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For the first time in her entire life, outside of family like Vander and Powder, Vi wants to do something nice for someone. Not in the way that gives her something in return, but like…one where she puts a plan together and takes someone out and tries to make them happy.
It’s a terrifying desire—and it’s a part of her being she hasn’t developed at all, having spent her entire teenage and early young adult life locked away in prison. Stillwater’s not exactly the type of place where you ask someone you’re interested in if they want to sit with you during mess hall and share your moldy brownies together. Those types of emotions get you killed in there, force you to either destroy them completely or lock them away, deep within your soul.
Being out, being free, Vi’s realizing that there’s so much to her personhood she has to rediscover. So much she has to learn anew. It’s bad enough that she has trust issues, can’t let others in without questioning every single motive they might have, but she also doesn’t know how to show she’s interested in the first place.
Sure, she flirts, and she makes saucy comments that make other girls flush with her openness, but that’s the difference between only looking for someone to fulfill one’s sexual desires, and the want to show someone you care for them. That it’s more than just wanting to fuck.
See, Vi thought it was just physical with Caitlyn. Or, at least, she tried telling herself it was only physical. She tried swallowing down every flutter of her heart when the woman looked at her with her kind blue eyes—the way they crinkled at the edges when Vi said something to make her huff out a laugh. She tried denying the swoop in her belly whenever Caitlyn said words to her that gave Vi hope for the future. Didn’t want to believe her when listening to Caitlyn’s promises for a happier, safer Zaun.
It seemed too good to be true—she seemed too good to be true. Caitlyn was such an enigma to Vi, the antithesis to everything that made Vi who she was. Even when she’d started to come to terms with the idea that she might want all of Caitlyn: her anger, her laughter, her sweet smiles, something deep inside of her told her that this couldn’t be true. And even if it were, Caitlyn deserved much better than a washed up Zaunite who suffered from nightmares and anger issues.
But then, the Shimmer situation happened. And everything that had been keeping Vi back suddenly disappeared, in the moment she’d seen that nasty ass man choking the life out of Caitlyn.
It’d been instantaneous, really. The shift from trying to stay emotionally detached to needing to save her, lest she lose Caitlyn forever. The fear of never being able to see her again, full of life and vigor, brought such desperation to Vi that she just. She lost it.
And ended up killing the man.
It’s not like she regrets killing the guy, Vi’s killed tons more people for far less while in prison, but it’d been the after, that had fucked her up. Getting caught in her own demons, unable to escape, continuously sending her fists into his face—not seeing him but…but all the others who’d tried to kill her when the guards weren’t looking.
Even after coming back from the darkness of her own mind, the heaviness of her anger had left her feeling exhausted. Her arms felt like boulders, weighing her down, and the fear…gods the fear once Vi’d realized she’d been so unhinged in front of Caitlyn. It’d felt like her entire world, the one that she hadn’t even noticed had started to grow since meeting the woman, was shattering.
But. Caitlyn hadn’t cared.
Or well, not in the way Vi always assumed she would.
Where she’d expected screams of terror and eyes full of disgust, Vi had been met with compassion. A sadness that didn’t titrate into pity, but instead overflowed with so much concern for Vi that it’d left her breathless. Stunned.
The entire trip back to Piltover, back to her hotel, Vi’s mind had been running through the molasses that’d been left after her attack, trying to understand what exactly Caitlyn’s intentions meant. Caressing at her face, pressing their foreheads together, allowing Vi to cry against her shoulder…those weren’t things mere friends or allies did with each other.
And yeah, they’d been dancing around their attraction for weeks at that point, always one toe in while the other jumped back, they’d never been so physical with each other. Vi wasn’t used to people touching her gently, like her body was made of glass, despite its muscle and scars. She wasn’t used to people watching out for her, worried about her safety.
