Archive of Our Own

He was sure he could see the strokemarks on the ceiling made by the paint roller with how long he's been staring at it.

They were rather uniform, yet small deviations shown here and there; a little overlap, a slight crookedness at one spot caused by the awkward angle, a little curl of flourish where the painter last laid their brush near the edging. He's seen them may times, have taken note of each and every one.

He notices these tiny imperfections because he tends to not sleep.

By all accounts, he should be asleep. It was a busy day at work, and he even stayed late to ensure the paperwork was done in triplicate, as per the Archbishop's request. He didn't even eat anything when he came home, something that brought itself to the forefront of his mind when his stomach gave a low gurgling rumble.

He hoped that it didn't wake Dedue.

Blue mismatched eyes looked to his side to see that his beloved partner was still sound asleep, face halfway tucked under the light sheet covering them both.

Perhaps he could sneak into the kitchen and get a small snack, to both stave off his lingering hunger and lull his body to blissful sleep. It's worked before, somewhat-- a couple times he's sure. However, the more he thought of leaving his bed, the more he envisioned himself shrinking and shrinking in size until he was but a young boy again, and the long stretch of dark hallway gave way to a vast, inky black facade, whose shadows creep around his ankles and beg for his acknowledgement.

For his mercy.

For his atonement.

Dimitri sat up, holding his middle as he slowly and purposefully breathed through his mouth.
Slow and steady, fill and empty the lungs, count to ten...

He recalled the mantra given to him by Mercedes to help ease his anxieties. Breathe in. Breath out. Breathe in, then breathe out.

The shadows moved.

He stood still, completely frozen and eyes locked on to where the darkness slithered and shifted on the floor. His lone good eye tracked the eerie form slinking closer and closer to him, and his ears twitched to a harsh, low whisper. His father's cries repeated his command to the same beat of Dimitri's calming mantra just moments earlier, a sickening ploy to help him comply. To get him to kill. To seek the culprits out. To rip off their heads.

Dimitri's shoulders rose just an inch higher to brace himself as the shadows leaped upon him. He knew that if he could see them this clearly, he would began to see their faces again, burned and torn asunder, with their mouths agape begging and pleading for mercy. He readied for his nightmares to be made real, but all that happened was the voices began to be drowned out by a low purring.

His shoulders fell as the shadows were not the spirits that still haunt him to this day, but were nothing more than a sneaky Cat prowling the hallways.

Said cat was curled up on his lap, already rolled over and exposing his fluffy underbelly to the man he nearly gave a heart attack to, almost as if to ask for forgiveness.

Thankfully, Dimitri tended to forgive those who asked rather easily.

"You gave me quite the fright, you know. How did you sneak out of Felix and Sylvain's room?" Dimitri whispered to keep his voice quiet, and to try to sound scolding, but he had no malice in his heart at all for the house cat. Cat replied by pulling one of the man's large hands close to its warm body, in a silent plea for belly scritches. Dimitri happily complied.

He would very much love to sit in the room and pet the pitch-black fluffball, but another resonating growl emerged from his stomach, which he took as a sign that he should brave the dark and quiet his belly. "If you walk with me to the kitchen, I'll give you a treat."

Cat perked up immediately, leaping down and trotting to the door before looking back at Dimitri with big and bright golden eyes. He was confident he could follow this shadow. This shadow did not demand the blood of the wicked, only attention and cuddles and nibbles of bacon. So long as he kept his mind on the present, and what was here, he would be fine. He told himself so. Climbing out of the bed carefully as to not awaken his partner, he followed after the golden-eyed feline, and tried to get worrisome thoughts out of his mind.

The hallway was still terrifying in its stillness, even with his feline company. Every displaced shadow, every picture hung on the wall, everything was twisted in some way by his addled mind. The portraits' faces seemed to glare down at him, the stairs seem to yawn into black nothingness at the bottom, his mind screamed at him that he was forever in their world, until justice was served.

A curious meow pulled him once again out of his thoughts, and alerted Dimitri that he somehow made it to the doorway of the kitchen, and that his hands were shaking. He dared not look at them, for the last time he did during one of these episodes, they were drenched in blood and ash.

Instead, he slid his hand blindly against the wall to flick on the light, bathing him in calm illumination. His thoughts can stay outside the kitchen, where its dark and uncertain. He will step wholly into the light, and further wash himself in his healing properties by opening the double doors of their fridge.

"Mraowr!" Cat chirped and quickly darted between Dimitri's legs to stare into the magical food box with him. Stay in the present. Take note of every action and object you see. Only the tangible can hurt you. He held strong the words Felix gave him, and repeated them for as many times as he heard his father trying to drown them out, as he took the pack of deli ham and sliced mozzarella cheese out. Cat's wet nose eagerly bumped against his knuckles, and Dimitri smiled. "Don't worry, you'll get a piece."

