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"Mom, Dad, I think I'm gay."
"Congratulations, dear," Lex said, entering the room, towel around his neck, still half in his fencing gear. "We always thought you'd get together with that nice Whitney boy."
"Lex!" Clark spun around from the window he'd been staring out of. "I was just..."
"Practicing?"
"Yeah. I'm having a hard time figuring out how to tell them."
"I predict that they'll forget all about it as soon as you move onto the second revelation."
"Huh?"
"Tell me, did your father ever win prizes for shooting?"
"Yeah. Both him and mom actually. Mom's the better shot."
"Great. Two Kents to dodge."
"Lex, do you want me to not tell them about, y'know, you and me and everything?"
He stopped. Felt cold despite the sweat and the heaviness of the fencing pants. "If you want me to lie to them, I will, Clark. I'm actually quite good at it, oddly enough."
"Okay... somehow I'm sensing that's a no."
Lex was reluctant to face that earnest expression. Did it anyway. "Anything I can do for you, I will. No matter what it is. Remember that."
"Lex..."
"And now I think I need a shower, and a change of clothes. Isn't there some rule about going to one's death with clean underwear?" Clark was looking confused. Lex... couldn't do anything about that. Too much emotional honesty for one day. Hell, for one lifetime, if he counted his total relationship with Clark. "Want to come up and see my etchings?"
"You want me in your room while you... and you're..."
Lex took a moment to appreciate the blush. "Only if you want to. I promise I won't ravish you before you tell your parents about us." He took the stairs two at a time.
"You're... awfully calm about this."
It gave him a warm feeling that Clark was following him. "Just resigned to my fate. There are certain... inevitabilities about dating a small town farmboy, after all."
"Like?"
Lex flashed a smile at him. "Baaaaa."
"Hey! What are you getting at?"
He dropped the towel on a table in his room, and slipped the suspenders of the pants over his shoulders, letting them fall. "If the overalls fit, Clark..."
Clark made a face at him. "If you're coming with me, I should call Mom and tell her you're coming over for dinner."
Lex sat down, took off his shoes, and got the pants the rest of the way off. "Give her time to slip the cyanide into my dessert. Good plan."
"Mom wouldn't do that."
Dressed in just his shirt and spandex shorts now, he stood. Wouldn't undress further in front of Clark, not yet. Contrary to popular belief, he knew how not to push. He wanted more from Clark than sex. And maybe sex and Clark weren't things he should be thinking about together right now. "I was kidding."
"She'd put it in the coffee."
That surprised a sharp bark of laughter out of him, and he pointed at the phone on the nightstand by the bed. "Call her then and warn her. I'll be in the shower."
Lex didn't hear Clark move until after the bathroom door was already shut behind him. He let out a groan, and resolved to make the getting clean part of the shower as quick as possible so he'd have time to... get his baser impulses under control.
It didn't occur to him until he was already naked and wet that all he had was a towel and his cold, clammy discarded clothing to go back out there in.
But when he came out of the bathroom, towel wrapped around his waist, the bedroom was empty.
Just as well. He wasn't into self-torture. Much.
He came downstairs dressed all in black. Just like he would for a funeral. He didn't think shooting was a serious possibility, but Clark's parents could kill the relationship just as effectively without firearms.
"For what we are about to receive, may the Lord make us truly thankful," he muttered.
"What?" asked Clark, who had apparently been waiting at the bottom of the stairs for him.
"A saying attributed to the time of Lord Nelson. Something sailors used to say before being bombarded by the Spanish. It seemed like an appropriate sentiment on the eve of battle."
"Are you always this pessimistic?"
"Realistic. I am a realist." He needed to put a smile back on Clark's face. Lex twirled in front of him. "How do I look?"
"Like you're on your way to your own execution."
Clark was on to him. "As the condemned man, do I get a last kiss?"
"I think you get a last cigarette."
"But I don't smoke."