But things seemed to…sort of click into place. In a way, once they’d hobbled into Vi’s bathroom and cleaned all of Caitlyn’s scrapes. Another feeling Vi had only recently started to recognize had flared up at that moment, while kneeling in front of the battered woman—the desire to protect. Seeing the marks around her throat, the busted lip and dried blood that’d dripped from her nose down to her chin, all of it had infuriated Vi to the point that she’d wanted to punch a hole in the wall. To go back down into the fissures and find that chembaron and pummel him into dust.
But Caitlyn’s kindness, her sweetness in worrying for Vi. It’d settled her. Tamed the beast within.
She’d wanted to pull away from her and give her space, because even if Caitlyn didn’t outwardly show her fear towards Vi, she still worried that the woman feared the things that she could do to another person. The need to protect had made Vi want to stay as close as possible to Caitlyn, but between fight or flight, she’d chosen flight, had tried to push Caitlyn away just enough to force up a makeshift wall between her emotions and the woman in front of her.
And then Caitlyn pleaded with her to stay. And any last bits of defense crumbled, leaving her bare in a way Vi had never been with another human. Not even with Vander, or Powder, or Claggor, or Mylo. She’d never been this way with anyone.
Their first kiss together ended up being so much different than Vi had ever imagined. At nights, in her hotel, sheets tangled at her feet with a hand beneath the waistband of her underwear, Vi had imagined it to be hot—full of teeth and tongue and hands grasping at hair. She’d thought of herself pressing Caitlyn into the sheets, tattooing love bites into her skin with her mouth, with Caitlyn whispering her desires through soft gasps and bitten off whimpers.
Instead, it’d been sweet. Soft. Just barely a pressing of lips.
Even when Vi had first seen Caitlyn completely naked, and there had been a flare of desire within her belly, it’d been muted for something more delicate to take place. It’d made her entire body feel fuzzy, almost a little giddy, in the way she was able to bring Caitlyn into her hold and just…just touch her.
Feel the softness of her skin, the curves of her waist that were much more pronounced than Vi’s own body. She loved touching Caitlyn’s toned arms, at her shoulders, and she found that she adored running her fingers through Caitlyn’s dark hair—washing it for her.
And holding her in her sleep?
Gods, it felt like Vi had found a sanctuary—a place for respite, where nothing bad could ever grab her, as long as she had Caitlyn curled within her arms. She’d watched the woman for so long that night, thumb rubbing at her shoulder while her other hand caressed at the small of her back, tracing over her face and her beautifully sharp features.
Vi had come to so many realizations that night—and that’s why she wants to do something nice for Caitlyn now. With so many emotions laid bare before them, Vi thinks that…thinks that she’s willing to try. Stepping forward and diving headfirst into this unknown territory.
If…Caitlyn wants that still. Still wants Vi.
She knows she’s difficult. She’s been better about being wishy-washy since that moment in Caitlyn’s apartment, but Vi knows that she still pushes her away when things get too real. She understands that she hasn’t treated Caitlyn fairly, during the times fear takes over her, and so Vi wants to show her that she’s more than that.
That to Vi, Caitlyn is the most brilliant, compassionate person she knows.
She doesn’t have much money—not the kind that’s hers, acquired by her own merit, but it’s enough that Vi can take Caitlyn down to the food stalls down by the shore. She’d seen them in passing the other day, when doing an odd-end job that needed muscle. Vi hadn’t told Caitlyn that she’d started working recently, that she’d started trying to save up for her own place. She doesn’t know why exactly, but Vi thinks it might be because she’s worried it might upset the woman.
The jobs are never anything concrete, never anything that pays more than a few hundred coin a day, but it’s more than what she’d started with. It can’t compare to the fortune that the Kiramman’s have, and Vi knows she’ll never be that wealthy, but this is a start for herself, a new beginning to a hopefully new and better life.
