Work Text:
The last time
Again.
I’m sorry.
Come in.
I’m Sorry.
You’ve already said that.
I’m Sorry.
It hurts when you’re gone.
It’s better when You’re here.
I won't leave.
Again.
I’m sorry.
Come in.
I’m Sorry.
You’ve already said that.
I’m Sorry.
It hurts when you’re gone.
It’s better when You’re here.
I won't leave.
Again.
I’m sorry.
Come in.
I’m Sorry.
You’ve already said that.
I’m Sorry.
It hurts when you’re gone.
It’s better when You’re here.
I won't leave
Again.
Deep breath. In. Out. Breath. Exhale. In. Out. Knock Three times. In. Out.
Josie pulls open the door and the air makes it into my lungs for the first time in what feels like forever.
“I’m sorry.” Her arms are crossed, defensive. Her eyes soften though, naturally she pulls the door open and takes a step back, enough space for me to enter.
“Come in.” Three long steps and I’m in the middle of the twins room. Jo retreats to the edge of her bed, pulling her legs under her. I take a look around the space, I can breathe easier. The past 48 hours without her have been… they’ve been like torture. It’s always like this. My chest’s tight. I’m on edge. I need to run.
“I’m sorry.” The words slip from my mouth again. I can’t help it. She needs to hear it until she forgives me. Until I'm safe again. This time I went too far. This time I almost got Lizzie killed. This time I didn’t care about anyone else. This time she might not let me in again.
“You’ve already said that.” Her arms are still crossed but I can see her fighting to not drop them. I sit on the edge of the bed next to her. My eyes catch the photos of us pinned up on the wall. The whole squad at a flag football game, arms lazily slung around each other, defeated smiles on all our faces. The twins in Europe, posing in front of the Eiffel Tower with Caroline. Josie and I sat at the dock, having a picnic which Lizzie swiftly crashed. A candid of the brunette in the library after hours of study. One of me about to fight another monster, axe in hand, waving on my way out of the building. The two of us asleep on a couch in the old mill after a movie night. Josie exhales. I take a breath.
“I’m sorry.” Her arms drop to her side and she leans back. Head resting on the pillow. I fall as well. She turns on her side, our faces inches away. Inhale, exhale. In time with each other. Silent for a minute. She reaches out, brushing a hair away from my face. Her hand lingers. Inhale, exhale. Silence. Peace.
“It hurts when you’re gone.” My breath catches. I inch closer to her. I need to not hurt her. I need to not be gone. I need to be here. She needs to know I'm here. It's entirely selfish of course.
“It’s better when You’re here.” She exhales again. I can see in her eyes it’s better. It’s better for her too. It’s better for me. This is the last time I fuck up. This is the last time I come crawling back. This is the last time because it hurts less when I'm here. This is the last time because it’s better when she’s here. She pulls me into a hug. Inhale, exhale. Breath.
“I won't leave” It’s a promise. I know she can’t keep it. We both know it’s impossible. But I can breathe when she says it. Inhale, exhale. Everyone leaves. Everyone dies. But for a moment it’s impossible. Josie is forever.
Again.
I’m sorry.
Come in.
I’m Sorry.
You’ve already said that.
I’m Sorry.
It hurts when you’re gone.
It’s better when You’re here.
I won't leave
Again.
Deep breath. In. Out. Breath. Exhale. In. Out. Knock Three times. In. Out. Nothing. Knock three times. Deep breath. Still nothing. In. Knock again. Out. Knock. In. Knock. Out.
“Jesus Mikealson!” Lizzie opens the door.
“I’m sorry.” She rolls her eyes and makes no effort to widen the entrance, instead slipping out into the hallway. She crosses her arms and sets a glare. Shit that’s intimating. “Is Josi-”
“Yes Josie is in there, no you are not allowed to see her. And before you look at me like a wounded puppy, You really hurt her Hope. It’s going to take more than three sorry’s and a ‘I need you’ to win her back over.”