Careful not to trip over the fuzzy paws that intertwined with his own legs, Dimitri made his way to the kitchen table and took out pieces of both meat and cheese. A small roll of ham for Cat, and a roll of ham around mozzarella for himself. Immediately, he could feel his spirit calming even further after eating the small snack, as if the very nature of food itself is healing. Dedue often thought so, as he's made mentions of how his family used to give out gifts of food in harder times. It's nourishment, and filled with love when it's handmade.

Dimitri looked down at the feline by his feet, licking its small muzzle, no doubt gearing up to ask for another bite. He noted that he may not necessarily be cooking or crafting anything, but that him rolling up the pieces of deli meat at least served to infuse it with some of his care.

With the way Cat devoured the next piece, he would take that as it did.

It was not long before footsteps disturbed the quiet lull of the kitchen, and someone walked in, clicking their tongue in a disapproving manner. "So that's where you ran off to, you naughty cat."

Said cat was too busy looking at Dimitri to care about Sylvain's disapproval, causing the redhead to sigh and take a seat opposite the other man. He then casually flicked through sites on his phone, seemingly fine with the strange past-midnight snacking scene. "Cat didn't wake you up to beg, did he?"

Dimitri shook his head, pulling strips from the mozzarella slice he held. "I.. actually couldn't sleep. Cat must have sensed I was awake and decided to join me in the kitchen."

"Pfft," Sylvain waved a hand, "you give him too much credit. He was only looking to fill his belly." That comment earned a nip at Sylvain's leg, but he was not proven wrong as Cat immediately went back over to Dimitri, chirping cutely.

The two men indulged their pet with another piece, before Dimitri went to put the food back in the fridge. He didn't want to imply, but judging from the dark circles under Sylvain's eyes, his friend wasn't having much luck sleeping either. The thought mulled around in his head to offer an invitation to just, sit up front together and watch the night away, but they both had work in the morning; it wouldn't be responsible to purposefully stay up. Then again, knowing his friend, Dimitri was sure that now that Sylvain knows he can't sleep, that he'll insist on keeping him company.

"Hey, since we both can't sleep," (Dimitri wanted to laugh at his timing), "you wanna go grab some actual food?"

Blue eyes cast themselves on the oven's clock, reading it's digital display as 1:58am. A small frown crossed Dimitri's face. "There isn't much of anything open now, save for... fast food restaurants." The frown deepened at Sylvain's chuckle.

"Yeah, that's where I was implying we'd go. Where else have we've gone this late at night?"

"Then that's not really 'actual food', is it?"

Sylvain rolled his eyes, raising from his seat. "It's fast, it's filling, and it's hot, which makes it way better than what you were just munching on." He then nudged Cat with his foot, who took an exaggerated s t r e t c h before moseying into the front room with him. "C'mon, I don't mind driving!"

Although thankful that he wouldn't be the one behind the wheel this time, a shred of hesitation still lingered. Noting their state of dress, Dimitri mentioned that Sylvain should at least puts some pants on, but the redhead waved a hand nonchalantly, adding "S'not like I'm getting out of the car!" Yet, despite being in nothing but sleepwear-- grey-and-black boxers, one white sock and one black sock-- Sylvain slipped on his sneakers left by the door, grabbed the keys from the key holder, and headed outside. Sure they won't be leaving the car due to the fast food's drive thru, but that still was no excuse for doing it nearly naked at 2 in the morning.

Even still, Dimitri thought he was the one in the most wrong for going outside with no shoes or socks on, despite actually wearing somewhat proper clothes: a plain blue t-shirt and thin sleeping pants with little puppy faces all over. This was mainly due to his lack of shoes, which Sylvain stared at because of course he would, but only gave a short, strained smile and nothing else. Dimitri made mental note to take extra care that the soles of his feet were clean before trekking back into the house.

Their "fourthmeal" runs seem to always have them in the most amusing states of dress.

As soon as they rode out of the neighborhood, Sylvain rolled the windows down to let in the cool night air. The night was hot, with just a hint of mugginess clinging to everything. Aside from the rushing wind, Dimitri listened to the various sounds that they passed. Distant cricket chirps, the soft rumble of road under the car's tires, and the short bits of music that escape the radio as the car's driver casually searched through the stations. A weird tune was chosen, something with heavy accent sounds complimenting a sort of fantasy melody. It sounded nearly magical, and wholly unlike anything that Sylvain or anyone in the household would listen to.

"What... is this?" Dimitri hesitated in his question as soon, ethereal vocals chimed in; their words indiscernible to him, but compelled him to listen. The sounds were incredibly calming, and enraptured him so deeply he didn't hear Sylvain's chuckling reply.

"I said, it's an old song I used to listen to when I was a kid. Moments in Love, by Art of Noise. It used to always play on this station super late at night, and I'm glad they still play it all these years later."

Dimitri's eyes widened, finally catching the explanation, and leaning forward, almost as if to fully engulf himself in the strange noises and sounds. "Art of Noise" indeed.