She finds herself at Caitlyn’s door one night, just as the sun’s set and the streetlamps have turned on. Vi raps on the solid wood a few times, takes a deep breath to calm her nerves, and stuffs her fists into her pockets as she waits. So many insecurities run through her mind—what if Caitlyn’s not home? What if she wants to stay in and doesn’t want any company? Maybe Vi should have contacted her earlier and asked if she wanted to do something, instead of randomly showing up at her door.
The thoughts run through her mind, and the more they do the more her heart sinks. Her teeth grit together, and Vi’s shoulders are tense from the grip her fists are holding within her pockets. Doubts encircle her, and she’s so ready to turn on her heel and race away, when the door opens.
Oh…
Caitlyn stands before her, her long hair braided in a beautiful plait over one shoulder, with a few whispy strands falling into her face. She’s wearing a camisole, on that’s thin strapped and shows off her collarbones. The shorts she wears are cute and have frills at the edges, and Vi tries not to stare but dammit is it hard not to.
“Violet?” Says the sweet voice, and her eyes snap up to Caitlyn’s face, where the woman’s eyebrows slowly shoot up her forehead in surprise. “Is…are you alright?”
“Uh…hey Cait.” Okay, great, Vi. Super smooth.
Caitlyn blinks. Blinks again, and when the silence eats away at her, Vi hurries to say, “I was. Uh, wondering if…you wanted to do something with me tonight? But uh, it looks like you’re already settled in—should’ve asked you earlier instead of…just showing up.”
She laughs a little awkwardly, eyes falling to the wall outside of Caitlyn’s apartment, looking over the geometric design of the wallpaper. Anything to distract herself from the humiliating awkwardness that’s just been created between the two of them.
“I’m really sorry,” Vi clears her throat, shakes her head to right herself, “This was fucking stupid—I’ll let you be, alright? You have a nice night and I’ll uh—I’ll talk to you tomorrow or something.”
Vi hates running away from Caitlyn—another new development that had astounded Vi when she’d come to understand the pain that tugged at her chest whenever she forced herself to create a safe distance from the woman. She hates it, but it’s all she knows. It makes her turn around and begin walking towards the elevator at the end of the hall, shoulders hunched and fists digging deep within her pockets.
Gods, she was fucking stupid.
Vi doesn’t make it very far though—she takes a handful of steps before the sound of someone hurrying after her catches her ears. Before she can even begin to turn and look, a hand is gripping at her arm, with its fingers clutching into the fabric of her red jacket. She halts instantly, slowly turning her head to gaze over her shoulder, and Vi feels her mouth open with surprise.
Caitlyn looks a little breathless, despite only having taken a dozen or so feet outside her door. Her crystalline eyes are wide as she looks at Vi, and to be honest, it makes her pause—wait to see what she’s going to say.
The hand holding her doesn’t feel like a leash—not in the way that she feels caged, but it does settle her. Keep her still.
“You didn’t wait for me to give my answer,” Caitlyn begins after a moment, where they stare at each other, the taller woman all but searching Vi’s face with a hopeful glint in her eyes, “I would love to go out with you, Violet. I just…would you mind waiting as I get dressed?”
For the first time in minutes, Vi feels like she can breathe again. She straightens herself and slowly turns around to face Caitlyn, carefully so the hand doesn’t disconnect from its perch on her arm. She feels like she might mirror Caitlyn’s hopefulness now, with the way her heart stammers in its chest.
“I don’t mind waiting.” She says simply, honestly—wants to tell Caitlyn that she’d wait forever if it meant the woman might come with her on this half-baked journey she’d put together. “Take your time.”
Caitlyn smiles at Vi’s response, with her thin lips stretching wide to reveal the cute gap between her front teeth. It’s not a look she gets to see often on the woman—especially when she’s out in public under the persona of an enforcer. Caitlyn might only be a junior officer, but she held her head high as though she were the sheriff in town, barely taking any shit from her senior teammates whenever Vi caught sight of them together.
So, to see her smiling like this? Vi thinks it might just be her birthday.
