Archive of Our Own ^beta

Shoto Todoroki never really understood why people loved Christmas or even the holiday season at all. As soon as November rolled in, Class 1A had begun to decorate the dorm. Every morning he’d walk down to the kitchen to new garlands, trees filled with ornaments, and the same five Christmas songs blasting on repeat. He didn’t want to say that he was a Scrooge, but the constant Christmas was starting to annoy him.

“Todoroki! Wait up!”

Todoroki stopped his descent and turned back up the stairs just in time to see Midoriya barrel down after him. The brightest smile Todoroki had ever seen. Midoriya stopped just in time so he didn’t topple both him and Todoroki down the stairs and braced his palms onto his knees. Todoroki waited for Midoriya to catch his breath.

“Ok, I know that you don’t have any holiday plans, but-”

He sighed and started walking down the stairs again.

“Todoroki, wait!” Midoriya, called after him.

“I already told you I don’t want to talk about Christmas.”

“I know, but-”

Todoroki abruptly stopped, and this time, Midoriya did run into him. Todoroki stumbled down a few steps but quickly regained his balance; Midoriya wasn’t so graceful but avoided falling completely thanks to Todoroki catching him. Midoriya looked up at Todoroki and blushed.

“This seems like it’s straight out of a Hallmark movie,” He laughed awkwardly.

Todoroki sighed, “Uraraka should never have gotten you hooked on those. They set unrealistic standards for our relationship.” Todoroki leaned forward and kissed Midoriya’s temple before setting him back onto the stairs and walking past him.

“Darling-” Midoriya tried again.

“Look, I’m sorry, but this time of year… it just brings up bad memories, that’s all.”

“Which is exactly why we should create some new ones.” Midoriya reached for Todoroki’s hand, interlacing their fingers together and bringing it to his lips. Although, Midoriya could still sense Todoroki’s apprehension. He sighed and dropped their hands, still keeping their fingers intertwined. “I know this time of year is hard for you, and I’m not saying that one good year will erase fourteen bad years, but… shouldn’t we at least try?”

He wanted to say yes, not only to make Midoriya happy but also to make himself happy. Todoroki loved the stories Midoriya would tell him of his childhood. Inko sounded like a wonderful mother, and he couldn’t help resenting Midoriya (and everyone else in his class with good parents) for his childhood and all that Todoroki missed.

“Hey, you don’t have to make up your mind right now,” Midoriya said, cutting into Todoroki’s thoughts. “But if you change your mind, you’ll let me know, right?”

“Of course,” Todoroki said, a little too quickly.

Midoriya sighed again and lightly kissed Todoroki’s cheek. When he pulled away, he reached up and cupped Todoroki’s scared face, his thumb lightly brushing over the ruined skin. “I love you,” He whispered.

Todoroki nodded but didn’t say it back. He was still a little scared of his feelings and didn’t know what love was supposed to feel like. The last thing he wanted was to be wrong and to end up hurt. However, Midoriya had understood from the beginning that Todoroki would take longer to repeat the words, and he was ok with waiting.

The closer it got to Christmas, the shorter Todoroki’s patience became. He was confused as to why it was happening. For fourteen years, he’d endured horrible Christmas’s, so why was it only bothering him this year? Fuyumi had tried her best to make the season as festive as possible, but with Endeavor always at work, mother in the hospital, Touya dead, and Natsuo couldn’t give two shits about Christmas, it always left Fuyumi and him. Always silently watching some old black and white film, the only silence permeating the air being the sipping of tea. She made the same one every year, cinnamon apple spice; that was the only tradition Todoroki would actually miss this year.

{Todoroki}: Sorry I just have too much homework so I don’t think I’ll be able to make it

{Fuyumi}: Of course I understand, school has to come first, after all, Merry Christmas Sho!

{Todoroki}: Can you send your apple cinnamon spice recipe?

{Fuyumi}: Of course!

Todoroki stared at the image. He had no idea if he would be able to make it half as well as Fuyumi could, but it was nice to have it in the first place.

December 17, the first day of the winter break. Everyone had woken up early to catch their trains for home, everyone except Todoroki. It was odd not to hear Sero’s study music or smell the baked goods Sato always had in his room. The dorm was too quiet but, at the same time, not quiet enough. Even though the common area was four floors below, Todoroki could still feel the steady thump of bass pass through his body. At first, he thought it was because everyone was leaving and the excitement was causing everyone to be louder than usual, still after a couple of hours, Todoroki realized it was music, and it didn’t seem like it was gonna stop anytime soon.