The song played for much longer than a normal track, and eventually transitioned to a very strange set. Silence, interjected with jarring noises that mimicked shouts. A percussive beat drummed with the yells and groans, making them sound like screams.

Screams of help.

The pounding music became beats to a bloody dance, and Dimitri began to tremble.

"Man, listening to this again, I'm pissed off that Miklan used to scare me with this part of the song," Sylvain mused out loud, reaching over to turn the volume up higher. "It sounded so creepy to me back then, but now I think it's just silly--"

Dimitri curled in on himself, and whined.

The radio became silent in an instant.

"Hey, Dimitri! What happened--talk to me," Sylvain frantically looked both to the road and to his companion in the passenger seat, now shaking like a leaf. He reached a hand over to Dimitri's shoulder, causing the terrified man to suddenly scream out in blood-curdling horror.

It took some doing to pull over on the side of the road while Dimitri frantically tried to tear himself out of the car, but Sylvain managed; the next task was getting his friend out of whatever mental terror that gripped him. Restraining someone with superhuman strength always led to injury of some degree-- this time, nothing more than a few scratches and a bruised elbow-- but after an agonizing couple of minutes of talking and yelling, the only thing frantic were the two men's breathing.

Dimitri's mind still buzzed with anxiety; every nerve was wracked with nervous energy, and his muscles remained tensed, but he knew where he was. He was not with his parents. He was not in the middle of an attack. There was no fire around them.

That was all in the past.

Sylvain looked at him, concern and worry on full display in his bright brown eyes. Still shaky, he didn't trust himself to speak properly, so he gave a single nod. He was okay. He was here. He was here, with Sylvain. He was okay.

The redhead nodded back, and took a deep breath before taking the car out of park, and moving back onto the road again. Dimitri couldn't help but think of what could have happened if the street was busier, if this happened during the day, with all sort of spectators.

He must have looked like a rabid animal. Or worse, Sylvain could have looked like his abuser. Dark pangs of guilt quelled the lingering anxious energy within him, and now Dimitri merely felt tired and ashamed. It was only a song! It was supposed to be music; why did his mind twist it into something so... So....

Dimitri nearly yelled again when he felt Sylvain's hand on his arm, and felt immediate regret when the hand was removed. His friend looked apologetic, but he shouldn't have. Nothing was his fault, nothing ever was. "I'm sorry." Dimitri's words came out like a croak, due to his sore throat, but the other man paid it no mind.

"Nightmares was keeping you awake this time?"

It was a simple question, but did he have a simple answer? In truth, those dark memories were not keeping him from sleeping, but they were keeping him from having any moment's rest. Dimitri opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. He didn't know how to say that his problems had no solution. That he could never see these visions stopping completely, no matter what help he sought. So to answer Sylvain's question, he simply said "Yes".

They drove in silence for a short while, letting the natural sounds of the outdoors soothe their ears and put a cushion of comfort about them again. Dimitri cursed himself mentally. Cursed his circumstances, his own lack of strength to overcome these weaknesses, and cursed hat he hurt his friend. No matter how Sylvain tries to tuck his arm away, Dimitri's eye still sees the reddening splotch of skin on the elbow he shoved into the dashboard. He figured, that if Sylvain wouldn't scold him for his rashness, then he could scold himself.

That is, until he noticed the street they were on, and the check-in gate they were heading towards. He looked to his companion, but before he could ask, he received an answer:

"Figured we head out of the main city for some vittles. Long car rides are fun, aren't they?"

They were indeed. Dimitri loved them as a young child and loves them still as an adult. He did not know the reasoning behind the gesture, but he wouldn't question it.

So they rode through the gates, Sylvain winking at the border guard and Dimitri giving a polite smile as their IDs were checked, and past the city limits, heading towards Airmid.

Soon, the scenery changed. Numerous buildings and towers segwayed into smaller facilities and more humble stores. A bit of downtown still lingered with the numerous restaurants and rest stops alongside the road, but Sylvain seemed to be seeking something in specific, because he passed the entire strip. Dimitri felt more confident in speaking aloud now, but he remained quiet, his self-criticism slowing to a halt as his mind became distracted to the streetlights and bright signs that lit up the night landscape.

He somewhat wished it would rain. Just a light drizzle, to lend the colored lights outside even more ability to dazzle and delight. Watching droplets rolling down the window as they reflected the bright red of a traffic light, or the warm yellow of a store's window sign was always a guilty pleasure. But rain isn't necessarily good for driving, nor would it help the temperature outside; it's muggy enough, and nearly so that Dimitri considered rolling the windows back up to turn on the A/C. But always on cue, as if he could read minds, Sylvain flicked the automatic window control and up, up, up the windows went, followed by a welcome blast of cool air from the car's vents.

"Can't stand this sticky weather..." Dimitri never knew how these coincidences always happened. Maybe Sylvain could read minds, or maybe he could just read Dimitri's. He felt his own head has been ripped open long ago, so anyone could read its contents, surely. He was still grateful for it, though.