“Come in and sit while I get dressed, I’ll try and hurry.” The woman says, and her hand drifts down over Vi’s arm to grasp around her hand, tugging and pulling her back down the hall towards her apartment. Vi’s eyes are glued to the fingers wrapped around her own, too stunned by the action to even say anything. It’s so funny, how her heart starts racing whenever she gets the chance to touch Caitlyn.
Vi’s never had a crush like this before—doesn’t think it’s love, but. Caitlyn definitely means more to her than anyone ever has in her entire life. She brings light to the darkness that is Vi’s mind, her heart. It’s so severe, in its brilliance, that she can’t help but get swept away, completely engulfed by it, whenever the woman is anywhere near her.
***
“So,” Caitlyn says, taking a spoonful of shaved ice from the paper cup she’s holding and lifting it to her mouth, “Is this perhaps how you treat all the girls you’re interested in, Violet? Bring them down to the beach and buy them dinner and dessert?”
They’re walking side-by-side, leisurely, with the ocean to their left not too far away off the boardwalk. Stars twinkle brightly in the nighttime sky above, though the moon still hangs fairly low, and Vi has found it increasingly hard throughout their evening to keep her eyes off of Caitlyn.
The moment she’d exited her room and told Vi that she was ready, it’d felt like a freight train had come and plowed her from the side, taking both her breath and her sanity along with it.
She’d seen Caitlyn in a dress before, had seen her look all dolled up and pretty on the night of that party back when they’d first defeated Silco. Vi’d thought she looked stunning then too, but…Caitlyn looks so much more natural here. Herself. In her own image, the way that she wants to be seen.
The way…she wants Vi to see her? Maybe?
She wears a pretty yellow dress with short sleeves that end in frilled lace, with a bow tied around her waist in the back. The dress itself ends just below her knees, where leather sandals wind up Caitlyn’s bare calves. She looks like a summer goddess, especially with her hair still tightly braided along her head.
In comparison, Vi feels like she isn’t dressed enough for this…this outing. This date? Is this a date? She wears her typical red jacket, a skintight navy shirt fitting to her muscled torso beneath, with black trousers that tuck into her combat boots. She doesn’t know why she hadn’t thought to dress up before knocking unannounced at Caitlyn’s door, but now that she’s here? Vi faintly wonders what Caitlyn might think of the two of them like this. If they look too out of place with each other.
“Not all of them,” Vi gives a little bark of a laugh, her grey eyes flickering from Caitlyn’s profile to the walkway they’ve been on for the last handful of minutes, “Can’t go off showing just anyone my special spot, you know?”
That makes Caitlyn hum beside her, who smiles around the spoon in her mouth as she finishes her last bite of shaved ice. Vi watches as the woman takes both of their cups and walks to the nearest trash bin, depositing them before making her way back and pulling a handkerchief from her small purse to wipe away any stickiness that might have stained her fingers.
“Well, don’t take this as a means of criticism, Violet,” The sharpshooter says conspiratorially, the two of them once again starting their walk, “But the beach isn’t the most secretive of places to spend an evening with one’s paramour. Perhaps you should find a new destination for the next girl you’re interested in?”
They’re teasing each other, but Vi does hear the way Caitlyn leaves the unspoken question out in the open for her: what is this? What are we?
It makes her heart stutter at the mere implications of it, where Vi once again is left to wonder what exactly it is that Caitlyn wants from her. Does she want what Vi wants? Is she willing to put their class differences aside, to deal with Vi’s past and trauma, and be with her in the way that Vi’s just started realizing she wants to be?
At times, Vi thinks that she can get a grasp on what Caitlyn wants. When she thinks back to that morning at the Kiramman’s, where Vi had revealed a memory to the woman that she hadn’t thought of in a decade, she’d felt the care and consideration through the fingers that had caressed at her cheek. When they’d gone back into Zaun and Caitlyn had held her as she’d been wreaked with a desperate need to kill and protect, it’d felt like she’d wanted nowhere else to be than at Vi’s side.
