Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Bella was standing over Alice's shoulder, watching her frantically fill in the details of her latest vision, when she realizes exactly where it is. "That's Renee's house." Home, or it had been for a long time, until there suddenly wasn't any room for her in Renee's life. Seeing it now, knowing that she would never feel safe there again, brings the details of her life into sharp clarity.

Alice immediately calls Carlisle, but all she can do is stare. Everything is exactly as she remembers it, down to the vague shape of months old reminders stuck to the fridge. She's thinking about the years of cooking in that kitchen, and sitting in the chair at the table, organizing Renee's life for hours every week. Was it really such a short time ago that she longed to go back? To spend the rest of her life cleaning up her mother's messes, taking  all the responsibility on her shoulders? And now she might never see it again. Part of her couldn't help but be relieved. She traces her fingertips over the place she always sat, when she bothered to wait up for Renee.

Would James go after everyone she cared about, one by one? When would it end, really? Would it ever? Jasper takes a step forward, interrupting her inner monologue. "We'll keep your mother safe." He offers her his hand, offers peace of mind, and she takes it, letting the  warm buzz of artificial calm wash over her.

"Edward is coming to get you. He, Emmett, and Carlisle are going to take you somewhere to hide for a while." Alice's voice is calm, but Bella can see the gears turning as she analyzes all of the possibilities.

"When does it end? When I'm dead, or a vampire? What are the actual odds here, Alice? And don't just give me whatever watered down story Edward told you too. I deserve more than that. This is my life on the line here, not his." Her voice is firmer than she expected, and Alice sighs heavily, sitting next to her on the couch.

"You deserve to know the truth. James will stand down if you're turned. It takes all the fun out of it for him. Edward doesn't want you to know any of this," Alice warns. "While you're still human, he won't stop unless one of you is dead. He's obsessive, and damn good at what he does. In a straight fight, we could easily take him, but his strengths lie in deception. And being a slippery bastard."

"And what does it take then, to become a vampire?" She doesn't hesitate to consider it. Jasper at least can appreciate her straightforward nature.

"You get bit, and then you go to hell for 3 days, and come out the other side." His answer is simple, getting straight to the point. "The venom slowly changes your body with every beat of your heart, hurts like a motherfucker too. The first year, the newborn year, you're stronger and faster as your human blood circulates your body, but you pay for it in thirst. Your throat will burn nonstop, for months. Newborns left to fend for themselves could decimate an entire town in their bloodlust. They are the most powerful a vampire could ever be, and virtually unstoppable, for humans at least." His voice is flat, just stating facts.

"Well you're knowledgeable. I think that’s the single most helpful answer I've gotten to a question since meeting Edward." It hits her that it was only 8 days ago that he sped into her life on the streets of port angeles. In hindsight, maybe her devotion to him was a little preemptive. It was easy to say that now, when two beautiful people were paying attention to her, and answering her questions. Two weeks ago her  loneliness was palpable, a curtain of rejection hanging between her and the rest of the world.

"It was, ah… my specialty, before I found our dear Alice." Bella couldn't help but like the way he said that. She was --already-- very dear to Bella. An eternity could only strengthen those feelings, surely. As best friends, of course. Jasper smiles like he can read her mind. She blushes, but her curiosity is too strong to contain.

"What's it like to be a vampire?" She meets Alice's eyes then, pleading with her to understand. This was no longer about Edward, but her freedom to live as she wants. While she's waiting for Alice to decide, Jasper gives them space under the guise of getting food. She hears the car pull away before Alice is done sifting through the future. She evidently likes what she sees.

“I shouldn't tell you this. He's going to be furious.” she warns halfheartedly, excitement peaking through. Alice looks at her then, truly looks at her, and sits facing her on the couch. She's suddenly serious. "It is the most painful experience you will ever have. The thirst will ruin your first year. With all that said, I think it's more exciting than being human. You're trapped behind so many rules, beholden to all of the things that are capable of ending your life. Even if you do everything right, an accident can destroy you. In some instances, being a vampire is  simpler. You'll never forget, or lose things, or have to worry about not having food. Poverty becomes insignificant."

Alice takes Bella's hand gently, almost a ghost. "You can never see your family or friends again. Everyone you knew as a human will die and fade and you will pass them by, unchanging. You will never be able to have a family."

"You're kidding, right? No family? Is that not what you have? I don't need or want a blood connection." She spits the words out. "Your type of family seems far more meaningful. I would rather be chosen, than forced on someone who doesn’t care about me." The words come out in a rush, before she can stop them. They're too true to be spoken aloud, she can't stand to see pity in Alice's eyes, so she doesn’t look. She always says too much, and makes things awkward. Her thoughts start to spiral from there, tensing for rejection. It doesn’t come.

"You're worth more than that. You deserve to be around people who are delighted with your existence, whoever you decide you are, and you better put me right at the top of that list. I have been excited for you to join the family, and excited to get to know you outside of my visions. I just need you to be sure. This is something you cannot take back, and not something to be rushed into lightly."

 "I haven't  heard any downsides. Except the pain, but even then, to know that the worst pain a person could ever feel has passed? To know, with certainty, that it doesn’t get worse? I would pay a lot of money for that peace of mind." Bella sighs. "I've never had any friends to lose, outside of you. My mother is . . . A complicated woman, and my father left me with her. I've been making adult decisions for others for years. I think I'd like to make one for myself." Her  voice is firm, unwavering.

Alice's answering smile makes her heart skip a beat. Now that she's disregarded Edward's opinion, Alice's closeness seems very real, tangible to her for the first time. Her hands start shaking, and she tucks them into her lap to hide it. These are inconvenient emotions to be having.

"I think we can arrange that. Soon, at least." Alice tucks a strand of Bella's hair back behind her ear. "Any crazy tattoos you want to have for eternity? Now's your last chance. Needles break on my skin, but I've wanted one for years . It's painful to know how good I would look with tattoos and not be able to get any." Alice sits back, looking away wistfully.

Bella laughs, and the mood lightens. It really feels like the answer to all of her problems has been put in her lap. "I don't know. I've always wanted a Star Wars tattoo, but it seems kind of silly, all things considered."

"I don't think it's silly. It's something you like. What would you get?" Alice grabs a bit of hotel stationary, and a pencil. "Seriously. I'll sketch whatever you want, so you can see if you like it." She's so earnest, it's impossible to turn down. Their eyes meet, and Bella loses her train of thought. She can't stop looking at Alice, wondering what she did to deserve her.

"I want C3PO, just like, hanging out. Maybe on my arm, or my thigh?" Bella shrugs, looking away, and Alice starts sketching. Her hand is almost a blur, and in about a minute she has a small sketch, if you could even call it that, given the beauty  and precision of her work. C3PO is standing there, in glorious detail and shading, arms bent.

There's a sunflower at his feet, and a few smaller flowers surrounding it. It's exactly what she pictured somehow. Alice just knows.

"It's perfect." Bella’s astonishment is clear in her voice.

"I know." Alice sounds both excited and proud. "Do you want it?"

It's at this point that Jasper reenters with fast food. "Well you two seem in much better spirits." he hands the bag to bella, and she immediately starts snacking on fries.

"Bella wants me to turn her, Edward's opinion be damned." Alice is only a little smug. "We were just talking tattoos."

"And of course you plucked a design straight from the future?" Jasper chuckles, picking up the paper from the coffee table. "Did you see that Revenge of the Sith is coming out this summer?"

Before Bella can answer with excitement, the phone rings in Alice's hand. Renee's anxious cries are audible even to Bella. Alice hands it over wordlessly.

"Mom, hi, it's okay, everything is fine." She sighs as she starts the arduous process of convincing Renee that she's fine and to leave her alone. When she decides she cares about being a parent, she’s overbearing until she stops caring again a few days later. The line is silent. "Mom?"

A deep voice she doesn't recognize starts speaking on the other end. "Don't say or do anything to make your friends there suspicious. I won't need to hurt your mother if you are willing to cooperate." I look up and meet Alice's eyes, panic  breaking through the stranglehold of my emotions. Alice nods, and meets Jasper's eyes. They seem to have an instant, silent, conversation. Jasper starts packing the few belongings they have, just as noiseless.

"Repeat after me, and sound natural for god's sake. No, mom. Stay where you are." Bella's terrified eyes meet Alice's calm ones. She nods, already frantically scanning the future.

"No, mom. Stay where you are." She tries to sound exasperated, and starts pacing.

"Good. Do you think you can get away from your friends?" She glances at Alice for an answer, and she nods.

"Yes."

"Perfect. Your mom is surely grateful to have such an obedient daughter. If I get the slightest hint of an idea that you're not alone, then she might be … less thankful. Do you understand, Bella? How little time it would take me to end her life right here?"

"Yes." The word is strangled, and James tsks.

"You better even out that tone. Say mom, trust me."

She repeats the words with as much exasperation as she can manage. It's still slightly pitiful.

"Here's what you're going to do for mother dearest. I want you to go to her house. Next to the phone there will be a number. Call it, and I'll tell you where to go." She takes a step to the sketches of the ballet table Alice abandoned on the desk. "Can you do that for me?"

"Yes." She had a feeling that Alice wouldn't let her within ten miles of either of those locations.

"It's very important that your friends aren't suspicious." Bella feels slightly hysterical. "Say Thank you, mom."

"Thank you, mom." She chokes the words out.

"When you hang up, you're going to tell them you've convinced your mom not to come home yet, and that everything is fine. Now say I love you, mom. I'll see you soon."

"I love you, mom. I'll see you soon." Bella has the stark realization that she's never going to see her mom again. She doesn’t know how she feels about that just yet. The line clicks dead on the other end, and she lowers the phone in shock.

"I don't think he has your mom." Alice's voice cuts through the silence. "I can't see her dying, or anywhere other than a beach in Florida with Phil until after the weekend. They're house shopping." the words are matter-of-fact. The relief combined with the inanity of details makes a slightly hysterical laugh leave her.

"The voice?" Her voice is high.

"Home videos. I think she will be okay, along with Phil." Alice sounds so sure that Bella collapses on the couch in relief.

"What are we going to do?" 

Jasper answers her this time. "Alice is calling Carlisle, and we will be taking you into hiding." Standing in the center of the room, Alice is already talking, so fast that it's only a buzz. She stops to listen briefly before hanging up the phone.

"Alright! Now that that's settled, we're moving to South Dakota! Carlisle, Edward, and Emmett should make quick work of James, and Victoria will get away, but she won't be any trouble. Losing James is enough for her to leave the cause. Esme and Rosalie will keep watching Charlie just in case. All tied up with a neat little bow! That’s what I call efficiency." Alice smiles, and holds a hand out to Bella. She smiles back weakly, dizzy with relief. "I would've died  on the floor of the ballet studio." She states this as a neutral fact. It  almost doesn’t feel real. The amount of changes pressed onto her in this short week have fried her brain.