After what seemed nearly an hour's worth of driving, Sylvain settled on a very outback strip of restaurants. All of them were closed for the night, save for a Sonic. Sure enough, that's where their car headed, and in turn, became the third car there at this establishment at this very late time of night.

Sylvain leaned against his window, gazing at the choices on the menu. "You know what you want?"

"Mmmn..." Truth be told, Dimitri's appetite was a distant memory thanks to the last hour or so of events, but he knew Sylvain wouldn't take 'nothing' for an answer. "Something small, I'm not too hungry anymore." A non-answer that still held some weight, he'd like to think.

Judging from the way Sylvain glanced back at him, it wasn't answer enough.

The order button was pressed, and after a short beat of crackling static and some shuffling, a too-cheery-for-this-time-of-night voice chimed in: "Hi there! Welcome to Sonic, can I take your order please?"

"Sure thing! Lemme geeeeet....aaaaah....mmmmmnh........" Dimitri held back a laugh at his friend holding the space until he properly decided to order. The thought of 'that's what you get for trying to order for me' came to mind, which made the blond smile even wider. They both could tell the cashier was getting confused at all the long "ums" and "ers", and piped up with a concerned "Sir are you okay? You can press the button again when you're ready to order!"

The laugh bubbled out against his will that time, as he watched Sylvain quickly sit up proper. "Oh no, I know what I want! Let's get a jumbo popcorn chicken, large Ocean Water, and a large ice cream blast--the one with the peanut butter cups in it, pretty please~!"

With another chime in as she confirmed the order and gave the total, the cashier told them it'd be out in a minute. Before she could close the speaker's interaction however, Sylvain asked, "will you be the one bringing out my order, madam?" in his notorious flirting voice. Dimitri didn't even need to scold him, as her bright and sunny "Nope!" before cutting the speaker off did all the work for him.

The redhead sat back with a look of both amusement and embarrassment, and Dimitri couldn't hold back his laughter any longer. "That's what you get. You're not supposed to be flirting with others anymore, remember?"

"It wasn't flirting! I was being nice! I thought I was, jeez..." The lie was comically obvious, even if it wasn't framed in a boyish grin. Old habits die hard, after all.

Choosing to fill the space with something less awkward, Sylvain flicked the radio back on, quickly cycling through the stations and setting on the sounds of a soulful R&B song. Still, the blond man felt a sense of unease, as if something still lingered. Despite his companion starting to ramble off on who he thought worked in the Sonic with the "supposedly cute" cashier, the air felt... heavy. He truly hoped that his unexpected anxiety attack didn't upset the evening beyond repair.

A nudge in his side, and he smiled and nodded, agreeing with whatever Sylvain had asked of him. The resounding laughter told him that perhaps he should stay out of his head and settle back in the oppressive air of the car and listen to what was being said.

"See I knew you were into mean people!"

"I am not! W-Why did that even come up?!"

"Because, you just said that you liked how quickly that lady shut me down! AND," giving the flabbergasted blond another nudge for emphasis, "you agreed to me saying that if she came out with a frown on her face despite her cheery voice, you'd be all over her!"

Now this was nothing but a web of lies and deceit! Or rather, the consequences of the lack of action on Dimitri's part. Thankfully, the cashier was true to her word, and wasn't the one delivering their food. Instead, it was a tall and lanky young man, whose short and spiky hair peeked above his visor's brim. He had to bend over to hand the items through the window to them, and as remarkable that is, Dimitri did note that the young man still couldn't hold a candle to Dedue's stature.

It was to be a simple interaction, but apparently something was amiss. "Wait a tick, aren't you supposed to be skating out here?"
The restaurant worker scoffed. "Dude, it's like 3 in the morning. I'm not bustin' my butt out here this late."

Sylvain gave an overly exaggerated gasp. "Then I don't want your service! This carefully crafted meal won't taste as sweet unless it was delivered upon the fine-tuned wheels of rollerblades!" The worker gave a look that said he just might take all the food back, so Dimitri quickly snatched Sylvain's phone, popping open the back case to grab the bank card within.

"Please, he's only joking!! You're doing wonderfully, even at this hour. Pay him no mind, please!"

Amidst laughter from the jokester driver in the car, the definitely-underpaid-for-this-nonsense worker took the card and swiped it, side-eyeing the two men in the car. Dimitri could practically feel the scathing judgement on the worker's face. Either he thought they were drunk, they just finished screwing around, or they're just out messing with whichever poor worker that had a late night shift. "Have a nice night..." was all the young man uttered before handing the card back and heading inside the restaurant.

"Huh," Sylvain mumbled around a mouthful of chicken, "I'm surprised they still make these guys skate around. Could've sworn that died out a long time ago."

Dimitri's usual disapproving frown surfaced, earning a sheepish grin from it's recipient.

"Oh come on, that was the highlight of his night! Bet he's in there telling Miss Pretty Cashier Lady about the jerk without a shirt on as we speak!"

