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Shuichi didn't know why his boyfriend was acting like that.
He was being loud, annoying, everything that he used to be, everything people hated him for. He wondered why his boyfriend suddenly dived back into his bad habits — he was sure Kokichi was improving while they were together, even if Shuichi wasn't a legal therapist.
"Kokichi, what's wrong?" Shuichi asked quietly as they strayed behind the group they were with, giving his boyfriend a hard cold stare.
"Nothing's wrong! Why, do you something is?" Kokichi said with a smirk, though as his boyfriend of a year Shuichi knew that smirk was nothing more than fabrication.
"Yes, there is. Do you wanna go home? I know you don't like Kaito and Maki that much.."
Kokichi turned to face him finally, crossing his arms.
"Oh, really? I thought when you invited me out you thought I looooooved them and the way they treat me like an animal!"
Shuichi frowned, he didn't know Kokichi thought of it like that, "I'm sorry, I didn't know they wouldn't have gotten over it. I can tell them we're–"
"Gotten over it? Gotten over what?"
"The way you used to act around them—"
"So that's something people have to get over? They just can't realize that you're making me better? What happened to forgive and forget?" Kokichi snarled, "Some friends you've got Shuichi, here I thought they thought you were god."
Shuichi grabbed for Kokichis hands, but was unable to grab them.
"They don't think I'm god Kokichi, I'm just one of their friends and I can't control them. If you don't like them, I have no problem leaving, because 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 my boyfriend, not them."
Kokichi sneered at him, his voice raising to a shout.
"Yeah yeah hot-shot, spare me the words. You always drag me out of the house to hang out with your friends and every single goddamn time we always end up having to leave because they hate me."
"They don't hate you Kokichi–"
"Then what do they feel, huh? They sure as fucking hell don't like me."
Shuichi sighed, defeated at the fact Kokichi was probably right. Then again, he didn't thinaak it mattered whether his friends liked Kokichi or not, it's not like Kokichi liked them either.
"I don't know Kokichi, I'm not them. They hold weird grudges, hell Maki refused to talk to Kaito for a month and they're literally pining." Shuichi mumbled in defense, "In hindsight, it's not like it matters anyways. We're juniors, we'll graduate soon and we can forget all about them."
Kokichi only frowned, his eyes droopy with sorrow he seemed to want to hide.
"I don't want to have to be the reason you abandon your friends Shuichi. I don't want to be the reason you become a shut-in lunatic."
"I'm already a shut-in lunatic, why do you think I bring you out with me." Shuichi chuckled softly, "It's so I have someone I actually care about."
They stood in silence, Shuichi finally able to snatch one of Kokichis hands. A few moments passed, before Kokichi squeezed his hand.
"S....Stop being so goddamn nice to me." Kokichi grumbled, digging his nails into Shuichis hands, "I fucking hate it when you're nice to me."
"Do you?"
Kokichi nodded as he ripped his hand back.
"It pisses me off!" He shouted, taking a step back, "You're so– You're so likable! I hate it, I hate you, I hate everything about you!"
Shuichi frowned, unable to tell if Kokichi was actually pissed at him or not.
"I'm sorry..?"
"Yeah, better fucking be. Everyone likes you, you probably think it's funny to see me like this, there's no way someone like you would like me. You like messing around with me, don't you, is it funny?"
"No I don't, Kokichi, I really like you."
"To hell you do!"
His voice was a yell now. Shuichi didn't know where this came from, but he knew it was not going to end well until Kokichi wanted it to. Which might be soon, he knew Kokichi was more sad than angry.
"I do. I liked you for a long time, I like you now."
"Oh fuck– Can you stop pretending? If you did like me, you'd know when I want to leave, and you wouldn't force me to be treated like this."
Shuichi knew that if Kokichi wasn't as good at hiding his emotions like he was, a normal person might have been crying around now.
"You're good at hiding yourself Kokichi, I'm never quite sure. That's why I stopped us just now."
"Haha, finally an hour after I tried to tell you I wanted to go home, y'know, when you ignored me!"
Kokichi stepped back again. "You're an asshole sometimes. I'm done, and I'm leaving."
"Kokichi, are you–"
"Yeah, we're done. Have fun tonight Shuichi."
Kokichi turned around and started walking off, leaving Shuichi bewildered and wondering where exactly he went wrong. An hour ago? Kokichi was just saying he needed to tie his shoe. How could he get 'lets go home' from that?
