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It was a lazy Sunday morning in the Freeman household.
Well, to be honest with himself, any day was going to lazy in comparison to the worst few weeks of his life at Black Mesa just a few month ago.
To be more honest with himself, it was kind of self-serving to call it his household. He was barely pulling any weight towards a mortgage outside of the stipend that Black Mesa's new board was using to smooth over their public image. It was fine justifiable. Anyway, streaming would pick up eventually or his face would easily fade from the public consciousness in a few years and he could go back to being a regular Johnny Numbers. As it stood though, Tommy was the one dominating the household, at least financially.
He hated to think of it that way. It wasn't a competition. He didn't need to take in more cash to prove himself as the bigger man here. It was a mutualistic exchange. I mean for Christ's sake, he literally had his head in Tommy's lap as he fretted over it. He wasn't being a mooch. He was welcome here. It shouldn't matter….
But God, what if it did?
What if these dynamics forged in their relationship shortly after the Resonance Cascade were going to last forever? They were already engaged. That reaked of commitment to the bit.
Was he fine being a glorified house husband? Was he going to be able to sleep at night if he knew the man casually leafing through an issue of Men's Vow and running an idle hand through his limp ponytail was essentially guiding him through the successful business man with a younger lover he can support with his self archetype?
Oh God, what if he was into that?
"Are you alright, Gordon?" Tommy's chipper cadence interrupted his patent pattern of overthinking the most minute social exchanges, "You're making a- you kind of look...tense."
Gordon glanced up at the taller man.
He was met with the full intensity of Tommy's amber eyes studying him under furrowed brows.
If he could peel out of his skin as easily as he had been able to slip out of his battered HEV suit, in that moment, he would have done it without a second thought now.
Nonchalant. He could be cool and nonchalant. It wasn't like Tommy could read his mind or anything, right? Despite being an unsettlingly sharp shooter and having an unfathomably vast memory, he seemed to not have inherited any of his alleged father's void walking abilities. All of his talent and prowess, not limited to the immortal dog forged by his own hand lazily laying in a sunbeam a room over, was by his own dedication.
Wait, no, actually, that made him more embarrassing to fuck up in front of.
As if he could hear the gears grinding in his head, Tommy added, "You know there is no pressure for the whole…."
He fidgeted with the sleek silver band on his ring finger with a slight grimace instead of finishing his thought.
The engagement. It had been about a month now. The whole thing was more symbolic than anything and for Gordon's peace of mind above all else. Ugh, of course that was what Tommy's mind would jump to.
Damage control, Gordon. Damage control.
"It wasn't that. I swear! I was just thinking about uhh….why you still want me here? It's not like you couldn't afford this place on your own. Not that I'm not appreciative of your generosity...I just..I mean I was kind of an asshole to you back at Black Mesa, and…" the ramblings continued to lose steam as he attempt to relay the trainwreck of thoughts he had just witnessed as normally as possible.
"You're kind of like having a big dog around," Tommy replied as cheerily as ever and with speed to indicate he had settled on this response before.
"T-thank you. I think?"
"It's not like that , Gordon," Tommy corrected in acknowledgment of the slight cringe he made at the "compliment", "You're- you're nice to have around the house. It's- I like it when I know there's someone waiting for me at the end of the day, even if most of what you do is lay on top of me and drool."
He went to correct him, but his thoughts fizzled out upon found delicate fingertips brushing against the bristly edges of his beard.
Thank God there wasn't actually drool there. He had suffered through plenty of embarrassments in his life, way too many in front of Tommy alone. Something like that though might have shot his blood pressure up enough to finally kill him.
Absentmindedly, he let himself be lulled by the passing scraps on contact. Tommy was always so gentle with him. He knew it was mostly out of habit, but it still kind of made his stomach turn at the cautious precision typically reserved for a lab sample being applied to the haggard shape his body was in.