He was at a loss as to how that was anything remotely 'fun' or worthy of gossip. As long as he's known Sylvain, he could never pinpoint how his mind works, or why he did the things he did, but he did learn that for most things, it would be best to not try and make sense of it. "It was still rude to even pose as a potential unruly customer."

The redhead shrugged, and popped another chicken bite into his mouth. "Then I'll make it up to them by coming back and giving them a big tip. Problem solved."

Although when said like that, it sounds like an empty gesture, but Dimitri himself was planning to do the same thing, so he knows the amount of money the workers would be getting would surely make up for a few moments of rudeness. He hoped, anyhow.

"Besides, we should be focusing on a different problem. Like, the fact that you've been having some bad nightmares lately."

Just hearing the acknowledgement made him wince. He could try and deny, and lead themselves to having an extended conversation to where Sylvain eventually pried the truth out of him (as he always does; Dimitri knows he's a horrible liar). Or, he could take the easy route and be honest.

But honesty takes a lot of courage, and unfortunately, he was in short supply this night.

Instead, he decided to take a third route: a move straight out of the Gautier's Handbook: redirection and avoidance. "Is this mine?" Dimitri pointed to the large soda cup; it's blue contents quietly fizzing with carbonation.

"Yeah, and you can get some of these too; I won't eat 'em all." Sylvain then slid the box of bites onto the shared armrest between them, and reached for the sundae. That was apparently his alone, but the blond didn't mind that. Cold textures were unpleasant to the tongue. "So, what have you been dreaming about? Care to share?"

The redirection is failing. Dimitri pursed his lips against the straw, trying to look calm but only accomplishing a nonplussed look. "I...It's not really anything that you should bother yourself with. Merely the usual." He caved. His mind will forever marvel at those with the ability to hide their true thoughts and feelings.

His eye traveled back to his companion, who seemed immensely enthralled with dunking chicken bites into his peanut butter blast.
Sylvain didn't reply at first, mercifully because his mouth was full, but once it was cleared, he spoke in a thoughtful way. "I don't consider it a bother. Especially since it really tends to affect you." Another pause, another bite. "You don't have to tell me what happens in them exactly, I can kinda guess that. But maybe just, getting it off your chest, so you not the only one shouldering the burden will help."

Just, "getting it off his chest". Not shouldering the burden alone. Isn't that why he reconnected with his friends in the first place? So that they all could be together, and help one another, and give each other the support they missed in their individual lives from others? Without trying, half of the soda was slurped up as he nestled himself in his thoughts. Dimitri tried to find the best way to express what most was troubling him, but no other way sounded or was worded quite right, so he just blurted what came to him first.

He let out a heavy sigh before speaking. "I believe I am having them more frequently... because of guilt. I know we've since reconciled with..." There was an extended pause, with Sylvain looking over to make sure he was okay, but Dimitri gave a small nod and continued. "...We've made peace with whom we thought was the culprit, and have worked tirelessly to try and find the truth behind my parents' murder, but I cannot deny that we've since... Stagnated. Become complacent in a lot of things, and, I think that my mind may be urging to search harder, to find answers faster."

Calloused and scarred hands clenched in frustration. They've since come together in a lovely multi-union, but what else have they done for retribution? Felix tells him time and time again that vengeance is nothing but a fool's errand, but how else can he quell the urging words of his father's memory? Those who lost their lives that day, they deserve rest.
"We're still searching. We haven't stopped, and we won't stop. We only slowed down cause you gotta live your life too, Dimitri."

Blue eyes met brown, and suddenly he felt so, so small. He's certainly heard the words before, but never truly took them to heart. His life is to live for the people he's tasked to govern, whether they be a lowly pencil pusher or his direct subordinate, or his business partner or blood family. No matter for whom all Dimitri knows is that his life is unending service. That is what he knew.

His hand was now being held by another strong, calloused hand. One that didn't have burn scars on them, but was warm as if a fire under the skin. Dimitri couldn't help to look down at their hands together, and how much they contrasted. It wasn't until the other hand squeezed his own, that he looked back up.

Sylvain's eyes were like a glowing hearth on a snowy night.

He ducked his head down in shame, but it was lifted back up by Sylvain's other hand. Forced to look to his friend for support, for comfort.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't be bringing any of this up, tonight was supposed--"

"Supposed to be what? And why isn't it still?"

The words themselves radiated forgiveness. Or acceptance, should he say. Time and time again, Dimitri was told by Sylvain that he should never feel apologetic for having troubles. That he should freely accept the same amount of help that he gives out.

Funny, that Dimitri remembers telling a certain someone the same thing.

He managed a small smile, and gently squeezed Sylvain's hand back. "I'm making a big deal out of nothing, aren't I?"

With a wink, Sylvain tossed away any lingering worries. The redhead then regained hold of his melting treat, and dug in with a bit more haste. "You're not alone anymore, and you're not gonna be alone anymore. It'll take a hell of a lot to get rid of us!"

