Work Text:
Biogenesis
by askye
I am Superman. Clark Kent no longer exists. He's been burned away by the ages, the choices, the responsibilities.
When they were all dead--his parents, his friends, his enemy--Clark Kent died. He died because no one needed him anymore, no one needed the secrecy or the lies or the masks he provided. No one needed Clark to be the loving son or the devoted friend. There was no need for Clark Kent, the secret identity of Superman. Clark Kent who secretly loved Lex Luthor. Who grew to be Clark Kent who openly loved Lex Luthor. Who became Clark Kent, Lex's lover. Clark Kent who was Superman who openly hated Luthor. Clark Kent who openly loved Lex and secretly hated him. Clark Kent who helped Superman destroy Luthor. Clark Kent who betrayed the man who loved him.
Clark Kent was burned away with time, choices, and life. Superman prevailed. I am Superman. There isn't a shred of Clark in me now. All that naive belief in right and wrong; in the good in people; in truth, justice, and the American way burned away by the choices I have made. Choices Clark never had to make, choices Clark couldn't make. Choosing who to save and whom to let die, whom to kill, whose life was more important. Which disaster needed him more. Clark cowered from those decisions. Ran from the hard choices. I had to make them and with every choice I made Clark diminished.
Lex must have known he could have destroyed Clark, even before Clark told him his secrets. I wonder if he imagined Clark would help destroy him. I didn't exist yet. I wasn't even an idea. They created me: a persona, so Clark could help people and not be exposed. Clark played at being a superhero. He put on a costume and picked easy people to rescue.
Superman was supposed to be the secret identity of Clark Kent, but Clark Kent became the secret identity of Superman.
When he accepted that I was separate from him, Clark wanted to show me his life. So I would understand who we were. That's what he would tell me. So I would understand why I was created. Why Clark felt humanity needed a protector. He would tell me stories and replay memories in our head. The memories would play like old movies: scratchy and faded. Clark would show me the years as our powers developed, how he saved the people in his town. He would explain truth, justice, and the American Way. Why these concepts were so important and necessary to who he was. Clark always tried to make them necessary to who I am.
Lex was his favorite subject. Clark would show me memories and explain in careful, stunning detail how he watched Lex. Explain how hero worship, adoration, and puppy love became devotion and love. As the home movie-memories played Clark would whisper in our head: This is when I first realized I loved him. Our first kiss--it was scary and sweet and hot and I wanted him so much, so desperately, I would have done anything, told him anything, but I didn't. Here, this is where I told him the truth, I let him have my secrets. Finally, I let him own me, all of me, body and soul. He accepted me and promised always to keep my secrets.
I never understood the emotions.
Clark showed me how Lex turned his back on his father in favor of his the man he loved. Clark showed me how devoted Lex became. I always wondered why. Possibly because Clark trusted him with so much. I thought Clark was foolish to tell Lex everything. If I had been there I would have prevented him from telling our secret. There was always the chance Lex could have twisted away from us and used his knowledge against us.
I never understood the trust.
Lex worried humanity would be afraid of a super strong flying man. He worried that humanity would think that Superman existed not to protect but to control them. So Superman needed a super villain, and Luthor was born. Luthor was the son Lionel always wanted. In theory it was to be a public mask. Publicly Superman and Luthor existed, in private Clark and Lex. But lines are easily blurred. Clark had loved Lex for years, but Clark changed. Clark was losing himself to me bit by bit; he was starting to suspect his mortality. Clark wanted more for himself--he wanted more of himself. He started resenting Lex's love and affection. He realized he had never dated, never kissed anyone since Lex. I had kissed Lois Lane, but I wasn't Clark. But Clark doubted himself and how could he leave Lex? Lex, who was the keeper of all Clark's secrets. Lex, who was the keeper of all Clark's weaknesses. Lex, who promised undying love and devotion. Clark never could make the hard choices. So Clark added another mask: acted like he loved Lex, when he was learning to hate him.
One by one everyone Clark Kent knew died. Clark burning out of me as remains of his life died. I saw my opening. Luthor was the last one left who knew Clark. Luthor had to go. Luthor was my enemy. I understood that. But Clark would whisper in our mind reminding me that it was playacting. That Luthor wasn't evil and this wasn't real. I was created to protect humanity. I was created out of Clark Kent's indecisions and hesitations. I was created to eradicate villainy. Luthor was a criminal mastermind. I was born to destroy him, but Clark wouldn't let me. That wasn't the role we were supposed to play. Luthor is a mask and Lex is good, Clark would whisper. Clark was weighing me down, keeping me from being.
I had to shed myself of those things holding me back and keeping me from being the protector and defender of humanity that I am. So I told him Lex was becoming Luthor. I showed Clark that Lex was transforming. Convincing Clark of Lex's transformation to hide our own. Clark believed me because he needed to, he needed a reason to leave. Clark helped me destroy Luthor, who hated Superman. Luthor who was Lex who loved Clark, who hated Lex. I made the choice for him.
When I destroyed Luthor the last of Clark burned away. I became the Hero of the People. I fight to save the people against natural disaster and against enemies, within and without. No choice is too hard to make.