"That was the most likely scenario, yes." Alice says patiently, her hand frozen in front of Bella. "James wanted to bite you, I think. He knew that’s what would torture edward the most."

"Huh." That's all Bella can bring herself to say. She can feel the shutdown coming, and she's caught up in the tide of it.

"Jasper will check us out of the hotel. You have food waiting in the backseat. Then you can get some rest. It's been a rollercoaster of a week." Alice smiles when Bella silently takes her hand.

Bella doesn't speak on the way to the car, or for the first 4 hours of the drive. She quietly eats, and then watches blankly as the desert rolls past. Alice doesn’t speak at an audible level, and Bella can't help but be grateful. She lets her hoodie swallow her, and loses herself in watching the only home she's ever really known fade away.

Chapter Text

She has everything set up by the time Bella wakes up, conveniently in the drive through of a Dunkin Donuts somewhere in Utah. Alice is far too pleased with herself. It's not every day that she gets one up on Edward, and his denial of the inevitable makes it even sweeter. She turns in her seat to watch Bella wake up, coffee outstretched. It’s fascinating to watch her 'human moments' as Bella dubbed them. She never really got the chance to see people like this, with all of their intricate rituals. Bella took half an hour to really become more than just a blanket mass, and most of that time was spent sipping iced coffee, silently looking out the window.

She spends a few minutes just observing. She could never tire of it. She had expected that Bella would be different after they warmed up to each other, but the difference between the groggy girl in the backseat and the person Edward brought to the baseball game is striking. There was this looseness about her, this authenticity. Now that there's no turning back, Alice admits to herself that the girl she is rapidly growing incredibly fond of is not a girl Edward would fall in love with. He was reliant on the image he'd projected on her, a demure girl in need of protection, who would never speak out, content to let him make all the choices. She definitely wouldn't be the type to get a tattoo. The rebellion she's indulging brings a grin to her face.

"Happy with the way you've arranged things?" Jasper asks, too low for Bella to hear. Alice turns back around in her seat and nods.

"I think Bella is much more interesting outside her shell. Edward really gave me the prime opportunity here. How could I pass it up?" Her reply is just as quiet, but full of joy. "I love my brother, really, but Bella's future was so bleak. He loves the idea of her, and it would keep him from ever seeing who she is. Or he would, and the coven would fall apart. She deserves more than that. She deserves to actually live for the first time."

Jasper reaches across, grabbing her hand. His thumb strokes small circles across her hand, and she smiles softly at him. "I know. She's full o' fire. It's almost lucky Edward doesn’t know how to read my gift. You can't hear emotions, but hers came across loud and clear. She knew what it'd take to grab eternity, and she'd committed. I think she’d hide it to the bloody end." His voice is almost sad. "It's been a hot minute since I've felt anger that burned so brightly."

"Hopefully we can convince her to stick around then. You'll have to turn on the charm, sweep her off her feet like you did me." Alice teases quietly, unable to keep the smile from her face. Jasper chuckles softly, and slowly brings her hand up to his lips for a kiss.

"I'll show her how a lady ought to be treated by example, and leave being swoon-worthy to you, seeing as you're so good at it." Even after all these years, Jasper makes her unbeating heart flutter. She represses a giggle, squeezing his hand.

"You're sure this is the future you want to pursue?" She knows it is, can see his resolve, his happiness, in every future she checks. She asks anyway. She always does. It takes a concentrated effort to not let her visions make decisions for others, and it's a mistake she's not keen to make again. He can always surprise her. Bella seems to at every turn. She just wants to unravel the girl, find out who is lurking underneath those expressive brown eyes.

"As sure as my love for you. We stand to gain a world of happiness, and I've never been able to deny you anything." His tone is incredibly fond, mirroring his smile.

More words aren't required. All the phone calls have been made, the appointment set. All that stood between Bella and her first --and only-- tattoo was the sunset. Alice hears Bella shifting beneath the blanket pile, but she resists the urge to turn. Her glowing adoration would show. Instead, she whips a tiny crochet hook and bundle of thread from her coat pocket, making short work of a doily pattern. She can feel Bella's gaze burning through her.

"I got everything set up for your tattoo. Octopus Ink freed the rest of their night to get this bad boy done for you." She says this at a human volume, and hears Bella sitting up further.

"Oh, word. What'd it take, like ten grand?" Bella laughs, the last vestiges of sleep still evident in her voice. The scratchy words send another burst of emotion through her. Get it together, girl.

"Just about." Her tone is casual, but she can see Bella's jaw drop in the rearview mirror. Alice revels in her astonishment. Jasper sends her an amused look, biting back a smile.

"Ten Grand?" Her voice dies a little, cracking on the last note. "That's a life-changing amount of money." Alice doesn't know much about Bella's past, but the pieces are starting to fall into place. She almost regrets bringing it up, seeing the way it upsets her. Money was almost meaningless to her, something she threw around to get what she wanted, but Bella had lived a different life, held by its restraints.

"Once you're paying your own bills, it doesn't stretch as far as you would hope." Jasper speaks up then, meeting Bella's eyes in the rearview mirror. "Of course, in my day it was worth more. I think it comes out to 235,000 dollars in today's money? I wasn't always sitting on Cullen wealth, you know. I remember times I would've killed a man for a single dollar, then I went and did it for free." He chuckles without humor, and when he looks at her it's apparent that it's a sentiment she's shared. Her anger burns so brightly, brown eyes turning molten with rage at the unfairness of it all.

"You didn't deserve that. Nobody does." I didn't deserve that . Her unspoken words taste bitter on his tongue. He swallows it down, letting peace diffuse through the cab. She nods in silent thanks. There's one person she can't hide from. She doesn't resent it, or at least he hopes. Alice gives him a reassuring smile, turning to face Bella.

"As soon as the sun sets, we can head in. Here, I got you a bagel." Your favorite , Alice adds silently, passing the bag back to Bella.

"Oh, sweet. Sesame!" Bella excitedly unwraps it, sinking blissfully back into the blanket pile, bagel in hand. Alice watches on with a fond smile, practically radiating adoration. Jasper takes their exit, an amused smirk on his lips.

"Shut up." Alice whispers, glaring at him.

"I didn't say anything." He sounds smug.

It's so much harder to keep the future from coloring her interactions when she's seen how happy Bella would be with them. She's spent months impatiently waiting for an introduction, hiding all of the futures she doesn't want Edward to see behind a complex crochet pattern she's developing. He's easy to anger. Even Bella as a vampire, at his side, enrages him, despite the inevitability of it all. She was only ever going to die or be turned, and his delusions of her human future changed nothing.

Even still, seeing Bella sitting on the tattoo bench, grimacing through the pain of the first line makes Alice want to hold her, distract her until she can't think about anything but her.

"Wow, okay, this hurts more than I thought it would." Bella's tone does not portray any of the emotions she expected, or any emotions at all. Her voice is flat, a far cry from the excitement of seeing the stencil on her leg.

"It helps if you're distracted." The artist, Derek, adds. "You know, I get guys in here who sleep through this shit, claim it's relaxing." He shakes his head, chuckling. "You're a lot better than the bitches who come in all high and mighty. Tough guys in leather jackets who talk a big show, but leave in tears halfway through the first session. Then their girlfriends get tramp stamps that hurt twice as bad and don't even flinch." He scoffs.

"How can anyone sleep through this?" Bella flinches slightly, and then goes completely still. If Alice didn't know better, couldn't hear her lungs moving, she would almost think she'd stopped breathing entirely. It was eerie to watch her shut down, and block it out. Vampires were unnaturally still, but humans moved and fidgeted and couldn't sit still if their life depended on it. Except Bella.

Maybe she had a lot to learn about human variation.

"So you're a big Star Wars fan, huh? Looking forward to the new one?" Derek changes the subject, trying to keep conversation flowing so Bella can’t focus on the pain.

Bella becomes alive. It's the only way Alice can think to describe it. The girl sitting on the tattoo bench is someone she's never met, so vibrant-- practically glowing with enthusiasm. Words seem to fly from her lips, and Alice is transfixed. She jumps from the rising political tensions to the history of the empire and back, ping ponging between connections at light speed.

It's clear Derek had no idea what he was signing himself up for with the question. Alice can't tear her eyes away from Bella, making appropriate listening noises as needed but wholly focused on enjoying Bella's expressions. She catalogues each one, trying to be subtle but failing utterly. Her devotion is clear on her face. Derek catches her eye, and winks. 

“Your secret is safe with me.” He mouths the words, a smirk on his face. It’s almost embarrassing to be caught out, but the rush of genuine human emotion overrides any shame she might feel.

Bella is in the middle of explaining the events that led to the downfall of the Jedi when she suddenly trails off. Before she can say the apology on her lips, Alice asks the first question that springs to mind. Bella's eyes meet hers, and it's like Alice gave her the world in that sentence. Of course I want to listen. She almost says it aloud, desperate to provide whatever comfort she can. A million words stretch unsaid between them. A blush rises to Bella’s cheeks, and she breaks first, looking down at her tattoo instead. She answers the question, shyly at first but her excitement overcomes her embarrassment. 

The only thought running through Alice's mind as the ramble continues is that she is so fucked.

By the time Derek finishes the outline, the scent of Bella's blood laces the air. It didn’t overpower her, or make her question her control. As nice as she smelled, Alice would never be Edward. Bella's blood didn't have the same allure for her, and even sitting at her side it wasn't more than a mild discomfort.

"Alright, stretch break. Outline is done." Derek puts down the tattoo gun, standing to stretch. "Go outside, walk around a bit, kiss your girlfriend, get ready for the grueling part." He grins at her look of mild horror.

"We- I-, we're not-" He cuts off Bella's stuttering excuses.

"Don't worry, everyone here is cool. Reign in your heart eyes if you're trying to keep it secret." He winks at her before heading into a back room. She hears another man ask him how it's going before she tunes it out to focus on Bella.

Before Bella gets the chance to stand, Alice offers her hands.

"You're clumsy enough on a good day, nevermind when your legs have fallen asleep." Bella's hands are warm in hers, but she won't meet Alice's eyes when she stands. A fantastic blush stains her cheeks. Alice can't help but reach out to bask in the warmth of her humanity. She tells herself she's just tucking a strand of hair behind Bella's ear, but her hand lingers too long to fool either of them. Bella still hasn't let go of her other hand.

"Let's get some air." Her voice is strained. Alice wonders if Bella's thoughts are just as preoccupied with kissing as hers are. She forces herself to lead the way out the side door of the shop into a little alley. Another girl is standing a few feet down, smoking. She has a shaved head, ripped skinny jeans, and a leather jacket.

"Oh thank god. Can I bum one of those?" Bella steps past Alice, further into the alley. The girl looks up, and smiles when she sees her.

"Definitely. First time? I'm Rae." She digs into her pockets, and Alice is left standing flabbergasted behind them. Bella continues to surprise her. Rae reveals a zippo with a pinup girl on it, as well as a mostly full pack of cigarettes.