Todoroki rolled out of bed and shuffled his way down the four flights of stairs. He was gonna kill whoever left their music on before leaving for home, but as he made his way down the final flight of stairs, he paused. Unfortunately, Todoroki wasn’t the only one left behind at the dorms. In the kitchen, Bakugo was darting around. His speaker next to the stove as it blasted some song that sounded more like screaming than it did singing. Todoroki stared in confusion as Bakugo kept working on his food, utterly oblivious to the fact that he wasn’t alone. Nearly five minutes had passed before Bakugo had turned towards the stairs.

“Jesus fucking Christ, what the hell are you doing here, Icy Hot?”

“I could ask you the same thing.”

Bakugo scoffed and turned away from Todoroki, muttering something under his breath. He took a minute to compose himself then faced Todoroki again. “Look, I’m sure that neither of us realized that the other was going to be here, so how about we just ignore each other and go on with our daily lives, ok?”

“If that’s what will make you happy.”

“Great so leave,” Bakugo said, his eyes widening and his lips curving into a sickeningly sweet smile.

“This is still a common area, and I have every right to be here as you do.”

“Is it your life’s mission to piss me off?”

“No, my mission is to become a hero. That’s why I’m here.”

“Y’know, for someone who’s nearly top of his class, you really are fucking stupid.”

“How could I be top of my class, yet still be stupid? Seems like an oxymoron to me-”

Bakugo raised his hands in a threatening gesture then let them drop again. “Just leave me the fuck alone, got it? Your voice is giving me a migraine.”

Todoroki nodded, and Bakugo grabbed his food and stalked out of the kitchen. Todorki pulled out his phone and made his way to the cupboards. Fuyumi’s recipe seemed simple enough, and surely there was no way that he could mess it up that badly.

After an hour of reading and rereading Fuyumi’s carefully written notes, did Todoroki realize he had no idea what he was doing? He had even printed out Fuyumi’s picture in a vain attempt to understand her words better, but it was no use. Cooking would ever be his thing. Everyone in Class 1A had agreed to rotate who would cook dinner, but that system quickly fell apart when it became apparent that most of the class weren’t great cooks. Sato usually stepped up as resident chef, but on occasion, Bakugo could be found making tonkatsu or katsudon shouting at everyone to get out because their presence was ruining the food. Shoto was never asked to make anything, and he was more than ok with tha; hee didn’t need his entire class to realize how little he’d been taught in the life skills department.

“Are you just gonna stand there all day looking like an idiot, or are you actually gonna make something?”

Todoroki turned to see Bakugo leaning against the back of the couch, his arms crossed and his lips pulled into an arrogant smirk.

“How long have you been watching me?”

“Twenty minutes, it’s funny to watch you miserably fail at something so simple.”

“That’s not a very nice thing to say to a friend.”

“Well, it’s a good thing we’re not friends then.”

Todoroki’s face flushed with embarrassment as he rushed out of the kitchen. He didn’t need to listen to Bakugo’s patronizing speech repeating the exact words that had been playing inside his head for the past hour.

The next few days felt like an icy chill was blown across the dorm. Bakugo was his usual bitchy self, and without the rest of Class 1A to counteract his attitude, Todoroki found it more productive to spend his time alone. He was used to solitude, but this time around, he could feel the loneliness set in deeper than before. After months of non-stop friends and classmates, being alone felt ten times worse.

“Hey, darling! Merry Christmas Eve!”

Midoriya had taken to calling every day since break had started. At first, it was because he’d missed his boyfriend’s voice, but after a couple of days, it was more for Todoroki’s sake than his own.

“Hi,” Todoroki said, trying to keep the tiredness from his voice. “How’s your day been?”

“Great! Mom and I spent the morning making cookies and watching the All Might Christmas special, and I even got a call from dad, which was kinda weird since I can’t even remember the last time we talked, but it was still nice to hear from him and-” Midoriya cut himself off suddenly. “Sorry I was rambling again.”

“You’re fine; I like listening to you.”

“Enough about me. How’s your day been?”

“Fine.”

“Shoto…” Midoriya said apprehensively. “Remember we talked about not bottling everything up?”

Todoroki rolled his eyes and huffed silently. It’s not that he didn’t want to talk about his feelings, but it was Christmas Eve. He would feel like absolute shit for bringing down the mood, and knowing Midoriya, if he’d known what Todoroki was really going through, he’d drop everything and spend Christmas alone in the dorms with him. There was no way in hell he was going to let Midoriya do that.

“Really, Izuku, everything’s fine. It’s just that Endeavor’s been calling a lot more than usual and it gets tiring after a while.”

“I’m sorry darling, is there anything I can do to help?”

“Can you just start talking? It doesn’t matter what it’s about. I just really want to hear your voice right now.”

“Of course, have you ever seen the All Might Christmas special?”