Heavy sigh from Clark -- the bastard had been faking! -- and he reached out for Lex. "All right then."
And indeed, it was all right then. Lex found himself greedy for the taste of Clark's mouth, for the way Clark's hands clutched at his hips, on his back, on his arms, not sure where to go. Pure, unfeigned enthusiasm for him. Lex broke the kiss finally. It was a good thing they were both male. No make-up to redo, no tell-tale signs of what they'd been doing.
Or not, Lex thought as he pulled back. Clark's half-lidded eyes and slightly parted, just a little swollen lips shouted that they'd been... well, doing things the Kents would not approve of. He rested his head for a moment against Clark, who automatically brought his arms back up to hold Lex.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing." Lex found the strength to move away. "Just..." Storing up memories, in case this was the last time he'd get this chance. A handful of kisses could be all he ever had of Clark.
"Nothing's going to go wrong. Geez, Lex. You worry too much."
"You know, I could always put on a Kevlar vest..."
"C'mon, Lex. Let's go eat. Mom says the poison is time-sensitive."
He laughed, and let himself be pulled out of the castle.
The drive to the Kent farm was a quiet one. Lex slouched in his corner of the truck and watched Clark through half-closed eyes. Clark was nervous. Lex wondered if this was the first real conflict he'd ever had with his parents. While Lex couldn't remember a time when Lionel Luthor wasn't disappointed with his son, it seemed likely that Clark had always done what his parents wanted. Up until now.
Up until the evil Lex Luthor seduced the Kent's darling baby boy and corrupted his innocence.
Clark darted an anxious glance at him. "What are you thinking about, Lex?"
"When I take over the world, I'm going to repeal the law of gravity."
"Lex, you can't repeal the law of gravity."
"I can't right now, because I don't rule the whole world yet."
"No, you can't because it's impossible. It would be... you just can't."
"Did you know that in the 70s, Richard Nixon outlawed inflation?"
"Um, no."
"If a president can ban inflation, don't you think a world dictator can ban gravity?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"'Cause it's impossible."
"How about vanilla pudding then? Can I outlaw that?"
Clark considered it. "Would that include tapioca?"
"Definitely."
"I'm okay with it then. But, Lex?"
"Yeah?"
"Do you think you could take over the world before dinner?"
"Er... probably not. Why? Do I want to know what's for dessert?"
"How about Smallville? Do you think you could take over just Smallville?"
"Clark, what's for dessert?"
"Is that a no?"
Lex fished his cell phone from his pocket and opened it. "My plans for world domination may suffer if I reveal my hand this early, but if the alternative is tapioca, I suppose I have no choice but to mobilize my minions."
"You wouldn't."
He punched in the number for his voice mail, but didn't press send. "I admit, it'll be a disappointment not being able to rule the world, but if it saves even one person from the horror that is tapioca, then the sacrifice will not have been in vain."
"Lex, you can't do it."
"Yes, I can."
"My parents are going to be really upset if people show up to try to take dessert."
"Then they shouldn't have violated the terms of the Anti-Tapioca Treaty of 2002."
"I don't think they've heard of the Anti-Tapioca Treaty."
"'Ignorance of the law excuses no man'." He hit send, and waited for it to ring through. When it did, he heard, as expected, that he had no new messages. Speaking to the phone, he said, "Yes. This is Lex Luthor. I need a nuclear strike on Smallville. Yes, immediately. It's an emergency. What kind of emergency? We have an outbreak of tapioca. Yes. Exactly. It's very serious. Thank you." He ended the call, flipped the phone closed and put it back in his pocket. "There. Problem solved."
"Lex?"
"Yes?"
"Are you really a college graduate?"
"Summa cum laude. Why?"
"Because you're a moron."
"Is this where I say, 'I know you are, but what am I?'"
"You can't order a nuclear strike on Smallville. You're in Smallville."
"I've lost all will to live. If I can't take over the world, there's no point in going on."
"You could always eat the tapioca," Clark suggested earnestly.