"Yup. Got a light?" Bella takes the proffered cigarette, leaning into the lighter Rae holds up for her. Alice rapidly discards everything she thought she knew about Bella. All of her assumptions have led her astray. Rae holds out the pack, offering one to Alice.

“You smoke?”

She shakes her head, and Bella picks up the conversation, asking Rae about her tattoos. She leans closer to get a look at some fancy text on Rae’s ribs, and Bella’s attraction, her interest, is apparent with the way her eyes linger on Rae’s shirt, hiked up to her waist. Alice mostly tunes it out, pulling out her phone to text Jasper at a normal, human speed. 

Everything’s good so far, no problems. Any word?  Carlisle, Edward, and Emmett were hunting James. He kept changing his mind, almost like he's trying to subvert her powers. She’s devoted a relatively minor amount of energy to tracking him, but she knows the outcome is inevitable. They either catch him somehow, or they all meet up in South Dakota, and he gives up when he sees Bella is a vampire. The former is the most likely, but not certain. Nothing with James is.

No. Jasper's replies are always straight to the point. Texting isn't his favorite of modern communication methods.

Rae finishes her cigarette and heads inside shortly after. Bella won't meet her eyes, a sheepish expression on her face. Alice reaches out to lightly touch her empty hand, almost holding it, but letting go.

"I didn't know you smoked." She tries to make her tone as gentle as possible, leaning against the alley wall next to Bella.

"Neither does Charlie. He doesn't really know anything about my life in Phoenix,” She sighs, taking another drag. “I wanted him to think I was the good child, with great grades and no disciplinary issues. He thinks I'm 'destined for great things' and all the other bullshit teachers say about me that translates into 'try harder'." Her disdain for it all is clear in her tone. She drags the toe of her converse across the wet pavement. 

"So I hid it all. Renee doesn't care enough to tell him about my problems, if she even notices them. I decided that Forks would be my fresh start, and I'd become a completely different person. What do you know, it worked! As soon as I stopped being the fuck-up everyone wanted to be my friend, and I even got a boyfriend for the first time ever."

"Bella, you're not a fuck-up. Maybe my idiot brother wouldn't like the real you, but I want to decide for myself. So what, you smoked, millions of teenagers do every year. You gotta give me a chance here. I'm sticking around for eternity and I don't want you to feel like you have to hide." Alice reaches out and holds Bella's empty hand. Rain sprinkles around them, but she doesn’t move. 

"Thanks." Her voice is soft. She squeezes Alice's hand, staring at the ground in front of her. Her hair is a dark curtain hiding her expression. "Renee never really cared. She was the 'cool mom' and made that her entire persona. She 'lost' packs frequently but she never confronted me, or even talked about it at all. As long as I took care of myself, she didn't care what I did. Hell, she even gave me my first drink at 16. I'd just gotten my first job. I guess it was her way of saying she was proud of me." She scoffs, staring at the reflections of the streetlights on wet pavement.

"Of course, that was six months after I started. She wasn't home enough to notice I was working, and she didn’t ask me much when she called. She only found out when they mailed my pay stubs. I didn't want her to ask for money, for her next adventure, so I didn’t tell her. She didn't ask for any, but conveniently started forgetting to leave out grocery money. Eventually Phil took over the bills, but there were a few months where she 'forgot' and didn't have the full amount." Bella takes a long drag, her voice hardening.

"We had a couple of fights about it before I gave up. Then she married Phil and all but ordered me to Forks. It was ‘my idea’ in the sense that I suggested it, but she made it clear how miserable she was without him. His job travels a lot, and she couldn't stand to stay home and be a parent. I didn't want  to be a burden on Charlie, so I pushed it all down. Maybe if I was a better kid, he'd want me to stick around. I guess it worked." Bella shrugs, tossing her cigarette butt in a puddle. "It doesn't matter now."

She drops her hand. For a brief moment, their eyes meet, and Alice can see all the hurt Bella is holding on to. In an instant it's gone, replaced by the same blankness she saw earlier.

"Do you think I said too much about Star Wars?" Bella changes the subject, plastering on a smile.

"I don't think you've said enough. You claimed Luke was bi, but you've yet to back it up." Alice matches her smile, trying to add some enthusiasm, but she's worried. "You can head inside. I'm going to give Jazz a call, get him to bring you some food and coffee, then you can tell me all about it."

"Ooh can I have a burrito?" Bella's mood appears to turn around quickly, and she goes inside with a smile. Alice watches her chat with Derek through the door window for a moment before pulling out her phone.

"Do you need something, love?" Jasper answers immediately. "I'm only a few blocks away."

"Well, Bella wants a burrito and coffee but that's not the main reason I'm calling. I don't think we actually know anything about this girl besides surface level details. She's had a, uh, rough past. Renee was not a great parent. Bella didn't give too many details, but it seems like she's been on her own for a while, years even." Alice quickly fills him in on the rest of the conversation.

"Poor girl. No wonder she's so bitter. I wonder how she can stand Edward." Alice hears him stop the car, presumably in a Taco Bell parking lot.

"I think that if he knew a single detail of the real Bella, he'd despise her. Bella knows, must know, because she hasn't let anything slip. She must realize there's no turning back now, so no point in hiding. I'm glad she'll be turned before he has anything to say about it." Alice sighs.

"How long has she been hiding?" Jasper wonders idly. "He doesn't deserve her. Have you decided what to say when Edward calls again? He'll want to talk to her."

"Well, he won't call until after the tattoo is done, and she'll be asleep. That's easy enough." Her brow creases as she searches the future, looking for the final fight. "They won't beat James until late tomorrow, and Bella should be turning by then. He calls after she's started screaming, so there's no hiding it. Ugh. It's going to be such a mess. Maybe I should ask Emmett to take his arms." The thought brings a smile to her face, but it's not an ideal option. She has to sort through it some more, and find the best possible combination of words.

"You'll figure it out, babe. I'll be there with Bella's food in a few minutes. Don't give yourself a headache."

"I'll try. See you soon." Alice sighs, and goes inside. Furniture has been rearranged in her absence. The tattoo bench has been turned to face the tv on one side of the room, and a couple of bean bags have been dragged out. There's one for her at Bella's side.

"We're going to watch a movie." Bella says by way of greeting. Derek is setting up his gun for the shading next to her. Bella pats the beanbag at her side. "Come sit."

"Jazz is on the way with your burritos and coffee." Alice gracefully plops in the beanbag. She's at the perfect height to lean her head on Bella's right thigh, the one not getting tattooed. The thought is tempting, but she sits still, perfectly behaved.

"That sounds like a recipe for a bathroom nightmare. Taco Bell and coffee?" Rae snorts, and sits in a beanbag on Alice's other side.

"You're a brave woman." A man enters from the back room. He's got a neon green mohawk, and an energy drink. He sits at Derek's side, and scoots his beanbag closer. "Ooh, C3PO? I've got R2D2." He leans across Derek's lap to get a better look at Bella's tattoo, pulling up his sleeve to show off his own. Derek sighs with mock annoyance but his look is clearly affectionate.

"Don't start. She loves Star Wars probably as much as you do, and if the two of you get talking we'll never pick a movie." He smiles down at him before pushing him off his lap. "This is Jesse, by the way. Are you ready for round two?"

Bella pulls up the edge of her shorts to look at the tattoo, tucking them so they'll stay. "As I'll ever be." She grimaces thinking about the pain, reaching down to squeeze Alice's hand. Alice doesn't let go, lacing their fingers together.

"Squeeze as hard as you want, you can't break me. I'm tiny but durable." She grins up at Bella, trying to put all of her concerns away.

Derek starts the shading on Bella's thigh at her nod. "Fuck that hurts." She swears under her breath, squeezing Alice's hand. On her other  side, Rae has a book of DVDs. She plops on Jesse's beanbag, half on his lap, and starts flipping through them. They spend the next few minutes arguing over what to watch, occasionally asking Bella if she'd seen something. It takes twenty minutes before Derek sighs, and breaks up their bickering.

"You seen Clerks? No? Okay, there we go. Put it on." There's an undercurrent of affection in his exasperation. "I think a car just pulled up."

Alice's phone goes off as he's speaking. "There's Jazz." She jumps to her feet. Nobody pays any attention as she walks out the door, focused on starting the movie. The car is sitting out front, window down.

"Hey, sugar." Alice smiles as she leans in the car window. Jasper leans over to give her a kiss.

"Two 5 layer burritos and two iced coffees. Didn't want you to stand out too much. I got something extra sugary, on account of how sweet you are." Jasper kisses her again. Butterflies fill her, and she giggles at the compliment.

"Oh, stop it. You spoil me with compliments." She can't keep the smile from her face.

"When will you be done?"

"3:30 or so? They're about to pull out the weed, so it has some wiggle room." Alice shrugs, taking the food bag from the seat.

"Does Bella smoke weed?"

"Probably? I feel so unreliable around her. I see her smoking it, but yesterday I wouldn't have. The cat came out of the bag with the cigarette and now anything could happen. Who knows what secrets she'll reveal."  She lets a little of her frustration show through. "I'll let you know if things change."

"Be safe. I love you. I'll be back then. I've got an audiobook to listen to." There's a cd case of a fantasy novel in the center console. He hands her the drink tray through the window. "It'll all work out."

"Yeah. Love you too baby." Alice gives a little wave and heads back inside.

When the door closes behind her, Derek calls out, "Hey babe, can you lock up shop?" Both Rae and Jesse get up, and Rae flushes, muttering. She grabs a backpack behind the counter, pretending that was her excuse for getting up, and settles back into her own beanbag.

"So, you're cool with pot, right?" She says casually, pulling a resin tray out of the bag.

"Yeah, it's been a while actually." Bella answers easily as Alice settles at her side. "Alice?" Bella turns to her expectantly.

"Oh, we smoke all the time." It's actually one of the reasons she picked this parlor, not that she can say that. "We just have to hide it from my brother." she directs the last bit to Bella, in response to her surprised look.

"Sweet, I'll pack a bowl. We don't mind sharing." Derek shares a look with Jesse that Alice catches, but she doubts Bella picked up on. Rae balances the tray on her legs, setting a glass jar and rainbow grinder on it.

Alice sets the bag containing burritos at Bella's feet, and hands her the coffee, before taking a sip of her own. Oof . It'd been a while since she had any human food, and it didn't get easier. Time to set this down and forget about it. She keeps the disgust off her face, just barely.

"Ooh, perfect. Give Jasper my thanks." Bella takes another sip. "Man, you really can't get coffee like this in Forks. I've missed Starbucks." At Jesse's questioning look, she adds. "Town's too small for even a Starbucks."

"I get that. There's a ton of towns scattered around here that are an hour from everything! It's nice to live in the city." He pops the disc in the dvd player, then sits on the rug next to Rae. Without speaking, he starts breaking up bud with her, and they fall into what's obviously a familiar rhythm.

