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When Neil Josten looked at Allison Reynolds he thought he finally understood what family meant. Allison was everything he never had with Mary. She was gentle hands drying his warm tears on lonely nights, salve on wounded skin, and an ear that understood him. It wasn’t always easy. They butted heads like all siblings do. But she was his. And he was hers.
Neil didn’t really want to go on vacation to snowy mountains or get up at ass o’clock to sit in the cold while a bunch of people with knife feet slammed into each other for a piece of rubber. However, he did get a kick out of seeing Ally skate. She almost looked graceful. Twisting and turning on the ice like she was a ballerina in her prime. Except she also had a stick that Neil had been whacked on the head with multiple times since his adoption, and for that he would not forgive her.
Hockey and its rules eluded him all these years later. Neil was excited to learn, if only to finally be able to play with Allison and her friends instead of just watching. He wasn’t stupid enough to forget that it was a dangerous sport. Wasn’t stupid enough to assume that she would be safe on the ice, because nowhere was truly safe, but when Allison was in her element she looked unstoppable.
When everything came crashing down, it was in slow motion.
Allison had taken the puck from their side to the opposition’s goal. She was quick to line up her shot and make it in. However, nobody noticed that the puck entered the goal. One of the opposing team’s members slammed into Allison full force. She slid back 15 feet and took a hard fall at the end of it. It’d be fine. She’d get back up.
Why wasn’t she getting back up?
Allison struggled to her knees. Then, she cried.
The broken sob spurred everyone back into motion. Both goalies on the ice surrounded her, using their sticks to push people back when they got too close. Neil didn’t have enough time to seriously analyze the situation from so far away. He knew enough to tell the dizzying circles the two were making would be enough to keep her defended for a few minutes at most. Neil broke out running. His footsteps echoed loudly as he jumped the railings between the bleachers and the benches.
All he could focus on was closing the distance. The few seconds it took to get to her felt like an eternity. Without thinking, he grabbed someone’s stick out of their hand and stomped onto the ice. He was unsteady as he walked, yet far too angry for it to stop him. Skaters moved out of his way until there was a direct line leading him straight to Ally.
He gave her a cursory once over from where he stood a few feet away. Once satisfied with knowledge that she was in reach and being protected by the goalies, he whipped around and pointed the stick at the person who ran her over. They froze in fear. Neil knew whatever expression was on his face wasn’t pretty. When they tried to step back, three other players stepped in behind them.
“Gotta deal with the consequences,” one of them muttered under their breath.
Neil used the stick to tilt up the taller person’s chin, voice coming out rough and monotone. “Consequences? No. If I had my way we’d be going for revenge. Tell me: are you stupid? What possessed you that made you think that was a good idea? Oh! I’ve got it.” Neil took another step forward, pressing his stick hard enough against their jaw to push their face back. “It’s jealousy, isn’t it. There’s no other reason I could see that would influence someone to react that way. Over a stupid game nonetheless. Just say it next time. Nobody loves you. Because you’re an asshole. Because you think the only way you’ll get the attention you so deserve is by making yourself seem cooler.
Or maybe, you’re team: all press is good press. Do you like having everyone’s eyes on you? Do you like being stared at? Answer me.”
Neil could feel the eyes of those around them on his back. The world was quiet. Encasing their winter paradise in a bubble of sweltering heat and anxiety. He knew it was coming from him. Couldn’t be damned to care. Neil Josten was originally a person designed to be shy, quiet, and draw as little attention to himself as possible. Neil Josten was a mask for a martyr who knew how to kill. It was an accident, he knew. Accidents happen all the time. But Allison was his sister. And when he punched them? Well that would be an accident too.
The person flinched when Neil lifted his arm again. Allison’s soft sniffle brought him back to reality. His face softened as he looked at her. “Get off the ice,” he demanded, “and happy fucking holidays.”
It was quiet until he knelt in front of Allison. Then life slowly resumed around them.
“Hey, hey, it’s okay.” Allison reached out and placed her hands on the sides of his face. It might’ve helped if she wasn’t trembling. “I’m going to be okay. Just a sprain. I’ve had worse.”
Neil grumbled a half hearted response as he untied her boots. “No walking.”
