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"Rachel. I hate you right now."
"No you don't." I pat her arm.
"There's a lot of evidence pointing to the fact that I do." Quinn shifts closer to her door.
"It was a complete accident Quinn." It was.
"You call overtaking a snow plow and immediately crashing into a snow bank a complete accident?" Quinn's looking at me like I'm crazy.
"Yes?" How am I supposed to answer that and not get yelled at?
"Rachel! There is an angry snow plow driver outside your window gesticulating and cussing. I'm literally afraid of being shot right now." She's not exactly wrong.
"He's a county employee, he can't go around killing people." Let's pretend this is true.
"Rachel! Why did I let you convince me we should drive to Lima, and why God did I think you could drive in the snow?" Quinn throws her hands up in the air as if truly praying.
"You know you have some issues with driving, and besides, it's not like we've never driven in the snow in Ohio." I squeeze her thigh gently. Ever since her accident, she has been hesitant to drive further than a few blocks anywhere.
"Oh look, a state trooper now Rachel. This just gets better." A trooper stands outside the car, tapping on the window with his flashlight.
"Hello officer." I flash my biggest smile as I roll the window down. I can hear the snow plow driver yelling about crazy women drivers somewhere behind us.
"Hello ma'am. Can you tell me why you thought it was a good idea to pass a snow plow?" His eyebrow arches up.
"Yeah Rachel, please enlighten us." I try to ignore Quinn.
"Ummm well, I ummm...you see I was avoiding a deer and I swerved so then I just went around the plow." I am soo dead. I'm going to jail and I'm going to be someone's plaything.
"You're a horrible liar ma'am. We're getting a truck out here to pull you out but it's going to take awhile. You're most likely going to be billed for all of this because it was clearly your fault."
"Hehe yaaaa. Sorry."
"Well you two stay warm and we'll get you out." Quickly, I get the window back up and blast the heat a little bit higher.
"That wasn't as scary as I thought it'd be."
"Rachel, I'm leaving you. I'm not paying whatever huge bill you're about to get." Quinn crosses her arms in front of her chest in that angry bitch mode she likes to go into. I don't even like saying the word b I t c h in my thoughts, but that's what it is.
"I'm sure it's not going to be that bad." I wave the idea away.
"Im moving to Alaska Rachel. It was good while it lasted."
"It snows there."
"Then I'm moving to the Bahamas."
"Can I come?" The Bahamas sounds nice.
"No Rachel, you can't. You know what, I'm moving to a cannibal island."
"You know how I feel about carnivorous diets Quinn."
"Oh my God Rachel." Quinn covers her face with her hands.
"You realize you've said my name nine times in thirty minutes."
"If I could escape this car I would, but oh wait, my side of the car is jammed into snow."
"You're cute when you're mad."
"Rachel….."
"Ten times."
"I'm putting the radio on to drown out your crazy." She reaches out, punching the button a little aggressively.
"The interstate is currently backed up for miles all from a car stuck in a snow bank that is also blocking a snow plow…." Quinn immediately turns it off.
"Well Rachel, look at that, we're famous." She says sarcastically.
"Oooops."
"Ooops doesn't quite cover it Rachel." Quinn growls, squeezing her eyes shut.
"Is that twelve or thirteen now?"
"There has to be duct tape around here somewhere." She turns around in her seat and starts searching the floor in the back.
"This is a rental."
"So, a serial killer could have had it before us." Quinn's voice is muffled as she's practically bent over in half.
"You are saying the most disturbing things today."
"Yeah well wait till I find the duct tape." She mumbles.
"Look, your fine, I'm fine. The car is covered by insurance and it's probably just superficial damage."
"My life flashed before my eyes Rachel."
"Did I figure prominently?" Quinn shifts back up, looking me in the eye with incredulity.
"You're kidding right?"
"No." I'm not entirely sure why that would be a joke.
"You're about to figure prominently in the ground."
"I'm not entirely sure that makes sense but you are moving towards not only being single but getting arrested for your increasingly disturbing behavior. Did you hit your head?" Quinn just stares at me a moment.
"I'm calling your dads." She whips out her phone.
"What?! No!" They really don't need to know about this.
"No, I'm calling. Oh look, it's ringing." Quinn hits the speaker button.
"Hello Quinn honey. Are you guys nearly here?" Daddy's chipper voice fills the car.
"Yeah about that.." I lunge for the phone but my seat belt locks and chokes me instead. "So Rachel got us into some trouble and we are currently blocking traffic for miles."
"Oh my God. Is that you on the news." Dad gasps.
"Oh, it is." Quinn looks at me. I choose this moment to pull my coat up and bury myself within its depths.
"Rachel, I told you two should fly, if you had just listened to me…" My dad's go on for over thirty minutes about how irresponsible I am and how I could have gotten us killed and so on and so forth. Quinn is just sitting in her seat with a smug smile enjoying every word.
After about an hour we're finally back on the road, driving. This time I'm going to be a little more careful and I'm definitely not passing any snow plows. Traffic stays backed up behind us until we finally turn off onto another rural highway.
"Have you forgiven me yet?" I try to look at Quinn but she shoots me a glare. "We can stop and get bacon."
"I would need a whole pig right now." I literally shudder.
"We can get them to deep fry the whole pig." This is gross, but I'd do it for her.
"Make it two and I'll think about it." I chance a look over and there's a tiny smile on her lips.
"You can coat them in maple syrup." Oh my God why am I doing this to myself? The things I do for love.
"Ok, now I'm hungry."
"Do you want bacon?"
"Stop talking about bacon!...........Yes."