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It all started just for kicks, a bet if you may.
Levi was spewing his usual load of profanities at two recruits who dared to kiss at bootcamp, earning everyone’s complaints and Erwin’s piqued interest, so he took him aside and asked with a stern frown: “Why were you so mean with those cadets?”
“They kissed”
“I picked up on that. But what’s the issue again?”
“Do you want a battalion of weak-kneed romantics goin’ round kissing titans instead of splitting their napes open?”
“They’re so young, Levi! Leave them some cheerful moments. Everyone is entitled to good memories, something to cling on to in the dead of nights, when your thoughts run too fast and won’t let you fall asleep, and the weight of your regrets and your responsibilities will portray behind your lids every possible upcoming disaster”
Levi squinted. “Which translated means?”
“They’re fucking kids, let them be”
Erwin sulked and crossed his arms on his chest. “And that wouldn’t do any bad to some Humanity’s Strongest of my acquaintance. Have you ever kissed someone?”. A very casual question, veeery casually dropped in a casual tone.
“Certainly not. I don’t need that stupid, what do you call it, cuddling, to push on”
“A kiss is not cuddling. Cuddling is when… you… ah, by the Walls”. Erwin rolled his eyes under those sizable brows of him, raised in utter disbelief: “Are you telling me that no one ever cuddled you? So far you can’t tell the difference?”
“I simply never cared about the stuff. And the difference is only the amount of some folk’s saliva and sweat you’re willing to spatter on yourself”
“Aaah!” Erwin sighed in frustration. But then… he swallowed and adjusted the already perfectly straight epaulets (the only straight thing in him), wiped some imaginary dust from his sleeves, thinking that Levi could be pleased from the gesture, and proposed all in one breath: “I’ll prove you’re wrong. Might I…?” …invite you over to show you? Asked his azure beacons, that always conveyed the impression to give you some order and, in the meantime, to beg you like a hungry puppy.
“Tch. I can’t wait for my fulgid Commander to cuddle some sense into this ignorant brat”
Which looked like a yes enough? A wonderful yes. A true gift for Erwin, even if wrapped in Levi’s usual sarcasm, but it was a thin veil of black tulle, something you could easily see through.
So the evening of December 25th, when everyone was busy with Mid-Winter vacations and gingerbread, and attempts at burning down the place hanging lit candles on some fir trees, he finally invited Levi to spend their night off to the cabin in the woods.
“Let’s start with a stroke, shall we? The most basic thing”
They were both sitting on the bed, cross-legged, Erwin with his paternal attitude, Levi with his perennial peeve.
The dishes have been washed, the tea lights have been set alight, the food and the spiced wine were cozily hugging in their bellies.
“A stroke, huh? Do you mean I can punch you?”
“Not that kind of stroke” Erwin groaned. He raised a hand and, after a brief hesitation, laid it on Levi’s cheek, where it sprawled inch after inch, softly, respectfully, enjoying the new sensation of the man’s skin, the invisible hairs rushing and bowing under his passage.
Levi arched his back, drove by a very old instinct, but his tension was eased by the smoothness of Erwin’s touch, by that hand that palmed its conquering road from his pointy nose to the scalp, covering his right eye for a split second and making him blink.
Erwin knew that his hand was soft, maybe a tad cold in the fingertips, but warmer and fresh in the hollow of the palm. Where a tiny stripe of new tissue, a silver mark, reminded him what Levi was capable of when you were at the wrong end of his blades.
Frush, frush. He stopped and waited.
But since Levi wasn’t tearing down the Walls with his cursing, Erwin felt authorized to go on. He spooned half of his face with his hand, massaging in light circles and playing to point his features one by one, as you do with children.
These were his brows, so thin and precise, a work of calligraphy.
These were his eyelids, fresh and slick, and his lashes were shining like silk in the festive dim of the candles.
Here, the cartilages of his nose, and this, this was how the man’s fiery jawline felt under his touch.
Ah. And the neck, the neck! It wasn’t like Erwin’s, it was pulpy, and tense, but delicate. Every tendon and windpipe ring begged to be carefully caressed and massaged, and Erwin surely did. And in doing so, with every finger that entered his muscles and trailed its way to the back of Levi’s ears, the Commander got a pleasant tingly sensation that climbed up his backbone and run down his limbs, singing a song of goosebumps along with his Captain’s upper arms.
The lanterns flickered. They shivered together. Erwin smiled.
“Here” he murmured, and he left the smile on, caressing the shit out of the man without the slightest shade of mercy.
Caress, caress and caress. “How does it feel, Levi?”
“Hm”
“Hm’s not a proper answer”
“Tch?”
“Tch isn’t either”. Erwin sighed. He should have expected it. It was like taming a spirited horse, for the Wall’s fucking bricks! But Levi was starting to unwind a bit, more and more at every stroke.
And to his amazement, Levi’s face spontaneously sought after his hand, when he tried to take it away for a sec.