It took another minute until he was hoisting her up into his arms. He turned slowly, in order to not lose his balance, searching for the two blonde goalkeepers that took care of her in his stead, only to find that they’d disappeared.
“Where’d they go?”
“I’m not sure. Let’s get off the ice and we can talk about it in our room, okay lovely? You’re scaring them.”
“Let them be scared.”
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“Stop whining and let me wrap your ankle.”
“This is worse than pulling teeth.”
“And you have the audacity to call me dramatic.” Neil pulled the gauze tighter around her ankle, forcing her to place her leg back on the stacked pillows.
She hissed between her teeth, swatting at him with a limp hand. “I’m fine. Considering I was playing hockey, this is a minor injury. I could’ve broken something.”
Neil sneered at her, though it didn’t hold any heat. “Not helping your case. Now I understand Matt. You sound too much like I do.”
“Take that back!” She gasped. “I do not!”
“I think you do, and I have to spend all day with myself.”
“There is a difference between an accidental sprained ankle and coming home with a broken nose because you couldn’t keep your mouth shut.”
“Don’t be mean to your doctor,” he pressed a pillow into her face in a futile attempt to smother her. “Pick a new topic before I have you on bed rest for the entire rest of the vacation.”
“You’ll be doing that anyway,” she grumbled.
When Neil was first adopted into the Reynolds family he never spoke to any of them. He spent his time caring for his own injuries- both mental and physical. Mary was not one for comfort and not one for over the counter pain relievers. Nathan wasn’t even listed on the table for family consideration. He was a sperm donor at most. Neil’s personal hell at worst.
Allison was the most persistent out of their immediate family. She never viewed him as a charity case like the rest seemed to. Neil didn’t realize how badly he wanted to be seen and heard and remembered until she introduced him to empathy. His voice would not be used for torture. She was rough around the edges and he liked that about her. No bullshit but not needlessly cruel. The distinction was important to make.
Or well, maybe that wasn’t always true. He was glad to know his medical skills were helping because she was finally comfortable enough to start annoying him again.
She was lying comfortably on her side of the room, arms and legs sprawled out like a starfish. Neil could hear her thinking over the sound of the television as he dealt with his day’s laundry.
“So. Those goalies were pretty cute, huh?”
“They were okay.”
Allison threw one of her many pillows at him. “Did you even look ? They looked like Greek Gods.”
“I was a little occupied at the time, I’ll admit,” Neil huffed. He threw the pillow back at her and reveled in her yelp.
“You’re hopeless. Muscular blondes with beautiful eyes? You didn’t lookam at all? The girl had rainbow tipped ends and everything!” Neil didn’t need to look at her to hear the pout in her voice. “I know you’re not interested but… okay. Objectively . Do you think they were pretty?”
“A pretty good friend if they’re willing to do that all for a stranger.”
“Friends,” Allison trailed off.
Neil barely sat down to rest when Allison started again.
“I have a great idea!”
“Oh no,” Neil whispered, “that can’t be good.”
“Shush. You should thank that boy for me, since I can’t do it myself.”
“Just the boy?”
Allison nodded. It shouldn’t be too difficult of a task- especially considering he agreed that the man deserved it.
“I’ll do it.”
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Another winter day, another day spent up far too early on the bleachers of the ice rink. If Neil was a different man, he might’ve felt a smidge of regret about yesterday. But he wasn’t. And he’d do it again if he could. Was he dramatic in the moment? Yeah. Was that such a crime? It was a high intensity emotional catastrophe.
Not everything had to be life and death, black and white. A sleepy motherfucker doesn’t know any better. If they didn’t want to get yelled at they should’ve stuck to the script.
He’d been bumbling around the ice rink for about half an hour before the games usually began. No sign of any “beautifully sculpted blond men” anywhere. Allison was very adamant about the way she believed the goalie’s jawlines could cut glass and the way the man could “definitely bench Neil without breaking a sweat.”
Neil wondered if Allison was just pulling shit out of her ass and seeing them as angels because they helped her. He had seen beautifully sculpted men before and Kevin Day was a fucking asshole, so. (Though Neil was still fond of him. Perhaps they were both fools).
It was easy to admit that he thought they were nice. He wouldn’t mind befriending them or thanking them for their help. Now, understanding the attraction out of the gate from one experience didn’t really make sense. Not that Neil was one to judge.