"Never!" Lex waited a second, then asked, "Erm, what's tapioca again?"
"You can eat mine too, then. It'll be, like, a learning experience."
"And what will I be learning?"
"That tapioca is evil?"
"I already knew that."
"Did not."
Lex raised his eyebrows. "I'm not having this argument with you."
"Are too."
"If you stick your tongue out at me, I will not be responsible for my actions."
Clark stuck his tongue out at him.
Lex pushed off from the door, grabbed Clark's shoulder for balance, then leaned in and licked Clark's ear.
Clark flinched back, jerking the steering wheel to the side. The truck lurched to the right, throwing Lex back. "Geez, Lex! What's with you and the licking?"
"I have an oral fixation. It's usually considered an attractive quality."
"Not while driving! How would you like it if I licked you while you were trying to drive?"
Lex took a moment to properly appreciate that mental picture, adjusted himself, and said, "I'd like that very much."
"Another good reason for me to drive."
"I'm hurt, Clark, really."
Clark parked the truck in front of the house. He turned the ignition off, and he and Lex got out of the truck. Lex resisted the urge to tug nervously at his shirt.
"Are you going to tell them before dinner or after?" Lex asked as Clark joined him.
"During."
"Interesting choice. Not only does that avoid the tapioca pudding, but it will make it more difficult for your father to go for his gun if he's trapped at the table."
"Um, actually, I'm just hungry. If we talk to them first, dinner could get cold. And that would be bad."
"Clark, what's for dinner?"
"I don't know. Why?"
"Maybe you could call and find out. I'll let you borrow my phone."
"Lex, they already know we're here." Clark nodded in the direction of the house, where indeed Jonathan was staring at them through the window. "I can't call them. Why do you want me to call, anyway?"
"If dinner is macaroni and cheese, tell them first, and then we can go out to eat. I can make it worth your while."
"You've got something against macaroni and cheese?"
"As opposed to steak, yes."
"Lex, are you stalling?"
A pause. "Yes."
"They're not that scary."
He couldn't think of anything to say that didn't either hint or outright admit that he was, in fact, scared. "Shall we then?"
Clark smiled at him, and led the way into the house.
Dinner turned out to be, ironically enough, steak. Clark grinned at him when his mother brought it out. Lex resisted the urge -- getting frighteningly larger with longer exposure to Clark -- to stick his tongue out at him, and thanked Martha.
The condemned ate a hearty meal, he thought.
Dinner went by quickly from Lex's point of view. All too soon, the steak and potatoes had been consumed, and everyone was leaning back in their chairs. When Martha got up to put her plate in the sink, Clark cleared his throat. "Mom... Dad... there's something I wanted to tell you."
She put her plate in the sink, came back and sat down. "What is it, dear?"
Lex pushed himself away from the table a little, and as close as he thought he could get to Clark without giving away the revelation. Rethought it, then pushed his chair even closer to Clark, and took his hand.
Clark blushed.
"Is this what you wanted to tell us, son?" Jonathan asked.
"Um, yeah."
Martha darted a concerned glance at Jonathan, then turned to Clark. "I don't know what to say, Clark. I... I thought you liked Lana."
"I did -- I do. I just... like Lex more."
"I'm sorry, Clark," she said. "I just... you have to realize, this seems rather sudden to me."
Lex noted that Jonathan wasn't saying anything. He was clenching his fists, yes, and staring at the floor, but not talking. And his opinion was the one that was likely to matter most.
"...it was confusing to me, too, at first, Mom. I kept wanting to be around Lex all the time, and not just like a friend. It took me a while to figure out that, y'know, it was because I liked him liked him."
Jonathan looked up finally, to glare at Lex. He did his best not to smile. Smiling was very nearly a reflex action in circumstances like these. Not that he frequently played the Despoiler of Virgins. But this situation reminded him strongly of similar ones with his own father, where Lex would have smiled smugly and triumphantly.
