Chapter Text
I woke up. The first strange thing I noticed was how god awfully bright the sunlight coming through the curtain was. Was it always this bright? God, my head. I groaned. I turned away and suddenly noticed I wasn't alone.
"Bucky? Bucky. Wake up." He stirred in his sleep, rolling over. I repeated "wake up." Until he opened his eyes.
"Y/N? What the hell are you doing here?" He blinked, then rubbed his eyes with his right hand. So he didn't remember either.
"You mean, in my bed? Because that's where you are right now. Naked, I'm assuming."
He shifts and then makes eye contact with me, "why would you assume that?" I roll my eyes and just stare at him until he looks down. Bucky finally sees the way I'm holding the blanket to cover myself, noticing my shoulders were exposed. "Oh no. No no no. What the hell?" He started to jump out of the bed pulling the blanket but I jerked it back.
"Uh-uh. I'm staying covered! What do you remember?" I pulled the blanket up more, which pulled it further away from him, showing more of his body. Wow, has he always looked like that? He usually wore a long sleeve shirt, even when working out. I assumed he was self conscious, but what on earth would possess anyone to cover that?
He saw my staring and sat back down and covered himself more, pulling the blanket to cover his left metal arm. Right. That. "I remember hanging out with the team. I remember Steve dragged me out, insisting-" he paused and groaned, putting his hands in his head. "Steve insisted that Thor's alcohol could get a super soldier drunk. God dammit!"
I just blankly stared at him. "I remember truth or dare." He lifted his head up and his bright blue eyes looked dead in mine. I continued, "I remember someone asking daring you to kiss me and you stormed out." His eyes suddenly dropped, he was looked at his hands.
"I don't remember that. What else do you remember?" I could feel how uncomfortable he was. He had to of been completely wasted to end up in my bed. I felt so broken, I didn't care what he thought of me, but to be hated this much daily got to me. And now to wake up in such a vulnerable position and he's obviously miserable.
I paused, trying to rack my brain but it hurt, my head was pounding. "That's it. That's the last thing." Bucky opened his mouth to speak and then stopped himself. "So what happens now?" I ask.
"Nothing. We don't remember the night, so we just pretend this here didn't happen. Because it shouldn't have." He said firmly, with such anger on his tongue I flinched. I don't understand how anyone could act like this to a teammate. He's been like this since day one.
"Then you should leave. I'll turn around, your clothes are here somewhere I'm sure." I turned away from him in my bed and hid my face so he wouldn't see the small tears forming in my eyes. I listened to him get dressed, mutter something, and then the door shut quietly. And then I broke down.
Bucky's POV
"So what happens now?" Y/N asked and I mentally prepared myself.
"Nothing, we don't remember the night, so we just pretend this here didn't happen." I clenched my fists. How could I have been so stupid? "Because it shouldn't have." All I could think about were the million ways I could have hurt her, or worse. The brief bit I saw of her looked unharmed. But that was all pure luck. I can't believe I put her at that much of a risk.
"Then you should leave, I'll turn around. Your clothes are here somewhere I'm sure." Y/N turned away from me in the bed, allowing me to remove myself from the bed and get my clothes. Sure enough, they were on the floor. I could tell she was trying to be strong, but her voice shook as she finished. I did hurt her. But at least she was alive. Maybe this way she'll stay away from me. And stay safe. I couldn't even begin to think about losing her, let alone if I was the cause. I dressed myself, taking one last look I mumbled, "I'm so sorry, Y/N." And left.
Walking to my room alone, I was hoping I wouldn't run into anyone. Least of all... "Hey, Buck! Wait up!" Shit. Steve.
"What are you doing up? It's only 7am." He looked at me confused. I was never a morning person.
"I couldn't sleep. Went to the training room. Just getting back now."
He lifted one eyebrow accusingly. "Must've taken it easy today, not a drop of sweat on you." I shrugged. He didn't push anymore than that, we walked in silence to my room. As I walked in, he walked away toward the rest of the tower and said "Get some sleep, Buck."
I closed the door and sighed knowing full well I already had the best sleep of my life, and I'll never get that back.