“I am sorry. I really am. I didn’t realise it was going to hurt her like that. But I do need her Lizzie. You know that. That’s why I’m here. That’s why I'm always knocking to apologise.”
“You’re always apologising cause you’re always fucking up Hope. Maybe if you were a better friend you wouldn’t be here every other week doing the same thing.” She pauses and with a sigh side steps before heading toward the kitchens. Before I could take another step toward the door she calls again. “Do better, Hope.”
I knock. Inhale, exhale. And silently pushed the door open. Josie’s curled up in bed. Head buried under a pillow. I pull the sheets back and crawl in beside her. She turns and opens her eyes into mine. Breathe. Everything is better.
“I’m sorry.” Wordlessly she pulls me in.
“It hurts when you’re gone. Don’t disappear again. It hurts. It hurts.” She grips to me. Clinging on for dear life.
“It’s better when You’re here.” It is. I always find my way back to Josie. Because it’s better. It’s always worse when I'm gone. When she’s so far away. When I can’t breathe.”
“I won’t leave.” And she doesn’t. Because she never does. Because she keeps her word. Because I'm the one who runs. But I always end up here again. Because everything is better.
Again.
I’m sorry.
Come in.
I’m Sorry.
You’ve already said that.
I’m Sorry.
It hurts when you’re gone.
It’s better when You’re here.
I won't leave
Again.
Deep breath. In. Out. Breath. Exhale. In. Out. Knock Three times. In. Out.
The door opens before I can work out what I’m going to say. I resort to the default.
“I’m sorry.” Jo shakes her head. But takes a step back nonetheless. Spreading her arms wide, an open invitation to enter.
“Come in.” There’s bitterness in her voice. I shuffle forwards. Being this close I can breathe better but there’s a stiffness. She radiates it. This time is different.
“I’m sorry.” The words hang in the air. Meaningless after so many iterations.
“You’ve already said that.” She scoffs. “Hope you’ve said that a million times. But you never do anything. You leave, and you fuck up then you apologise and I just take it. Every time I take it and… and I'm just done. I’m done Hope.” She’s closer to me now. Radiating frustration.
“I’m sorry” Barely a whisper now. There’s no defence, she’s right. I’m just as bad as Landon. Or Penelope. Or Jade. I Just leave. She’s right… But I come back. Everytime I come back. That’s what’s different.
“It hurts when you’re gone.” Her voice is raw, I can see tears starting to well and all I want to do is sweep up and take her away from the pain. But I’m why she’s hurting. I can’t just save her from this. “Genuinely. My chest aches. It has since I was 12, Hope. You disappear and there’s a hole in my heart. Then you come back and it’s better. I feel ok. I can fucking breathe again Hope. But then you go. Hope this is the last time. You can’t go. You can’t break me like this again. Not like it means nothing.” She’s crying. I step forward. I reach out. She pulls away. I can’t breathe.
“It’s better when you’re here. Jo. I feel better when you’re here. It hurts me too. It hurts me when I leave. But I can’t not. But don’t you see. I come back. Jo, I always come back. Because I know you’ll never leave. You’ll never go. All the roads lead back to you. Every single fucking one. And it’s better. You’re better. Better than everything else” Tears stream down our faces. I don’t understand what’s happening. I can’t breathe. In, out. Inhale, exhale. Breathe Hope, Breathe.
“I won’t leave.” My chest loosens for half a second. “But you will. You’re breaking me. You’re shattering every part of me, then you pick up the pieces, then you leave again. You always leave. You’ve been running your whole life. This is the last time. When you run again, you can’t come back. I can’t take it. I can’t. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts.” She’s on her knees. So am I. I’m holding her. We’re crying. I can’t breathe. This is the last time. We know it. This is the last time, when I run I can’t come back. I can’t break her again. This is the last time. I won’t hurt her anymore.
“I won’t hurt you anymore. I promise.”
Again.