He wished he could verbalize the appreciation for his clinical approach to affection, but his mind and body felt weighed down by exhaustion that had never quite left him since the cascade. He only managed to make a contented sigh and press into his lap as Tommy's fingertips traced at the HEV suit scars concealed under a thin t-shirt.
He was almost asleep when the doorbell let out three sharp chimes.
He sprang up as straight as a board and insisted he would get it. It was the least he could do for Tommy's troubles.
God, he kind of was like a dog….
Nope. Not going to entertain that thought. He was just going to answer the door, probably sign for a package or that weird red head with the trenchcoat's petition, and make a bit of small talk. Nothing an MIT grad like himself couldn't handle.
He should have checked the peephole.
He always checked the peephole.
Why did he think this was so urgent he couldn't check the peephole?
This oversight came in the form of an immediate ping of regret in his stomach the minute a familiar pair of Black Mesa standard issue no-slip combat boots came into his field of vision.
"YO, FREEMAN!" the gutwrenchingly familiar, garbled and compressed voice hit him like a freight train.
He didn't want to double check to make sure. He didn't have to look. He could just close the door, tell Tommy the stranger has the wrong address, and pretend that the reaper had not just rapt on his door.
Of course, he looked.
To nobody's surprise, it was Benrey in all his glory.
Well, in most of his glory. As the sturdily built guard eagerly rocked on his stoop, he had trouble prying his eyes off of Benrey's head sans helmet. He would have never guessed he was a seemingly natural blonde. The short and jagged cut bearing a stylized resemblance to Doom's cover art however seemed like classic Benrey.
"earth to freeman. come in, freeman," Benrey impatiently interrupted his processing of the person he has killed with his own first getting his muddy bootprints on his doorstep.
"You're not supposed to be here," Gordon weakly replied as if telling him might make him dematerialize into the fading afternoon sunlight.
"yeah. i know. kind of sucks for me that you made me go to hell before i died," he paused to swirl an index finger in his ear canal as if his statement has the same casual weight as missing out on a stream, "was kind of dead for a few cycles, but i'm okay now."
WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN?
All that effort, and this monster just had a suboptimal respawn time.
Did that mean the xen creatures could respawn too?
Was he going to start taking out a crowbar on his evening walks in case of peeper puppies?
He could feel his field of vision narrowing down to this endless stretch of horizon where he would be perpetually running for his life as every shred of normalcy was placed by strange alien eyes and persistent hands dragging his under.
He was distantly aware of the heartbeat now pounding in his ears and threatening to burst out of his ribcage.
He had a guess that the prick of sensation in his arms was his fingernails racking over the scarred flesh.
But mostly keenly he was aware of Benrey's blue unblinking eyes piercing straight through him with an emotionless expression shown in the tight line of his dry lips.
And then, something warm and wet was on his wrist. Something was easing away the sting on his wrist. Something soft and damp….
Sunkist, the perfect dog. Of course.
He must have been….
Ughh…
And in front of Benrey no less…
Just focus on your breathing, Freeman
That was all he could do.
Just take deep breaths and handle what horrors awaited him when his brain kicked out of fight or flight mode.
At least, Tommy hadn't been there to see that. He would get that look in his eyes, that one that reeked of pity….He didn't hold it against him, but he hated feeling that helpless, especially when what he was fighting against was his own jumbled brain.
He was so back to normal, so average and table anyway. Sunkist did the trick just fine, and he- he wasn't there at his heel anymore.
He didn't even need to strain to hear the scrabbling of nails and loafers to be able to anticipate Tommy's firm grip on his shoulder.
As if this day could get any more personally humiliating...
"Gordon, are you still okay? Sunkist tugged on my sleeve and I thought that maybe…." he didn't need to finish that thought. By the way his fingers dug in, he knew full well he had spotted their little house guest.
As bad as he felt, he couldn't imagine how much worse it was for Tommy. Unlike Gordon, Tommy and Benrey had history, albeit it a bit murky. Tommy has been Benrey's interpreter for the nuanced expressions of sweet voice. He had seemed so happy to see him again right before the cascade. And then, things deteriorated so fast. He was treated like an afterthought in Benrey's glut to get at Gordon, and ultimately, Benrey had wanted him as a casualty for his big finale.
