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Dallas Winston always got what he wanted, and Dallas Winston knew exactly what he wanted tonight.
He knew what he wanted, right? This is what he wanted. This is the only option. The cruel monster of grief attacked him relentlessly, it was too hard to stay here now. Too hard to let life wash over like a wave when he was drowning.
Dally? What are you doing, Dally?
As he ran out of the store, gun shivering in his shaking hands, he could’ve sworn he heard Johnny’s voice behind him.
They are going to watch you die, Dallas. Why are you doing that to them?
He raised his gun at the cops, a brave mask over his broken soul.
Everyone ran towards him, fear and disbelief on all their faces. Except Ponyboy, who was looking at him like he was a fool. Maybe he was. It didn’t matter now.
He felt an arm on his shoulders, but it was like the feeling wasn’t really there. Like he was being touched by the memory of what he had lost. He heard someone say to keep walking forward, to keep aiming his heater at the cops, but he didn’t need coaxing. He glanced behind him, but no one was there. He should’ve realized how strange it was - this voice he was hearing - but he couldn’t think over all the thoughts screaming in his head.
BANG!
He heard the sound of the shots after he felt the bullet hit him.
Bang.
He didn’t feel any pain, just an intense heat all across his back and abdomen.
bang…
He couldn’t stand tall anymore, but the only one he stood tall for was Johnny, and he was gone. So he let go without regret.
He fell backwards onto the pavement, his body hitting hard but his head sinking in someone’s lap. He looked up and saw who he had been hearing in the back of his head since he walked out of the store. The boy was see-through and blueish, just like those ghosts you see in movies that freak everyone out. Except he wasn’t scary, he was comforting. He was the fond memory. Johnny Cade held Dally’s head in his hands, smiling sadly at him, his eyes filled with tears.
Johnny?
Dally whispered, his lips barely moving. Johnny lightly kissed Dally, his tears falling on Dally’s cheeks, and everything went black.
When he woke up, Dally’s mind was blurry. He couldn’t remember where he was or what had happened. Except for one thing. He touched his lips, right where Johnny had...why the hell did he do that?
He looked down at his bloodstained white t-shirt, but couldn’t remember why the bullet holes were there, or why he remembered Johnny, alive and holding him. He lifted his shirt up to examine what was on the other side of the bullet holes and bloodstains, but nothing was there. If only his memory wasn’t so foggy.
“Hey, Dallas.” Johnny was suddenly there in front of him. He smiled, but in his eyes there was only hurt. Only pain.
“Hey, Johnnycake. I’m glad I got to see you again.”
“You are an idiot, Dallas. Why’d you do something like that for someone as insignificant as me?” Johnny placed his hand over a bullet hole in Dally’s shirt, rubbing the bloodstained fabric between his fingers. He shouldn’t be here.
“I’m not an idiot, Johnny. I couldn’t live without you. And you told me to come! You put your arm around me and told me it was okay! And you held my head and -”
“I didn’t do that, Dallas. Why would you think I told you to die? I wouldn’t want anyone in the gang to die, especially not you.”
Dally should be happy about what Johnny said, but if Johnny hadn’t been there that night, then that means he didn’t hold him when he died or...
He ruffled Johnny’s hair, which didn’t have any grease in it, making him look younger and a little more like a Soc than a Greaser. Good thing he still had his worn-out denim jacket. Johnny wrapped his arms tightly around Dallas, holding like he would never let go, and Dally hoped he wouldn’t. Everyone said he could never love someone, and he had believed them. No girl wanted something as broken as he was, so he just never loved anything back. But maybe that wasn’t entirely true. For the first time since he could remember, he loved something.
Dally woke up later, disoriented and still exhausted despite having slept for hours. Johnny’s arms were still wrapped around him, their bodies close so that they wouldn’t lose each other while they slept. Johnny stirred when Dallas got up, his eyelids fluttering to adapt to the bright light.
“Morning, Dal.”
“Hi, Johnny.” They were still here, wherever “here” was. He wondered if this would go on forever, just like people used to say about heaven. “Hey, you think we’ll, uh, be here forever? People used to talk ‘bout heaven and say you’d be there forever.”
“How should I know? I wouldn't even deserve a heaven. Would it be bad, though? To be here forever?” Dally thought about it. Was it bad to spend forever with Johnny? No. Was it bad to be here forever, every day like the last with no changes? Was this eternal perfection beautiful from afar but full of disappointment up close? Possibly. He didn’t know how to answer yet.