He was pulled out of his thoughts when he saw the shock of white and rainbow hair across the rink. It wasn’t the boy, but fuck what Allison said. The funky little lady deserved it too. Neil jogged quickly over to her, only to stumble over his words as soon as he was behind her because most women didn’t like being approached by random men and he didn’t want to scare her.
“Excuse me,” he coughed. Neil shoved his hands into his pockets and tried to restrain himself from being weird.
The woman turned, serene smile on her face. “Hello.”
“Ah? Hello! My name is Neil. You helped my older sister on the ice yesterday and I wanted to thank you for that. You didn’t have to-“
She laughed, eyes crinkling around the edges. “No need to thank me, Angel. I saw Andrew move so I followed suit. If there’s anyone to thank then it’s him. My name is Renee, by the way.”
Neil tried to stop the pout before it formed. “Allison said that too. You both did it, you deserve some credit.”
Renee raised an eyebrow, smile still stuck to her face. Like she knew something he didn’t. After a moment of thought, she added on. “I would like her phone number. If she’s okay with that of course.”
He took a step back without thinking. “Why? What do you need it for?”
“Oh,” Renee shook her head slowly. “If you’re not okay with it then you don’t have to. I don’t need it. I’d like to talk to her is all. Help around since she’s injured. Get to know her.”
He ran a hand down his face and sighed. “I won’t make the decision for her.” It took a moment to find and dig his phone out of one of his many pockets. Renee stood patiently as he dialed the number and waited for it to ring.
When Allison picked up, he said, “Renee wants your number.”
“Who?” Her crackly voice sounded over the line.
Neil smiled. “The rainbow haired goddess? With beautiful eyes and muscles and,” he faux whispered.
Allison’s resulting scream was loud enough for Renee to hear over the phone. Renee broke into laughter again and Neil decided he liked the laugh. It was full of goodness and so genuine that he knew Allison would be in good hands.
“Tell her if she forgets that you said all of that she can have my number,” Allison sobbed.
“Hm,” Neil said as he considered hanging up, “she said yes. Bye bye.”
“No! Wait! Put me on speaker!”
“I’d like the record to reflect that I already don’t trust you.”
He did as she said.
“Renee, lovely, darling, beloved, hello. Very nice to meet you while I am not crying. Let’s pretend I didn’t do that okay? Think about how good I looked while I was successful in my skating. Anyhoo. Little Neil here thinks it would be a good idea to try to befriend your little friend. Thoughts?”
Again, Renee had that look in her eyes that seemed like she knew something Neil did not. He supposed she did. She knew Andrew and he didn’t.
“Andrew doesn’t like most people but I think he could make an exception this time.” She looked him up and down. “Yeah. I’ll help. Text if you need me. Kay?”
Neil nodded dutifully. The contact information exchange would’ve gone a lot quicker if Allison was willing to hang up the phone in the first place. He was no expert at flirting nor was he fluent in the social intricacies of lesbianism. So long as Ally was happy, he would be happy.
“I’m sure I’ll see you around,” Renee said at last. “Don’t forget to call.”
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Neil’s favorite part about being on vacation was the ability to pass out at any hour of the day and not be questioned for it. Especially now that Allison couldn’t drag him around to weird gift shops in search of Hanukkah, Christmas, and birthday presents for the next seventy years.
Unfortunately, that also meant that he was up at weird hours to do his silly little holiday crimes. Allison had convinced him to get Andrew flowers.
“Boys like flowers,” she said, “ nobody buys boys flowers.”
Neil wasn’t convinced. Matt gave Dan flowers all the time. They didn’t do much but sit there and look pretty. Neil could do that too. Considering they were in a snowy winter resort he wasn’t sure where to find flowers either. If he had his way he would tie a bunch of pine twigs together with a rubber band. They served the same purpose, to him, and pine held scent for longer.
Allison said that was fucking stupid and made him search for actual flowers, dumbass.
So he did. He went out, got stuck in traffic for two hours, and came home with the ugliest little orange flowers he could find. Well, Allison said they were ugly. Neil thought they had charm.
