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Castiel closed his eyes. When he opened them, the logical part of his brain was proved right. Meg was not in this room, staring at him with longing. She was still dead, still unable to get to him and order some pizza and move furniture. It was still such a shame. He missed his thorny beauty.
He was seeing her more and more. Why, he couldn’t imagine. She was gone, he’d accepted that, and even tried to move on. It hadn’t worked. Any time he thought about another person, all he could think was that they weren’t her. If Sam or Dean were options, that might work, but they were not. Dean was straight, too straight to consider an agender person in a male body, and Sam was unable to consider a relationship with an angel after his time with Lucifer. They were both very kind about it, but also clear.
Castiel headed to the kitchen. May as well grab a beer. It wouldn’t do much to him, getting drunk required copious amounts of much stronger alcohol, but it would get him moving around. Dean was out, finding a girl for the night, and although he couldn’t find Dean without help he could sense that Dean had been successful. Sam was in the library reading to deal with insomnia. Castiel made his way there, stopping short when he arrived.
Sam had his feet up on a table and his head lolling as though he’d fallen asleep in his chair. Meg was in the room, too. “Heya, Clarence. Did you miss me?”
“Meg?” Castiel took a step towards her. “Meg, are you… no.” He closed his eyes again, counting to ten. When he opened them…
She was still there. “Can’t get rid of me that easily, Clarence. Not now that I’ve figured out how to get to you and make you see me.”
“This is real? You’re really Meg? My patient and beautiful nurse, the one person who didn’t abandon me to my madness?” Castiel reached out to her, sighing in disappointment when his hand went through her. “No. This is a trick of some sort.”
“It’s real, Castiel. I’m real. I’m some sort of ghost or shadow or something, I’m not alive and here where you can hold me and move some furniture, but we can talk to each other. I’m not sure how long it’ll last. These spells are so unreliable.” She smiled at him wistfully. “I miss you. Sam promised he’d take good care of my unicorn for me. He keeping that promise?”
“He is. When I let him. When I’m not the one who’s messing everything up, as usual.” Castiel cast a fond glance at the sleeping Winchester. “If I woke him, would you be able to talk to him as well?”
“I don’t know, honestly.” Meg’s head tilted, dark hair cascading to the side. “Let him sleep for now. I haven’t been watching him at all, but I remember how much he struggles with sleep. I don’t wanna ruin this for him now, especially if he ends up not being able to see me.”
She made an excellent point. Castiel turned, walking out of the room, and to his delight Meg was able to follow him. Where to go, though? Castiel didn’t have a bedroom here, as he didn’t need one. He headed back to the kitchen. It seemed like the most reasonable place to do this. “Dean isn’t here. No need to concern yourself about waking him up.”
“Just as well. Dean would probably make you try to figure out how to banish me or block me, or do it himself, or take a shot at me for existing. Sam would probably tell you to do that too, but in his case, it would be a precaution. Just to make sure that if I end up going bad like humans do when they’re trapped as a ghost, you had a way to handle me.” She grinned at the look on Castiel’s face. “I’m not exactly a ghost, Clarence. I’m using a spell in the Empty. The entity that rules this place is seriously annoyed with me, but he can’t force me back to sleep and isn’t willing to kick me out yet. I’m thinking of trying to summon a horn or something, wake up more people. Anyone you want me to look for? I know you’d rather I got angels than demons.”
“Are you considering attempting to awaken your father…?” Castiel asked hesitantly. The return of Azazel would have Sam insisting on finding a way to either get Meg back to sleep or out of the Empty. If he could count on Sam for the latter, he’d tell him. “If you can find Samandriel, Balthazar, and Rachel, they’re the three I regret killing most. Waking Balthazar will certainly cause havoc up in the Empty and might just get the two of you kicked out.”
“No. My father… I loved him. I believed in his cause. And look what it got me?” Meg waved a hand over herself. “If Lucifer had won that fight, he’d have killed us all anyway. We were tools to him, and once he didn’t need us anymore, he’d have thrown us away.” She gave a rueful huff, smirking at Castiel. “Remember how I told you that your god may be an absentee father, but mine walked the Earth? Turns out, I’d rather have yours. He may want me dead, too, but at least he’s honest about it.”
“You’re… not wrong,” Castiel had to admit. “You are no more like other demons now than I am like the other angels. We’re both far more grey than we are black or white.” He reached out, hoping his grace would allow him to touch her, but accepting the failure when it inevitably happened. “I miss you. I hope you’ll be able to return to us someday soon.”
“Like Dean would let me stay if I did,” Meg scoffed. “He’s not very good with shades of grey.”
“He’s recently been through something that’s increased his tolerance. He spent time as a demon, and realized that it is possible to make your own choices based on your own moral code. Fortunately, when Sam and I cured him, we were able to cure it all the way – next time he dies, he’ll stay dead, because the grace I bound to Sam’s blood for the spell negated the demonic influence in the mark of Cain.”
Meg burst into laughter, bending over double from the force of it. “Dean took on the mark of Cain? Wow. That sounds like a match made in Heaven. All that amplifying of Dean’s worst attributes, the self-righteousness, the violence, the stubborn need to keep Sam under his thumb… please, please tell me Dean’s death was Sam finally snapping and killing him because he was just that much of a pain to live with.”
“No. Metatron killed him, because Dean was helping the angels retake Heaven after he expelled them all. Sam and Dean were barely on speaking terms at that point, but that was from before Dean took on the Mark, even. Once we got Dean back from being a demon, Sam was quite forgiving about everything. As he always is.”