It’d seemed so simple, when they’d shared the shower together and even slept in the same bed afterwards, holding to each other like it were a normal occurrence for them to do so. But now? Vi’s insecure again, and that terrible, cruel voice within her tells her that Caitlyn couldn’t want her, because Vi didn’t want her. And if she couldn’t love herself, then who in their right mind would?
They walk in silence for a little while, where the boardwalk shifts them closer towards the beach and towards an empty pier, where ornate streetlamps curl and light their path. At this distance Vi can hear the calming laps of the waves, and though it’s too dark to see the natural color of the water, she knows its salty brine is the complete opposite to the toxic liquid she’s been used to all her life from across the bridges.
She follows Caitlyn as the woman makes her way toward a ramp descending onto the beach, watches as her dark hair billows from within its braid at the slight push of wind. It ruffles her dress and lifts it just a bit, but then the wind dies down again, settling it. Caitlyn turns her head towards Vi, and her blue eyes twinkle like all the stars in the sky.
“Have you ever been to the beach before, Violet?” She asks, and Vi shakes her head in answer, not fully trusting her words to speak anything coherent towards the beautiful woman.
Caitlyn, like she’d done in her apartment weeks ago when she’d asked Vi to stay—to not run away from her again, lifts her hand and holds it out for her to take. She doesn’t say anything, just stands there and waits, always so patient when it comes to Vi and her internal struggles.
This time though, it doesn’t take nearly as long for Vi to take her hand. Her fingers curl around Caitlyn’s, and the moment she steps up next to the woman, it feels like she’s made the right decision. Caitlyn looks like Vi’s done so much more with that simple touch than she truly has, where a blush adorns her pale cheeks and makes her surprised eyes look all that much bluer.
The sharpshooter turns her gaze back towards the beach after a moment and starts walking them towards the waves, but she never allows their connection to break.
They stop at the edge not even a minute later, a foot or so away from the furthest spot the water laps at when it comes to shore. They stand side by side like this, where Vi watches merchant ships off in the distance billow smoke from their chimneys. When she takes in a deep breath of air, it’s salty, but she can also smell the lavender from Caitlyn’s shampoo she’s come to secretly adore.
She feels Caitlyn squeeze her hand, and then the woman is slowly letting go so she may sit in the pale white sand beneath their feet. She ends up curling her knees to her chest in a comfortable way, with her dress bunched beneath her just in case the wind decides to pick up again, and Vi only takes it upon herself to sit next to the woman when she pats at the spot next to her invitingly.
Vi sits, crossing her legs under her and putting her hands out behind her to keep herself up in a lounging position. She’s not exactly sure how she expected her plan to go tonight, but she thinks this is probably good, right? Caitlyn hasn’t asked her to take her home yet, nor have either of them started bickering. They could end it like this, and she’d be totally happy.
“We don’t have beaches in Zaun.” She finds herself saying after another minute passes by with the both of them watching ships pass over the horizon in silence, “And we can’t touch the water, it’s poisonous. Most of us don’t know how to swim either, because of that. So…this is a first for me. Sitting so close.”
Caitlyn seems to jump at her words, like Vi’s just said something upsetting. She looks at her, and her eyebrows furrow with worry over her forehead. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know...are you uncomfortable? Should we go back towards the pier?”
Her worry makes Vi smile, and that warmth that’s been growing in her chest lately takes shape again, permeating through every vein within her body. She shakes her head at Caitlyn, shrugs, and says, “Nah. I kinda got over my fear years ago. Stillwater’s surrounded by water; I didn’t really have much of a choice.”
That makes Caitlyn search her face, small strands of dark hair caressing over her cheeks and forehead from the sway of the wind. Vi wonders what she’s thinking—wishes she could understand what went through that brilliant fucking mind of hers.