The movie starts, and Bella's attention is diverted. Alice isn't watching. She cautiously leans her head on Bella's thigh, feigning a yawn. Her bare skin is soft under her cheek, warming her. She wishes, not for the first time, that things were different. That Bella wasn't her brother's girlfriend, and signing up for eternity with him. She could back out now, and they'd be 'happy', at least for a while. Down that path, down either path, lay ruin. In a year, a decade, or maybe even a century the coven could collapse. It's been worrying her since Bella entered their lives. Her love story with Edward didn't have a happy ending, but he continued to be willfully blind to any future where Bella wasn't human. Any future where Bella wasn't a blank canvas for his ideal.

Maybe it was her fault, for grasping at 'you're in love with her' to keep him from killing her, but it was the ideal path, and the only one she saw at the time. Edward's too selfish for anything else. He has to be at the center of the universe, and Esme only indulges him further. The only hope at this point is to show Bella that a better life is possible. Hopefully this tattoo, and taking interest in her , not just the mundane details of her life, planted the seed.

Showing her an example of healthy polyamory also couldn't hurt.

Rae finishes packing the bowl, a pretty glass piece in the shape of an elephant. Jesse moves the tray and grinder to a nearby end table, and squishes himself onto her beanbag, throwing an arm around her shoulder. "God, you're so bony. Who's got a light?" She shoves him playfully. He pulls out a zippo, and lights it for her while she takes a hit. She coughs, and starts digging in her backpack while he takes a hit, coming up with a cheap disposable lighter.

He passes them both to Alice. She has to remind herself to take a shallower breath, instead of filling her lungs far past a human's ability as she usually does. She still coughs, but not as much as Bella, when it's passed to her. Alice puts her head back on Bella’s thigh, inhaling carefully against her skin. Bella’s hand tentatively comes to rest in her short hair. Alice can hear her heart pounding under her skin, can feel it under her cheek. She soaks it all in, glad that for the moment she has this small intimacy. 

The bowl has gone around a few times, skipping Derek who's focused on the tattoo, when Bella finally blurts out the question she's been considering all night. "So are you guys all together?" She sounds more curious than judgmental, but Rae still freezes. "Not that it's bad if you are, I've just never met anyone who is." Bella is tripping over her words in her haste to reassure them. Alice hides her face against Bella's thigh, so it's not as obvious how cute she's finding Bella's earnestness. This was the conversation she'd been waiting for, an easy way to introduce Bella to polyamory.

"Yup." Jesse answers, popping the 'p'. "I mean, it takes work like any other relationship, but it's really not much more difficult. I've had more demanding boyfriends than the two of them combined, but it's easy as long as you communicate." He shrugs, pulling a bag of sour gummy worms from Rae's backpack.

"You have to be really specific about boundaries to make sure no one gets hurt. What you're okay with, what you aren't, what you need." Derek speaks up, not looking away from her tattoo. "Hell, it might even be healthier than a lot of mono relationships with how much of a focus we put on communication. It's work, sometimes, to get everyone's needs met, but we share the load. Rae's got a couple of girlfriends, and we've got a network of partners. I think every polyamorous person in the whole damn state is connected to it one way or another."

"It's a bit hard to find partners with all the fucking mormons, but we get along alright." Rae finally speaks up, relaxing back into her beanbag. "I'm never short of someone to cuddle, anyways."

"That's … so cool." Bella sounds mesmerized by the concept, and she gets a faraway look in her eye. Alice giggles, trying to hold back her excitement.

"I think we've recruited another to the cause!" Rae giggles then, raising her drink in a mock toast. "There's no wrong way for consenting adults to love. A relationship, mono or poly, is a negotiation. You also need one of those before you do anything kinky." Jesse laughs, throwing a gummy worm at Rae. She tries to catch it and it hits her in the face. "Or if you don't want sour gummy worms thrown at your face because they're sticky." Jesse sticks his tongue out at her.

"I guess things aren't all that different, not that I'd know." Bella blushes a lovely shade of pink, and Alice can't look away.

"You got your whole life ahead of you kid. You're what, 18? I was 25 before I did anything that wasn't self-destructive." Derek chuckles. "Even if you hit 40 without a relationship, you don't need love to be complete."

Bella turns introspective, and Alice can read the thoughts on her face. She would never hit 40, never be anything other than what she was right now. Maybe with time she'd realize that it's good enough, that she's good enough. She wouldn't trade vampirism for anything, but would Bella say the same in 10 years? 50? 100? So much of her family is filled with regret for their transformations, Rosalie worst of all. Would they be accepting of Bella's decision? The future on that front, on anything after her transformation, is markedly blank.

It worries her.

The tattoo is finished, weed shared, and conversations casually held with little fanfare. Bella could barely walk, and was more wobbly than usual. Alice keeps her arm wrapped firmly around Bella's waist on the way to the car. She’s soft under her fingers, delicate. Alice’s hands linger on her waist, memorizing the feel of it.She wouldn't be like this for long: warm, sleepy and vulnerable. Alice couldn't help but think it was better that way.

Jasper opens the door, and helps Bella into the backseat. Alice gives him a quick kiss, and then they're on the road again. Bella is rapidly falling asleep in the backseat, perhaps for the last time in her short, human existence.

Chapter Text

Bella's heart is racing as the car slowly pulls to a stop at the end of a gravel road. She knows it's audible to Alice and Jasper, which only makes things worse. The sun is just peaking above the horizon, shining golden beams on a patch of wildflowers through the trees.

But it also shone on Alice. She had never seen anyone other than Edward in sunlight, but the memory pales in comparison to the way opal shines from her skin, following nearly imperceptible veins in pastel. Bella stumbled from the car, unable to tear her eyes away.

"Can you get the bags, Jazz?" the words were mostly for her benefit, as he was already gone in a blink. A blush warmed her cheeks, and she fidgeted awkwardly. "It's faster if I carry you. Do you want piggyback, or bridal style?"

"Bridal style?" She stutters out the question, reflexively reaching out to trace her fingertips over the shimmer of Alice's skin. The words don't really process until she's said them, drowned out by the beauty in front of her.

"You'll have plenty of time to admire me as a vampire. Let's go." Alice's smile is wide, causing her blush to deepen as she scoops Bella up in her arms.

"It's not- I just- you're different from Edward." The words are so obvious coming out of her mouth that she cringes, hiding her face in Alice's shoulder.

"Well of course I am. Carlisle's still not sure what causes the difference, and even the Volturi haven’t gotten any closer after hundreds of years of studying it. It's just one of the little things that make us unique." Alice shrugs lightly, breaking into a run. “Jasper is gorgeous, much more of a fiery iridescence compared to my light opal, and Edward’s diamond.”

Her heart thuds in her chest, but she can't even tell they're moving with her face pressed against Alice's neck. The scent is heavenly, honey and vanilla mixing with something subtler that she can't identify, something uniquely Alice.

The wind stops rushing around her, and she hears Jasper chuckle quietly. "You're home now."

Alice lets her legs down, careful to avoid her tattoo, as she raises her head. Surrounding her is a meadow that far surpasses any beauty she's seen. It's unfair to keep comparing Alice to Edward, but she can't help herself. Any expectations she had are blown away time and again.

Wildflowers flourish around the edges, with soft, long grass filling the middle, leading up to a cottage covered in ivy. It was a home out of a fairytale, with wild roses climbing the cobblestones onto the pitched roof. Flowers, once manicured, now overrun the base of the cottage. Bella looks around in wonder, missing the look Alice and Jasper share.

"I'll be inside when you're ready." Alice's words are barely a whisper, and then she's alone to make her way to the front door.

It slams into her with abrupt clarity that these are her final moments. Bella had always wondered how she would die, curious but not afraid. How could death be any worse than life, in all its monotony? She had considered once that it might even be better, but she didn't have the slightest inkling of what awaited her, not like she does now.

Perfection. Never again would she have to worry about human needs, or clumsiness, or whatever awkward conversational fumble she's made recently. Not that she'd be able to forget anything, which led to a lot of her worse moments. Information sometimes seemed to slip her by, just out of grasp until she'd already made a fool of herself. Even worse was when the wrong words would come out, no matter how confident she was in what she was saying.

As a vampire she'd never have to suffer that humiliation again. That was her hope. Edward hadn't promised she'd be perfect, but looking at the rest of her soon-to-be family it was obvious. She wouldn't be the weird, mature-for-her-age, autistic kid who didn't understand others. She'd belong, for once in her life, with no Renee to hold her back.

It had been the only thing she'd been holding on to since she found out what they were. It was clear from the beginning that Edward projected on to her, but she couldn't bring herself to break the illusion. The perfect life was at her fingertips, and all she had to do was pretend to be in love, to be anything he wanted. After living with Renee, masking came naturally.

It burned when she saw the house they lived in, and for Edward to callously drop more on a single outfit than she'd made in a month working retail, but she persevered, and this was her grand reward. Even if Edward didn't love her after this, and they all abandoned her, just like everyone else, she was free.

For as long as she could remember, any friendships she'd had were formed because she was easy to manipulate. Bella had hardened her heart. Even as Alice made her heart race, made her feel alive again, how could she trust it? Desperation started to creep in. All she had to do was walk through that door, and every flaw she could find in her soul would cease to be. She would be perfect, neurotypical, above-average even. What more could she want?

A small voice whispered acceptance, but she buried it. All she had to do was live a lie that was already unraveling as soon as anyone had shown the slightest amount of interest in her real thoughts. Easy. She scoffs.

Suddenly the meadow is less impressive, an appeal to her aesthetic senses over any substance. How would she feel if she wasn't pretending? Overwhelmed, probably. The veneer of 'normal' gave her an easy shield to hide behind. She was so used to masking that it was second nature. Maybe she'd stop having to do that too. It's almost too much to hope for.

She steels herself, and forces her feet to move, one step at a time. How bad could a couple days of pain be? It'd burn all of the bad out of her, and she'd be just as perfect as the rest of them. Breathing got easier in the steps leading up to the door. It's a beautiful dark wood, with a rounded top, and a small leaded window.

She knows that on the other side of the door is her access to a whole new world, with all the terrifying unknowns that entails. She takes a steadying breath. In all reality it's just a cottage, as quirky and eclectic as Alice herself. She reassures herself it's nothing to be afraid of -- just the end of her life --, but her heart is pounding out of her chest. The only way out is through, right?

She opens the door slowly, cringing at the loud creak of the wood, and finds exactly what she expected. Alice is perched on the arm of the sofa, sitting sideways with her legs crossed. Her hands are moving almost too quickly to see, and a doily --made from thread so fine it's almost translucent-- is appearing in her fingers. There's a flash of silver from the crochet hook catching the light, and she turns to look at the rest of the cottage. The living room is cluttered, with pictures and crafting supplies and knickknacks from across the world. All pieces of them .