"Clark," Jonathan said, "I'm not saying what you're feeling isn't real. But you said yourself that it's confusing."
"Yeah..."
"Being what you... being a teenager can be very confusing. That can make it easy for someone older than you to take advantage of your emotions and convince you that you want something you don't really want. You may be 17, but you're still just a freshman in high school. There's a world of difference between that kind of experience, and..." Jonathan nodded at Lex.
That stung his pride, and Lex opened his mouth -- and shut it again when Jonathan's attention immediately swiveled to him. *Anything you say can and will be used against you. Defend Clark, if necessary, not yourself.*
Clark's hand was tense in his. "Dad, Lex didn't do anything. Not like that. We kissed a couple of times, and that's it. I wanted to talk to you and Mom first before... we, y'know." He made a vague gesture with his free hand.
His father looked as though he wanted to pick up the table and throw it, dishes and all. "Before you what?"
"I think what Clark means," Lex interjected, "is that he wanted to talk to you before beginning a relationship he knew you would have concerns about. This..." he held up their joined hands, "only came about last night."
"Is that true?" Jonathan asked Clark.
"Yes, Dad," Clark said, obviously a little frustrated that his father was questioning Lex's words.
"It's a little late for you to be looking for approval to begin the relationship, don't you think?"
"Yesterday, I didn't even know there was a relationship."
"Clark, is this what you meant when you said there was someone else you wanted to take to the dance beside Lana?" Martha asked.
Clark ducked his head. "Yeah. I wasn't sure then that Lex would want to. With me. I would've told you if I knew, I just didn't know for sure until Lex..." He turned red.
Good job, Clark, Lex thought. *Way to set off the parental instincts.*
Sure enough, Jonathan leaned forward again. "Before Lex what?"
*Please, Clark. For once in your life, don't be honest. Lie to your parents like a normal guy. I do it all the time. It's easy. I'll give you lessons.*
"He licked me."
Lex wanted to slide off the chair and hide under the table.
"He licked you," Jonathan repeated.
"Yeah. It was... we were joking about dessert, and I couldn't figure out what he was trying to do, and so I asked him why he kept teasing me all the time, and he told me it was because he was in love with me."
Lex felt his ears turning pink. It was bad enough that he'd told Clark that; he was very uncomfortable about other people knowing.
"He did, did he?" Jonathan was regarding him skeptically.
Which was an easier reaction to deal with than Martha's look of sympathy. "I see," she said. "Jonathan, can I talk to you for a moment?"
The elder Kent was clearly not done questioning them, but he let himself be tugged outside, leaving Clark and Lex alone for the moment.
"What do you think Mom wants to talk to Dad about?"
"Probably giving him hints on where to hide my body."
"Lex."
He sighed. "I don't know, Clark. This isn't a situation I'm familiar with."
"Most parents are thrilled to have their kids dating Lex Luthor?"
"Something like that."
The door banged as Martha and Jonathan came back inside. Martha sat back down, Jonathan did not, pacing behind her.
"Your father and I have discussed this. It's not that we don't think you're old enough, Clark, or that Lex doesn't care about you--"
Hah! Lex thought, staring at Jonathan.
"--but you were in love with Lana just a week ago. This is rather sudden, and we're concerned that you may be, well, confused about what you feel. We aren't going to tell you that can't see Lex, but we do want you to be certain that this is what you want. Which is why we're going to ask you to only see Lex here at the house for while."
"What? Mom!"
Lex turned the proposition over in his mind. It was exquisitely reasonable, he thought. If they had forbidden Clark from seeing him altogether -- as he was sure Jonathan would have liked to do -- there was an excellent chance Clark would refuse. By limiting the relationship rather than trying to stop it, they retained control.
"How long is a while, Mrs. Kent?" Lex asked, forestalling Clark's argument.
"Lex!"
He ignored Clark, watching Martha.
"A few months..."
"One month."
