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Sleeping wasn’t something that ever came easily to Cloud, not in the wake of everything that had happened the last five years. However, being on the road with limited sleep and physical exertion due to constant monster fights have certainly helped put him to sleep when he and the others finally manage to make it to an Inn.
Staying asleep was the tricky part.
Only a few hours into his rest, his body woke him with a start, his heart hammering with adrenaline for an unseen foe. But, opening his eyes into the moonlit darkness, just as it was any other night, there was no enemy waiting to pounce.
The only sounds echoing in the room were Barret's baritone snores coming from the bed to his right. The rise and fall of calm, rest-filled breaths lulled his body back into reality, and he finally managed a slow intake of his own. He’d taken to listening for the older man’s snores as a way to ground himself ever since they’d started this quest of theirs. It was something only present when things weren’t dangerous and, over time, he had trained his brain to recognize this. Barret was the only member of their party that made any noise as they slept.
Vincent, when he did sleep, was deathly silent. More than once they’d honestly feared that the man had just passed in his sleep. After the third time, they finally got used to the corpse-like man. Cid occasionally made some noise, but usually he could sleep soundly enough when on his side. And Zack? Cloud could hardly hear the other man breath let alone snore as he slept, much to the contrary of his usually loud and energetic personality while waking.
Thinking of Zack had Cloud furrowing his brows. The pair had been made to share a bed since there were only four beds to a room and of the male party members they were the only two who didn’t have an aversion to sleeping next to each other. A year on the run, huddled together for warmth -even if Cloud only had vague memories of it- shattered any walls of privacy between them. But there seemed to be a distinct lack of weight on the mattress next to him.
With a tentative hand, Cloud reached out across the covers searching for his friend, only to in fact come up empty. Zack was gone.
His anxieties spiked back up to full alertness and he bolted upright in bed, the wooden frame creaking under him as he scanned the room. Barret was sound asleep to his right, a vague lump he recognized as Cid was in the bed across from him, and diagonally he could make out the raven locks of Vincent’s hair peeking out from under his comforter.
Everyone else was here, but Zack…
There! By the window, Cloud spied a soothingly familiar silhouette, the long spiky hair unmistakable even in the dim light. He was sat on the sill, legs pulled close to his chest, the buster sword resting in his lap with one hand caressing the flat blade. He was looking up at the stars, and despite knowing he had to have heard Cloud shuffling around, he didn’t turn from the window.
As quietly as he could, Cloud peeled back the blanket and slid off the bed. Padding softly across the floor, he came up behind the other man.
“Zack?” He whispered, crossing his arms over his chest against the cold.
“Go back to bed Spike, you need your beauty sleep,” Zack responded, the usual teasing mirth somehow completely absent from his voice. Something wasn’t right. The man still hadn’t turned from the window.
“Why’re you up?”
The hand that had been running up and down the buster sword stilled, tightening into a fist. It lasted for all of a few seconds before it relaxed again.
“You kick too much in your sleep...was just waiting till you got all your energy out.” He chuckled under his breath but it sounded more like he just forced air out of his lungs than actually laughing.
“Is something...wrong?” He took a step closer, tilting his head, trying to get a look at Zack’s face.
Finally, finally , Zack turned away from the window, meeting Cloud’s eyes with the tightest smile he’d ever seen on another person.
“‘Course not. Just enjoying the stars for once. Have you taken the time to just stargaze in the time I was away? They really are something, I mean-”
“Zack.”
The pair stared each other down, Zack’s false smile slowly fell until the hints of a frown pulled at the edges. Zack didn’t offer much time to take in the sight before turning back to the window.
“Some habits just die hard, is all. It’s nothing to worry about.” His hand curled back into a fist, but this time, it remained clenched.
“What habits?”
With a sigh, Zack bowed his head. “I’m used to keeping watch at night. Can’t quite sleep right if I’m not.”
“You don’t need to keep watch though.” Cloud was no stranger to paranoia, certainly he still felt the lingering thoughts of Shinra or Sephiroth appearing at their door. But they were all capable people, nine of them in total. The ability for someone to sneak up on all of them was slim to none.
He watched Zack, the silence between them growing like a chasm. Finally, with shaky movements, the other man took up the buster sword’s handle and set it down on the floor, leaning it up against the wall. His fingers lingered a few extra seconds before he uncurled them and let the hand drop.
“We kinda switched places huh? You spent a year out of it while I dragged you across Gaia, then you spent nearly a year wandering Midgar and I was the one out of it in a tube again.”
Cloud moved in just close enough for Zack to see him in his peripherals.
“I guess, what I’m trying to say is, for me, the year we spent walking to Midgar and you finding me back at the Nibelheim mansion feels like they happened back to back.” His hands came together in his lap, wringing them tightly. “One second I was on the cliff, the next I was hacking mako out of my lungs onto the basement floor. So, to me, it feels like only weeks ago that I had to watch out for Shinra everywhere we went. I can’t quite shake the feeling that we’re being pursued, that they’re going to descend on us, and I might fail again…”
Cloud swallowed slowly. Emotional vulnerability like this is not only completely new from Zack, but something Cloud had no experience in dealing with. He stood there awkwardly, arms at his sides mulling over Zack’s words. He opened his mouth, closed it, took a slow deep breath and tried again.
“You didn’t fail.”
Zack turned to him again, flashing a melancholy smile. “I practically died on that cliff, wouldn’t exactly call that a win.”
“I should have died back at Nibelheim.” Zack’s smile again fell and he matched gazes with Cloud. “You spent a year trying to keep me alive, and here I am. I’d call that a win. I don’t think I ever thanked you for that.”
“No thanks necessary, wasn’t the smoothest of arrivals.” Slowly, Zack turned back to the window.
“You’re not going to go back to bed?” Cloud asked. The dark haired man shook his head. “Okay then, move over.”
Not waiting for a response, Cloud shuffled up to the window sill and plopped down across from Zack. The other watched him, eyebrows furrowed together on his brow and only relented leg space when Cloud butted his own into the mix. It was cramped and a little awkward but the two men managed to fit each other on the sill.
The silence lingered for a few seconds. “What are you doing?” Zack asked.
“Just stargazing, they’re really something, you should try it,” Cloud answered, turning to stare up at the overhead stars. Zack watched him confusedly for a beat or two, but relented silently to his presence.
Together they watched the stars, following the slow clouds crawl across the night sky. If they woke up with aching backs and sore necks, that would just be the price to pay for a calm night.