He frowned harder, reaching out with a weak hand.
"Kokichi, come back!"
He was gone.
Sighing softly, Shuichi facepalmed and didn't even bother running after Kokichi, he didn't feel like getting beat up. He knew Kokichi was violent when he was actually pissed off.
Giving up, he turned around and ran after the group that was becoming a dot in the distance. He had to tell them he was going home so they didn't blow up his phone later.
"Hey man, where'd he go?" Kaito greeted him when he finally caught up out of breath.
"He's mad and went home." Shuichi breathed, hearing a sigh from Kaede.
"Did he break up with you again?"
Shuichi nodded, defensive at the tone.
"Yeah, he says you guys hate him and that he thinks I enjoy the way you guys treat him like he doesn't have feelings. I'm a little blind to your jokes, but come on guys," Shuichi defended his boyfriend, "Learn to forgive and forget a little. He's trying."
"It's not our fault he's a brat."
"Maki," Shuichi hissed out a warning, ready to get his ass handed to him in a fight in his boyfriends name, "Have some goddamn respect."
"What, I'm being honest."
"Yeah, and you're a little brat too, everyone here would agree. Stop talking bad about my boyfriend before I sit here and list everything wrong with the dude you have a crush on."
Her eyes widened only slightly.
"You wouldn't."
"I will. You guys need to learn what having manners means. He was being so nice in the beginning wasn't he."
"It kinda freaked me out." Kaito admitted first.
"Yeah, exactly. You guys are–...Whatever. If you don't like my boyfriend then don't bother talking to me."
He turned to walk around, before hands grabbed his.
Glancing back, he saw Kaede with a frown.
"We're-..Well, I'm sorry Shuichi, it's just hard to forget what he's said to us. I love you guys together, you were meant for him since no one else really can handle him like you can."
Her words were strange, but Shuichi understood the message.
"We don't hate him, we just aren't used to him the way you are. You guys fit so perfectly I bet you don't even realize you drift into your own little world together."
Shuichi narrowed his eyes in distrust before nodding.
"I guess.."
"I can't speak for everyone, but I'm sorry. I'll try harder to be nice to him if you really do like him. He's changing and I can see that, and I wish you two the best."
Shuichi smiled softly, squeezing the blondes hands. "Thank you Kaede."
"Of course, you're my friend. Now go get back together with him before he throws another fit."
"Haha, you're right. Goodnight Kaede!"
Shooting the dirtiest look he could at the silence of his other peers, he shoved into Kaito and marched back off towards his car. He had a mission.
"I can't believe he really likes Kokichi.."
"Me either, seriously, I knew Shuichi was patient, but to the point where he'd leave the group for him?"
"They must really have a good private life, that speech came from the heart."
"Must. It's kind of gross, but endearing."
"Gross?"
"They're so good for each other. I don't think anyone else could handle Kokichi."
"As long as they're happy."
–
Shuichi knocked on Kokichis door, and received no answer, which also made sense because the boys parents weren't home. They weren't home often anyway.
Whipping out his special key he was gifted as a token of the boys trust, he opened the door and closed it behind him. He at first felt weird literally breaking into the boys house, but he wondered if Kokichi gave him the key for this very reason.
"Kokichi? Are you home?"
He didn't get a reply.
Walking upstairs, he had prepared himself for the sight he saw in the boys room when he made it in. He's seen it too many times before, and it became no less heart crushing everytime.
"Hey my love." Shuichi murmured as he stood just outside of the door, looking in at the boy as a bundle on his bed, "Can I come in?"
The sobbing boy shook his head.
"I-I said we were done," The boy wailed, "Why don't you ever give up–"
"We aren't done, you know we aren't. Kokichi, I need you to tell me what really happened tonight." He said gently, but firmly.
"You break up with me at every little inconvenience, and yet somehow I always end up back with you in your bed. My love, what's really bothering you tonight."
The crying boy rubbed his swollen eyes in silence.
"Can I come in?" Shuichi repeated, this time getting a hesitant nod a few seconds later.
Crawling to sit across from Kokichi, he didn't bother trying to touch him, that'd set him off again. Sometimes Kokichi needed space, whether it was for few hours or a few measley minutes. Sometimes it could be a make it or break it.
"Hey, it's okay, I'm not mad at you. It's okay to have feelings, but I need you to tell me what they are."
Kokichi choked out a sob before he replied, his arms clinging to themselves.
