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Lumine raised from her place on the grass. Sleeping on the ground never got easier. She looked to her left and saw Paimon asleep. A late night stroll couldn’t hurt. Lumine got up and decided to follow the path near their sleeping camp. Her thoughts wandered as she watched the clouds move along the moon.
Would she ever find Aether?
Her mind fills with memories of her travels. ‘Traveler, Adventurer’ the names taunt her in her brain.
The truth is she was no traveler. She was simply a girl, lost, without her brother. Stumbling through nations, desperate to see him again. Every night when she tries to sleep the thought of him haunts her. Her mind gets flooded with thoughts of everyone else. Why was everyone else so incapable? Why was it that they always called her to help? Why was it that she couldn’t say no, even when she tried they somehow roped her in their problems anyways.
Other problems, she partially got herself in. She didn’t mean to meet Venti and Dvalin. Childe just jumped into her life, and Ayaka wouldn’t stop pleading.
All she wanted was to see his face again. No one asked about how she was. When she saw him and saw how easily he left her, not even Paimon asked about how she was.
Maybe it was selfish, but she didn’t care about these nations. She’d leave this world once she found Aether. The friends along the way meant nothing. She’d never let herself get attached to anyone in such a pathetic world. None of them cared about her, none of them asked.
She couldn’t even fucking speak for herself. Paimon would always talk before she could formulate the words. She is so grateful Paimon could help her as much as she does and she does mean so much to Lumine but she felt suffocating with her. Paimon knew her well and in some cases she said what Lumine was going to say anyways. Other cases, Paimon got them roped into stuff they didn’t need to be.
Even her closest companion didn’t understand. She viewed Paimon as a little sister. Maybe she wasn’t fit being an older sister?
Her life felt used, this wasn’t fair. Was she giving herself too much pity? She felt like this world had taken her soul, locked it away to never be given back. She went with the flow now because she couldn’t do anything else. She has a new idea of something she can do to change her sad, used life.
The wind picked up and she shivered. Her eyes fall to the ground and her eyes start drying. Tears form and threaten to fall, but never do. It’s typical, she feels like she’s crumbling from the inside out and she can’t even get it in her to cry. She’s the pathetic one isn’t she? Only used for her strength, used for others' well being.
Gone through three nations and haven’t gotten any new information about her brother. Maybe it's fitting, only being used for her strength because that's all she has. That's all she's good for. Well, she feels weak now. She feels like there’s nothing left in her to fight. There probably isn’t.
She runs on the hopeless thought of meeting Aether again. She feels like she should stop running.
Her eyes meet the moon again, aimlessly scanning for answers. She should probably focus on the space around her but she can’t find it in her to care.
Aether left her. He saw her, after gods know how long, and he left. He left with only a few words. They meant nothing to her. They were as useless as she felt now. As useless as the people always asking for her aid. She might do this for mora or the food but it’s useless. It is the same thing every day. All for the stupid hope that she’ll be with him again. That she’ll get to travel worlds with him. The stupid hope things will be normal again some day.
Perhaps she was destined to be a tragic story, a story that holds no good ending. She would show the gods a bad ending.
How pitiful, she was angry at her own sad life. Hopeless, desperate Lumine. She should hold herself at fault, she got herself in all of this, if that god would have just taken her instead. Aether could’ve gone on without her. He could handle it.
She slowed her pace as she started to hopelessly start tearing up. She couldn’t cry if she wanted to.
Her limbs ached. It was pitch black out, there were no lights around. She stopped walking and fell to her knees. She sat on her heels and held her head, she thought crying would be fitting right now but that's only a guess. It feels like she is told what to feel, she doesn’t really feel anything anymore.
She looks up at the moon once again as if it’ll answer her pleas. She felt so tired, a tired she didn’t feel like waking up to. A tired she was tired of. She was helpless, she was there for other people’s well being. No one was there for hers. Aether was too far away, she would give up. She was no match compared to him anyways.
The remaining nations could burn in hell for all she cared. She was no match for them either. She was like a used crumpled piece of paper. She had given it her all, but realized there was no use. Her hopes were simply dreams, wishes.
She reminded herself of how pathetic she was, sitting here in the dirt in the middle of the night. After all this, all she can do is sit here and crumble.
She summoned her sword. She inspected how unusually clean it was, of course it had scratches but other than that, it was clear. Her finger meaninglessly swiped across the blade lightly so she wasn’t cut. Even her own sword felt heavy. She had made up her mind, she has had enough. She has declared enough, she knew this, it was selfish. But she has given up, she doesn’t care about anyone else. This will be the first and last time she will prioritize herself.
Aether will go on, Paimon can find someone new. Lumine hopes she finds someone who cares about her as much as she does. Someone to protect her and stay there, someone who is strong enough to hold all that weight. Someone better than Lumine. She’ll definitely miss Paimon and Aether but it's for the best. They need someone better than Lumine. She’s just looking out for them.
She raises her sword for the last time. With all her remaining strength she plunges it in her stomach.
She falls to her side as she coughs, air isn't filling her lungs anymore. She grasped her stomach as she felt the pain come. She thought it was unwelcome at first, but she told herself it's supposed to be a good feeling. The last feeling in her life, pain while she lays on the dirt. She stopped squirming and laid there. She couldn’t even cry as she was bleeding out by herself in the middle of the night. She felt herself relax as she gave up trying to breathe.
She wasn’t good enough for Teyvat. She wasn’t good enough for this, she finally got what she thought she deserved.