His heart skipped a beat. Such devotion shouldn't be granted to someone like him, but it made him feel good all the same. To further Sylvain's point, his cellphone rang, flashing "Big Guy" on the screen; seems Dedue woke up with worry.

Dimitri answered the phone, readying a smile to help put some cheer into his voice, even though he's mentally kicking himself for not leaving a note. "Dedue, hello! My apologies for leaving without saying anything, but everything is fine. Sylvain and I are together now-- er, he's with me in the car, now, is what I mean..."

A muffled snort was heard and Dimitri shot a look towards its maker. Dedue's words were of relief, but they still were tinged with worry, asking then how long were they gone, and where they were, and if anything happened.

"No no, everything is fine, really!" Dimitri is then reminded by his beloved that it's currently 3:23am. "I... er, how about I prove it then?" Quickly cycling to the camera app, Dimitri leaned back and took a picture of himself and Sylvain, and sent it to Dedue (despite Sylvain asking for a more flattering picture).

"Ahaha, see? We're fine. We can bring you something, if you like?" A soft 'hm' replied back, then confirmation that yes, indeed, Dimitri and Sylvain are safe, and that he didn't need anything, but appreciated the offer. "We'll be back soon; love you," Dimitri said with a smile that widened when he heard the deep voice return the salutations in kind.

His friends truly did care. Dimitri knew that he would have to repeat it over and over again, for as many times as he needed, but just because he needed reminders didn't mean their love doesn't ring true. No matter what all of his other thoughts might say. He turned to thank Sylvain for giving him such support, but was met with a sulky pout. "Is there... something the matter?"

Red hair bounced humorously about the redhead's face as he turned dramatically to face him. "You couldn't have taken a better picture of me?!"

No anxiety, guilt or worry could take away the bubbling mirth that Sylvain's antics caused him. Dimitri laughed heartily, even needing to turn away from the faux-scornful looks he received. Sylvain continued to ham it up, muttering, "And you sent it to Dedue of all people! Why does he get to see me gobbling ice cream in my underwear, huh??" When he was given no answer, Sylvain snatched his phone back, clearly not able to hide his own grin despite the acting. "Alright alright, let's get you home, Chuckles--"

"No, no, don't... let's not go home yet, ahahaha...." Dimitri fought to catch his breath. His body reacted as if he didn't laugh now, he wouldn't ever laugh again. Although endearing, it was starting to actually make his sides sore. An arm was slung over his shoulder, and surprisingly that helped him ground himself.

"Fine, we can ride a little longer. It's worth it to see you so happy."

Their car was on the road again, leading them farther out in the neighboring town and gazing at all the lights that were still on at in the dead of night. Remarkably, they still passed the occasional car, no doubt people commuting to or from work. Perhaps even making their own "fourthmeal" runs. Dimitri hoped that these travelers made it to their destinations safe and sound.

He hoped for a lot of things. That all his friends achieve their goals, and find happiness. That he's able to steer his father's company towards human innovation and philanthropic heights even Lambert couldn't reach. That... this night would last just a bit longer. Despite all of its rather frustrating instances, it seemed that things were finally evening out to something pleasant; peaceful, even. He hoped that his friend was having just as much fun, too.

Eventually, they pulled into a gas station, next to the pump with the least amount of moths fluttering above. Instead of getting out and purchasing anything, his companion reclined his seat back, and placed his hands behind his head. Dimitri took another long drink from his soda, and reached for the door handle. "You want me to go inside?"

"Nah," Sylvain shrugged, then nodded towards the dashboard. "We're good. We're just chillin'."

Blue eyes shot to the gas meter, and it was a little over half full. That was fine, he supposed. So, they sat in silence for a shot while, until Sylvain heaved himself up and clambered all over Dimitri to recline the blond's seat for him. The soda and leftover bites was nearly lost to the commotion, but Dimitri was now reclining and had a beautiful view of the stars from his window. He would have argued were this not the end result, so he held his own admonishing, and soaked in the wondrous sight.

The stars weren't as clear as they were at his childhood home, but they were much brighter, now that the fog of industrialization didn't cloud the sky as it does in the city. The two grew silent once again, exemplified by the redhead reaching over to cut the radio back off. All that was left was a soft hum; the mere presence of life around them, however still it may be, blanketed the night once again.

"You know, I never really knew how quiet it is at night here..."

Dimitri looked over to Sylvain, who was turned on his side slightly, looking out of the car window. The thought sounded more like an affirmation rather than an observation, as if even now, with how long they've lived in the inner city of Garreg Mach, they never noticed the peace that befalls the world in the hours of twilight. Being from northern Faerghus, the both of them are used to howling winds, and deep snow making every movement echoed, from the smallest forest critter to the prowling wolves and and larger. The night up north makes one antsy and paranoid, never knowing whether to rest or keep moving, or if you're truly alone, no matter what time of night.