Turns out none of that mattered! In the morning he saw another “short, muscular, blond” with the bouquet. Might’ve been his fault for describing Andrew that way in the first place, but Neil wasn’t taking responsibility for that.
The front desk said they tried. Said they knew exactly who Neil was talking about when he said that. Except there was a stroke of misfortune in the timing. Andrew had the exact same room number as one of the hockey players ( it was those assholes that got him stuck in traffic?) but one floor down. Honest mistake.
Complimentary mint?
Fine. Whatever. Neil didn’t even want to give him those ugly flowers anyway. (They were expensive. This is a rip off.)
Instead of being a big boy, Neil went right back to his room and flopped onto Allison. “This hotel is cursed.”
“It’s not cursed, Neil, what the fuck.”
“Proof? I think it’s cursed. I’ll cite my sources. Fuck you.”
“Mouth of a sailor you’ve got on you. Pick it up from Kevin?”
“Hypocrite.”
“Why do you think the hotel is cursed?” Allison shoved him off of her.
From the floor, Neil continued speaking as if nothing happened. “First- someone sprained your ankle. That’s bitch shit. Second- I couldn’t find Andrew yesterday. Had to sit there and listen to you fumble your words because you were imagining a pretty girl.”
“Asshole.”
“Third!” Neil said louder. “I tried getting Andrew flowers and the hotel delivered it to the wrong guy. My time is valuable. I will never get those hours back. Nothing would’ve happened if I got him pine. I swear to God .”
“Try getting him some hot chocolate. I’ll ask Renee where he is. You’re bound to have luck then.”
“If something bad happens, I’m booking it. Haunted.”
Neil was right. He had just finished serving the hot chocolate, turned around, and promptly got it spilled all over himself. It didn’t help that he had seen Andrew enter the common room at that very moment. He held in his scream and walked out without saying anything to him.
Allison was not so lucky. Neither was his pillow.
With how loud the scream was, Neil knew he wouldn’t be the only one thinking the hotel was haunted anymore.
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Whether or not the hotel was haunted, Neil knew he was. It has to be the vengeful spirits of his past haunting him. Or something. At the rate things were progressing, he’d even believe that the person he bitched out was a witch and he was cursed.
Not that Neil wouldn’t have deserved it. He just wished the ghosts would do something else. There were lots of things Neil should’ve been cursed for. This was just bullying.
Whatever.
Neil knew frigid air. Being chilled straight to the core until he was shivering, unable to breathe, and drowsy. Unfortunately, he thought that was the problem.
Morning had thwarted the siblings’ plans, keeping them safely tucked away in bed until the snow stopped falling. Neil wanted nothing more but to be back in bed now. Rather, he wished he could be present at all.
He had attempted to go back to the rink once the snow cleared to watch the hockey players in hope of finding Andrew. It had only taken a few minutes of sitting on the metal bench for his mind to take over. The thoughts came slowly. Drifting from Allison’s injury to eight years ago when he was sleeping on frozen city streets with freshly opened wounds.
His vision blurred around the edges. Hadn’t realized that he couldn’t see past his dissociative haze until he felt something warm against his neck. When he looked up, he saw Andrew’s face watching his. The “thank you” he had been waiting to give was caught in his throat.
Allison was right. At that moment, with the sun shining through his golden blond hair, he looked like an angel. A more stable Neil would’ve picked up on the tense set to his shoulders. The way that his brows were ever so slightly furrowed. Neil was not currently stable.
He simply let Andrew take his hands and followed him as he helped Neil shuffle over to the fire pit. Neil had only lounged on that specific deck once at the beginning of the vacation. Warmth seeped into his bones, quietly coaxing his frozen brain back to life.
Andrew sat next to him. A comfortable space between their bodies that didn’t deter Andrew’s heat from spreading to Neil. He turned to watch his face. Confused and concerned when Andrew wouldn’t look back. Embarrassed when he realized the only times Andrew had seen him were his moments of weakness. He had to be a good man if he kept reaching out to keep them afloat. Vacation was supposed to be fun and Neil was miserable.
“Do you want to go out with me?” Neil was surprised when his voice came out, half an hour late.
Andrew finally turned to look at him, the full force of his hazel eyes causing something to unravel within him.
Fuck.