"Do you like it? Jasper bought the cabin for our first honeymoon, and it's been our 'home base' ever since. I bring everything important to me here, at some point or another." The words ring heavy with the implication that she is important enough to be brought here, and it stops her in her tracks.

"You brought me here." She can't trust the emotions running through her, can't decipher the web of feeling wrapping itself around her heart. Despite all of her misgivings, Alice is worming her way past Bella’s defenses.

"I thought you'd be comfortable here." I want you to be comfortable here. The words are unsaid, but not uncommunicated. Alice slides down onto the cushion, and pats the space opposite her on the couch. She spreads the almost completed doily across her thigh, the white thread contrasting against her dark leggings.

"It is comfortable." Bella rushes to reassure her, feeling slightly more secure as she slips off her shoes. She sits facing Alice, with her feet tucked under her legs. "So what are we doing?"

"Mostly talking. Where do you want your scar?" Alice holds out her wrist between them. Bella lets her finger trace over the crescent scar she can barely see before Alice continues crocheting. "It's barely visible to humans, but it's unmissable to vampire eyes. Bites you get after you're turned scar too. Jasper has quite a few." She looks up, behind Bella's shoulder, and in a blink, Jasper is behind Alice. Bella startles slightly. This is the future that awaits her. There's no turning back. She should feel scared, feel anything, but she's just waiting. There's no point in worrying about something she can't --wouldn’t-- change.

Jasper rolls up the sleeves on his flannel, and Bella immediately understands. There's a delicate criss-cross of crescents covering his skin. Once she knows what she's looking at, she can see that they're everywhere. His neck is especially jagged with the amount of overlapping bites.

"What happened to you?" She's shocked more than anything. "How have no humans noticed?"

"Well, nobody wants to look too closely at a vampire. Except you, Bella." His voice lingers over her name, drawing out the sounds into something intimate. "But to answer your question, other vampires. There are not a lot of peaceful vampires." His voice turns hard, almost bitter. "There's a lot more to vampirism than the way the Cullens live, and you need to know about it. Newborns did most of the damage you see, but there's a lot of violence.  Territory is fought and killed for by covens, and nomads who don't give a fuck about anyone are everywhere, roaming. A majority of the south is a never ending war, with newborns used as fodder in a cycle of death, human and vampire alike. The borders between territories shift but there is never ground won. There may never be a winner. If one side gets too large, too out of hand, they're punished. The Volturi slaughter the leader, and a new one steps forth. Both armies get wiped, and things die down, but the war never stops. It's been several hundred years since the last culling. I was turned after the final massacre, by the newest leader, Maria." He says the name with a surprising undercurrent of fondness.

"She plucked me from my pa's farm, offered me the world, as long as I followed her. She turned me, and I survived. Then I kept surviving, battle after battle, and she grew fond of me. She was my partner and my friend for a hundred years, and I became the commander of her army, and the one who did the dirty work of 'handling' the newborns. My gift made things easier and harder. I was the one who created them, sent them out to die, and then destroyed them when their strength started waning if they lasted that long." His voice is solid and neutral.

"How many of them lasted that long?" Bella’s eyes are wide, but her determination doesn’t waver.

"Well, most of 'em. I got real good at teaching 'em to fight, and we started winning more often. And then once a month we'd kill all the ones who were a year old, just discard them, until I couldn't do it anymore. Maria gave me an out, and I took it, no hard feelings. And then Alice found me." As he says this he turns to look at her adoringly.

"I'm gonna level with you here. There are very few vampires that value human life, and I reckon you've met most of them. Even on our diet, it's very unlikely that you will escape the next year without a body count. Even after a hundred years, you still might get unlucky. What Edward did in resisting his singer was unprecedented, and very unlikely. And that's just the realities of being a vampire. There's only one way out."

Bella doesn't say anything at first, letting the details sink in. "Even if I didn't know about your diet, and ate humans for the rest of eternity, I would want to become a vampire. I don't want to be stuck relying on someone ever again. There isn't even a choice, really."

"Then decide where you want your scar. I'll see you on the other side." Jasper blurs out the backdoor, and in an instant it's like he was never there.

"Where did he go?" Bella asks

"He's hunting, because he hasn't in a few days, and your blood is tempting to him. He doesn't want to risk interfering when I bite you."

"This is it then. huh. It's really happening." Her voice is oddly empty, as much as she's happy to be turned.

"As soon as you're ready. Do you know where you want me to bite you?" Alice makes it sound more appealing than it actually will be given the pain.

"I think so." Bella blushes, looking at the floor. Her imagination is running away with her, picturing Alice looming over her, holding her still.

"I had Jasper pick up some clothes for you. You might destroy what you're wearing, and I figured you would want to keep your favorites." A bag appears on the couch between them faster than a blink. It's full of plain t-shirts and shorts, some tank tops. Bella grabs a shirt at random, surprised to feel it’s the same texture as her favorite t-shirt. They all are.

Alice's hands are still crocheting, but she's turned around, giving Bella the privacy to change. The instant she's fully changed, Alice turns around, trimming the excess thread on her now finished doily. The supplies disappear from her hands, likely tucked in a bag somewhere, and all of Alice's attention is on her.

Bellas heart is pounding in her chest. Her mouth goes dry when she meets Alice's eyes. "Is this where you want to spend your three days of agony?" Alice's voice is cheery as she pulls Bella to sit on the couch next to her.

"Sure." Bella does not sound sure.

"Where do you want me to bite you?" Alice traces her finger over the pulse point on Bella's neck, and it sends a shiver down her spine. She's glad Jasper isn't here suddenly. The intimacy is  almost unbearable, warming her skin and making her feel… Bella blushes, cutting off the thought.

"Well, closer to the heart is better, right?" The words are soft, unsure. Alice nods. "Maybe… here?" She traces her finger over her ribcage, just under her breast. It was another potential tattoo location, if she had found words powerful enough to engrave them there forever. To have the memory of Alice, this memory, pressed close to her heart seemed worthy of eternity.

"Anything you want, Bella." The words are intimate, a promise hiding in the words she doesn't say, and the look in her eyes. Her fingers trace over the spot, holding all of the gentle tenderness in her gaze. Bella can't look away.

"I guess it's now or never then." The words are more to herself than anything. Her hands are shaking as she lays back on the couch, trying to get as comfortable as her nerves will let her.

Alice moves carefully towards her, straddling her hips with her small form. "Are you ready?" The way Alice is looking down at her leaves her breathless. All she can do is nod. Alice's hands tease up her shirt, stopping just before exposure. She traces a single finger over the edge of her ribcage, and Bella has to bite back her emotions. Alice must know how torturous the touch is. It takes all of her willpower to avoid squirming. As it is her heart rate gives her away.

"Here?" Bella's breath catches at the subtle pressure of Alice's other hand, landing on her exposed waist.

"Yes." The word is almost a sigh, full of longing she can't suppress. Her cheeks flush, and Alice's smile seems fond, almost as though she's doing it on purpose.

Her lips barely ghost over the spot, pressing down with the force of a kiss and making Bella's breath catch before her teeth sink in ecstatic, erotic pain, that quickly crosses every line she's ever drawn. The breath Bella lost to her kiss comes out in a scream, pain racing over every nerve, outward from the bite. Instead of thrashing, everything freezes, and she ceases to exist outside of the fire burning through her. Bella can't even hear the screams, or feel her throat making them, but she knows they're happening. The pain is the only proof she exists.

Cool presses to both sides of her face, abstract in the shape of her. Above Bella, everything comes into sharp focus, a contrast brought about by a new level of pain, beyond anything she could imagine. Amber eyes stare into hers, concern on the face of an angel. Alice's lips are moving, but she can't read them, can't hear. Calm presses into her, fighting a war with the pain, overwhelmed by the tsunami. It isn't too long before she can feel herself letting go, drowning in inescapable waves of agony.

Chapter Text

Jasper is sitting on the ground outside the cabin, his back to the wall. The sun is rising over the rapidly growing pile of wood shavings around him. Alice is sitting cross legged in front of him, touching knee to knee. She liked to be close when she searched the future, sure of his presence. She was always touching him in some tiny way, letting him guide her if the future called.

He knew the problem in front of her was a Gordian knot, and it might take a while. He always carries a knife and small chunk of hardwood for whenever waiting strikes. This time it's an R2-D2 for Bella keeping his hands busy. The shavings pile up.

One.

By.

One.

His hands keep a steady rhythm, no faster than a human might. His Pa always said that just because you could do it fast don't mean you could do it well, and it's true. He'd been living life in fast forward for nigh on a century before he met Alice. he didn't always know how to slow down, and doing anything at a human pace had been an uphill battle from the start. His frustration led to many pulverized pieces, gone in barely the blink of an eye, from the slightest lapse in attention. Alice started him down the road to salvation, to civilization of a different kind.

Then she led him to the Cullens.

Living with Edward had been it's own endurance test at first, one he regularly failed. Misery was his constant companion, unless he could retreat to calmer waters, but his peace never lasted. Rose would break something he liked, and Esme would favor Edward as her own son reborn, and he would mock her, and the cycles started anew.

Edward never appreciated the mental comparisons he made to his own squabbling siblings a lifetime ago. He had a large family, and the chaos of them all locked up together at home reminded him of them frequently.

Rosalie often reminded him of his younger sister. He was two years older than her, but he doted on her more than the others. She was the peace in the storm and Rose often filled the same role, easily putting away her feelings after she talked about them, giving him a reprieve from the rest of them. She was petty, and funny, and the only one with a practical head on her shoulders, willing to do what needed to be done instead of hemming and hawing over propriety.

She wasn't afraid to get her hands dirty.

He almost felt guilty now, for voting to kill Bella, for almost doing it himself. It seemed like the right decision at the time, the safest. But the quickest route to safety wasn't always the best, and he'd learned that the hard way, not that it stuck. He couldn't help but feel fondness for Bella, a sense of kinship. He remembers being green, and desperate for Maria's approval, or any scrap of praise she threw his way. It's one of the reason's he stayed so long, and he didn't want her to fall into that trap.

Maria was an incredible woman, but not the kind of partner he needed, and it took him far too long to realize. Edward wasn't even incredible, just a pile of daddy issues wrapped in religious-flavored self loathing, and he couldn't even see it. He'd drag Bella down into hell with him, warnings and consequences be damned. How else was he supposed to interpret the blatant law breaking in telling her the secret, and insisting she remain human? The man was a fool and a masochist.

Maybe calling Edward a masochist is hypocritical, given his current activity. Bella's terror and desperation seep into him, and he just takes it. It's only his due. How many times has he caused this torture? It's uncountable. He wishes it were, rather, but the memories refuse to fade. He hasn't tried counting them, but he could.

He slows his hand, using even, measured movements to carve a detailed likeness. The action is the last thread tying him to his seat. 

