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Reality is fake. Everything is fake. Nothing is real. Nothing exists.
At least that’s what Reki was telling himself.
The red-head laid in his bed, unmoving. It’s not that he wasn’t trying. Heck, he had been screaming at himself for the past half hour to get up and take a shower, but his body just wouldn’t respond. It felt as though there was a giant black mass in his chest weighing him down, spreading throughout his limbs and into his organs. He can’t move.
Three days like this had gone by. Reiki’s mother and sisters were visiting his Aunt in the next town over, and they planned on staying there for a week. Reki was alone. Completely alone.
He technically could reach out to Joe or Cherry or Shadow or even Miya if he needed to, but he didn’t want to burden them with his problems. He couldn’t even talk to Langa. He knows that Langa still is going through a lot after his father’s passing and his move to Japan, and Reki did not want to add any additional stress. Plus, they had just started dating, and Reki didn’t want to seem too needy.
He rolled over, curling in on himself as he thought about his best friend. Langa was probably out skating right now. What else would he be doing? Maybe he was working. Reki really should have called into work and said he was sick or something, but talking to an actual person sounded exhausting.
Out of curiosity, Reki reached an arm out of his blanket-burrito and picked up his phone.
6 messages and 2 missed calls from Cherry.
7 messages and 4 missed calls from Joe.
12 messages and 5 missed calls from Miya.
18 messages and 8 missed calls from Langa.
Joe, Monday 7:34pm Hey kid, you okay?
Langa, Monday 9:28am Reki where are you, we have a test today
Miya, Tuesday 8:45am Hey slime, where were you last night?
Joe, Tuesday 4:56pm Is everything okay?
Cherry, Tuesday 2:46pm Reki, Joe and I are worried about you
Langa, Wednesday 3:37pm Babe?
Langa, Wednesday 3:38pm Reki please answer me
Langa, Wednesday 3:40pm I’m coming over if you don’t answer within an hour
Langa, Wednesday 4:42pm Alright I’m coming over, see you in 15 minutes
“Well shit...” Reki checked the time, seeing it was 5:03pm. Langa would be here any second now.
Despite knowing this information, Reki simply sighed and shut his phone off, curling back into his blankets. He couldn’t care less what he looked like or if Langa saw his messy room. He was just so tired…
“Reki? Are you here?” Langa’s voice came from down the hall. He didn’t know why, but Reki’s eyes started tearing up.
“ No no no no I can’t cry now, why am I crying? I’m not supposed to cry, I can’t let Langa see me cry, I’m just going to burden him, I can’t let him see me, I have to stop- ”
Reki’s thoughts were interrupted by a knock on his bedroom door. Reki put a hand over his mouth, shaking.
“Reki? Come on, I know you’re in there.”
Silence.
“Reki?” Langa’s voice was soft and gentle, and Reki was so close to breaking. He squeezed his eyes shut and pulled the blanket over his head, pinching his thigh.
“Reki… I’m coming in okay?”
No no no no no no no no-
The door opened slowly. Reki pinched his leg harder, trying to distract himself from his tears. Footsteps made their way gently across the room and towards the bed. Langa kneeled down on the ground, leveling himself with where Reki’s face was beneath the blankets.
“Hi Reki, are you with me?” Langa spoke as though Reki would break if he talked too loud. Little did Langa know, Reki was going to break no matter what.
A sob escaped Reki’s lips. He pinched his leg harder, tensing up his whole body as if that would protect him from his own mind. Langa slowly raised a hand to the blankets and pulled them down a little so he could see the top of Reki’s head. Hesitantly, Langa ran his fingers through Reki’s hair.
Reki couldn’t take this anymore. His resolve broke and he sobbed into his mattress. Langa, slightly scared by this sudden display of emotion, went into caregiver mode.
“Hey, hey hey hey, Reki, look at me, look at me.” Langa pulled the blanket down farther so he could see Reki’s entire face. “Look at me Reki, shhhh...”
Reki couldn’t look up. He couldn’t face Langa. Maybe if he didn’t look, everything would go away.
“Babe I need you to breathe with me, okay?” Langa gently rubbed his fingers against Reki’s skull in soothing circles, trying desperately to calm down his boyfriend. “Breathe with me, okay?”
Reki felt the blanket being pulled farther down and struggled away in protest. He needed the blanket. The blanket was the only thing between him and the whole world. He couldn’t lose it.
“Sh… I’m just trying to find your hand Reki.” Langa said gently.
“ Oh… okay... ” Reki thought. Hesitantly, he moved his hand toward Langa.
“I’m going to take your hand and put it on my chest so you can feel my breathing, okay?”
“ Breathing…? Oh, yeah… breathing… ” In his shock, Reki hadn’t noticed that he was hyperventilating. Slowly, he nodded his head in response.
Langa’s soft hands grasped onto Reki’s hand, placing it on his chest. Langa took a deep breath in, held it for a few seconds, and then breathed out. “Can you copy my breathing?”
Reiki shakily nodded. His chest hurt. Why did it hurt? Everything in his mind was screaming at him to run away from Langa and hide, but at the same time, he desperately wanted to be with someone.
Reiki slowly breathed in.
“Good job baby, now breathe out for me okay?”
Reiki slowly breathed out.
“You’re doing so well Reki, let’s breathe in again okay?”
Reki’s breath hitched on the way up, but eventually he got another full breath in.
Neither of them knew how long they stayed in that position. Langa finally removed Reki’s hand from his chest when Reki’s sobs had diminished into soft whimpers, and his breathing was almost normal.
“Are ya back with me babe?” Langa asked, kissing Reki’s forehead.
“I think so...” Reki whispered back.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
Silence.
“I… I just… ” Reki felt his heart rate starting to increase again.
“Hey hey hey hey, you can tell me when you’re ready, there’s no need to force anything.” Langa cupped Reki’s face in his hands, kissing his boyfriend on the nose.
Silence.
“Have you eaten anything today?”
Reki shook his head. The past three days he had eaten something each day, but he slept in today, choosing to only get out of bed to go to the bathroom.
“I’ll be right back, alright? Will you be okay by yourself?”
“I think so… ” Reki whispered.
“Okay, I’ll be back in a minute or two.” Langa squeezed Reki’s hand gently and made his way out of the room.
Within five minutes, Langa returned with two muffins and a glass of water.
“I figured we could eat together.” Langa handed one muffin to Reki, and kept the other to himself. He also handed Reki the glass of water and placed the apple sliced between them. Langa sat on the ground next to Reki’s bed.
Reki, now sitting up, silently chewed on his muffin. Langa tried to eat slowly, but still ended up finishing his muffin first. Reki felt awkward eating in front of Langa when Langa wasn’t eating anymore, so he placed his unfinished muffin back on the plate.
“Do you need anything?” Langa returned to running his fingers through Reki’s hair.
“...cuddles?” Reki leaned into Langa’s touch.
“Of course babe.” Langa smiled softly and crawled into bed with Reki.
Langa wrapped his arm around his boyfriend, pulling him close. Reki buried his face into Langa’s chest, Langa still playing with his hair.
“I love you so much Reki.” Langa said.
“I love you too.” Reiki whispered.