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“ Shapeshifting, oh, Mijo, I just knew it would be something exciting. ” Camilo stood in front of his new door, letting his mother hug him as she complimented his gift.
“ Well done, Camilo. I just know your gift will help this community so much. ” Camilo smiled up at his Abuela, feeling pride from her words. His sister Dolores gave him a big hug, another person congratulating him on his gift.
“ Let us see it, show us your gift. ” At that, Camilo turned into a smaller version of his papá, mimicking his voice to the best of his abilities. Camilo soaked in everyone’s laughs and smiles as they watched him switch from his papá to his mamá and back again. It felt good. It felt good to be able to entertain everyone around him. It made his family happy. It made him happy.
From then on, it was expected of Camilo to entertain. Whenever a child needed cheering up, Camilo was there to help. Whenever the kids wanted to play tricks on their parents, Camilo was more than willing to participate. As he became older, his Abuela expected him to help those around him on top of entertaining. As always, whatever made his family happy.
A mother needing a break from taking care of her baby? Ask Camilo to babysit as the mother for a couple of hours. A neighbor needing help hanging decorations? Camilo will be more than happy to assist. Every day was the same. Shapeshift into a few people and make them smile. Shapeshift into a few more people and help them. It was a demanding job, but a job Camilo cared for nonetheless.
Things didn’t become complicated until Camilo was much older. He overheard a conversation between his sister Dolores and cousin Isabel. It was unintentional. Camilo was walking to his room when he happened to hear a muffled cry. Checking it out, he found Dolores comforting Isabel as she softly cried.
“ Do you ever wonder, Dolores, if you’ll ever be good enough? I’m always told that I need to be the perfect one. But I don’t want to be the perfect one. If I’m not the perfect one, then who am I? ”
It was one simple question. It didn’t mean much. But to Camilo, it meant everything. Who am I? Camilo never wondered about it before. He assumed he was Camilo, the shapeshifter, but… wouldn’t that also make him his papá? Wouldn’t that also make him any of the other people he mimicked? For once in his life, Camilo didn’t know who he was.
It scared Camilo to think about it, so he didn’t. After all, he wouldn’t be able to make those around him happy if he was distracted by foolish things. Camilo continued with his shapeshifting, doing whatever he could to help those around him. No matter how many times he shifted, Camilo couldn’t shake the feeling that clung to him - the feeling of losing a piece of himself.
Camilo beat it down. He tried to push away the feeling. He couldn’t allow something like this to keep him from doing what was expected. Camilo wondered if his sister felt this way. Did she ever feel burdened by her gift? She seemed perfectly fine, unlike Camilo. He didn't see his sister avoid every reflective surface in fear of what might look back at him. He didn’t see his sister have nightmares about losing himself and losing total control. No matter what happened, he had to do what was best for the family.
That brings Camilo to the present. He sat in his room, reflecting on all the events that led him here. For so long, Camilo was focused on one thing: the happiness of the family. At least, until the night the house - his home - fell to pieces. Camilo hated seeing his family fall apart. He tried so hard to make everyone happy but in the end, it ended with the house in ruins. It scared Camilo. He didn’t have his gift. He was no longer held down by everyone wanting him to be someone else. It scared him because he didn’t know where to go from here. Then Mirabel disappeared which turned into a whole manhunt. Then she came back (with his Uncle Bruno), rallied everyone together, and helped rebuild their casita. The magic returned, along with everyone’s gifts, and for a second Camilo felt absolute joy when he realized he could shapeshift again. He felt happy until the crushing weight of realization slammed into him.
Camilo lay in bed, face buried in his pillow. “Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? ” No matter how many times he repeated it, the answer never came to him. He tried to find the answer but his mind never gave away anything. Camilo enjoyed being Camilo. He enjoyed everything that came with being Camilo. He enjoyed being Mamá and papá’s son. He enjoyed being Dolores’s and Antonio’s brother. But sometimes, he wanted to be something else. He wanted to be just his Mamá and papá’s child. He wanted to be Dolores’s and Antonio’s sibling, maybe even their sister. Camilo wanted to know the feeling of wearing a skirt similar to his sister’s. He wanted to tie his hair up in a bow like his sister’s. Camilo wanted all these things, but he knew it could never be.
The feeling brought tears to Camilo’s eyes. He tried to hold it back, but he couldn’t hold back the tears that escaped. In a matter of seconds, Camilo was sobbing into his pillow. He didn’t even stop when he heard his door open and smelled the sweet scent of mangos. As soon as Dolores sat on his bed, Camilo clutched onto her like a lifeline. She held him as he cried into her shoulder.
“ Shhh, shhh, it’s okay ‘Milo. Tell me what’s wrong?” As much as Camilo wanted to blurt it out, he knew he couldn’t. What if she didn’t understand? What if she told Mamá and in turn, told Abuela? What if he was kicked out of the family?
Camilo began to hyperventilate, and Dolores tried to calm him down by taking his face into her hands. She wiped away his tears with her thumbs and whispered, “Camilo, whatever’s wrong, you can tell me.”
Camilo stared into his sister’s brown eyes and whispered, “Do you ever hate your gift?” Camilo noticed the taken-back expression on his sister’s face.
“Honestly?”
“Honestly.”
“Sometimes, I do.” Camilo had sometimes wondered if it were true, but he never expected to hear it out loud. “It’s hard sometimes, being able to hear everyone’s secrets and problems. No one can keep any privacy with me around. Add the occasional sensory overload and it’s hard to love your gift. But that’s not all, is it?”
This was it. Could Camilo tell his sister what was wrong? He figured there was no turning back now. “I don’t know who I am.” Camilo felt Dolores tense, and he embraced himself for the worst.
“So that's what's bothering you? You don't know who you are?” Even though it came out as a question, Camilo couldn't help but hear it as a statement of truth.
“No, I don’t.” Camilo couldn’t bear to look at his sister, so he buried his head into her shoulder again. “You hate me, don’t you? You think I’m weird and-” Camilo was beginning to cry again but before he could break down, Dolores forced him to look at her. She had tears in her eyes too.
“I could never hate you. No matter what or who you are, you will always be my brother. Nothing will ever change that.” Dolores once again wiped away her brother’s tears followed by kissing him on the head. “Now, let me ask you. Who do you want to be?”
The question took Camilo by surprise. No one has ever asked him who he wanted to be. He was always told who to be. Realizing Dolores was still waiting for a response, Camilo said, “I don’t know. Sometimes… sometimes I like being your brother. But sometimes I want to be your sister or just your sibling. I like my ruana, but I want to feel what it's like to wear clothes like yours or Isabel’s. Is that wrong?”
“Of course not, ‘Milo. None of that is wrong. If you want to be my sister, then so be it. If you want to be just my sibling, then so be it. I will never rob you of your happiness.” And with that, Camilo finally felt what it was like to be truly happy. He felt what it was like to be free.
“Thank you, thank you so much, Dolores.” Camilo pulled his sister in for a hug, and she returned it with great affection. They separate and Dolores says, “So, who do you feel like now?” Camilo beams at Dolores, and she returns it with a smile of her own.
Camilo thought about it before settling on, “I feel like your sibling... if that's okay?” Camilo looks at Dolores expectantly and smiles when she nods her head. The two siblings hug each other one last time and exit the bedroom.
“Now, how about you come to my room, and we pick out some old dresses that’ll fit. I think it's time to update your wardrobe.” Dolores intertwines her hand with Camilo’s, and the two of them make their way towards her bedroom.