He forces himself to sit through Bella's transformation, to feel every ounce of it as a heavy reminder of what he's done. Alice disapproves, as she always does, but she doesn't intervene. He's stubborn enough that it wouldn't get her far, and she knows it. Even still, she doesn't like when he's suffering.

She likes to talk through her decision trees and now is no exception. It comes with the added bonus of distracting him from his self imposed hell. He loves listening to her rattle off half finished ideas, before some untenable flaw appears and she moves on without a care. How to tell Edward remains the problem, but he's unpredictable, tearing things apart at the mildest censure, unwilling to accept the reality of who we are.

Jasper knows Edward thinks less of him for his past, and his ability to move past it. Hell, Edward still hasn't moved past the singular lapse he had, which wasn't even a tragedy. None of them, especially him, held it against Edward. They were more likely to agree with the cause, as a whole, but his mind was made up. He was an irredeemable monster. Vampires were irredeemable creatures as a whole, even when they abstained.

The whole thing reeked of religious trauma. He privately thought that Edward was deeply closeted, but he didn't want to ruin what little amicability remained between them. Jasper's open bisexuality was another strike against him in Edward's book, not that he let it on. Edward was very good at pretending, so he let him. Jasper's a peaceful man at heart, and other people's hang-ups were none of his concern.

That's what he told himself, but enduring the self loathing produced by such problems was another form of penance. He didn't have to hate himself if others were willing to do it for him.

Edward was more than willing to judge all of them.

Jasper finishes the small figure, and pockets it. As soon as his knife is put away, Alice sits between his legs, leaning against his chest.

"You shouldn't torture yourself. She chose this. She was always going to end up here." Alice's words break through the cloud of misery hanging over him.

"It's hard to believe that anyone would choose this life, least of all a teenager." He sighs, wrapping his arms around Alice's waist. "I know you said she'll be content, happy even, but I'm not convinced she really knows what she's getting into. How can she?"

"Even if she doesn't, this is the choice she made. This is the choice she always ends up making, given a year or 5 or even 20 to think on it. We've given her the chance to make it completely unattached from Edward." She sounds wholly sure of herself in a way Jasper has never been. He depends on it, and trusts that she's making the right move even when it is not obvious to him.

"I guess I have nothing to worry about then."

"Well..." Alice's face scrunched up. "Maybe one thing. I can't see any of Bella's decisions after she turns. I can see the results of my decisions, and used that to plan telling Edward, but I have no idea how she's going to react. She's been redacted, just a blank form where she should be. I can see him yelling at her, but it's like she's been edited out, hidden. I'm extrapolating from incomplete data here." Her voice is calm, but he can hear the subtle notes of panic creeping in.

"So her gift gets stronger?" He wonders then if she'll become a deadzone for him as well, a blissful reprieve he has to work to figure out. It's as exciting as it is terrifying.

"I think there's a possibility that she just turns gifts off, but I don't know anything!" The frustration in Alice's tone is rising, a note of distress entering her voice. "Maybe she learns to control it? Bella continues to surprise me. It's both exciting and terrifying."

"Isn't that a good thing? You've been bored for a decade now. You won't be able to see every gift you get in advance, or have to experience every conversation twice." He rubs her arms, giving her enough calm to take the edge off her anxiety.

"I'm going to say the wrong things." Alice's anxiety is manifesting as very fast crocheting. Jasper wraps his arms back around her but doesn't get in her way.

"That's part of life, sweetheart. I've been doing everything wrong for 162 years, and people are very forgiving. Bella especially. Look at the horrendous way Edward has behaved towards her, and she still wants to be part of the family." His voice is gentle. He's experienced enough of her anxiety to recognize that she's not exactly listening, but the words will stick with her later, after she's calmed down.

"I'm not supposed to be fallible." Alice is terrified.

"You're still special, love, fallible or not. That's not what makes you important, not to me, and not to the rest of the family." He says the words in her ear, resting his chin on her shoulder.

"My gift is all I've had since I woke up, my constant companion before I found you. I don't like how it feels to not know things." Her gift is such a core piece of her that Jasper can't imagine her without it. He knows how she feels, with the void of the unknown hanging over her head.

"I know. Your gift isn't going to stop working, you just have to do a little more guesswork. It's still worth it though, right?"

Alice sighs. "Yeah." She relaxes back against his chest. "I'm already half in love with her, and I don't even know her yet. It's so frustrating not being able to look ahead and see where we end up. Is she happy? Do I fuck it all up irrevocably? Are we even what's best for her? I don't have the answers."

"We all have to take a leap of faith eventually, you just got to put it off longer than the rest of us." He kisses her head. "You're not going to fuck it up irrevocably. You'll fuck up mildly, and then you'll fix it. Or I'll fuck up, or Bella will, but we'll fix it. Together. Finding out what happens along the way is part of the fun. Relationships are scary and embarrassing, and exciting, and awkward as hell, but worth all of the hassle. Everything will work out."

"I guess I'll never know if I don't try, huh?" He knows now that the words got through to her, and can feel her relaxing into him. Her emotions are clearing up, replaced with her usual bubbly confidence in her decisions. "Now, can you run some errands for me?"

He knows she's trying to get him away from the house, from the torturous onslaught of Bella's feelings, but he lets her.

Jasper has witnessed the first moments of countless vampires, and what Bella is experiencing is nothing new. There are a percentage of newborns who can't handle the sensations of their new life. The sights, sounds, and smells are infinitely more detailed than the human experience. There was at least one per batch of newborns that dissolved into a shaking mess, senseless to the world. He could've helped them, maybe, but orders are orders. They weren't suited for battle, and so they were destroyed. 

Seeing Bella curled into a corner, covering her ears and practically vibrating rocking in place reminded him heavily of all the people he couldn't save. People he chose not to save. 

He could try to make a difference this time. Although the last time he wanted to make a difference, when he couldn't stand the constant suffering surrounding him any longer, he regretted his decision. He still wasn't sure if that batch was actually suffering more, or if he was losing the ability to cope with it. 

The blanket of calm he applied did nothing to soothe the horror they felt at their existence. The hatred they held for him in their heart was a mirror of his own feelings. Maybe it was mercy, or maybe it was a selfish desire to hide the feelings he was too cowardly to face head on. Either way, he forced their brains to ramp up dopamine production, and flooded their nerves. When he was done, there was nothing left of the people underneath. He had fried them, burning out their pleasure receptors past the point of repair. 

They were useless to Maria, and after this experience, so was he. He left then, and she didn't protest. 

Would he have the control to help her? Alice gave him an encouraging smile, positioning herself in front of Bella, who flinched, but untensed marginally. 

He moved as gently as he could to sit beside Bella, layering the calm softly over her like a physical blanket. He was afraid to do too much. Alice whispers to her, mostly little nothings, or random bits of information, but at the perfect frequency to cancel out the majority of the insect noises. 

Slowly, over the next half an hour, Bella starts to relax. Her movements slow, but don't stop. 

She leans her forehead against Alice's, still rocking gently. Bella takes a deep breath, and immediately freezes to process the onslaught of scents. 

"Just breathe for me, and it'll get easier. You'll adjust." The words are quiet, but seem to do the trick. Bella's breath stutters, but regains an even pace, matching perfectly to Alice's measured breaths. He didn't dare move, and shatter any progress they had made. His involvement would ruin everything, as it always seemed to. 

It took another half an hour for Bella still entirely, and he still hasn't moved an inch. This was Alice's moment to dazzle, to be the first thing Bella sees with her new eyes. She would be her first truly unforgettable sight, a beauty beheld that could never fade in her memories.

He became aware that he was holding his breath, watching Alice take Bella's hands ever so gently. Her excitement is building. He could feel the impatience, joy, and love rolling off Alice while she waited for Bella to open her eyes. It fills the room, fills his heart to see her so happy. Bella's emotions are quieter beside her. Her joy is tinged with embarrassment and fear fighting for prominence. When her eyes meet Alice's however, the emotion filling the room was a pungent combination of adoration and lust that left her breathless. 

"Hi."

Chapter Text

When she finally feels the weight of the meltdown drain away and has cataloged every sound, every shift in the air, Bella dares to take a breath. It brings the meltdown crashing back down on her, honey and vanilla mixing with the taste of sunshine. There's a distinct floral note with more flowers than she can name. It's a heady, almost heavenly scent, paired with the lightest smoky flavor, and leather. Her entire body freezes, letting her brain process the hundreds of individual notes. She has to catalog them and put them away before she can exist. 

"Just breathe for me, and it'll get easier. You'll adjust." Alice's words are soft, barely even a breath. She takes a stuttering breath, trying to focus on the strongest notes. She can taste Alice's scent on her tongue, letting the warmth of it wash over her. Her breaths even out, and the overwhelming cacophony settles into the background. It exists alongside her constant analysis of the room. She matches Alice's even breathing effortlessly. Her rocking, the only thing holding her together, starts to slow.

It takes longer than she'd like to calm completely, and let the last vestiges of the meltdown fade away. Slowly, her clothes feel less like sandpaper, and she stops flinching at the tiniest of noises. The blanket of calm over her starts to compress her back into a human shape, defining her from the static of existence. She can think, past the insect noises and Alice's breath on her face, and air touching her skin. She almost feels real again.

With her regained awareness is the joy of freedom. It bursts through her, bringing the slightest of smiles to her face. She made it and came out the other side. It also brings the painful awareness that she had an audience to her meltdown. It fills her with dread, overpowering the joy, and even the shame. Will they even still want her, now that she's here and not perfect?

Alice carefully holds her clenched fists, uncurling her fingers and squeezing out some of the tension. It's this that gives her the courage to open her eyes. Everything changes when she meets Alice's eyes. The world seems to stop as she absorbs the adoration pouring from her. Her rich, gold eyes are rimmed with red, but it only enhances her beauty. She forgets to breathe. Her eyes roam Alice's face, absorbing every tiny detail she somehow missed. A light pastel sheen coats her, making her sparkle in the ambient light with a soft glow. It almost seemed impossible, the way her heart expanded to fit all the love she felt. Adoration mingled with lust making it difficult to restrain herself. She wants…. She wants many things. Bella wants to cradle Alice's face in her hands and breathe in her essence. She wants to tackle her to the floor and kiss her with a desperate tenderness. To let all these new emotions overwhelm her, in the best of ways. She wants to pin her down, to see her squirm, laugh, and moan under her fingers. 

Jasper shifts behind Alice, barely moving to remind her of his presence. Mortification crashes over her like a bucket of cold water.

"Hi." The word is awkward on her tongue. She tries not to sound as breathless as she feels, but she can't contain her smile. She would've blushed if she had the power. Her eyes immediately dart away. She counts the dustmotes floating by until she feels calm enough to meet Jasper's eyes.