"yo, tommy. finally. freeman was being a bit of a baby man, all pale and chicken. kind of rude to not a guest in, right?"
Gordon spared a glance up at Tommy, breath hitching as he braced himself to be overpowered by the will of the reformed science team. Instead, he was met with one of the most sour expressions he had seen on Tommy's face in recent memory. Even without his alleged father's bioluminescent glow to his pupils, he could cast an icy glare that would make hell freeze over. Gordon would be lying to say that he wasn't a bit enthralled.
"Security Officer Bopper…" Tommy started before a small chuckle at the honorific from Gordon ruined his flow.
He was shot a small glimpse of Tommy's frigid gaze. The stomach flip induced by such a display was enough to keep him quietly ruminating while he chewed Benrey out.
"As I was saying….you've- you've tracked Mr. Freeman to his house and shown up univited after really hurting him. Do you have any consid- do you have any thing to say for yourself?"
"c'mon, tommy. best friend tommy. you saw he tried to kill me a bunch first. you know it wasn't my fault anyway. your…"
He cut him off, "I'm not taking sides on this, Benrey, but you need to take some responsibility for your actions."
"but i came all this way…"
"You wonder why that didn't happen sooner? The survivors of the Black Mesa incident were some of the- some of the best and brightest in teleportation and bioengineering. That's- that's just objective fact. If we wanted you back, we could of done it."
Benrey didn't exact reply, just kind of sputtered out a pathetic little buh.
"I thought giving you some time to con- letting you think about what happened might help you. Clearly it wasn't long enough."
Tommy's leg brushed up against his as he moved to nudge the door closed with his foot.
Benrey wildly pawed out at the door. It was kind of funny to think about. This guy that had crawled under his skin and lived in the most primal region of his brain for months was trying to worm his way into his fiance's house like a measley field mouse.
"Maybe Bubby will be willing to give you a hand, but I- I can't have you around here if you cannot help yourself from hurting us. Goodbye, Benrey."
And with a decisive snap of the front lock, Benrey was gone.
Man, if only he had known you could get rid of him that easily a few months ago….
"You're alright?" Tommy phrased it like a question, but it sounded a bit more like he was taking inventory after a battle. In a way, Gordon guessed he was.
In a voice he wished was not so unsteady, he answered "Yeah, I just- it kind of messed me up to know that he's still out there after everything you guys helped me with. It gets to you."
"I can imagine, Mr. Freeman," Tommy started with the slightest tug of a grin on his face from invoking his title, "But it's going to be alright. I'm- I'm going to stay focused by your side this time."
They shared an uneasy smile, both honored at the second chance but a bit sore over old memories of the betrayal.
A heavy moment of silence passed. He could only assume Tommy was taking in the implications of letting Benrey go unsupervised like that. It felt kind of like letting a cat outside when there was a huge population of ground-dwelling birds.
Eventually, Tommy perked up with a suggestion, "I have an idea. Maybe if you let me put your hair up, they wouldn't notice you at the bakery downtown. You could- we'd be able to sample the cake again."
He stifled a laugh into the back of his palm, "Did telling him off get you on a bad boy streak?"
"It's Confection Perfection. They already robbed you blind for lemongrass cupcakes last time," Tommy rhetored with a renewed bit of vigor.
He did have a point. Benrey was the worst evil he could imagine, but $3.50 for a single limp, little cupcake was pretty high up there.
"And I think a small change might be- I think it would be healthy, Gordon," he amended with a certain reserve to his words.
Tommy gave him an expectant look as he chewed at the bottom of his lip in thought.
Reluctantly, he answered, "Yeah, I think letting you play with my hair is doable."
And with the smile and little flap of the hand he earned from that, any inklings of doubt faded.
Not all changes were for the better, but at least Tommy was there to make the transitions he had to face easier and a lot more enjoyable.