Work Text:
The mirror reflected an image of a simple person; long red hair, long arms, a thin face, crimson tear stained eyes. That image looked like Diluc but, somehow, it wasn´t him. Sure, it resembled Diluc, but it wasn´t the Master Diluc everyone in Mondstadt seemed to know. He was collected, calm and hardworking. He acted emotionless and cold. Dead, even. That would be the only thing in common with the real Diluc, aside from his looks.
For years now has he put on a façade for other people to see, three years to be exact.
Public Diluc was a businessman with insurmountable talent and a great brain. He was reliable and loyal, always on board to help citizens in need with whatever they commissioned. He had everything under control.
But the real Diluc wasn’t like that, was he?
He wasn´t that way, he realized. A heartbroken sob escaped from his mouth. He fell to the floor, body shaken from crying. He was weak, he couldn´t even hold himself together for one night. What would his father think? What would Kaeya think if he saw his brother right now? Laying on the dimly lit bathroom, unclean, sobbing because he hates himself. He hates Diluc. The real one.
When he thought of himself, he was unable to come up with something positive. How could he? He was worthless, useless, weak. Not smart and certainly not charismatic, as people at the tavern would usually say. He knew that behind that fearless man, he was still a small, defenseless kid, frightened and paralyzed. He might be 21, but he is still stuck in that day. The day his world stopped spinning and time stopped. He is just a tall child.
He was not good enough at 18, and at 21 he´s even worse. He´s a fraud. A liar. He can´t protect anyone. Not his family, let alone the citizens of his homeland.
What is he, if not enough? What is he left with?
What was he, if not enough?
//
Minutes became hours and, next thing he knew, he had slept on the floor. He woke up cold and stiff. His body hurt. He didn´t want anyone seeing him in that condition, let alone his clients. Shame and guilt were the first emotions he felt as he tried getting up; everything was a mess, out of control, chaotic.
This was his life, but Diluc didn´t feel like it was his to live, to enjoy. He was just a bystander as time flew by, his youth escaped through his fingers as he tried to keep it in place. The days passed and he didn´t know how to grow, how to be an adult. Letting people into his life was a challenge since he couldn´t bear to be abandoned again, to be insufficient yet again. He didn´t know to let himself enjoy the littlest things, like dancing and singing. He didn´t know how to live without fear.
He knew nothing.
Yet there he was, enveloped in the heat of the running water coming from his shower. He tried to ground himself, to shove those terrifying thoughts back inside his head. He had to keep going. Diluc Ragnvindr cannot be a failure.
When he opened the front door a cold wind current greeted him; it was almost winter, a sign that the grapevines would soon lose their leaves, appearing lifeless. He hated this season. He felt as if it took from him the very last thing that kept his late father´s essence. As if he were abandoning him once again. It made him feel alone.
… ¨What was he, if not enough?¨
Upon arriving at Mondstadt´s front gates, he decided against going to work, it was not worth it. He yearned for tranquility, maybe even a distraction, something that made him forget about his troubles for a bit. The stone walls that surrounded the city sounded like a perfect place to be. Soon enough, he found himself sitting atop one of the vigilance towers.
The sun was setting; just how much time had gone by? He wondered, though he couldn´t bring himself to care. A metal noise came from behind him, accompanied by footsteps. He needn´t turn around to know who it was, It was all too familiar to forget. He watched as Kaeya sat down beside him, warily but surely.
Kaeya didn´t really need to look at Diluc to know something was off, since he was almost always working. The man never caught a break.
Acting on instinct, he wrapped his arms around his brother in an effort to comfort him. Surprisingly, the other didn´t back away or throw him a confused glance. Instead, he embraced him back, letting himself be protected, just this once.
Maybe, the real Lu was enough.