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It’s dark when Buck blinks awake. He’s on his side, Eddie curled up behind him, their legs entwined underneath the bed covers. He can hear the soft snuffling of his husband’s breathing as he sleeps, feels the warmth of him against his back. He’s not sure what woke him up, but he’s immediately alert.
The monitor on the side makes a noise and that keys him into what’s going on. He rolls his eyes as he moves away from Eddie and instead of waking up, he merely rolls over and buries his face firmly in Buck’s pillow. He’s so beautiful like this and Buck loves him so much when he’s relaxed and vulnerable. He’s also just come off a long shift and so Buck leans down, presses a kiss to the side of his head and shuts the door quietly behind him as he pads out of their room.
Christopher’s door is shut firmly, silence permeating from the room. But it’s not Christopher he’s up for.
He moves down the hallway until he reaches Felicity's room, kept slightly ajar and when he pushes it open, it’s to find his daughter standing up in her crib, her little hands curled around the horizontal bars, almost like she’s waiting for him. When she sees him in the light from outside she holds her hands up and babbles at him, fully awake despite it being the middle of the night.
“Hey you,” he says, his voice low and quiet as he switches on the night light, a dim glow filling the room and crosses over to her. “What’s wrong, baby? You gotta stop waking me up in the middle of the night, you know, we all need sleep, especially Daddy right now.”
Felicity burrows into his neck when he picks her up, her soft blonde hair tickling his chin. She points at the window, making the noise he knows means she is asking to look out and he shakes his head, bouncing her lightly in his arms.
“No, no, no,” he says, keeping his tone mild so she knows she’s not in trouble but that she can’t do what she wants. She’s a little madam, now, almost 18 months and with the strongest personality Buck’s ever seen in a little girl. What she wants, she wants and she makes her displeasure known when she can’t get her own way. And yet, she’s also the most adorable, sweetest girl and Buck loves her so much. She’s theirs and she’s part of their family. “It’s dark outside, Flissy, see, it’s sleepy time not play time.”
“Pa,” she says, and hits him around the head with her little pudgy fist that makes Buck snort out a laugh.
“Christopher and Daddy are still asleep, you have no one to play with,” he says and wants to laugh again at how futile it is, trying to bargain with an 18 month old child. “You want a bottle instead? Then I can read you a book and you can go to sleep?”
He carries Felicity to the kitchen, closing the door quietly as he heats up the milk bottle that they pre made for night time emergencies. Felicity holds onto him and he can’t help but press a kiss to the top of her silky hair, inhaling the fresh smell of her as she giggles and lifts her face up for more kisses.
Buck loves their family of four now, so much, but there’s something so sweet and special about this midnight trek to the kitchen, even if it happens so many times. Eddie thinks maybe Felicity is having night terrors and she’s too young to tell them why she’s waking up. If they can get her back to sleep in her cot she’s usually fine but there’s some nights that she ends up coming into their bed. And although he knows he shouldn’t like it, that she needs to be independent, there’s nothing nicer for Buck to wake up with Eddie and Felicity next to him and to feel Christopher joining them for a morning cuddle pile. He’s never happier than when the three people he loves the most in the world are all around him.
He sings quietly as he makes the bottle, keeping Felicity tucked in close in his arms, to his chest so she can feel his heartbeat and swaying slowly from side to side. When he turns with the bottle in his hand and their daughter in his arms, he startles when he sees Eddie, rumpled in his sleep shirt, his hair a mess and his eyes so, so soft as he gazes at them both. “Hi,” he says and he sounds tired too, but he pushes off the door and comes closer until he can brush a kiss to Buck’s lips and then to Felicity’s forehead. “Sorry I didn’t wake up.”
“I’ve got her,” Buck says softly, “and I’ve got you, we’re a team, remember?”
“Yeah,” Eddie smiles softly and leaves his hand on the small of Buck’s back as they make their way back to the nursery.
Having two of them there is nicer, as Buck sits in the armchair and lets Felicity feed herself with the bottle of milk and Eddie sits on the floor, a hand resting on Buck’s ankle as he reads through her current favourite book. It doesn’t take long for Felicity’s eyes to be drooping, little snuffling noises coming from her as she grows sleepy again. Buck carefully hands the bottle to Eddie, then stands up so he doesn’t jostle her and moves over to the crib. Eddie puts the bottle and book away and then comes close, sliding an arm around Buck’s waist as he places Felicity into her sleeping bag and then down into her cot gently. She makes a sweet sound and buries into her mattress, her eyes shut and her breathing levelling out as she falls back into sleep.
Eddie bends over and kisses her nose softly and then waits for Buck to do the same and when Buck stands back up, he pulls him into his arms. Buck lets his own tangle around Eddie’s waist, pulling his husband close as they both watch Felicity sleeping. They’d done that a lot, when they’d first got her, until Christopher had caught them one night and shook his head in near teen disapproval. But it’s still so wonderful, to have the chance to watch as she settles, calm and at peace and knowing she’s loved by them. It makes Buck’s heart clench to think he has this family and he will do anything he can for them. He won’t let them suffer the same as he did when he was growing up.
He only moves now when he feels Eddie’s yawn against his neck and he pulls back and slides his hand onto his husband’s cheek. “She’s OK now and Chris is still sleeping. So let’s go back to bed, huh?”
“Are you propositioning me?” Eddie asks, with a smile in the dim light that makes his eyes sparkle.
“Maybe when you’re not so tired,” Buck says, but he presses a kiss to Eddie’s lips that deepens as they lean into each other.
“I love you,” Eddie whispers as they steal back to bed, as Buck pulls him into his arms and holds onto him tightly. “More than you ever know. You’re the best Pops to Chris and Flissy. Thank you for being here for us all.”
“I love you too,” is all Buck says, so thankful and happy and proud of what they are that he’s still smiling as they both drift off back to sleep - for whatever little time they have before their adored but damn annoyingly early rising children wake them up.