The dashboard's clock read 3:56am, and true to Sylvain's words, the area around here did seem to sit at a standstill, devoid of the usual noises of cars and people milling about. The only noises that existed were the occasional crickets and the faint buzz of the neon lights of the gas station's awning they were parked under.

He offered no real response to Sylvain's musings; opting to listen to the sounds of nothing as well and taking in the occasional cool breeze that sweeps through the lowered windows. Dimitri never minded the quiet, having always favored it over loud activities even as a child, so this was enjoyable to him. He was glad that Sylvain was at ease here too, as his presence made the night all the better.

At times, Dimitri could be thankful for his insomnia, if it resulted in calm nights like this.

Taking a sip from his nearly empty cup, Dimitri's eye traveled to the gas station and all its myriad signs and lights. Ads advertising the usual fare: cigarettes, alcohol brands, lottery tickets, and whatever flavor item of the month that the company wanted to push, this time being a 2 for $4 special on their sausage and egg biscuits. This particular gas station Dimitri figured was more the 'normal' fare of stations, as they were closer to Leicester, where the church's influence waned and the fear of the Goddess gave way to fears of all sorts of other gods and entities.

Dimitri would like to visit all the other gas stations out there and see what makes them different from each other. It was a silly thought, but the convenience rest stops were interesting to him.

Suddenly, a hand blocked his vision. "Hey, did you finally nod off there?" Sylvain's voice helped bring Dimitri out of his daydreams of gas stations with arcades and whole bakeries inside of them, to look over at the boyish grin of his friend. He gave a small smile and a shake of the head, to which Sylvain nodded and gave a hearty yawn. "Ah, so you were just ignoring me, I gotcha~"

Dimitri frowned. "No, I... wasn't... trying to ignore you..." his reply was stretched out with a deep yawn of his own, which only garnered an even wider smile from his friend. "Although, I think the fatigue is starting to catch up to us. Should we head back?"

"Yeah, you don't want to get stranded somewhere thanks to me dying from sleeping at the wheel, heh heh."

Dimitri didn't acknowledge the joke, choosing to finish off the rest of his soda before resetting his seat to an upright position and buckling up. It was jarring, and certainly not the worst thing that happened this night, but it always concerned him when those jokes are so casually tossed out. He did glance to his side to watch Sylvain, however. He watched him correct his seat and buckle up and crank the car up, with his free hand wiping blearily at his eyes. Sylvain's smile was there, ghosting at the corner of his lips, but it looked like it could be one of his many false smiles.

How was it that, not so long ago, Dimitri himself was used to wearing false smiles. He surmised that his experience with trying to hide things would help him crack the puzzle that is Sylvain Jose Gautier, but years and years later, he still feels as if there's a massive barrier separating the two. Felix and Dedue could always discern those different false looks better than he ever could, but they weren't here to help him on the sly. Dimitri had to use his own skills, so he leaned on what he was good at-- direct questioning.

"Sylvain--"

"It was a joke, Your Highness! Don't worry, I'm wide awake~"

The car pulled out of the parking lot and onto the black stretch of road easily, and away they were-- heading back into the city, to Garreg Mach, to home. Sylvain moved to flick the radio back to life, letting a soft jazz tune fill the car's silence from the station it was left on, but Dimitri felt the music to be more of a muffling of his worrying. He refused to drop the notion.

"I truly am thankful, Sylvain. Not just for what you do, but for who you are."

Dimitri caught a glimpse of Sylvain's mouth twitching into a frown, but quickly masking back into neutral. He knew that praise made his friend uncomfortable, but he knew no other way to combat the destructive demons in their minds.

"I mean every word, as I'm sure you know. And I felt that--"

"Whoa, where is all of this coming from?" Sylvain interjected, waving a hand casually through the air. "I haven't even done anything to deserve all this sweet talk, unless you're trying to bribe me to get something?"

Dimitri shook his head, determination firm in making his thoughts heard. "You're casual with morbid jokes to cope, I know, but I... I really worry at times about losing you. It is extremely selfish of me, but I don't know what I would do without you." He felt his voice catch thanks to the heavy lump forming in his throat. Emotions rarely get the best of him, but perhaps, because he's speaking to someone he would give his life for, is why now he can't control his face growing hot and his heart growing heavy.

If Sylvain noticed how Dimitri felt, he didn't not react to it. He instead kept his eyes on the road, neutral mask hardened out of habit moreso than anything else. The streetlights they passed under illuminated their faces every few moments, making the shadows under their eyes more pronounced. Perhaps Sylvain wasn't entertaining his thoughts due to sleep finally starting to set in. Perhaps he chose to stay silent because of how heavy these talks tended to get.

Dimitri then decided to take it in a different direction. "Do you remember the nickname I gave you?"

A hint of confusion flashed on Sylvain's face. "You're not really a nickname person; you sure you gave me one?"

"I did," Dimitri set his shoulders back, feeling a bit more confident, "I haven't used it in years, and because of certain circumstances, but I did give you one." They pulled up at a stoplight, which gave Sylvain the chance to stroke his chin and contemplate. Seeing the person who usually has all the answers struggling to find out the answer has its own pleasures, but Dimitri was ready to reveal the answer.