Neil didn’t know what to do with that. “A drive or something. Anywhere that’s not here.”
The way Andrew’s shoulders finally relaxed, or sagged, had Neil’s eyes lingering for too long. He stretched out his fingers, allowing the blood to flow while he waited.
“Yeah,” Andrew breathed out slowly, “anywhere you want to go.”
And oh Neil did not understand why the sound of his voice did things to him. It wasn’t enough to get him to stop feeling like utter shit. It wasn’t even really enough to get the clouds out of his head. It was just enough to get him moving forward.
Neil stood with Andrew’s help. There was a voice tickling the back of his head that was telling him that this was unsafe. You’re not supposed to get into cars with random strangers and you’re not supposed to trust.
There was a louder, more needy voice yelling that the memories were over. That he’s out of the dark, he’s got a warm room, and the rest of his found family worked to get him past all these fears.
They made it all the way to the entrance of the hotel after a hectic five minutes of pushing and squeezing past strangers. The haunted hotel was fucking with him again. A stupid blond prince came to his aid and now he was getting fucked over too. Neil could feel the glare creep onto his face and couldn’t stop it. He stared at the ground in utter disbelief.
The stupid hockey team had a game and the streets were even more crowded than before. They wouldn’t get anywhere with this traffic.
Neil turned to see Andrew removing his coat. “I see Renee,” Andrew said. “I’ll be going now.”
Before he left, he carefully wrapped his black jacket over Neil’s shoulders. He gave him a careful once over, eyes settling briefly on his lips. Andrew closed his eyes tightly, turned, and walked off quickly.
Neil was left standing alone in the entrance more lost than before. Significantly warmer, but shoved right back into the foggy haze.
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Neil finally felt like he was waking up an hour later, under the sheets of his bed in their room. He inhaled deeply, letting reality settle over him.
The smell of cigarettes was a surprising jolt to his senses. Neil hadn’t brought any cigarettes on the trip. He slammed his hand against his forehead when he remembered the encounter with Andrew. “Ally, I’m stupid.”
“I know baby boy. I mean-.” Her laugh covered the concern in her voice as she closed her sketchbook. “What did you do this time?”
“I didn’t realize Andrew gave me his jacket. Fuck.” He trailed off as he pulled the jacket high over his face to cover the heat in his cheeks. “I think I might have a thing for him.”
Neil could feel the weight of her stare as she violently whipped her head around to face him. “Explain ‘a thing’.”
“Oh, you know.”
“Neil Abram Josten.”
“Josten-Reynolds.”
“Neil!”
“I don’t know what I mean! He keeps doing nice things for me unprompted. When he’s around I feel safe. Able to let my guard down because I know he’s watching my back. I don’t even know why it happens.”
“You like a boy !” Allison crawled over from her bed to sit at the edge of his. Once close enough, she tugged the jacket down under his chin. “Do you think he’s pretty now?”
Neil pretended to bite her. Too smug for his liking. “You’re such a brat.”
“If you don’t answer I will take it as a yes.”
“You saw him. Greek god or something. He smells like heaven.”
Allison sniffed the air. “No Renee smells like heaven. He smells like your stereotypical Wattpad bad boy. Bet thirty bucks he tastes like whiskey and werewolves.”
He whacked her. “I wouldn’t know. Don’t want to talk about it with you anymore. Ruined the vibes.”
“Pardon me! My advice was perfect. Got you to like him as planned. I deserve this.”
“Your advice was shit. I don’t even know if he likes boys.”
“Are you fucking with me?” Allison tugged on his hair with a frown. “You’re hopeless.”
He settled deeper into bed and closed his eyes tightly. “I’m pretending you’re not here now.”
“I’ll drop the topic. In two days, promise me you’ll go to the rink with me?”
“Pick something else.”
“Fancy clothes and dinner at McDonald’s?”
“Deal. Then I’ll take you to explore the arcade and stuff I’ve been seeing.”
“Perfect.”
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Neil , the useless homosexual, was unable to drop the topic for long. For once! It was his turn to ramble and be annoying. He didn’t even know what he liked about Andrew. After a certain point he was sure he was making stuff up or repeating the same points.
Allison, the saint, put up with it for a good twelve hours before throwing in the towel.
