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Taehyun and Kai had lived together for several years, and known each other for more. Their relationship was mainly unspoken: they both felt comfortable living with each other and did not have any plans to live separately. Or with anyone else, for that matter.
Bottom line is, they're together.
And their relationship was kind and beautiful, the type that people dream of when they dream of being together with their best friend. Everything was perfect.
Except for one thing that Kai kept wondering about every once in a while - He has never seen Taehyun with his natural hair.
No matter how many years passed, the boy would jump from colour to colour, whatever it is that he could change to next and they were never any "natural" hair colours either. No shades of brown or black, no. It was always in the shades of pink, blue, purple, green and red, and he did not show any signs of stopping anytime soon. Even when there were days his scalp would hurt too much from the bleaching and Kai wondered whether the days of Taehyun's hair were being counted. He still went on with it relentlessly.
Don't get Kai wrong, Taehyun looked gorgeous in every colour he'd seen him in and he loved him like that. He just knows that everything has a limit, and he was pretty excited at the thought of seeing how soft and pretty Taehyun's natural hair might be. How it would be to run his hands through it when passing by him in the kitchen, or when combing through it as Taehyun fell asleep next to him. He had just been wondering.
The inevitable day came sooner rather than later. One evening, Taehyun came home to their apartment and told Kai that he had gone to the hairdresser and was told that he'd have to cut it off and return to his natural hair - both for the sake of his terribly damaged hair and his poor scalp. Kai would've been excited about that. He would've. If he hadn't seen Taehyun suddenly turn his head away and start crying right in front of him.
He immediately went up to hug him "Hey, Taehyun, it's okay! Your scalp is finally gonna take a break. That's a good thing! I'm sure you look just as gorgeous with your dark brown as you do with any other. I have never seen it, you know?" he giggled slightly to try to lighten up the mood "Your hair will be all soft and healthy. It's okay." he rubbed circles on his back as Taehyun stood sobbing, not even having the strength to hug Kai back at the crushing news.
"It's not about that."
"Then what is it about?"
Taehyun sniffled "Have I ever told you why I've been dyeing my hair for such a long time?"
Kai blinked a few times, trying to recall "N-no, I don't think you have? I just assumed you simply, you know, like that it looks cool."
"I guess you could say that's a part of it" Taehyun huffed out a burst of lifeless laughter. "The reason I've kept it up for so long is because having an unnatural hair colour makes me feel... less human."
Kai let go of him, his eyebrows knitted at being taken aback by the answer and sat them both down onto the floor, "What do you mean by that? Taehyun," Kai took his hands, "why would you... why would you want to not feel human?"
"Because I don't feel like I'm one of them." Taehyun got lost in his thoughts for a moment. "The first time I dyed my hair and saw how vibrant and unnatural it was, I felt deep relief like I've never felt before. I felt free. I finally felt like me."
"But why? Taehyun, you're the kindest, most passionate, caring, complex and downright amazing person I know. If I were to call anyone human in their very essence, it'd be you."
Taehyun took his right hand away to try and somehow wipe his tears "If only that were enough. That would make the whole world much simpler."
"Then tell me," Kai took his right hand back and intertwined their fingers, prompting him gently, "What makes you think you're not human?"
Taehyun looked up at him briefly. "You know me. You know us. For example, we're both ace, right? That alone comes with its own set of baggage and exclusion." Kai nodded silently. "I'd be okay with just that, but it must be the combination of my asexuality, my dislike or should I say, a complete lack of interest in kissing and realizing that my own feelings towards people and the labels I put onto them do not match everyone else's point of view. Like, you know, how I feel very deeply for you and want to live with you for the rest of my life- hell, I could even get married to you- yet I still refer to you only as my "friend" when you're brought up?" Kai nodded with an 'mhm' as he held Taehyun's hands tighter with reassurance. "Even in an area of identity that is already subject to exclusion, disbelief and dehumanization as is, I feel like I fall even further below that. With all my years of talking to people who share our experiences, I am still yet to find someone like me. We ourselves are an example of that - we both may be ace, but even then we're wildly different in how we experience and express that part of us."
"And that's okay, Tyun. I've told you that many times before, and I'll tell you countless times more if you need me to."
"Thank you," he pulled his lips into a thin smile "It's just that with this... combination, that I live with. Every time I hang out with my other friends, coworkers, or sit back and observe people, I see this huge part of their lives that I have no connection with whatsoever. I've heard people talk about it for hours on end, nodding to each other in perfect unison and understanding, while all I can do is gape at them. But ultimately you can't even do that. People notice, they look at you weird, they start asking questions, and when you do your best to explain, at the end of the day they still have it twisted." Taehyun shook his head "How am I supposed to feel human when I cannot relate to one of the core experiences of humanity itself?"
They sat in silence for a moment, only a few teary stifles breaking through the stillness, "The thought of returning to my natural hair terrifies me. It makes me look like the rest of them when I am anything but. It makes me feel like I should be blending in, when I cannot make a single connection without being forced to explain all the ways in which I stand out. Dyeing my hair lifted a lot of that internal pressure. I looked different. I looked alien, and I loved it."
The tears were falling down with heavy drops onto his lap "Now it's being taken away from me and I'm scared, Huening. I'm so scared."
Kai shuffled towards Taehyun and embraced him in a hug, letting him cry on his shoulder. He felt his heart break into a million pieces, not knowing that all this time the person he loves the most in the world has never felt like he belongs, "You are already one of a kind. That makes you more unique than any hair colour ever will, okay? You're just as human as everyone else, Tyun. A different human, but still very much human. You have just as much of a right to exist and experience life in your own way as they do theirs." He leaned his head onto Taehyun's, "And at the end of the day, you'll always have me. And I will always cherish you exactly as you are. You're one of a kind, and you're mine."
Taehyun hugged him back and held onto him tightly as he slowly began to calm himself down. "I'm sorry I cannot say more at the moment, quite frankly, I struggle with this myself, although at a milder level, and all I can think to do is just... try not to think about it too much. But I will always see you for you, Tyun, not for them. I'll be here to remind you of that every step of the way. You'll be okay." He kissed the top of Taehyun's head, where the little roots grew dark and unwelcomed. "You'll be okay."