Todoroki had seen the special. He was young, no older than eight when he snuck down to the family computer and rented it on some website with his father’s credit card in hand. He spent the entire night watching it. He kept the volume off and the brightness so low it was hard to make out sometimes, but to eight-year-old Todoroki, it was more than worth it.

“No.”

“What! Oh my god, we’re so watching when I get back! Ok, so basically All Might is reading this Christmas story and…”

Todoroki closed his eyes as he laid his phone next to him, letting himself get lost in Midoriya’s story.

Try as he might, tonight was going to be a restless night. Todoroki had been tossing and turning for the better part of an hour, and he was no closer to falling asleep than he was at noon. Grumbling, Todoroki rolled out of bed and sought out his slippers. Maybe some food would help him sleep.

As he was making his way down the stairs, Todoroki heard something so faint, and he was questioning if he’d heard anything at all. Todoroki was near to the bottom of the steps when he realized that he was right. Bakugo was leaning on the kitchen counter, sipping at a mug of something. Todoroki took a step back, but it was too late his presence was noticed.

“God fucking dammit, why can’t you just leave me alone?”

“I’m not-” Todoroki sighed and walked towards the fridge. “Besides, I thought you went to bed at 8:30; what are you still doing up?”

“First off, I go to bed at 9:15, and second, I don’t have to explain shit, got it?” Bakugo scowled, looking down into his mug. His stare was so intense Todoroki thought he might burn holes into it.

“Sorry, I was just trying to be a good friend and keep up the conversation,” Todoroki grumbled, his head fully into the fridge to keep himself from looking at Bakugo.

“How many times do I have to tell you we’re not friends!”

“Sure, Bakugo, sure,” Todoroki said dismissively. Then, finding nothing good, Todoroki closed the door. He didn’t realize how hard he’d slammed it, and both he and Bakugo jumped at the noise it caused.

“Damn, someone’s got an attitude,” Bakugo mumbled.

“For one, can you just keep your mouth shut!” Todoroki shouted, whirling to meet Bakugo in the eye.

Bakugo opened his mouth as if he would argue but quickly closed it, his gaze returning to his cup. Todoroki sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. Whether he liked it or not, he was still his father’s son, and sometimes Endeavor’s anger got the better of him. But unlike Endeavor, Todoroki knew how to apologize.

“I’m sorry, I let my temper get the better of me.”

“Whatever.”

They fell into an uncomfortable silence. Bakugo went back to his drink, and Todoroki awkwardly watched him. Todoroki should’ve just gone back to his room, but his feet were glued to his spot, and no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn’t force himself to move. Bakugo tipped the cup skyward and finished the last of his drink, shuffling towards the stove to pour himself another cup. As he did, he paused for a second, and his eyes darted back to Todoroki; he quickly grabbed another cup and poured the drink into it.

Todoroki watched it hesitantly. For all he knew, Bakugo had put something disgusting inside, but then again, Bakugo was never really one for pranks like his friends were.

“It’s not poisoned,” Bakugo spat.

“I didn’t say it was.”

“You’re not very good at concealing your emotions.”

“It’s one of the few things I’m good at, that and playing the violin.”

Bakugo’s eyebrows raised for a moment, then his usual scowl returned. “I don’t care enough to ask; just take the damn drink Icy Hot!”

Todoroki ambled to the counter and picked up the mug. He raised it to his nose and smelled it, still wary of Bakugo’s intentions, and paused. Then, bringing the cup to his lips, he sipped at it once, then twice, then thrice just to make sure of what he was drinking.

“It’s the apple cinnamon tea recipe or whatever,” Bakugo grumbled into his cup.

“How do you know about this?”

“You left your recipe on the counter, it sounded good, so I made some.”

“It was my sister’s,” Todoroki admitted, his eyes remaining on his glass.

“I know, your handwriting isn’t that flowy.”

Todoroki took one last gulp then set his mug on the counter. “Fuyumi’s is better.”

Bakugo’s head shot up, clearly offended, and Todoroki shrugged nonchalantly. “I mean, you did fine, but Fuyumi’s got years of practice. This was your first time, so you should be proud.”

“I don’t need your praise!”

“I thought you wanted to become the number one hero; to do that, public opinion matters.”

“You’re my idiot classmate. You don’t count.”

“My grades would prove otherwise to me being an idiot.”

Bakugo rolled his eyes but didn’t retort Todoroki’s point. The two fell back into silence, but Todoroki wanted to keep the conversation going, not because Bakugo was particularly good at small talk but because he couldn’t bear to sit in the quiet dorm for a single minute.

“It’s nice that the music finally stopped.”

“Right! God, I was going to set that damn speaker on fire if I heard all I want for Christmas is you one more time!”

“Like it was nice at first, but it was very tiring after a while.”

“No, it was never nice. I would die a happy man if I never heard a single Christmas song again.”