Renee, the bastard, came to her rescue again and gently prodded at him until he left the room to them.
“A breath of fresh air.”
He learned his lesson. Firmly inside he would stay.
For an hour Neil wandered aimlessly. Being a general nuisance for fun. If the haunted hotel was gonna fuck with him he could be a bitch back. Moving things slightly out of place and making ominous sounds just out of sight. How he ended up in the common room again, he wasn’t sure.
It wasn’t until he saw Andrew that the static pull of his heart strings made sense. Of course he would end up here. With him. With a chance.
The lights were dim as Suicide Squad played on a big screen. Andrew looked cozy on the floor. Nestled between blankets, pillows, and stuffed toys on the floor. The sheer intensity that Neil saw in his eyes yesterday was dimmed to a bored, apathetic exterior. Curiosity piqued, Neil marched right over to him and sat a foot away.
Andrew glanced at Neil, barely sweeping over the worn jacket he was wearing. Neil felt like he should’ve been embarrassed again. Wasn’t.
He settled back against the plush couch, bringing up the blankets onto his lap from their nest. The movie was foreign to him, vaguely recognizable from the scene he started on. Besides, he was too busy to focus on the movie. He found himself enthralled in the feeling of sitting near Andrew with a clear head. (As clear as his gay little thoughts would allow, at least.) Life was easier in his space. (No it wasn’t. Half of his misfortunes were in his space. Shut up.)
Neil was just about ready to ruin the tranquil mood with a stupid comment when another blonde woman approached. What was it with this hotel and blondes? He felt left out.
In her hands were two cold cups of eggnog. “I’ve been watching you hopelessly try to get his attention for days now. If things don’t start working out I’m going to make them .”
Neil’s mouth dropped open slightly. Haunted. The ghosts were getting ballsy.
“I’m Rose, by the way. Remember it for the wedding invite.” She winked before turning to watch the screen, hands pressed confidently to her hips. Neil recognized the jersey she was wearing as a Trojan’s jersey. Was this the universe’s way of apologizing for the team? Financial compensation would’ve been nicer. Complimentary mint? “I love this movie. I’d make a great Harley. Don’t you think?”
Neither of the boys answered. Rose glanced back at them, snorting when she noticed the knife Andrew pulled out. “Typical. Men. Sheesh.”
Rose shook her head, put her hands up, and backed away slowly.
Once she was out of earshot, Neil wheezed. “I didn’t think it was that obvious. I wanted to thank you for your help and always got caught up.”
“You could’ve just talked to me.”
Neil tilted his head. He should’ve thought of that.
“I only helped because I knew how attached you were to her.” Andrew’s voice was low and heavy. “Honestly, I don’t really care about her. I figured it would be a good excuse to talk to you. You never seemed to be in the mood though so I respected the distance. Renee on the other hand.” He gestured vaguely. Neil knew what he meant.
“Ally had me doing weird stuff to get your attention. Never worked out in my favor. Every time you caught me I had my plans foiled a minute before.”
Andrew was quiet. “You could give me your number.”
“Really?” Neil laughed. “Renee said the same thing about Allison. God, if it was that easy we could’ve been spending time together these last few days.”
Andrew huffed.
“Will you teach me how to skate tomorrow? Spend some time getting to know each other? Allison wants to skate with me in two days. Can’t make a fool of myself again. ”
“Only if you let me bundle you up properly. We’re not having a repeat episode.” Andrew pulled on the collar of the jacket Neil was wearing.
“Of course not,” Neil said as he lifted the glass of eggnog in a toast. “If I get too cold, I can think of some other ways to warm up anyway.”
“Is that so?”
Neil nodded sagely. “We can kick Allison out of the room too. A little holiday revenge never hurt anybody.”
“No,” Andrew agreed. He moved in closer, resting an arm around his waist. “Won’t let you out of my sight now. Can’t let the ghosts of Christmas get you before our date.”
“It’s a date?”
“If you want it to be.”
“Yes.”
“Then it’s a date.”
Neil rested his eyes against Andrew’s shoulder. Maybe the hotel wasn’t haunted. (Maybe it was.) Eat shit, Allison . If all it took was a sprained ankle for Prince Charming to sweep him off his feet, then… Yes. That went so well last time, you know?