"Lex, why are you agreeing with them?"
He faced Clark's hurt expression, and tried to soothe it by drawing circles on Clark's hand with his thumb. He didn't want to explain -- didn't want to give Jonathan anymore ammunition than he had to, but it was important that Clark understand. "Last night, you told me that you weren't sure yet whether you were bi. And I told you that it's fine to explore your sexual identity, just not with me."
"Yeah. I remember. And I said..."
He cut Clark off. "I demanded you make a choice. You made it. But it still might have been too soon..."
Clark interrupted him this time. "Lex, I know what I feel."
He hated doing this here. Hated doing it now, in front of Clark's parents. Would have hated it doing anywhere though, but it had to be done. "Do you? Do you have any idea what will happen when we're together?"
"Lex, I trust you."
"I'm not talking about me. I'm talking about being bisexual in Smallville, Kansas. About being Lex Luthor's gay boyfriend. About seeing yourself on the cover of newspapers as a teenage Lolita -- 'Luthor Scion Deflowers High School Freshman' is a kind example of the sort of headline they'll print. And that doesn't even take my father's likely reaction into account. Hell, he's probably the only one of those that I can protect you from."
Clark's expression showed that he hadn't thought about any of this. Jonathan's was still angry. Martha seemed altogether too understanding, but then, she was the only one of the Kents who'd lived in Metropolis.
Lex continued. "I'm willing to step onto the landmine for you, Clark. I'm here, aren't I?" he asked, gesturing at the inside of the Kent residence. "I didn't have to be. I could've... never mind that. I just... I want you to know what you're doing. What your mother is asking would give you time to be sure."
"Is it really going to be that bad?"
He shrugged. "I don't know. Possibly worse. I, at least, am used to reporters." And to being a freak, he thought, but didn't say.
"And if I change my mind about... about us being together?"
His head hurt. He hurt. He didn't know what to say. The truth was -- and Lex wasn't in the habit of lying to himself, even if he lied to everyone else in the universe -- things had changed too much between them for him to believe that they could ever go back to simple friendship. And he wasn't prepared to let Clark go. Not now. Possibly not ever. "Have you?"
"No. Not yet."
"Ah." Lex forced a smile that probably looked as pained as it felt.
"Would you like some aspirin, Lex?" Martha asked him.
Lex realized that he was massaging his temples, and dropped his hand into his lap. "No, thank you. I think I need to go home and spend some time in the dark. Maybe with some ice."
"I'll take you, Lex," Clark said, dropping his hand, and getting to his feet.
Jonathan coughed. "I'm sorry, son, but you can't. I'll drive Lex home."
Joy. I'm so dead, Lex thought.
"Can I at least talk to Lex before he goes?" Clark asked, more than a little belligerent. "Alone?"
"Out on the porch."
Where we can see you, Lex added mentally.
Martha smiled at Lex. "It's dark out, and there's a breeze. That might help your headache some."
He nodded to her, conceding that Clark's mom was, indeed, pretty cool for a Kent. "Thank you for the dinner, Mr. and Mrs. Kent." And for not killing me. "I look forward to seeing you again."
Lex stood up and led the way out to the porch, where Clark joined him.
"They're not being fair," Clark said.
"Life's not fair," Lex replied, "but what specifically aren't they being fair about?"
"If you were female, they wouldn't be doing this. If you were Whitney, they wouldn't be doing this."
"If I were either of those things, they would've known me for several years in advance. They're only being careful about their son."
"Stop defending them, Lex."
"I'm not, exactly," he said, in a small, tired voice. "I just..." He sighed. "It's easier to deal with if I try to see their actions as reasonable, if I try to look at it from their perspective. My getting upset about it won't help anything."
"I guess. I still don't like it, though." Clark's arms came around him, and Lex rested his aching head against Clark's shoulder. "Is it all right if I do this?"
"I insist upon it," Lex said, and closed his eyes to savor the moment, because it was all he might have.
-the end-