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“Is that ‘eyes of a blue dog’ you’re reading?”
Minghao flinches and looks up at the sudden interruption. He finds Jeon Wonwoo standing almost in front of him. He is quick to realize that although that is indeed the title of the book he currently holds in his hand, the question isn’t directed at him but at the student next to him. Minghao knows him too, although he probably doesn’t know Minghao, they have been in the same literature class for a year now, but Minghao has never been the type to stand out.
“Uh, yeah. The lit teacher assigned it to my class.”
Lit . It tickles Minghao’s ears, he feels the urge to call him out and say “just say literature, dear god”. But as most of the things that cross his mind, he decides to keep it to himself.
“What do you think of it so far?” Wonwoo says with an excited voice and a cute smile.
Minghao feels himself blushing, a normal occurrence when he is around Wonwoo.
Saying that he has a crush on the older boy is an understatement. It is more like he has been embarrassingly in love with Wonwoo for some months now, and has had a crush on him since he saw him talk about literature by Hispanic authors at a presentation for his literature class last year.
Maybe it was Wonwoo’s witty take on Mario Benedetti’s tragic and simple but beautiful description of love in his works, or his asserted comment about the undeniable relevance of Jaime Sabines in the Mexican poetry history, the few quotes he read in Spanish almost perfectly, or perhaps all of the reasons described above, what made Minghao’s poor heart become Jeon Wonwoo’s new anonymous hostage.
Having a crush on Wonwoo wasn’t painful, at first that is. Minghao enjoyed looking at him from afar, listen to him talk during school events in which he was often asked to be the master of ceremonies because his voice was just unbelievably nice to hear, sitting close to him and his friends at lunch just to be able to look at his pretty smile every time they told a joke that made him laugh like crazy. Simply sitting in silence in a dark corner of Wonwoo’s world where he would never even think of taking a peek at.
But after a year of simping like a fool and following Wonwoo around like a creep, Minghao’s feelings have done everything but disappear. What he thought to be a silly crush has now become a burning love that overflows inside Minghao’s chest like lava and threatens to turn him into ashes.
And it is driving him crazy, he wants to talk to Wonwoo, get to know him, confirm his own feelings and maybe plant a seed in Wonwoo’s heart. But Minghao is shy to say the least, and it gets worse around Wonwoo, because of course one of love’s biggest effect on people is to make them stupid, it’s written in history, just like Romeo and Juliet, Hamlet and Ophelia, fucking Shakespeare.
“I think it sucks. It’s really boring and confusing. It’s like the author didn’t want anyone to be able to read it, right?”
Minghao wants to smack his own face. He knows his classmate isn’t the most brilliant, at least not when it comes to anything related to reading comprehension, but how can he say Garcia Marquez’ work sucks, just because he doesn’t get it? In Minghao’s opinion, he should be put in jail for that.
He scans Wonwoo’s expression from the side, trying not to be so obvious and wondering why he’s putting up with this when he knows better anyway.
Wonwoo frowns briefly and touches his lower lip with his thumb as if thinking on what to say next, probably baffled as much, if not more than Minghao was. However, he just smiles awkwardly and lets out a “right”.
Minghao’s eyes open comically big at that. If he was discreetly looking before he is now downright staring at Wonwoo, because although he would never be rude to anyone , despite how clueless they were, he wouldn’t just agree with such a terrible opinion just like that either, would he?
Then, Minghao notices Wonwoo’s hands hidden behind his back, he is nervously playing with what seem to be movie tickets and he keeps rocking back and forth slowly on his feet.
Oh.
“But, um, isn’t it a good love story?”
Oh Wonwoo.
Minghao feels something clench inside his chest, and his stomach turns. A new, strange feeling that falls between anger and sadness in the spectrum, perhaps, this is what jealousy feels like.
Minghao has never been jealous before, he had never even considered being the type to experience such feelings, but maybe, contrary to what he believed, Jealousy is just as universal as loneliness. And if that is true then Minghao can forgive himself for being jealous over someone who doesn’t even know him, someone he has never had the courage to talk to, someone who is mustering that same courage to invite another boy on a date right in front of Minghao’s eyes.
“I guess.”
Minghao takes a deep breath, he feels sick to his stomach when Wonwoo laughs again, squeezing his eyes shut and scrunching his nose, a lovely habit that Minghao finds beyond endearing. How can such a vague answer make him laugh like that? Minghao’s head hurts all of sudden.
Jealousy really is a disease.
“Do you have any favorite quotes from it?”
The boy Wonwoo apparently has a crush on stays quiet for longer than it’s bearable. Minghao sees it in Wonwoo's expression too, he’s getting impatient, or maybe disappointed, it is possible that he is already questioning whether this, or more like him , is worth the effort. Minghao hopes he is.
But painful as it is for Minghao to see, Wonwoo doesn’t give up, and Minghao wants to dissolve into the air because although he can’t assure he’d be better for Wonwoo than this dude is, he could at least try to.
“If someday we meet, place your ear against my ribcage, when I fall asleep on the left side of my body…”
The bait is right there, within the reach of Wonwoo’s crush, and Minghao is so fucking jealous he thinks he will explode.
Wonwoo, the boy who Minghao is so deeply in love with is telling someone else that he likes him and that he wishes he would reciprocate his feelings, and he’s saying it with one of Minghao’s own favorite quotes in the book.
Just how much more painful can it get?
“Huh? What are you talking about?” The boy says, looking at Wonwoo with a confused expression and a condescending tone.
“Oh, sorry I-”
Jesus Christ.
“He is quoting one of the most beautiful dialogues in the entire book, god, do you really not get it?”
Both Wonwoo and the other boy snap their heads to the side and stare at him, confused and shocked. Wait, did Minghao just say that out loud?
“What did you just-”
Oh shit, he did.
Wonwoo is looking at him with his mouth slightly open, Minghao wants the earth to swallow him and spit him into outer space or somewhere nobody will ever find him. He quickly analyzes his options and although running away seems very appealing it is also true that this could finally be his opportunity to appeal to Wonwoo, and even if he has already started with the left foot, he has something the other boy doesn’t, and Minghao, he can fix this.
“A-and you will hear me resonate.” Minghao pauses to look at Wonwoo’s expression which is now softer, he closes his mouth and his eyes sparkle with something that resembles hope. “I’ve always wished for you to do it sometime.”
Minghao hadn’t planned on confessing his painfully strong feelings to Wonwoo, not now, and not ever. But as the last word leaves his mouth, and Wonwoo smiles brightly at him with shining eyes, Minghao is glad that he did.