“I don’t know how you’re so strong at times, Violet.” Caitlyn says her words softly, kindly, and Vi would have wondered who exactly she was talking to if her own name hadn’t been attached to the sentence. She blinks and curls a curious brow at the woman next to her, wanting to laugh at the absurdity of such a statement, but she doesn’t. Not with the way Caitlyn’s looking at her.
“…me?” She asks instead, unsure of what to really say here, not sure what Caitlyn’s meaning.
Caitlyn sighs softly and lowers her gaze, where she looks analytically at the sand though her mind is obviously miles away. “You’ve been through so much. Continue to go through so much, and yet here you are. Sitting on the beach with me and talking about your past like it isn’t…what it is.”
Vi’s steel-colored eyes flit over Caitlyn’s face while the woman speaks, feels the way her stomach clenches at the mention of her past. There’s so much to her life that Caitlyn doesn’t know—can’t even begin to know, yet she still somehow thinks that Vi’s keeping it together? Vi doesn’t know how she’s been able to convince the other woman of that lie, especially given the breakdown Caitlyn had witnessed herself not that long ago. In what world is Vi strong? In what way does she somehow come off as being put-together by any means?
“I don’t know if I am strong,” She admits between them, where her fingers dig into the cool sand to help keep Vi grounded, “I just wake up every day and trudge forward, which…I don’t think makes me better or worse than anyone else, you know? I just can’t let myself look back because I know I’ll get stuck if I do.”
It’s the first time Vi’s ever spoken such a fear out loud before. She can barely tell it to herself on a good day, let alone to someone else, and even then, she tries her hardest to not focus on all the shitty things that have happened to her over the years. Vi tries so hard to push anything harmful away from her, but she honestly doesn’t know if it even works half the time.
“I can’t imagine.” Caitlyn murmurs, and her hand slides between them to grasp at Vi’s again. It’s tentative in the way it sits atop her own, like she’s ready to remove it if Vi needs her to. But, she just looks at Caitlyn’s fingers as they settle over her tatted skin, doesn’t ask her to go away like she might’ve if this were weeks ago. “And I know that this might not be something you’re used to hearing, but I’m here. If you ever need to talk about something, whether it’s big or small, I’ll listen.”
Slowly, oh so slowly, Vi lifts her gaze from their joined hands and lets it land on Caitlyn’s face. The other woman is staring at her too, and the way she looks at Vi makes her feel like she’s been ripped open, raw.
“Don’t make offers like that,” Vi whispers, the frown on her face doing nothing to hide the self-hatred that mars her words, “Because the shit the goes on in my head? It’s too much, Cait. Too much for one person to listen to…I couldn’t do that to you.”
“Then, if it’s so hard for one person, why do you keep it to yourself for only you to bear?”
Caitlyn speaks quietly, but her words are sharp and precise—even if it hadn’t been on purpose. With one sentence she’s been able to cut away at the single line of defense Vi’s used to keep everyone away for so many years. That she’s too much and therefore shouldn’t put her faith or trust into others because they’ll just…leave. Once they start to hear what it is that plagues Vi beneath her anger and flirtatious evasion.
But Caitlyn hasn’t left. Not yet.
On the contrary, she’s trying once again to prove to Vi that she can place some of her burdens on her. That she can trust her, that it won’t be misplaced if she does. Caitlyn is so honest in the way she speaks, and it honestly helps Vi, knowing that the woman truly believes every word that she says. That she isn’t just saying it because there’s this thing going on between them. That, even if there wasn’t, she’d still be right here, telling Vi the exact same thing.
“I don’t know…” Vi says hoarsely, “It’s easier?”
Beside her, Caitlyn shifts in her spot, where she curls her knees beneath her so she may face Vi. That softness, that worry? It’s still there, twinkling in her eyes. But there’s also the hints of determination now that flitter beneath.
“Things worth fighting for are never easy, Violet.”