Her mortification is overridden by his mouthwatering beauty. Her jaw almost drops when she sees the way fire seems to shine from the scars covering every inch of him. Alice has a delicate sharpness to her, but he is all rough edges. He's barely tamed by Alice's sophistication. Even Edward, with all his refined beauty, had never made her stomach swoop like this. Her mental control is slipping after only a few moments in their presence. That doesn't bode well for the rest of their time. His smirk was knowingly delicious, making her look at her hands, or anywhere that wasn't one of their faces. 

"Hi." Alice is bouncing with excitement and squeezes her hands. "What do you want to do first?" 

"Probably eat," Jasper says behind her. The fire burning through her centralizes on her throat. Her thirst intensifies with every second passed now that she's acknowledged it. 

"Fuck, you're right." She lets go of Alice's hands, and by the time she stands, Jasper has reappeared from the kitchen with a steel cup. it's filled with blood, and a fun crazy straw, which lands on the carpet when she takes it from him, downing it in one go. Her fingers dent the cup, leaving a perfect indentation of her hand. The burning in her throat subsides enough for embarrassment to course through her. Would she ever be able to meet Jasper's eyes, when he had such intimate knowledge of her sins? He takes the cup from her, covering her hand on it with his own until she looks up to see the mirth sparkling in his eyes. 

Of course, he'd find it funny that she wants to fuck his wife, and maybe also him. Why wouldn't he? Her embarrassment only grows stronger. She drops the cup, and groans, burying her face in her hands before sighing, and sitting on the couch. Something cracks underneath her as she sits down slightly harder than she intended. It's bowing in the middle now. Great. 

"So what'd I miss?" She tries to bury everything, focusing only on the wood grain beneath her swinging feet.

"Edward hasn't called if that's what you're wondering. James is leading them through the Rockies, and we've been communicating via text. He should be calling in a little bit, wanting to talk to you. Do you want to talk to him?"

Bella sighs, sitting to think for a moment. "Might as well get it over with. I can't do anything until I do." Her brain is stuck on the task at hand, looping through her script. She tweaks and changes the words she wants to say over and over, trying to convey it all without saying too much. 

"Do you want to call him, or wait 47 minutes until he calls?" Alice's eyes unfocus, scanning the nearby future.

"And sit here anxious, unable to focus for that long? Let's get this thing over with. What's the worst that could happen?"

"I don't know actually. You've gotten vague since you turned. I can sometimes see his reactions, but I don't know what you're doing to cause them anymore." Frustration leaks into her voice, making Bella tense.

"Guess I've started to ruin your power too." It feels inevitable that nothing good could last around her. She made the people in her life miserable whether she intended to or not. This was only a continuation of a longstanding pattern. "I'm probably not the easiest to be around then, huh?" 

She shrinks in her seat, bracing herself for the rejection to come, from both Edward, and Alice. 

"I don't know, I like an element of surprise in my life. Nobody's ever gotten me a gift I didn't see coming. You, however… I like your surprises. If I didn't, I wouldn't have decided to keep you." Alice trails off, the future taking hold of her focus. She almost drops her phone when it rings in her hand, shock stilling her before she can answer it. 

"Carlisle." She answers, surprised she didn't see this coming. 

"I almost thought something had happened, when you didn't answer on the first ring." His voice is audible to Bella over the tinny speaker, the crackle of the connection loud in her ears.

"I didn't see you calling. I guess I was looking too hard for Edward to call." She forces a laugh, putting Carlisle at ease.

"Ah, yes. How is Bella? Is she still sick with stress?" She shoots Alice a confused look, and she mouths back 'later'.

"She's feeling better. Edward can even ask her himself if he wants." Bella's panic spikes at Alice's words. She's not ready! Her script is still awkward, and as much as she wants it out of the way, it's still terrifying. 

Jasper stands by her side, touching her arm lightly with a dose of calm. It settles her, even though the feeling floats over her skin, not reaching her. She's as ready as she'll ever be. She has to be.

"Bella?" Edward's voice, once so melodic to her, sounds scratchy over the cheap phone speakers

"Hi." It's immediately clear how her voice has changed, and she cringes. "We need to talk."

"Bella?" The devastation is clear in his tone, and on the other end of the line, something breaks. "You're a vampire." The hatred in his tone shocks her.

"I also got a tattoo." It seems easier to rip off the bandaid now and get it over with. I'm also desperately attracted to your sister but she doesn't say that. The line is silent like he's gone into shock. "You know what, let's do this in person. There's a lot you don't know, for all the questions you've asked. See you then." Bella throws the phone at Alice and sprints into the woods. She still wasn't prepared to hear proof that he wasn't interested in her . It was clear now, looking back on it, that her humanity was far more interesting than she was. She had braced herself for it, accepted it even, but it still hollowed out a hole in her chest. Why had she dared to hope? 

She can hear Alice talking to Carlisle, and Jasper following her, but keeping his distance. She used to run until her lungs burned out whatever she was feeling, but that wouldn't happen anymore. Is it even worth running? It brought neither relief nor exhilaration. Feelings are buzzing in her chest, but she doesn't want to identify them, couldn't. The mix of shame, guilt, fear, and overwhelming relief is more than she can bear. 

She starts to slow down as she gets out of earshot until she stops. A massive boulder sits near some rotting fallen trees, and she perches herself on top of it. She's crouched and bouncing on the balls of her feet. 

"Do you want to talk about it?" Jasper's voice is soft behind her, loud enough to be heard over the nearby rushing water. 

"Not really?" She sighs, looking up at the sky through the trees. "He hates me, just like that." She chooses to focus on that, instead of the abandonment clawing its way up her throat. 

"If it makes you feel any better, he hates me too." Jasper offers up with a grin, leaning on a nearby tree.

"What was your unforgivable sin?" she wonders, looking down at all the life scurrying around on the forest floor. She starts to count them, and catalog the bugs under her.

"Being openly bisexual and non-monogamous." She can feel his eyes on her, the implication there. 

"I guess it was always going to be like this then, huh? Well, you can't win them all." She wasn't even sure that Edward was something she wanted to win. She had eternity at her fingertips. 

"Does it bother you?" Jasper's voice is quiet, and he's studying her.

"Yes? No? Maybe? I'm not sure anymore."  Her eyes dart to examine him. She's easily distracted from her complicated emotions. Jasper's leaning against a tree with sunlight dappling through the leaves. She can't look away. Fire seems to dance across his skin, shining from the criss-cross of scars covering every inch of him. Well, she doesn't know it's every inch of him. She buries that thought before it can travel further, and get out of control. 

"Not as much as it should. And besides, he's kind of a snob." She looks up to meet Jasper's eyes and bites her lip. "I can do whatever I want now, right?" It's hard to keep her emotions in check. She's bouncing around all over the place. The words would make her blush, but the fact that he already knows what she wants emboldens her.

"That depends on what you want. You're in our care for the next year, after all. Alice would give you anything you wanted. I'm a little harder to win over, however." The look he's giving her is intense, pinning her to the rock and leaving her breathless.

"I want to stay with you. Both of you." She stutters out an answer. if her heart could beat it'd be pounding. Embarrassment and excitement course through her. It lights her up in new and interesting ways. And he can feel it all. The desire to look away is powerful but she can't back down.

"That's convenient, as we'd like to keep you." He steps away from the tree, approaching the rock she's perched on slowly. "To whatever extent you're comfortable."

He's close enough that she can taste the scent of him when she inhales. A smoky scent that reminds her of home, in some obscure way. Maybe home is what they're becoming in the short time she's been dependent on them.

She shifts into a sitting position. He's still taller than her, and she has to look up at him through her lashes.

"I would be very comfortable." With anything. With everything. Her eyes flash to his full, parted lips, and he takes a small step forward. He's standing between her legs, an inch away from touching her. The tension ramps up, and she forgets how to breathe with the way he's looking at her.

"Well, we have eternity to find out." He tucks a strand of hair behind her ear, letting his hand linger a moment before stepping back. "Alice will be disappointed if I keep you all to myself. She had some ideas now that you're finally awake. Like this one."

He pulls out a camera and snaps a photo of her before she can recover. She almost buries her face in her hands. She's certain that all her desire is written on her face. If she could blush, she would be.

So instead she runs away. Again. 

Alice is waiting for them on the broken couch inside when she makes it back to the cabin. She dances up to Jasper, taking the camera from his hands and giving him a quick kiss.

"I saw you take a picture. I want to see it! And you," She turns on Bella, her smile wide. "You still haven't seen yourself. You're gorgeous." She admires the photo for a moment before turning the camera on Jasper, who's bemused.

"You flatter me," Bella looks down at the floor instead of at Alice. "How long until they arrive?" She hopes that by changing the subject she can distract Alice from the mirror.

"You're off the hook for now." Alice tries to give her a stern look but can't keep the smile from her face. "They were closer than I thought, and closing in fast. Edward is rushing them even more. Fifteen minutes? He wants to talk to me first, which gives you more time. Emmett wants to test your strength, which will keep you busy while we talk." She sets the camera aside, for now, bouncing on the balls of her feet.

"Why does he want to talk to you first?" It gives Bella more time to prepare, which is good, but confuses her.

"We have to talk about what I want, and why I've 'stolen you away from him'." Alice rolls her eyes. "Because clearly, I've corrupted you. There's no way you would've made these choices of your own volition."

Annoyance flares up at her words, overwhelming her other emotions. "Right. I'm such a damsel in distress." Bella scoffs, glaring at the floor. "If he doesn't want to talk to me, then I don't want to see him. Tell him he can go to hell." Bella turns on her heel and leaves, walking outside to avoid breaking things. Like the floor, from stomping.

"Do you want to be here when they arrive?" Alice asks, following her outside. She's looking around the yard, taking stock of it. "If we're staying, I want to redo the garden. This isn't native." She gestures to the side of the house.

"Maybe? Unless I end up running away." Bella considers the flowerbed she's gesturing to. It's overflowing with Japanese Honeysuckle and Garlic Mustard. English Ivy climbs up the side of the cottage behind it. 

"Emmett wants to wrestle you. Maybe Jasper can show you a few tricks before he gets here?" Alice winks. "By the time you've kicked Emmett's ass, we should be done talking." She is delighted by the outcome she's seen.

"I like that idea." She's distracted once again by the idea of Jasper so close to her. It takes all her effort to rein in any stray thoughts about wrestling Jasper.

She hears him chuckle from inside the cottage. "I can teach you a few tricks, although it might be more beneficial to see me in action first." He follows them outside, stepping up behind Alice and wrapping his arms around her waist.

"Hm, yes. A demonstration is in order," Alice smirks up at him, turning in his arms to peck his cheek, before dancing away. "We want to redo the garden anyways." She shrugs elegantly, sinking into a crouch opposite him. Bella stands at the treeline, letting her eyes wander over Alice's form.

Jasper begins to circle her, but she's unfazed. 

All at once, they explode into movement. They dance around each other, missing by mere centimeters. He presses forward. Alice slides out of his grasp. She taps his ass before darting away again. He smirks, giving chase, and the game begins.