He bent over and kissed his hair.
“This was step number two. It’s called a friendly kiss”
“Erwin, I’m not five”
“No. You’re one. One and only”
Levi narrowed his eyes and scrutinized him. “You’re fucking flirting aren’t you”. But his body was reacting well, and his lips seemed to forget the shape of curses. He seemed perfectly fine, at ease, even if his face was trying hard to stay grouchy, and his mouth was killing every smile in the bud.
“I just wanted… to give you some moments of relax”
Levi’s eyes narrowed even more, in an oh-really stance.
“Ok, I’m flirting. But that’s not the point” he confessed. His heart was pounding ruthlessly.
“Sure. So spending the night with me doing advanced cuddling is not the endgame of this”
“No, it’s not. Well, it wasn’t. But now that you brought up that awesome idea…” Erwin grinned. His hand went down in wide circles over his chest, entering his strong muscles, down and down to swirl on the belly clockwise, and down again, on the solar plexus, and down… but then, it stopped. It didn’t land where Levi was expecting it to land. Instead, Erwin raised it again and squeezed his shoulder, very gently, as an old friend.
And went down his arm, stroking and squeezing it too, to finally open on his wrist and entwining with the Captain’s right hand. It was cold and calloused from the blades.
Ah, Levi was such a perfect mix of elegance and turbulence.
“Step three. Holding hands, for your edification” Erwin recited in his best masterful tone.
Levi sighed. “I dunno why I’m even letting you go on with this fuckery”
“Because you like it”
Levi sighed and opened his mouth to ruin the moment, but Erwin brought his hand back up and covered it.
“Mppffgffg!”
“What a clever statement. I can do no other than agree”. Erwin was feeling so cheerful, warmed by the spiced wine and cinnamon buns, and by the presence of Levi beside him. So he dared to go a bit further.
He dragged his ass closer, leaned over the Captain and hugged him out of the blue, with glee, as he’d never done before. Their first real hug.
Their chest pressed together, and after a moment of surprise, the Captain’s hands timidly climbed on Erwin’s massive shoulder blades, spread on the back of his body like a spare set of Wings of Freedom. He clumsily hugged him in turn.
“Step four. This was called…”
“…lemme guess, a hug? Dear shit! Shut the fuck up already” whispered Levi, and clung to Erwin, and breathed in the halo of dusting powder, spiced soap and wild musk that rose from the hollow between the neckline of the shirt and the skin. He pressed, and pressed, and buried his face in Erwin’s chest.
The big hand went up again, to his nape, to his hair, and pulled it even further to feel that intimacy harder.
And Erwin took a deep breath and closed his eyes, and just stayed, in that rare blessing of a night, enjoying Levi’s elegant and turbulent presence in his arms, now tamed and suspended in the fleeting time of a heartbeat. Completely, utterly surrendered to him, to someone, for the first time in his life.
Until Levi finally stepped back in his old self and grumbled: “Your heart is noisy”
Erwin laughed. “Noisy. What a weird adjective for a heart. Oh well, at least you can tell this bastard has one”
They broke away from the hug and stared at each other, lulled by the faint dizziness of the wine, by the delightful dance that the flames were staging on the logs in the fireplace. Outside, snowflakes were piling on the fields in a frosty bedspread.
“I have something for you” Erwin smiled again, enigmatic.
“What the… I said no gifts!”
“I know what you said. And as many other foul and pointless stuff coming out of those snarky lips of yours, I chose to ignore”. Erwin shrugged. He went ad took a glass bottle loosely closed by a cork, and presented it to Levi. “Happy birthday”
“Erwin. It’s empty” Levi opened it, turned it upside down and shook it.
“Just wait”. With a swift move, Erwin bent over Levi and kissed him. On those snarky lips. Passionately and thoroughly, until they run out of breath.
Then he capped the thing again and tapped on it in amusement. “Now it’s full. With our first kiss, which is step number five and the end of my teachings. I’ll make sure to put a label on it, so you won’t forget what’s inside”. He softly caressed Levi’s hands and close them a bit more around the glass. “Everyone is entitled to good memories, Levi. Everyone. Some fireflies caught in a bottle, some lantern to lead us home when the evening falls”
Levi stared at him for what seemed like an endless time, and his lips trembled, and he finally surrendered to a smile, his first one, something that deserved another bottle to celebrate the occasion.
“Which translated means?”
I love you, Erwin yelled in his mind. But he swallowed it and limited himself to sit again on the bed, and to put a big arm around the Captain’s shoulders. “Poetic buzz. Feel free to skip it. Just don’t throw the bottle away and don’t smash it on my head, would you? Promise me!”
“Tch, yes sir. I promise” Levi grumbled and swore on his heart. His pounding heart, noisier than Erwin’s, now that he crouched again too close to his hips.
“Ok, Commander, let’s see if I got all the instructions clear. Step one was a stroke, but not a blow, a caress…” Levi remarked, raising his hand.