"I wasn't l-lying, why do they treat me like I'm some wild animal? Can't they see I'm trying, why can't they be nice to me? I'm really trying Shuichi, I really want to hang out with you and your friends."
"I don't know. I wish I did. It pisses me off, more than you know. There's something else, right?"
He nodded.
"Y-Yeah, I was being genuine. Do you really love me?" Kokichi said, his tone broken and shaky from crying, "No one could ever like something like me, are you just lying for fun? Are you going to toss me when I get too annoying?"
Shuichi shook his head immediately.
"Have you ever seen me lie unless completely necessary? I don't play games like you do. I wouldn't."
"How do you stand me Shuichi? I'm pathetic, I break up with you every three hours, how can you not hate me like everyone else?"
Shuichi wondered that for a minute. He didn't find an answer, not one that was rational.
"Because I love you. I care about you Kokichi, and if half breaking up with me makes you feel better, or in control of your life, I don't mind. I'll wait until you want us again."
"I always want us.."
"Then I will never mind it when you feel the need to regain control. Break up with me when you want to, because I'll always be willing to fix it."
Kokichi sobbed harder, but Shuichi smiled softly at the change of atmosphere in the room.
"I love you Kokichi."
"I hate you, a-and your stupid face. You're too good for me."
"Not really. I think we're just right."
"You always talk about me,"
Kokichis voice was more even now.
"What about you? I barely do anything for you."
"You love me. That's all I need from you, I'm willing to accommodate."
"Most people would gaslight me for that, y'know.."
"Do I look like most people?"
"I guess not."
Shuichi smiled softly.
"I'm not. I'll do anything for you."
"That makes me feel horrible, Shuichi. You're suffering–"
Shuichi grabbed Kokichis hands to silence him.
"Do I look like I'm suffering?"
Kokichi slowly shook his head after they stared at each other for a little bit. The purple heads eyes were glistening from his tears.
"I'm not. I have fun with you Kokichi, I love you and I really don't mind your...Episodes," He decided that word was best, "I'm okay. If it was too much you know I wouldn't be here right now."
Kokichi nodded again, his lips trembling and he squeezed his hands roughly.
"You can have as much control as you want, you can do whatever you please. As long as I can fix it, I will, and I'll love you no matter what."
Kokichis tears finally spilled over his eyes, however a grin made its way to his face. He cried hard, but his signature smirk was on his face until his voice came back to him after a while.
"A-Are you proposing sad sex?"
Shuichis eyebrows raised in surprise at the sudden air change.
"W-What??"
"I can have control, rightttt?" He asked as he crawled over to Shuichi more to sit with their knees touching, "I can do whatever I want? Rightttt? Having sex would make me feel so much better…"
"Are you serious?" Shuichi murmured as Kokichis hands found a way to his shoulders.
"Yeah, I'm serious. It's not like it'd be our first time…"
"Don't bring that up, that was a horrid first time."
"It was fun! Do you wanna? I'll feel better, and stop crying!"
Shuichi, in a normal situation, would just think Kokichi was horny and was never really sad. However, knowing his boyfriend like he did, Kokichi actually thought sexual intimacy was really important. Something about owning each other's bodies makes them feel more connected?
The logic sort of made sense, so he didn't push any questioning. It's not like he wouldn't give himself to Kokichi anyways.
"If you want to, it's fine with me."
"Aww, really? Do I get to top again?"
Shuichi narrowed his eyes as Kokichi shoved him down onto the mattress.
"I don't think you'd give me a choice."
"You're right. Unless you really really wanna, but that would make me sad again."
"Whatever." Shuichi sighed, he didn't know why his tiny little boyfriend liked topping, but he wasn't going to complain. "I need to shower first…"
"Okay! How about we shower together, that'll set the mood!"
Kokichis bipolar attitude was a little hard to get used to, but was to be expected at this point.
"..Do you get horny when you're crying?"
"I get horny when Shuichi tells me about his undying love for me and how much he's willing to do for me." Kokichi chirped as he wiped his own face, "You always know how to make me feel better."
"It's a skill I learned quite quickly."
"Mwahaha! Maybe I lied about being sad though, I just wanted to hear you confess to me again."
He sighed.
"Go start the water."
"Okayyyy!"
Kokichi hopped up from the bed, Shuichi noting how he stumbled on his legs a bit from strange weakness.
"I love you soooo much!"
"..Yeah yeah hot-shot."
"Don't quote me!"
"Get to it before we don't have sex."
"You're so mean…."