Their movements are fluid, almost choreographed. He comes so close to catching Alice, only for her to slip out of his arms. She's faster, lighter, and smaller. Jasper appears to have caught her when she launches high into the air. She does several backflips before landing in a crouch across from him.

The circling continues, but the way the sun glints off their skin distracts Bella. The refractions send rainbows across the yard, dazzling her in pastel. 

Jasper lights up the tips of the long grass with a brilliant, burning red. His skin is a sunset personified, making it difficult to focus on his movements. All his scars are leaking sunshine. They criss-cross his skin until he's nothing but a blazing blur. He tears up the ground with his efforts.

Bella can't look away from their dance. There's no other word more suited for the give and take of their battle. It was impossible to tell who was winning. If there was a winner. Who was the predator and who was the prey? Maybe it was her.

In a sudden stillness, it becomes clear. Alice crouches on Jasper's back, arm around his throat with a triumphant grin. She kisses his neck before springing away, winking at Bella.

"He doesn't let me win, if you're wondering. I'm just that good," Alice says. Jasper scoffs.

"You're only that good because I taught you. You were abysmal in a fight when we met! It's a wonder nobody tore ya to pieces."

"I had my visions to guide me," she says smugly.

"And they guided you straight to me, so I could teach your sorry ass to protect yourself." He chuckles, pulling her in for a kiss.

"That's not the only reason I keep you around. The sex is pretty good, too." Alice laughs, the sound like a bell ringing. Jasper's smile is warm, enamored. Bella shifts awkwardly, drawing their attention.

Before Alice can say anything, Bella hears the sound of vampires approaching. She instinctively hunches into a crouch, putting Alice and Jasper between her and the noise. A soft note of calm barely brushes over her skin, a reassurance more than anything.

Three sets of footsteps approach but it's a moment before Bella can see them. Carlisle is leading, with Emmett and Edward following.

"Hey, new sis!" Emmett whoops as they come into sight. His skin is a completely different kind of sparkle in the sun. It gains veins of russet undertones and brings warmth to his complexion in a much subtler way than Jasper.

Bella can't help but flinch at the volume, shrinking behind them.

"Emmett, do try not to scare her," Carlisle scolds. He looks as exhausted as he sounds, despite not needing rest. It doesn't detract from his beauty in the sunlight. His alabaster skin glows. Translucent blonde hair catches the light in iridescent waves.

Edward appears last, looking miserable and downtrodden. He sparkles like diamonds, but it’s less enchanting now that she's seen the variety on display.

Bella has carefully avoided looking at herself, afraid of what she'll find. She wondered what he saw when he looked at her now. It wasn't the same soft, warm human he used to see. But it was never about her as a person, just a concept. She was a blank slate where he could impose his will.

Her tattoo, which he was now staring at, was the first part of her that felt like hers . It was the first selfish decision she made, something for her enjoyment and nothing else.

She catered her entire life to Renée, even down to her move to Forks. She had made herself as small and manageable a daughter as she could. She'd done the same with Charlie, becoming low maintenance. Even if she'd desperately wanted to be taken care of, for things to be different.

And then she'd spent the last few weeks minimizing herself for a boy she didn't know, and for what? To be reviled when she's a person with ideas and opinions on how her life should go? It starkly reminded her of her fights with Renée, before she'd given in to being as blank and agreeable as possible.

Bella had spent years living this way, did she want to keep up the charade for God knows how much longer?

"I'm breaking up with you." The words surprise her as much as they do Edward. "I've got to figure out what it means to live for myself."

Edward nods miserably, and Bella panics, darting into the forest. Running away from her problems. That's all she knows how to do, it seems. She runs for miles until she finds a small clearing, where she sits down to wait.

She's feeling a complicated mix of emotions but chief among them is relief. Parallels can be drawn between ensuring her future via Edward, and Renee marrying Charlie fresh out of high school. Being locked into something for the rest of her life before she understood the consequences terrified her.

Now she was, but in a way that afforded her more freedom, not less.

Even the brief weeks of Edward having power over her was enough to put a tightness in her chest. Her life had been shaped by Renee's flights of whimsy, and the men she'd dated because they could put food on the table. It usually didn't last longer than a year, and then they'd be bouncing around the city again.

At first, Phil seemed like a blessing, someone to take care of Renee while she was at school. He had a car, so Bella didn't have to take the bus home after her shift at the grocery store. He took over paying the bills that Renee 'forgot' to give her money for. All of that raised him in her eyes until the wedding planning started. He let his manners slip, but Renee either didn’t notice or didn’t care.

Any complaints she had about Phil ceased to matter. He was the love of her life, even if he got drunk every weekend and yelled at the tv. Or at her and Renee when she was too irresponsible. He always made it up to Renee with sweet words and weekend trips, but Bella was the third wheel he didn't want. He'd won over her mother and being nice to her didn't matter anymore.

Bella had to get out. 

Renee didn't try to stop her, promising to fly her down for the wedding next summer.

Bella was so unbelievably relieved to be free. The anger she'd repressed rolled over her, crushing her until she had to scream. The nearest tree didn't survive her kick. Neither did the next one, or the next, until she had a whole clearing of decimated wood chips and sharp trunks. All animal sounds had ceased, but the bugs still trundled underfoot.

Bella told herself she was clearing a space for wrestling, but shame burned through her. She dropped to the ground, exhausted despite her inability to tire.

Well, someone would come to find her eventually. She didn't know if it'd be Jasper or Emmett. She settled in to wait, pinching and pulverizing the stumps she could reach.

Jasper found her first, his lighter footsteps easily distinguished from Emmett's heavy tread.

"It's not the finest clearing I've seen a vampire make, but it'll do." He grins, offering her a hand to pull her up. She doesn't need it, but she takes it anyway, reveling in the softness of the stone.

He stomps the remaining stumps, flattening the ground in a moment. "Emmett gave me a head start. I wanted to make sure you were okay."

"Yeah, fine. Totally fine!" Bella's voice is high, but he doesn't call her on it. "Bring on the strength tutoring." She laughs awkwardly, rubbing her arm.

"Well, you're already a lot stronger than Emmett, but you can't rely on brute force forever. You're a light build, so you can outspeed a lot of vampires. Even when you're not a newborn, you'll be fast. Physical condition plays a role in your abilities after you're turned. Edward was dying of the Spanish flu, so he's neither as strong nor as fast as I am." He smirks.

"He told me he was the fastest," Bella says quizzically.

“You’re about to become privy to a Cullen Family Secret.” He leans forward conspiratorially. “Carlise has let lots of little white lies build up, mostly around Edward. He’s the sensitive one that Carlisle and Esme feel the need to shelter.” Jasper rolls his eyes.

“Shelter from what?”

“Esme sees him as her baby boy, and Carlisle’s always tried his best to make Edward happy. It’s difficult with someone so determined to be miserable. Running was the only thing he had, when he first turned. Carlisle didn’t see any harm in letting him have it, so when Edward stopped being faster, he slowed down. He didn’t think that a single vampire would be willing to live the way he does, let alone five. No one’s as devoted to the diet as he is, so he makes concessions. And he keeps making concessions. Hunting mountain lions makes Edward happy, so Carlisle lets it go on. Except now they’re endangered, and he feels like he can’t take that from him. Emmett devastates the bear population wherever we live, but the alternative is a lot of ‘accidents’ and cheat days. All the little concessions add up until he’s living a lie.”

“Is any part of this family functional?”

“Well…” He drawls. “Me and Alice are the stablest, but are we functional? I don’t think too hard about it. What we have works for us, and that’s enough. Is it ain’t broke, don’t fix it, an’ all that.”

"How does Carlisle hide it from him? He can read minds."

"Edward's power is easy to workaround. He only catches the surface level thoughts. He can’t dig deeper. Even if something tips him off, he won’t know unless Carlisle chooses to share it with him. He hasn't heard any of Rosalie's actual thoughts in years. Not since the beginning. She had a- uh, traumatic start to this life, and he was not kind to her. She’d rather Edward thinks she’s vain than bare her trauma to his scrutiny."

"So he's just a dick." Edward's previous conversations about Rosalie spring to mind. This puts them in a new light.

"Always has been."

They're interrupted by the heavy footfalls of Emmett.

"Wow, I love what you've done with the place." His booming laugh fills the air, loud enough to make her flinch. "I can't wait to see you in action. Hopefully, Jasper hasn't given you too much training."

"I think I can take you on." Being one of the boys is familiar territory for Bella. It's easy to let everything slip away, and focus on beating him. "Jasper hasn't even given me any pointers yet."

"I'll show you some more advanced techniques later. Let's focus on what you already know. Emmett?"

He charges. She loses all rationality except the drive to get away. Memories freeze her in the past. There’s banging on her bedroom door, and she’s terrified. There’s a drunken rage haunting her home, a specter of violence that appears when she least expects it. She’s a deer in the headlights. She’s a victim. She’s an adult. She’s only fifteen, and her heart is going to explode out of her chest. There’s a fist coming for her face, and no one to stop it. There’s a scream building, but no one to care. She can’t breathe. Her chest is hollow. The ghost of her heart pounds in her chest, and for a moment, she’s sure that she’s dying.

She’s already dead. It all slams into her moments before Emmett does. Freeze turns to flight on instinct, driving her to stay alive, at all costs.

She can vaguely hear Jasper calling Emmett off, but it doesn't process. She isn't thinking, just smashing through trees in a clumsy scramble that can be heard for miles. Footsteps are chasing her, and that's all that matters. She can’t escape them, even as she moves faster. Her trail of destruction will lead them to her, if her scent doesn’t.

It pushes her until she’s flying across the ground. She moves erratically, knocking down fewer trees as she goes. Miles pass. She’s still a loose cannon, decimating everything in her path, but reason is returning to her. She can almost think around the terror. Almost.

The sharp thud-thud-thud of a heartbeat pulls her away, veering sharply to the left. The allure is irresistible. It's a siren's call pulling her to her doom. The footsteps chasing her speed up, but it's no match for her. Nothing can keep her from her prey.

Bella ceases to exist. In her place is a monster with a singular focus: hunting. All her concerns are swept away by the current carrying her forward, on and on towards ecstasy. The sweet scent overrides everything she’s ever known, driving each footprint deeper into the ground ahead of her. Pure strength pushes her forward.

In a burst of speed, she launches herself at the source of the scent. She lands on it from above, latching her teeth onto its throat. In the next moment, its head is violently removed. Her attempts to tear out the throat shower the surrounding area. Warm, wet blood soaks through her shirt. What makes it into her mouth is heaven on earth. She’s never believed in God, but this is a taste of divinity made corporeal. Bella drinks until she's full, and then drains her prey dry by the time the footsteps catch up. The weight of what she's done slams into her when the wind shifts, bringing Jasper's scent with it. The clean air clears the haze of bloodlust.

Bella isn't prepared for the dismembered human head laying on the ground at her feet.