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Kyoya had never fallen in love, he'd never liked anyone, didn't think he was capable of doing so. Ever since he was younger, he knew he'd probably marry some random woman in the name of business, he never really cared, no reason to try to change something he can't. He never understood the people around him, never understood what his friends were saying as they talked about the girls in their class that they liked, it felt alienating, but he'd felt that since he was a child. He could deal with it, he just wasn't normal, he was destined not to fall in love by some weird curse or blessing.
That was until he met Tamaki Suoh. The man was loud, annoying and obnoxious, always going on and on about some random japanese custom that most certainly didn't exist and that came from nowhere, but he was pretty. Beautiful, even. His blonde hair was like threads of gold, his eyes a purple so deep they rivaled amethysts in their beauty while his loud and obnoxious personality brought comfort to people when they needed.
He was jealous. Clearly that was the only possible explanation for what he felt, who wouldn't want to be like him? Who wouldn't want to be adored and loved by all and treated like a prince? If he were to be honest, it's not exactly what he wanted, he didn't really enjoy being in the spotlight, but that was the only plausible explanation for what he felt. There was another explanation, it was the one thought he refused to entertain, him liking Tamaki was out of the realm of possibilities.
He stared at his reflection, obsidian eyes looking back at him as he gripped the sink tightly. A minute passed as he looked at himself before taking out a towel to dry his wet face, like he did every day. He spared one last glance at his face before turning around to get his uniform. Life was a routine at this point, he counted his steps as he walked out to get breakfast, he counted again as he got out of the car to walk inside Ouran, he counted every step he took, moving as if he were a machine, calm and calculated, that's what he reminded himself to do everyday.
As he always did, he watched from the shadows as Tamaki and the others charmed the girls that walked into the music room, taking care of the club's finances instead of working as a host like the others, he doesn't think he's good at it, regardless of what his friend tells him.
He watched as the blonde talked to a girl he saw often, a teacup in both their hands as they laughed at one of his jokes. He felt oddly alienated and out of place as he watched them, he wished he could be more like them, not that anyone needed to know that. He was fine keeping his feelings to himself, he wasn't going to bother them with his dumb emotions.
The day ended as fast as it started, soon enough he walked out of Ouran and into the car, saying a quick hello to Hotta as he drove them away from the building.
✦✦✦
This was a mistake. Listening to Tamaki was probably the biggest mistake he'd made in his life. He isn't sure what compelled him to do it, wasn't sure what he was thinking when agreeing to drinking with the blonde when he showed him the alcohol he'd been able to get from god knows where.
Drinking was a mistake, one he wouldn't easily forget as he felt the other's lips against his, a brash decision he'd never even think of if he were sober, but that would now plague his thoughts for the rest of his life. If only he had declined, if he had simply told him off for being irresponsible, maybe, just maybe, he'd been able to avoid confronting his feelings.
He felt warm, the feeling of soft blankets against his skin and something else he didn't recognize. A moment passed and he opened his eyes slightly, being met with sunlight that he'd never wake up to if he were in his own room. He looked to the side and saw Tamaki, clinging to him in his sleep, a pout on his face. He let himself observe the boy in his sleep, looking at how the light reflected off his face, making his slightly tan skin glow.
It took him a while to finally realize what had happened, memories from the past night flashing in his mind as he looked at his friend.
"G'morning, Kyoya" He heard his voice say softly, those adoring violet eyes looked back at him, he wanted to kiss him. He couldn't. He wouldn't.
"Good morning, Tamaki" He said as he sat up, reaching out to grab his glasses. They both got up and got dressed mostly in silence, only the sound of clothes rustling or birds chirping occasionally, signifying it was early in the morning.
He was the first to speak up when they had breakfast, he almost regretted saying anything as he saw Tamaki's face when he told him to forget what had happened the day before, he looked heart broken, although that expression didn't last long and soon he was back to his cheery self, it looked fake, as if he was seconds away from crying. He excused himself from the table and Kyoya was left eating his breakfast in an overwhelmingly uncomfortable silence.
✦✦✦
That day happened like any other at first, passing by slowly as he barely paid attention to class, although it didn't really matter in this case considering it was content they already learned. Unfortunately, his mind kept wandering to the day before, to the warmth of Tamaki's body pressed against his and the cold and overwhelming feeling of discomfort as he excused himself from the table and left.
He and the others of the club had been talking to each other when they came in. "They" being Haruhi Fujioka, a student at Ouran due to a scholarship. He watched as Tamaki walked up to them, assuming they were a man, yet still flirting with them, flustering them and making them walk backwards, somehow bumping into their priceless renaissance vase, he watched as it hit the floor and shattered into pieces, he held back a sigh.
And so Haruhi's time working for them began. He had nothing against them, they never did anything wrong, but he had to admit it hurt to see Tamaki staring at them, thinking no one noticed. He always noticed.
Hanging out alone with the blonde became a rarity, he did all he could to avoid being with him when no one else was around, he distanced himself as much as he could without it being too noticeable to the others, and soon, Tamaki would become just another member of the host club.
That never happened. Regardless of what he did, he couldn't stop loving him. He threw himself into work, he put more effort into managing the host club, he did everything he could to stop the possibility of interacting with him, he saw as the other stopped trying to talk to him, saw as he started talking more and more to Haruhi, he ignored the jealousy he felt and focused on everything else he could. He wishes he didn't.
He wished he wasn't so stupid, wished he could have accepted Tamaki's affection, wished he could be with him, but he couldn't. He'd never be able to be with him now, all he could do was watch as he smiled at Haruhi as they walked down the aisle, seeing the love in his eyes that used to be directed at him, but was now directed at them. He saw all his friends from his high-school days, all happy for them, all happy for themselves, they all had someone to love in their lives, Mitsukuni had Reiko, the twins both had their boyfriends, even Takashi had a girlfriend, yet he had no one to love. He was fine with it, yet he still envied them, more than he'd ever envy anyone in his life. All he could do was smile with the others and act like the others did.
It was funny to him, to see that bouquet of pink camellias, forget-me-nots, pink asters and blue daisies in his hand, almost as if they were mocking him. He has no idea how those flowers fell into his arms, but it seemed fate had something in store for him. He couldn't help but smile as the newly-weds walked up to him and the others.
Maybe he could finally be happy.