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It’s cold outside. The fog drifted in last night and hasn’t left yet. But the sun is rising and casting the valley in its light. Baz and I are staying the night with Ruth and my Uncle Jamie in their big house for the next few days, just in case.
“It’s important to be together for this,” Ruth said, offering me a cake. “Visitings are a special thing.”
There was a lump in my throat, so I nodded instead. The last time I saw my mom was 20 years ago and her voice was faint. It took us years to find out it was her. Ruth told me it was something she used to call Jamie, when he was little.
This time when I see her, I’ll know it’s her, that my mom came back for me. That she loved me. I’ll get to say that I love her too. That even though I’ve never really known her, I still miss her like a missing limb.
The door to the porch opens behind me.
“I thought I might find you out here,” Jamie says.
I glance over my shoulder at him. He looks like what I imagine an older me would look like. Ruth and Baz have been talking about how similar we look since they first met, and I’m starting to see it.
Jamie looks out at neighborhood and the greenery we can see from here, his face relaxed. “Lucy,” he says. “Lucy, Lucy, Lucy. I never quite could figure her out. Why she left us, why she lied to us, why she didn’t try to get help. But I miss her,” he says, looking over at me. “38 years isn’t enough to change how much I miss her.”
My eyes start to burn, and I sniffle.
Ruth comes through the door, Baz following her, with a plate of cookies. “Oh, Simon. Come here.” She sets the plate down on the bench cushion and brings me into a hug. “You too.”
Ruth puts her arm around Jamie, dragging him into our hug. Baz comes to stand beside me, rubbing the small of my back in circles.
Ruth looks around at our weird circle. “I hope Lucy comes,” she says. “But I also hope that her unfinished business is complete. That she can rest in peace knowing that you have a family. Knowing that we’ve all found each other.” She glances at Baz and smiles, her eyes brimming with tears. “I love all of you so much.”
I close my eyes and feel a faint kiss pressed to my forehead.
“My rosebud boy..”