Dally was suddenly overwhelmed, and unsure of how to escape his own head. He got up, ignoring Johnny saying “you ok, Dal?” and pulled his jacket tighter. He didn’t know where to go, but he didn’t care. He focused on the sound of his footsteps. He could go miles, or just feet away, he just needed a break. All he could think about was Johnny-or Johnny’s ghost, and what they had done right before he died. And how he felt about it. He didn’t hate it like he should.
He liked girls the way he should. Johnny was a friend. He was dying. He wasn’t thinking straight. He tried not to, but he couldn’t get the image of Johnny in his arms out of his head.
“Dally! Something happened!” Johnny’s voice carried across the endless void. Dally immediately thought of something terrible happening to Johnny (again) and bolted back the way he came.
He clumsily stormed into the room, out of breath.
“What is it, Johnnycake?”
“Look.” He pointed to the wall, or where the wall was. Now, there was a giant image of the park. They could see the fountain, the playground. Then, Dally saw what Johnny had been excited about. There was the gang. The Greasers.
Soda had his arm around Steve’s shoulders, Darry was walking a little behind everyone else, watching over them. Two-Bit and Pony were messing around as usual.
Johnny and Dally watched them walk through the park, laughing and pushing each other around, just like they did before. Dallas walked over to Johnny and wrapped his arm around him.
“You miss it down there, Johnnycake?” His voice cracked as he choked back tears.
“Yeah, Dal. They look like they’re having fun. I wanna be part of it, y’know?” Johnny’s voice was cracking, too, but he couldn’t keep the tears in. Dally reached over and wiped the tear off Johnny’s cheek.
Ponyboy ran ahead and sat on top of a small hill. He laid back and looked up at the sky. It was painted the beautiful shades of orange and purple and pink that he loved.
“It w-was Pony who s-showed me the sunset firs-st,” Johnny said between sobs, “I hadn’t noticed them before he showed me.” He sank to the floor, Dally following him. Johnny collapsed on his lap, his tears wetting Dally’s jeans.
They watched as Two-Bit, Soda, Steve and Darry caught up to Pony and sat down beside him. Pony pointed at the sky, clearly explaining each color and cloud. His eyes lit up as he spoke. Two-Bit punched Pony in the shoulder and flopped down next to him.
“Pony always notices things other people don’t. He’s sensitive like that. Y’know, after he showed me the sunset I would think of you when I saw it. When I was worried about the fuzz coming to get us, I would think of you and it comforted me. Like you were there, saying it was going to be okay.”
“Damn, Johnnycake, don’t get all sentimental on me.” Dally joked. Johnny looked up at him.
“I wrote Ponyboy a letter. I wanted him to tell you about the colors of the sunset. I wanted you to see it the way he sees it. I thought that if you could never love anyone, never appreciate anything beautiful, you could at least look at the sunset. And maybe think of me the way I thought of you.”
“Johnnycake, that’s sweet, but you got something wrong. I do love something.”
“If you are talking about Cherry -” Dally leaned down and kissed Johnny lightly, the way he thought Johnny had that night.
“I’m sorry. Was that okay?” Dally asked nervously.
Johnny grabbed Dally’s face and kissed him again.
“We shouldn’t be like this.” Dally said suddenly, “it’s wrong, right?”
“Dal, we are all alone here. It’s ok. And we aren’t going anywhere cause we are already here, and we’ll be here forever.” Johnny sat up. “But I only wanna do this if you want to.”
“‘Course I want to, Johnny.” He gripped Johnny’s hand. Johnny rested his head on Dallas’ shoulder.
They watched the sunset until the sun sank below the line of trees and the endless hills Dally used to dream of running away to. They stayed even when the stars started to dot the sky and the gang had left to go back to the Curtis’ to play poker or mess around until it got to be what Darry would say was too late for a school night. Ponyboy and Soda would stay up later though, despite Darry’s warnings. Yeah, they both missed it down there.
Johnny felt his eyelids getting heavy, so he nestled into Dallas, hoping to fall asleep that way. Of course, Dally noticed; he noticed everything about Johnny.
“Time to get into bed, Johnnycake?” Dally ruffled his hair.
“Yeah. That was an okay night Dal, thanks.” Johnny smiled. He stood up sleepily, touched Dallas’ shoulder and slowly made his way to the bed.
“That was more than okay, Johnny.” Dally whispered. He looked at the stars, and hoped they would do this for many more nights. And they probably would because here, unlike Earth, they had forever.