Vi gasps softly, but she’s not certain if Caitlyn hears her due to the sound of the waves washing ashore in front of them. The hand holding hers feels like fire all of a sudden, but…it doesn’t burn. It’s hot against her skin but it feels almost addicting for Vi.
“Careful cupcake,” She tries to say with a laugh, though it’s absolutely humorless, “Those kinds of words will make a girl’s mind go crazy with all the shit it could mean. Don’t wanna get her hopes up and all.”
“And? If I do want to get her hopes up?” Caitlyn swallows thickly, and Vi feels her thumb begin to caress at the back of her tatted hand, “If I think she’s more than worthy to be fought for? Would she allow me to take on even the slightest bit of her burdens? Would she, Violet?”
Vi’s heart races in her chest at the simple way that Caitlyn can express her feelings. She feels so overwhelmed by her ability to speak so frankly, to bring forth the very topic they’ve always seemed to skirt around each other. “…I’m not worth that fight, Cait. I’m really not.”
“You absolutely are, and don’t you ever say that again.” Caitlyn reprimands, her voice even in its pitch but still making Vi clamp her mouth shut from the emotion behind it. “You are brilliant and wonderful, Violet. You don’t allow others to see it often, but you care. My opinion might not mean much, perhaps, but it doesn’t matter. You are worth so much more than you believe, Violet. So much more.”
She doesn’t know why, but her eyes start prickling at the edges—like tiny little needles, and it takes so much effort for Vi not to cry. She doesn’t understand why one woman can get such a visceral reaction out of her like this, doesn’t know why Caitlyn can prod all she wants without making Vi clam up in need of escape.
Why does her heart ache so desperately for Caitlyn like this? Why does Vi feel so fucking emotional after hearing one person compliment her so sincerely? It could be anyone else and she’d never listen to a single thing they’d say—yet it’s Caitlyn and suddenly Vi feels like she can walk a little easier, breathe a bit better, as long as it means that she has Caitlyn in her corner.
The world could literally crumble, but if Caitlyn believed in Vi, she’d watch it all burn with a smile on her face.
“Th…there’s so much you said that’s wrong,” Vi says, as she shifts towards the sharpshooter and finally rearranges their hands so she may grip to Caitlyn’s instead, “So much. But the biggest thing that is farthest from the truth is you saying that your opinion doesn’t matter, Cait.”
Vi tugs at their connected hands, making Caitlyn’s eyes dance from their fingers to Vi’s face, and the hope that glitters within those beautiful pools of blue entrance her—completely bewitch her. “Your opinion is the only thing that fucking matters to me.”
“Oh…” Caitlyn whispers, her eyes growing wide, but Vi isn’t done. Now that she’s started, she can’t fucking stop.
“I’m scared of everything, Cait. I sleep with one eye open; I always expect to be jumped. I’m scared that the guilt I have for what I did to Pow—Jinx is going to eat me alive. I’m scared that my nightmares are going to get the better of me one day. I’m so fucking scared of the feelings I’ve had for you, of you realizing that I’m too much work or that I’m dangerous and you’re just going to leave me, like everyone else has. And you haven’t yet—which scares me even more, because what if you stay? What if you’re the only good thing that’s happened to me and I—”
Vi feels the hands cupping her cheeks before she ever fully registers them being there. Her voice halts the moment her calloused fingers touch at her freckled skin, and she’s left blinking, watching with growing surprise as Caitlyn moves closer—slowly, as she moves onto her knees and sits before Vi. For a moment, they just stare at each other, with Vi’s heart hammering against her ribs by the physical contact. It reminds her of the time in the shower, where they’d been exhausted and clinging onto each other for support.
But not tonight. Not here, on the beach beneath the grand cosmos of the universe, where two women gaze upon each other like they’ve finally seen nirvana for the first time.
