Archive of Our Own ^beta

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Together, they were always together.

It was one of the few things that stayed consistent no matter what world or form they were in. Aogami was there and Rin was also there, and did much else matter as long as that was true?

What mattered other than keeping each other safe?

That’s why when the world reset and he was alone again, he didn't know what to do. He had spent months with Aogami and to suddenly just not have the other half of himself was so, so painful. In a matter of minutes, he had lost what had been his support, his home, and his life. 

He was so, so alone. This time around it felt like being stabbed repeatedly in the chest.

There was no echo of emotions when he did things, there was no advice to fall back on when he didn't know how to approach a situation or when he faltered after being prompted by a human (and wasn’t it worrying that even without Aogami he still felt as though he was no longer part of humanity in the same way everyone else was). The gentle but all-encompassing waves of worry when he did anything Aogami considered stupid were sorely missed, he had been careless the first day of this hell, standing at the very edge of various ledges, walking down back alleys, pushing off meal times.

A soft “I miss you.” was whispered in the barely present morning glow each time he woke up.

He felt distanced from all of these people and the knowledge that he wasn’t to meet Aogami for another day weighed on him heavily. The week he had already survived had felt both long and stressful enough that Rin could have graduated college twice.

Thankfully, everyone around him assumed that he was stressed because of the test and the strange rumors floating around, oh how he wished those were all fake, that no one had died, that the experience of death still bothered him, that his first friends in a long time hadn't tried to end the world as it was known in their own various ways.

It felt so weird having people calling him Toshiro again instead of Rin. It felt wrong, he knew these people, even if they didn’t know him. He had approached the Demi-fiend at one point without the intent to battle, asking how he kept moving, how he did not collapse with guilt and roll over to die.

The response would have been concerning if he had still been an unaware human, he probably would have interpreted it as borderline suicidal, but not anymore, not when he felt similarly.

“I don’t know anymore, maybe at one point I did but I have long since lost what was human of me.” had come the raspy reply, after all the Demi-fiend hadn’t talked to anyone in a long time, not even Pixie had heard the once human’s voice since the first time they had gone through Lucifer's game.

What was it with powerful beings ruining the lives of high school students?

Rin had found out that they too had gone through life multiple times, having completed the Labyrinth of Amala as well as the Tower of Kagutsuchi the first time, becoming a true demon in the process, before going back and following the path Ms. Takao had laid out for them.

The Demi-fiend had broken down once into murmurings of “ They had died, they had died and he was responsible” and “It was his fault, he should have tried harder to get them to change their minds”. Eventually, he confided that he felt as though “It was all his fault no matter how much he tried to blame Kagatsuchi, Lucifer, the Angels, the Demons, YHVH, the Universe.”

Rin somewhat missed the Demi-fiend, strangely enough. Maybe it was because both of them had just been normal teens dragged into battles between chaos and order. Maybe it was because at one point everything they had experienced had simply been stories told by others with a supposed moral lesson, that at some point demons and angels and gods had been untouchable, simply tales. Maybe it was because they just needed someone that understood what it meant to have to be torn between the ideals of others while your entire worldview collapsed.

Unfortunately, he couldn’t exactly ask either of the two demons for advice right now.

Falling asleep that night, having wandered aimlessly around the city until he felt like collapsing in a ditch, knowing that the Demi-fiend had managed to get the best outcome despite the circumstances was the only thing keeping Rin from breaking down yet again over his missing part.

They weren’t together anymore, they should be though.

🙤 · ┈┈┈┈┈┈ · ꕥ · ┈┈┈┈┈┈ · 🙦

The bright morning light hurt Rin’s eyes, as he woke the groggy thought of “I’d rather be hit with a Mahamabarion to the face again” floated through his head, the lack of a fond wave in the back of his head still sent pangs through his chest.

Part of him was missing, part of him was gone, missing, LOST, NOT HERE WHERE IS HE I MISS HIM GIVE HIM BACK .

The sky boasted a depressing grey that only added to his misery. Hell, Da’at was more beautiful sometimes, although maybe that was a little bit of an exaggeration, but who could blame him? He was going to be as salty as he could while he didn't have to worry about everything trying to kill him every time he blinked.

Simply existing in Da’at was a guaranteed death sentence. The only reason why he was still alive was because Aogami had decided that he was worth it, that protecting this small weak human was worth his time.

“Why are you bothering to protect me? I don’t provide anything to our form as Nahobino so why do you keep me alive here?” Rin wondered solemnly. Not realizing that he had been talking out loud.

The barren sand storm was quiet, the concerned pressing of Leanan Sidhe and High Pixie pulled him from his thoughts. Dismissing their concern was still difficult for him (everything was difficult for him, he had been dragged unwillingly into this world and he was unable to leave).