“Why?”

The simple question caught Bakugo off guard, and Todoroki saw Bakugo’s throat constrict. Bakugo looked away and laughed. Unfortunately, his laugh was devoid of any humor, and Todoroki raised an eyebrow.

“This stays between us, got it? Whatever I tell you tonight, it stays between us.” Bakugo said, and Todoroki nodded. “I was seven, maybe eight, and I had begged the hag for a real tree. After a couple of weeks, I wore her down, and she said the next day we were gonna buy one and decorate it, just the two of us-dad was out of town due to work. So the next day, I get up early, and I see her getting ready to leave. I start to get ready too, but she said she was gonna run a couple of errands then pick me up to get our tree. So I waited, and I waited, and I waited. Finally, after a while, I realized what was going on. I walked over to the garage, pulled out the fake tree with all the ornaments, turned on some music, and decorated the tree myself. She didn’t come home until two in the morning, drunk off her ass; she’d completely forgotten all about me.”

Tears were pooling in Bakugo’s eyes, but he hastily wiped them away and turned his body, so his back was towards Todoroki. If it were anyone but Bakugo, he’d probably offer a comforting pat on the back, but Todorki didn’t need a scar on the other eye as well.

“The worse part about it was that she didn’t even understand why I was angry. I didn’t care that I didn’t get a real tree. I was mad that I was alone. That I had waited all day for her, and she didn’t care enough.” Bakugo let his head fall, and he laughed again. “Every year I got these extravagant gifts, but that’s not what I wanted, not really. I didn’t care about the PlayStations and the drum sets; I wanted them. I just wanted them.”

“I- I understand what that’s like.”

“I don’t want your pity.”

“It’s not pity. It’s sympathy, I’ve only had one good Christmas my entire life, and it was fake!”

Bakugo turned his head slightly to look at Todoroki, apparent puzzlement marking his features.

“I was young, four at the most, when a TV crew came to our house. They set everything up and filmed us doing a bunch of Christmas things together: opening presents, eating cookies, singing, you name it, we did it. Then, after a few hours, they packed up and left.”

“I didn’t know Endeavor had a Christmas special.”

“Not many people do. Most copies were destroyed after… after Touya’s death.”

Todoroki couldn’t remember all the specifics of that day, but on terrible nights, he would crawl out of bed and go searching for his hidden copy of the special, playing it over and over again, wishing that the family on the screen were his real family.

“Public perception is very important to Endeavor, so to see Touya there…well, he thought it would be better if everyone just forgot about the special. That’s also the reason I know violin.”

“What?”

“Violin, Endeavor said I needed a hobby besides training to show to the news crew, so he chose violin for me. I played for ten years. I hate the violin.”

Bakugo barked out a laugh but quickly turned his face into a scowl. Unfortunately, it was too late because Todoroki was smiling too.

“Well, cheers to shitty parents who make Christmas the worse time of year,” Bakugo bellowed, raising his glass. Todoroki picked his up as well and knocked it against Bakugo’s. They both took a sip.

This time when silence came, Todoroki didn’t mind it as much. It was comfortable, almost as if friendship lay between the two of them or, at the very least, comradery due to shared trauma. Todoroki’s gaze lazily moved around the kitchen as both he and Bakugo kept drinking their tea, and his eyes shot back to the clock set into the stove.

“I’ll be right back, stay here,” Todoroki said, rushing towards the stairs before Bakugo could object.

Todoroki barged into his room and started rifling through his drawers. He knew he had them somewhere but couldn’t recall the last time he’s used them since moving to the dorms. Finally, after what felt like hours of searching, but really couldn’t have been longer than three minutes, he’d found what he’d been looking for and bounded back towards the kitchen.

Bakugo was still in the same exact position as Todoroki had left him in, the only difference being his more annoyed expression. Todoroki slowed his pace and handed the box to Bakugo. He snatched it and stared at it.

“What the hell is this?”

“You always complain about our class’s annoying voices, so I thought these might help you.” Todoroki took the box back and opened it. “They’re earplugs; I used to wear them when I wanted to drown out Endeavor.”

Bakugo smirked and once again snatched the box. “Practical and hilarious. I didn’t know you were capable of humor Icy Hot.”

“Of course I’m capable of humor, everyone is, but humor is subjective so-”

“Ok, my gift to you is sarcasm lessons because I want you to know when I’m insulting you, got it?”

Todoroki rolled his eyes but nodded nevertheless.

“Perfect; I’ve had enough of your face, so I’m going to bed.”

“Night Bakugo and Merry Christmas.”

Bakugo’s eyes darted to clock, and his lips curved into the smallest of smiles.”

“Yeah, Merry fucking Christmas or whatever, Icy Hot.”