When Caitlyn kisses her, it’s like Vi’s entire being melts and becomes one with the waves. She’s slow when she dips her head in, with her hands pulling Vi’s face halfway so they can meet, and her thumbs never stop with their reassuring caresses over her cheeks. Her lips are thin, soft, but they’re so warm as they fit over her own.
When she pulls back, there’s a gorgeous pink coating her cheeks, and Vi is, for the millionth time, stunned by her.
Caitlyn looks as though she’s waiting for Vi to say something—anything, with the way she keeps glancing to her, but Vi can’t think of anything comprehensive. Not when the other woman has just held her like she was made of glass and kissed her so delicately like Vi could break with the slightest bit of pressure.
Instead, Vi leans forward and kisses Caitlyn this time, with her strong arms wrapping around her middle to pull her into her lap. It’s so easy, moving her the way that Vi wishes, and though Caitlyn is a full-grown woman it takes no effort at all for Vi to maneuver her with her strength. She settles her against her chest, where she kisses Caitlyn with all the things she’s tried to deny herself for so long: the want, the adoration, the intimacy, the confidence.
Caitlyn feels so good against her like this, with her tall body pressed up against Vi’s front. She feels her fingers curl into her jacket, tugging just enough that Vi presses their mouths more firmly together. She feels the sigh against her skin, as Caitlyn slants her head the slightest bit, and Vi can’t believe how easily the woman melts into her, like she knows Vi will keep her afloat.
This time when they pull from each other, their mouths touch just slightly from their proximity as they pant for breath. Vi leans her forehead against Caitlyn’s, allows them to press against each other for comfort, and Vi feels like she must be in an alternate dimension. Like, how is this her current reality?
Caitlyn tilts her head and presses a soft peck to the corner of Vi’s mouth, centering her, and she hears her say, “I want you, Violet. Not—not necessarily meaning in a sexual way, though that…is there as well, but I want all of you. Both the happy and dark times, I want to be with you through it all, if you would have me.”
Vi watches her quietly, where her hands trace up her thin waist and over the curve of her spine. From this close, all she can smell is her lavender shampoo when she takes in a breath, but Vi thinks she might be seeing Caitlyn doing the same thing—her nose turning and nuzzling into her pink strands of hair.
“Cupcake—Cait,” Vi says a bit thickly, her hand holding to the back of the woman’s head so she can press Caitlyn’s face into her neck, so Vi can hide her face with the secrets she’s about to speak, “I’ve wanted you since I saw you on the other side of my cell. Every day’s just proven that more and more.”
She hears a huff of a laugh from beneath her ear, and a tingling sensation zaps up Vi’s spine with the elation that she’s made the woman make such a sound.
“Does this perhaps mean that you’re my girlfriend, then?” She hears her ask, and Vi all but preens beneath the idea. Before, the thought of being tethered to someone like this would send Vi running for the hills. The amounts of emotional trust she’d have to create with someone to ever get to such a point turned her off so much that she’d resorted to the belief that she would only invest in one-night flings—they were safer that way, kept people at a respectable distance without her ever growing to depend on them.
With Caitlyn, as everything else seemed to prove as well, Vi had come to understand that her desires went way beyond the physical. With the amount of blind faith the sharpshooter had placed into her over these last few months, with her equal amounts of compassion and empathy, Vi should have known it were a lost cause to try and keep herself from feeling anything.
But, to not only come to grips with her feelings, but act on them as well? Vi feels like she’s an entirely different person, sitting here with Caitlyn in her lap. And yeah, there’s so many things she’ll have to work through in order to make things work, and yeah, she’s extremely terrified right now, even as she holds the woman in her arms…Vi thinks she’s more than willing to see where this goes.
She gives a huff of a laugh and brings Caitlyn in closer to her chest, where she rests her cheek against the top of her head as she watches the ships move silently through the water in the distance. That protectiveness is back, and it makes her hands curl all the more tighter around her.
“Only if it means that you’re mine too.”