Protecting humans is my purpose, young one. Don’t discredit yourself so quickly, you’ve taught me much in our time together. Without you the Nahobino would not exist, Rin.

Aogami conveyed with a hint of what almost felt like a mix of confusion and fond exasperation as if the Proto-fiend couldn’t imagine why Rin would doubt himself.

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Walking to school that morning was filled with apprehension and excitement. On one hand, Rin was excited to see Aogami again, assuming everything went like last time of course. On the other hand though if he ended up in Da’at and then Aogami didn’t show up like last time he was absolutely screwed if anything decided to try and kill him, and something would try to kill him because that’s how horrible his luck was.

School felt even longer than it had any other day in his entire life, looking out the window at the ever-changing sky was the only thing keeping him from running out of the building ahead of time. Rin hadn't noticed how gray the world had gotten in the future, or was it the past? The sky still looked vaguely blue, people didn’t look like they had a grayscale filter on them, and buildings still looked somewhat safe to approach.

Rin was so out of it that when his teacher told everyone the spiel about “staying safe” and “walking in groups” he just stared blankly at the wall next to her head for a solid minute, not comprehending that he should be leaving the school and walking home.

Walking out of the school with a faster pace than was probably necessary he headed right for the gate, not bothering to stop and talk to anyone while also ignoring anyone who tried to talk to him. The familiar view of the siblings, Yuzuru and Miyazu, standing with Tao greeted Rin as he neared the exit.

Rin hadn’t realized until now that he had missed people other than Aogami, he had been so stressed and in pain over not having his other half that he had forgotten about the others that he had grown close with over his journey.

They were alive and performing the same actions that they had the first time around, maybe my meeting with Aogami will go the same as before too.

That hope kept him focused on the present for the first time in what felt like forever. Moving through the same motions of last time was easy, follow these people, talk to that person, get to the creepy passageway, walkthrough said passageway into a demon-infested desert.

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Rin had forgotten just how much he hated sand when he was not fused with Aogami as a Nahobino. It got everywhere and it was annoying.

If there had been a sand attack maybe no one would have fought for the throne, sand is the worst thing ever invented. Maybe God died because it was embarrassed over the creation of sand.

Waiting for Aogami didn’t take long though because as soon as he stepped further out of the tunnel the Proto-fiend appeared before him. They stared at each other before Rin reached out with one hand, doing the reverse of what happened last time, offering Aogami his support this time instead of Aogami offering Rin his own. Aogami stared at him for a moment before taking the offered hand, the familiar feeling of warm buzzing grew as bright blue light grew around them.

Hello Rin. It’s been quite lonely being without you again

The I’ve missed you went unspoken between the two entities sharing the divine body. Communicating full words with Aogami through their link without speaking out loud was still somewhat difficult for him, settling for pushing thoughts of I missed you, I love you, Never. Leave. Me. Again.

The reply of love, warmth, and worry flooded the body making them fall onto the sand with a gasp. It was so nice being whole again, they had been separated once when Susanoo had been shattered, destroyed, and then once again when time had started it’s torturous reset.

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Walking back to the fake Tokyo gave both parts of the young god a lot of time to think but both elected to just be content fused with each other and let muscle memory do its job. Pressing your soul up against another entity was similar to a hug if that hug was on a nonphysical level. Aogami felt the same way standing in the lapping tide of the ocean felt, or like the start of a rainstorm early in the morning. More important than that though Aogami felt like home.

Home, Safe, Here, Not Leaving, Forever, Love you, Protect you. Came back in waves as Rin curled further into the shell of their body, letting Aogami wrap around him more. Sometimes like this, it was difficult to tell where one of them began and the other ended, it was so easy to fall into each other and just simply exist as close to being one entity as possible.

It took the Nahobino a moment to register that they were at Rin’s dorm, pulling away from Aogami slightly to control the movements of their joined form Rin opened the room and moved into the room.

Flicking on the small switch next to the main lights turned on the small fairy lights over his bed, he’s added them on an impulse while he had been moping over the loss of the Proto-fiend. Rin was a weak human, he saw lights that were the same blue at Aogami’s hair as well as the main color of their shared form and he had practically thrown them at the poor underpaid cashier. A fond spike of amusement came from Aogami as Rin remembered the event.

Settling down on the navy bed both souls curled back into each other, causing their body to fall somewhat underneath the covers. Moving on purpose in this state was like trying to push a car, possible but it took time and effort.

Aogami moved their comforter over their body as Rin started to fall asleep, he didn’t sleep but he could rest in a sense.

I’m so glad to have you back.