my crush on you stems from some narcissistic desire to want you next to me because you’re the best person I’ve ever known.
You were probably just up late practicing.
Whatever it was, I was thankful for. Your head fit perfectly within the crook of my neck - I had scooted in my seat to make sure your neck wasn’t strained as you slept. I could smell your shampoo, is it your sister’s? It was fruity and sweet, and it suited you.
It’s all I can smell now. That and all I can think about is the memory of how soft your hair was as it tickled my skin. I remember refusing to move the entire journey, I was lucky enough to have you so close to me, and I didn’t want to ruin that.
And I also wanted to make sure you were rested.
I still remember that fever you got years ago at Nationals when you overworked yourself. And I know you changed now and that you look after yourself more. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to look after you. I do.
Oh boy I do.
I want to look after you for as long as you’d let me.
Atsumu
P.S. you drool.
P.P.S. but it’s okay, it’s cute.
Letter Four
Hey Hinata,
My proclamation of setting for you one day came true, and I’m thankful for that.
I remember seeing you and that Kageyama way back in high school. I remember how annoying you were. But I also remember how annoying it was to see how good you were, how good you could be. And god, I remember your stupid little face and the idiotic tendancy to push yourself too hard.
That fever you suffered in your last match was heartbreaking. But I’m also glad it happened. It made you realise that you were human. It proved that someone as hardworking and insane as you needs to stop sometimes. You’re not a machine, you never were.
You were just a hardworking guy, who has grown into a hardworking man.
Though at least now you seem to know your limits.
(If you did get another fever I think I would pay good money to feed you. I would get Osamu on the food for you) ((I don’t think he’d be very happy but he’d do it for me, and probably you. He has a soft spot for you, understandably.))
Anyway, I don’t actually remember what the point of this letter is. I ended up getting distracted thinking about you again. I just hope you know that I’ll always have your back. That’s what a setter is here for. Making sure you can do your best.
Ugh, you make me so sappy it’s gross.
Atsumu.
Letter Five
Hi,
I just wanted to tell you that your recieve in that friendly match we played was amazing. It felt good to get that from you. And the smile you gave me when we scored a point from the link-up was even better.
You’re so tooth-rottingly sweet it makes me want to scream.
How are you so bright? So warm?
You are quite literally the sun’s rival. Screw Kageyama, it’s the sun you’re competing with.
Atsumu.
Letter Six
Hinata,
Today I almost confessed to you.
And it was terrifying. So utterly, and completely terrifying.
You were smiling at me warmly - your usual bright and shining smile, the one that you give everyone. And I wish it was just for me.
Anyway, that’s not the point.
The point is, you were smiling at me when I handed you a water bottle after practice had ended. You took it from me and said thanks, and then told me how happy you were with my setting. And I told you that I loved setting for you.
When you grinned and said ‘good, I love getting your sets.’ I nearly died. Like, not to be dramatic but I nearly passed away.
If I did die, would you come to my funeral?
When I saw that smile and the way you said how much you enjoyed getting my sets, I nearly let my heart out to you then and there. But then you carried on. You told me how much you appreciated me on the team. How much you appreciated my being there with you.
And then I was ready to pass away.
The restraint I had to prevent myself from telling you everything was huge.
And I don’t know how much longer I can keep it in.
Atsumu.
P.S. Your hair looks nice when it’s messy. (you kept patting it when you were speaking to me)
Letter Seven
Shoyo,
I only have three letters left before my ultimatum.
And we have two days before the first real game of the season.
It’s getting tense. And you’re working hard as usual. So am I, let’s not forget who I am. I might be utterly head over heels for you, but I’m still Atsumu Miya. The Atsumu Miya. I play volleyball too.
I play volleyball and I write terrible, repetitive, love letters to my team mate.
Writing that out makes me realise how embarrassing it is. No. Scratch that actually. It’s not embarrassing that I like you. Because anyone would. You’re hardworking, kind, a complete loser but in an endearing way, and you’re so damn pretty.
What’s embarrassing is that when I’m thinking of setting and game strategy, you’re always there. And I know you’re part of my team. But I’m being honest when I say I don’t think about Bokuto’s smile as much as I think about yours.
His voice on the other hand…
You’re present in my mind all of the time. And at first I found it frustrating.
But now I embrace it. I like you,Hinata Shoyo. And I like the fact that I like you. Because if I could like anyone in the world, if I could choose who to like. I still think I would choose you. I don’t think it’s because I already like you, maybe it is, but it’s because you’re the living embodiment of the sun and I need that to live. Everyone does.
Atsumu.
Letter Eight
Hinata Shoyo,
What exactly are you doing to me?
I was picking out a new jumper to wear, and my first thought was you. Would you like it? Would you want to wear it? Would I want you to wear it? You’ve made me a fool. A butterfly-ridden fool.
But I don’t want to snap out of it.
I like liking you. I really do.
It’s cheesy. It’s almost laughable. But I like thinking about you before I go to sleep. I like dreaming of your laugh, of your smile, and of the red flush of your cheeks while we wait to go into the gym in the cold air.
And when you told me you liked my jumper when we were waiting, I blushed too. And it made me want to sing. I didn’t, thankfully. I don’t think you would have liked any part of me then. But you liked my jumper, like I wanted you to. Just like I wanted you to haunt my dreams.
I really like you Hinata Shoyo.
And I’m going to tell you.
Soon.
Atsumu
P.S. you would look nice in my jumper. That I’m 100% sure of
Letter Nine
To Shoyo,
I take back what I said. I don’t like you.
I know what it is now. It’s more than just a feeling. It’s more the feeling you get when you escape heavy rain; when you wake up and realise you’re safe after a nightmare; it’s wanting to be alone with you forever, as if you were the only other person on earth; it’s waking up and realising it’s not just butterflies anymore, it’s pure melting; it’s warmth, it’s wanting to share everything with you.
It’s love.
I’ve been kidding myself thinking it was just a silly crush.
Maybe it was in the beginning. But now, it’s snowballed into something bigger, something scarier, but something welcoming. Something that’s holding out it’s hand to me, asking me to embrace it.
So I am.
I’m going to tell you I like you, Hinata Shoyo.
I’m going to tell you that I love you.
Atsumu
Letter Ten
To Shoyo,
This is going to be my last letter to you. I’ll have told you my feelings by the time I give you this. I don’t know if you will return them, and I don’t know what you’ll say or do. And I don’t expect anything from you. But what I do know is that I’m going to tell you because I need to tell you.
(and Osamu is getting sick of telling me to just confess)
I’m doing this both for myself, and for you. I’m not telling you and expecting you to feel the same, but if you do I think I would float away into the atmosphere. I’m telling you because I can’t let you be the one that got away.
If I don’t tell you, I’ll never know what could have been. You’ll be the constant in my what-if scenarios; the shadow behind me as I walk down the street. I need to tell you to take my chance. And if you don’t feel the same, then I can take it.
So, after this, no more letters.
It will be words. And it will be words for you to hear.
I love you.
I’m completely, foolishly, and utterly in love with you, Hinata Shoyo.
Thank you for helping me realise that.
Yours always,
Atsumu.