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Killua doesn’t know how it happened.
Maybe the sound reminded him of cruel whips cracking against his bloodied and tattered skin. Maybe it reminded him of every murder he ever had to commit in the dark, pouring rain. It even could have been the loneliness he felt within the storm's ruthless wrath.
But no matter the reason, one fact stood clear: Killua was afraid of thunder.
Now, that sounds dumb, right? Killua Zoldyck, an ex assassin, a goddamn hunter, fears something as measly as a sound in the sky.
But as much as Killua tried, and tried, and tried to get over his so-called fear, it never seemed to work. He tried wearing headphones, he tried covering his ears over his pillow, hell, he even tried to sleep through it. But all it took was one flash if lightning with the loud boom to follow, and he’d jolt awake in fear. Since the hunter exam, Killua was lucky enough to not have to deal with many storms— due to him constantly moving locations. But in the few times they did occur, all Killua could do was just roll himself in a ball and wait for it to pass.
Tonight was especially hard, though. The storm had been going on for hours with no sign of stopping. Killua, as always, was curled up in his blankets, simply letting the darkness engulf him. Excluding the loud crackles of thunder, the room was utterly silent, not even Gon’s TV next door could be heard. The room was completely dark, since thick storm clouds covered the bright moon.
At first, Killua thought rolling in a ball was an effective strategy, but he quickly realized it’s faults. He felt even smaller than usual, like the world around him wanted to swallow him whole. It made him feel scared, bitter, and weak . How was he supposed to survive anything if he couldn’t stand a bit of thunder? Though he refused to admit it, Killua knew deep down that it was extremely common for a fourteen-year-old with a lot of trauma—both mentally and physically, to have a fear like this. But he couldn’t be someone like that. Because if he was, he didn’t deserve to be a hunter, or even Gon’s friend for that matter.
Gon was fearless in everything he did. Whether it was taking on a strong opponent, or simply talking to someone new, he did it without a hint of worry in his eye. Gon was made to shine in this world, while Killua was only meant to stay in the shadows, like he always did. That didn’t stop Gon from wanting to be Killua’s friend, though.
The rain continued to pour down mercilessly, hard taps repeatedly being made on Killua’s window. It was starting to get overwhelming. The rain. The lightning strikes. The booms of thunder. He just wanted peace. Why couldn’t he have peace?
A few tears rolled down his pale cheeks, causing light trails to form across his face. He was completely under the blanket now. The blanket was warm, and safe, but it wasn’t enough. He wanted, needed more. He needed—
A knock on the door echoes through the deafening silence. Killua jolts a bit at the abrupt sound, but quickly settles his breathing as he made his way towards the door. Finally stopping in front of said area, he checked his watch, 2:17 am . What the hell could Gon want at this time of night?
Deciding to find out, he opened his door, only to be met with a shadowed figure his height. The dim lightbulb in the hallway was the only source of light in their apartment, making the only clear part of his friend his pair of bronze irises that stared directly at his. A glint of worry was projected through the raven-haired boy’s eyes, and the look made Killua’s stomach drop. Did Gon hear his pathetic little sob fest? If he did, then suffering from the thunder was probably a better fate than the embarrassment he was destined to experience from this confrontation.
“What are you going here? At like—”Killua checks his watch again. “2:20 in the morning.” Had Killua really been thinking for three minutes?
“Uh— well, you see— it’s kinda hard to explain,” Gon mumbles, as he scratches the back of his neck.
“Did you wanna try?” Killua asked patiently. He noticed Gon was kind of nervous, which was pretty new, especially around Killua.
“Ugh it’s going to sound dumb when I say it out loud. I’ll just go back to my room—”
“No!” Killua grabbed Gon’s wrist swiftly, which earned a confused look from the latter. “I mean— I promise whatever it is, it’s not dumb. You do say the weirdest stuff sometimes, but I rarely judge you for it,” Killua explained as he kept his grip on his friend’s slim wrist.
The reassurance attained a small sigh from Gon. “Okay, fine. I just— I had a feeling that you were upset in some way. I don’t know why, but I couldn’t get it out of my head, so I needed to come check on you. And I’m guessing I was right,” Gon confessed, which was followed by a point to Killua’s face, signalling the half dried tear streaks that had formed on Killua’s cheek.
Killua huffed, before speaking , “you wouldn’t be fully wrong.”
“Wanna talk about it?” Gon asked softly as he leaned his weight onto Killua’s door frame.
“No, it’s pretty embarrassing,” Killua mumbled.
“You literally just told me I wasn’t being embarrassing, so don’t think you can be a hypocrite and get away with it,” Gon argued, and to be fair, the guy had a point.
“Ughhhhh,” Killua whined. “You’re going to laugh at how stupid I’m being, or something.”
Gon rolled his eyes. “Yeah I will for how dumb you’re being now. When have I ever made fun of you for your feelings?” he added. His face matched the soft tone of his voice. Again, he really wasn’t wrong, but Killua couldn’t help but close his friend off.
Before Killua could argue further, a sound of thunder boomed throughout the room, causing the boy to flinch. Welp, the secret’s out now.
The blue-eyed boy refused to make eye contact with his amber-eyed friend. He didn’t want to see the look of pity that was inevitably going to pop up on his face. Killua couldn’t stand for Gon to see him weak— they were supposed to protect each other. And if Killua feared some insignificant thunder, could he really protect the person he loved most?