“Boo.” Meg started to fade out. “Look for me again, Clarence. I’m going to do the spell again, unless the Empty decides to kick me out first, but it takes time to recharge.”
The wait was long and difficult, but two days later, Castiel entered the library at Sam’s shout of surprised to find himself staring at Balthazar. “Meg did it!”
“Yes, she did, and wasn’t it a surprise to find myself waking up to a demon who told me that Castiel sent her?” Balthazar’s blade was in his hand as he stared down Castiel. “I know you were kind of off the rails when you killed me, but sending a demon? Don’t give me ‘she’s not like other demons’ like she did. Sam here can tell you how that ends, can’t you, Sam?”
“Meg’s… Castiel, what’s going on?” Sam asked. “Meg’s dead. How is she reviving Balthazar?”
“In the Empty, angels, demons, and anyone else sent out there sleeps for eternity. Meg woke up. She found a way to contact me, and asked if I had recommendations for who to wake up while she was there.” Castiel tried to think of a way to prove that Meg’s turn to the Winchesters’ side was different from Ruby’s ploy. “If Meg were trying to pull the same sort of thing Ruby did, Crowley wouldn’t have killed her for real. Until Balthazar, no one had come out of the Empty except through the direct intervention of God himself. There was no reason Crowley would expect Meg to wake up there, which we know she did, because she awakened Balthazar. With Ruby, Lilith faked her death, and we only had Ruby’s word for it that Lilith tortured her before her escape. With Meg, we know for sure.”
Sam nodded, staring down Balthazar. “I know Dean will probably call me a fool for it, but I trust you, Cas, and if you trust Meg, then I’m willing to go with it. Welcome back, Balthazar.”
Before Balthazar could respond, another angel popped in. Dean came running. “What the hell is wrong with our wards? Thought we were warded against feathery asshats just popping in!”
“I can feel them,” Rachel said. She glared at Castiel. “A demon? You really have fallen, haven’t you. You sent a demon to wake me up in the Empty.”
“I didn’t send her. She was dead, she woke up, she asked if there were anyone I wanted her to wake up to make the Empty so annoyed it would expel her and let her come back to Earth.” Castiel looked over to Dean. “The wards are fine, it’s just that the Empty can bypass them when it restores an angel to life, it would seem. And then once the angel is already here, the wards do nothing.”
“Otherwise you wouldn’t be able to stay,” Dean grumbled. He glared at Rachel and Balthazar. “If you’re gonna threaten my brother, get the hell out of my home.”
“We’re not threatening Sam,” Rachel said.
Dean moved closer to Castiel. “Other brother. Cas is a Winchester now. Deal with it or leave.”
“Even if he’s in love with an actual demon?” Samandriel asked, eyebrows raised. “Hello, Castiel. It’s good to see you.” He walked over and threw his arms around Castiel, holding him tight. “I’m glad to see you’ve escaped Naomi’s control of you. Clever, sending a demon instead of an angel, because there’s no way Naomi would ever use one.”
“It wasn’t cleverness, it was opportunity,” Castiel deflected. He couldn’t take credit for that one. “I’m glad you made it.”
“Me too.” He glanced around the room. “Why do you two look so threatening? Castiel is himself, we can all feel that. No damned souls affecting his mind, no Naomi controlling him. He would never harm those he loves.”
A slow clap drew everyone’s attention to Meg. “Well said, Samandriel. Now go back to the part about Castiel being in love with me. I know he loves me, but in love? That’s a bit much, don’t you think?”
“It’s not,” Castiel said, reaching out to touch Meg. The others, he could deal with it if this somehow turned out to be a dream. He closed his eyes when his fingers made contact with the warm smoothness of Meg’s skin, and the thorny beauty of the demonic soul underneath. This was her. “You’re here.” He pulled her in, holding her close, letting himself feel her warmth in his arms.
Dean coughed. “All right. Anyone who wants to hurt Cas, get your feathery asses out of here.” Nobody left. “Angels who aren’t Cas, glad you’re back, but you’re not family. Go away. Go check in with heaven or something. I’m sure Hannah will be thrilled to see angels who still have their wings.” The three angels took off, leaving the Winchesters and Meg. “Cas… you sure about this, man? A demon? You’ve got a good point about how she’s different from Ruby, but… she killed Jo and Ellen, dude. Kinda hard to forgive.”
“She gave her life to save mine. I’m sure.” Castiel held Meg just a little tighter before letting go. “That said, Meg, after the ordeal with the Mark of Cain, Crowley has become rather good friends with Dean. I don’t believe Dean would sell you out, but he does come by occasionally. If you don’t feel safe here, then I would understand if you left.”
“Nope. Safest place I could ever be is right here with you.” Meg stared up into Castiel’s eyes. “Sam? Dean? Can I stay here with my unicorn, or does he have to choose?”
Sam snorted. “This is Cas’s home, Meg. You’re his lover. Don’t fuck it up for him, but as far as I’m concerned, welcome to the family.”
“I’m not quite ready to go that far yet, but…” Dean rolled his eyes at Castiel and Sam’s matching glares. “Look, it’s gonna take some getting used to, alright? I wasn’t gonna say no! Bit hypocritical after I started bro-ing it up with Crowley, you know? Meg can stay, if she promises not to antagonize Crowley when he comes to visit me.” He held up his hands. “And I won’t bring him if he won’t promise not to provoke you, Meg.”