"Big Bro."

There was a pause, then a bout of genuine laughter from the redhead.

Dimitri's cheeks flushed, but he insisted. "I'm serious! You don't remember at all?"

It took a moment for Sylvain to collect himself (and realize that the light had turned green), but once he had, he spoke. "No no, I remember. Man I remember as clear as yesterday, now. You were jealous of all of us having older brothers, and was upset that there wasn't anyone like that for you."

His embarrassed blush deepened as Sylvain explained, but Dimitri nodded in agreement. "And you graciously let me call you 'Big Bro', so I wouldn't feel left out. It's... very silly, thinking back on it now, but you don't know how much it meant to me."

"Oh no, I know how much it means to you," Sylvain chuckled, "you even wanted me to give you a nickname so no one would think of it as 'weird' or you giving me 'special privileges'."

"Where you came up with 'Your Highness', because you said it sounded like your normal snark to everyone else, but we'd both know what it really meant. Sometimes I wonder where you get your cleverness from." Dimitri said it with a smile, as he sort of knew where Sylvain's smarts did come from, but he hoped that his friend would find the kindness in the words.

Sylvain mulled over the words, but instead of acknowledging the praise, he pivoted, as he tends to do. "So, d'you still think of me as your 'big bro'?"

"Yes, without question."

Amber eyes widened at the sudden and direct confirmation, even nearly missed their turn thanks to the distraction. "D-Dimitri, come on, what for? I barely qualify as a decent person, let alone someone's--" Sylvain stopped speaking thanks to the hand that clasped over his on the steering wheel. The road ahead was long and empty, so he dared to look towards the blond man in the seat next to him, and suffered for it.

Dimitri's smile was like rays of sunshine itself.

Sylvain quickly looked back to the road, and Dimitri squeezed his hand encouragingly. "I've plenty of role models and father figures to look up to, but..." Dimitri leaned his head on Sylvain's shoulder, "...I've never had a true sense of brotherhood with anyone else but you. And no matter how many times you tell me that you'll never leave my side, that... everyone will stand with me, that never truly included you, did it..?"

His companion remained silent, face completely indiscernible. He knew what arguments and hurt feelings could befall him if he brought it up, but Dimitri couldn't just leave the lingering worries within himself. After all, wasn't he told not long ago that he should share his burdens?

With his voice shuddering, Dimitri continued. "I know from experience how much pain, merely existing is. But I never could... I never thought..." He looked again to Sylvain, searching for something: a cue, a hint to keep going or stop, but it wasn't there. So he continued on, out of fear; a deeper fear than shouting matches and silent treatments.

"It... scared me, when you attempted... when you attempted to take your life," he paused again, the painful memories of that grisly scene from last year still fresh in his mind, "so please, allow me to be selfish. And let me ask that...you never leave."

He could feel the familiar heat of shame rush up again, and this time, he let the sting of tears push through and fall from his eyes. Dimitri didn't dare to look up at Sylvain now, not when he knew how pitiful he looked what with his face now wet, but he refused to leave the comfort of his friend's shoulder. To Sylvain's credit, he didn't say anything to ruin the moment or steer away from the emotional vulnerability, but let the silence take hold once more.

They rode, back into the tamer, safer spaces of Garreg Mach, back to their home. The sky's darkness started to fade from its inky depths into cool, soft blues and pinks as the sun slowly rose again. The car's dashboard clock read 4:39am. They would be needing to get up and get ready for work in an hour's time. Dimitri hoped that he would be able to sleep properly after work, at least.

Thanks to the gentle lulling of the buzz of the radio station's selection of tracks and the rumble of the road, the drive back fell back into that magical peace it always is. A time in life where even the Earth itself seems to sleep, where the nocturnal beats drum their rhythms until the shine of the sun comes, and things start to dial back to the world of the living. Of the common people, getting through their morning routines, gathering coworkers for commutes, and tending to their children. The twilight of night and morning is always the calmest parts of day, and Dimitri is thankful for its presence.

As they pulled into the driveway, Sylvain turned the car off and unbuckled, but didn't leave the car. The stillness took precedence again, even through the chirps of birds and rumblings of early morning people about.

Dimitri didn't even realize that he was starting to nod off, until Sylvain nudged him to sit up. He rubbed at his eyes, and fought to stifle a yawn, and started to get out of the car, but Sylvain stopped him.

"I... I can't promise that I'll stay forever. But I can promise that I'll try."

A gasp escaped Dimitri's lips, but a smile followed soon after. "I'll be here to help you any way I can." That same smile grew brighter when he saw Sylvain react with a small smile of his own; a smile that, to Dimitri, felt absolutely genuine.

The two then exited the vehicle, and after a thorough stretch, headed into the house; weary from lack of sleep, but renewed in their care and appreciation for each other.