“Killua…?” Gon whispered.
“Hm,” was all Killua was able to get out, still refusing to let his eyes meet Gon’s.
“Are you…scared of thunder?” Gon asked meekly. Killua knew it was coming, I mean he literally just flinched at the sound of it. But it sounded oh so incredibly dumb out loud.
“Maybe,” Killua mumbled in return.
Before Killua could try to explain himself further, he felt a pair of warm arms surround him. And soon enough, his face was resting at the side Gon’s even warmer neck. How that was possible, Killua had no idea. Killua hugged back just as hard, his cold arms returning the welcoming embrace. He liked it more than he knew he should have, but he let that slip to the back of his mind for another day.
“It’s okay to have fears, y’know?” Gon whispered into the crook of Killua’s neck. The latter shivered due to the warm breath blowing on his skin.
“But it makes me feel so weak,” Killua protested, though it came out more as a defeated sigh.
“I know, but you gotta understand. You’re the strongest person I know. Just because one thing scares you, it doesn’t mean you’re entirely weak. You only feel it at the moment, right? Well, that means you’re strong the rest of the time!” Gon mumbled yet again, but Killua had never heard clearer.
A light blush rapidly made its way across Killua’s tear stained cheeks. “Since when did you get all wise?” he chuckled, but didn’t loosen his grip on his friend.
“I’ve been watching a bunch of psychological TV shows lately,” the boy replied, voice filled with embarrassment.
“Is that what keeps playing at like one am every night??” Killua questioned, but no malice was found in his voice.
“Yeahhh, sorry about that,” Gon laughed. His soft voice filling the still air. Killua hadn’t even realized that he completely tuned out the sound of thunder until he heard it boom again, causing another wince.
“I have an idea!” Gon stated, and Killua could almost feel how his eyes lit up even though he couldn’t see them.
“And what’s that?” Killua replied, slowly pulling away from his friend.
“Want me to stay the night? You might not feel as bad if someone stays with you!” Gon suggested cheerfully.
The current light blush exploded into a deep crimson red. “Idiot! You can’t just say that,” Killua mumbled, burying his hands in his face in the process.
“Why not?” Gon asked, rolling his eyes. “It’s a simple question, yes, or no?”
Killua really didn’t think that it was a simple question, but he knew how much he and Gon differed in this department. Though he tried to act like he was thinking, he had already chosen the answer before Gon had even asked him.
“Fine, but don’t hog the blanket like you always do,” Killua answered, rolling his eyes.
“Says you, but it’s fine, I’ll just go grab my blanket. Be right back!” Gon sprinted down the halls before Killua could protest. Thirty seconds later, Gon had returned, entering Killua’s room without hesitation.
“Do you prefer a certain side?” Gon asked as he made his way over to Killua’s bed.
“Not really, you can pick,” Killua responded, following right behind his friend.
“Okay!” Gon replied, gently jumping onto Killua’s bed. “C’mon, get over here.”
“You’re so embarrassing, but I’m coming, calm yourself.” Killua scoffed as he made his way on to his bed.
As Killua made himself comfortable under the covers, he noticed Gon’s arm up in the air, as if waiting for something.
“What are you doing?” Killua asked, eyes full of confusion.
Gon rolled his eyes, as if Killua was supposed to know what he meant. Killua didn’t do this often, okay? Give him a break.
“Come lay with me.”
Killua sat there for a solid ten seconds like a deer in headlights as he let the words soak in. Come lay with me. Come lay with me .
“You mean like cuddle ?” Killua asked as he gaped at his friend. Okay, he should have expected this from Gon, but still. Gon kept the cool expression on his face as he watched Killua try to put things together. The boy was so clueless sometimes.
“That’s usually what ‘come lay with me’ means, but I could be wrong,” Gon replied, sarcasm laced in his quiet voice.
“No need to be a smart ass, Gon. And I don’t know, won’t that be weird?” Killua asked.
Gon smirked. Like actually smirked. And Killua felt a wave of butterflies flutter in his stomach. “Only if you make it weird, Kil.” Gon’s arm was still extended in the air, not faltering until he got his way.
“Ugh I don’t kno—”a loud boom of thunder echos throughout the room and before Killua could realize, he was wrapped around Gon’s stable chest.
“I’m taking that as a yes, then?” Gon asked confidently, Killua could almost see his ego growing in his heart.
“Yeah, yeah, whatever. If you kick me, there will be hell to pay, though,” Killua mumbled, digging his face deeper into Gon’s neck.
“Says you, blanket hog. You’re lucky I love you so much,” Gon whispered into his soft hair, and Killua swore the butterflies were going to fly out his throat. As Killua was about to respond, he felt Gon rub his face against Killua’s hair, which led to him threading his hand through it. The feeling was unusual, but nice.
“You have really soft hair, y’know?” Gon mumbled again. Apparently Gon wanted to see how long Killua could keep a blush on his face because if his previous pink was fading, it was definitely back at full force again.
“Thank you for everything, Gon,” he whispered as his grasp on his friend tightened slightly.
“Anything for you, Killua.”
What Killua learned that night was that focusing on Gon’s breathing, his touch, was a much better solution than anything he tried before. Though he did sometimes flinch from the especially loud booms, it wasn’t as frequent. And he was actually able to fall asleep that night. Wrapped in the embrace of his favourite person in the world.