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It’s a slow day today. A slow, slow day. Soft waves recede and roll in Rin’s vision as he looks up at the ceiling of the Blue Lock four man room. He is thinking of Hawaii, a place which he has only visited in dreams, an island he has only seen animated on television several times.
He is thinking of ‘Lilo and Stitch.’ He is thinking of drowning a particular dark-skinned blond in the waters surrounding Hawaii. The blue rolling in Rin’s vision turns red from the blood, the anger he had shoved deep down after the announcement crawling up his throat and tickling his teeth.
They’re going to have a match against the under twenty national team of Japan, and Sae was given the opportunity to choose a striker from Blue Lock. Sae was given the opportunity to wretch Rin of his heart once again, although to be fair, Rin pulls open the skin of his chest for Sae each time, right down to his beating heart.
He’s thinking of ‘Lilo and Stitch’ to ground himself, to stop himself from standing up and throwing every throwable item within his vicinity as hard as he can against the concrete walls of this damned blue fucking prison. He’s thinking of the movie he grew up watching with his brother. He is thinking of something gone.
He is thinking of something gone, because Rin is made of missing pieces. He is a jack-in-the-box with no Jack, with no crank to turn, and no music to sound. No matter how hard you try to make him whole, you cannot. You cannot without his older brother. Rin is nothing without Sae.
And fuck if he does it to himself. It’s all of Sae’s fault. It is always his fault.
The time Rin was refused ice cream by their mother was Sae’s fault; the time that Sae was too tired to watch ‘Lilo and Stitch’ for the umpteenth time was Sae’s fault; the night that Sae turned his back to Rin sitting on the ground, the dew and freshly fallen snow sinking into his skin, was also Sae’s fault. Sae choosing fucking Shidou Ryusei of all the damn people in this building, when Itoshi Rin is right there, is—you guessed it—Sae’s fault.
Rin will make him pay. He’ll make him regret choosing the wrong person—and the gist of it all is that everyone in this damned blue stained prison is the wrong person. Except for Rin. This much is easy to understand, at least to Rin.
They made a promise. They made a promise a decade ago, and they made a bet on that night. All Rin has to do is win. All Rin has to do is get Sae back in on their dream.
It’s as simple as that. It’s as simple as destroying Itoshi Sae and everything he has built up for himself without Rin. It’s as simple as Rin teaching Sae that it is all his fault.
In due time, the match arrives, and Rin is stood next to his brother for the first time in months. It really hasn’t been long since that night. Even so, it does not change the large gap between them. Four years of being half is a long time. Rin is only ever full when his brother’s hand is shielding the light that is him, hand burnt.
The match has just started, and it’s over as soon as it has. Rin was so focused on his brother—on Itoshi Sae—that it didn’t seem all that much like the end. He was so zoned in on something out of reach, that he forgot where he was, what it was that was at stake. As if the stakes mattered, anyway. His brother is right in front of him. That is what matters. That is the stake on which Rin enacts seppuku upon himself.
They won. Blue Lock won. But Rin didn’t.
Which is why he’s sulking, because he still doesn’t understand that this game was more than just his brother. One goal wasn’t enough. He should’ve scored more. If only Sae—
“Fucking, shut up.” Rin curses under his breath, his hand pulling hard at the long strands of his bangs. He needs to cut them. He does not want to cut them.
If Sae decided that Rin wasn’t necessary in his life, then Sae isn’t necessary in Rin’s, either. He’ll make him pay. He’ll fucking make him pay and show him who made the wrong decision. He’ll win the bet of the past and then Sae will have no choice but to—
“Rin.” It’s that voice, the one that is like rolling waves, a voice that sounds like a lit candle in a dark room that you can’t help but to walk towards; just like Icarus with his waxen wings flying towards the sun.
The child of address, Rin, turns his head to gaze upon his brother. It is the first time that Sae has addressed him during the past ninety minutes. The lights of the stadium around them are bright, causing Rin’s eyes to squint momentarily as they leave the cavern of his hand, but their lumen cannot ever compare to the light that is Sae in Rin’s eyes.
“I was wrong.” Sae begins with a sigh, his eyes trained on the green of the field below them. Quartz drag along the interior of Rin’s skin. He shoves down the feeling as Sae begins to talk, his head turned to the side, focus elsewhere that isn’t Rin. “I thought Japan... was unable to ever give birth to any decent strikers.” The luminosity of Sae shines brighter as Rin turns his full attention towards him, his mouth unmoving as his heart does all the work instead.
“Nii-cha—”
Sae cuts him off, his eyes trained on the players exchanging congratulations on the attacking third of the field, or the defensive, depending on whose side you’re on.
“Blue Lock has what it takes.” Sae drawls, the words rolling down like rain from his mouth. It hits the ground, flowers of rocks sprouting from the field where the rain lands. “You’re still lukewarm.” Sae turns his head towards Rin, his eyes bored as they stare at Rin, and all Rin sees is a lightbulb.
“You can get warmer, no?” Sae asks, but he isn’t searching for an answer because he walks off, his shadow falling over Rin and enveloping him. The person who must search is Rin. The person who must get warmer is Rin.
Rin bites into his lower lip to stop from screaming. He’d prefer his brother to beat him red than leave him on the ground with a question that has no answer. He thinks of ‘Lilo and Stitch’, and the water eases him down.
The day after the match, the one that Rin lost, is one full of freedom. No more staring at concrete. No more dealing with idiots. No more blue paint. Rin can finally see the ocean up close.
As he walks, he thinks of the question that Sae spat at his feet after the match. It’s a type of acknowledgment. Rin knows this because he is his brother. Acknowledgement or not, he needs more. He needs to win Sae back on the bandwagon of their childhood dream. He needs to win the bet.
Home isn’t the best place to plan how to get warmer—on how to rewire the mechanisms of your bulb to burn brighter, so Rin is walking to the place where he always thinks best.
Rin begins to near the familiar, and Rin can see a lone figure in the distance. It isn’t a place many people tend to sit around, especially this early in the morning. It’s freezing out, and no matter how far Rin digs his hands into the pocket of his jacket, they continue to get bitten by the cold. Maybe because he had the genius idea of wearing a leather jacket instead of something warmer.
There shouldn't be anyone outside in this weather, especially in a leather jacket, but Rin is Sae's little brother. The figure is sitting right where he and Sae used to sit all the time after practice. It makes a small flame of annoyance light up in Rin’s stomach.
Rin draws nearer, and upon closer inspection, a familiar head of red hair renders in Rin’s vision, and he realises that it is the very person who once used to sit there so long ago.
“What are you doing here?” Rin speaks gruffly as he stands behind the railing, a little off to the side of Sae. He leans against it with his hands still shoved in the pockets of his jacket, the chill of the metal seeping through the leather. Rin shivers.
“Thinking.”
Sae doesn’t bother to glance towards Rin. Instead, his eyes remain trained on the ocean, the green waves rolling in and out.
Rin doesn’t bother to say anything, because he also came here to think, but now that Sae is here, his thoughts have turned to rubble and his frontal lobe is beginning to divert to something gone. To something that will not make him warmer.
“Could we…” Rin starts, gnawing at his bottom lip in hesitation. He stares down at the back of Sae’s head, who continues to watch the ocean. “Could we watch Lilo and Stich together?”
Sae spares Rin a short turn of his head, the first time he’s bothered to acknowledge Rin’s presence since he arrived, before he turns his head back toward the sea before them.
“When you stop being so lukewarm, I’ll consider it.”