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call me when you're sober

Summary:

Chat’s mind raced. Alya knew his identity? Did that mean Nino knew, too? And why did Alya have a crush on him of all people? “You said you didn’t have a crush on me–”

“I lied.”

With that simple statement, that bold confession, all the breath was knocked from Chat’s lungs.

“Oh.”

Notes:

Secret Santa fic for Gaussiansphere! Thanks for submitting a prompt on the Miraculous Fanworks discord server!

Title from "Call Me When You're Sober" by Evanescence.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

"And another thing," Rena was slurring, almost unbalancing herself from her barstool as she thrust her pointer finger into the air, "have you seen the new Adrien Agreste ad? His long hair is totally hot."

Chat's cheeks grew impossibly warm again and he wished he could loosen the collar of his super suit. Not knowing his identity--at least, Chat thought she didn't know his identity--Rena had been gushing about Adrien throughout the superhero bar crawl.

Chat wondered why. Carapace was right there, and Nino had told Adrien that Nino and Alya were Carapace and Rena Rouge.

So Nino knew that Adrien knew his and her identities, but didn't know who Chat was or what he knew, and Alya probably didn't know that Adrien knew her and Nino’s identities, and she definitely didn’t know who Chat was or what he knew. But Carapace did know that Chat knew that Alya was Rena, because an Akuma had revealed her identity to them both.

Ladybug, of course, knew nothing of all this. He was over her anyway, so he didn’t care what she knew. Absolutely.

Chat had started to lose track of who knew what and when and why.

But none of that mattered now. What mattered was that Rena was totally drunk and crushing on Adrien, Ladybug had already gone home, and Carapace was incredibly uncomfortable with the new development with his girlfriend.

Just as Rena ordered another drink, which the bartender refused to give her, Carapace slammed a hand down on Chat’s shoulder. “Bro.”

Chat’s eyes widened at Carapace’s insanely tight grip on his arm. “Bro?”

“Bro.” Carapace leaned forward, whispering right in Chat’s face close enough that Chat could smell the cocktails on his breath. “I have to invoke the bro code.”

“What do you need, my man?” Chat whispered back, just as Rena began upbraiding the bartender for being a lousy public servant who should have the hairs of his chest plucked out by scorpions.

“I need you,” Carapace murmured, glancing at Rena with tightened eyes, “to take her home.”

Chat’s jaw dropped. He would question Carapace’s decision, but the man had invoked the bro code, and the one rule of the bro code was to do the favor no questions asked.

Chat knew where Alya lived. Of course he did–she’d had parties at her apartment often enough that he could vault there blind–and Nino knew that Chat knew because Chat had made an appearance at one of those parties to give Alya an interview.

Another thing Chat knew and Nino knew that Chat knew, but didn’t know that Adrien was Chat and–

“Bro.” Carapace gritted his bright white teeth. “Please.”

Chat realized quite abruptly that he hadn’t given Nino an answer to his request. Holding up his hands, Chat scrambled to acquiesce. “Absolutely, my dude. I assume you’re going home now?”

Carapace glanced once more at Alya, then released Chat and sat back on his barstool. “Yeah. And she should, too.” Letting loose a blustery sigh, Carapace hung his head. Chat could have sworn he saw tears in the man’s eyes, but… Carapace raised his head with a fierce look in them directed at Chat. “Take care of her.”

“Wha–”

Okay, Chat needed to ask questions now but Rena stumbled between the two of them, leaning heavily on Chat’s chest. “Chaaaaaaat,” she slurred, pressing a surprise kiss to his stubbly jaw. “You’ll tell the bartender he’s a tart for me, right?”

“Whoa, Rena, you’ve definitely had enough.” Chat tried to glance over at Carapace for support, but he was already gone. Sighing under his breath and wrinkling his nose at Rena’s, he stood and looped an arm around her shoulders. “Can you walk?”

Rena tittered, her beautiful lips curling up into an amused smile. “‘Course I can talk. I can talk your ear off. Did you know that Adrien Agreste is hot?”

“Uh… Yeah.” Quickly determining that Rena, in fact, would not be able to walk based on how unsteady she was standing, Chat scooped her up in a bridal carry with a hasty apology to the bartender. “I’m gonna take you home, okay?”

“Okay.” Seeming content to rest against his chest, Rena looped her arms around his neck and pressed her warm cheek against his pectoral muscle. He couldn’t help but feel hot in the cheeks again; Rena was quite a woman, and having her pressed up against him did funny things to his composure.

Flustered by Rena’s close proximity and the way her hot breath fanned over his chest every time she sighed, Chat took the shortest route back to her apartment, the streets of Paris glowing green in his night vision. Her glorious auburn hair tickled his neck every time she moved, and the way her beautiful calves bounced across his forearm drove him to distraction as he vaulted across the city just after midnight.

Alya’s apartment had a balcony–all their apartments had balconies; Chat would bet that Ladybug’s did, too–so Chat landed there. He set her down, steadying her shoulders with his free hand and replacing his baton on his back with the other.

“Okay, we’re here.” As Rena hiccuped, Chat knew he’d have to get some water into her, stat. Her hangover in the morning would no doubt be brutal. “Can you open the door?”

Rena laughed uproariously, holding her middle, as if what he’d said was the funniest thing she’d ever heard. “Oh, Chat!” She slapped his chest, and he rocked back on his heels. “You’re such a card! Open the door!”

“Uh. Yeah. Open the door.”

Realizing she wasn’t in a frame of mind to do anything he told her, Chat tried the sliding door leading into the apartment and found it unlocked. I really have to talk to Alya about her security, Chat thought, huffing a sigh through his nose. Maybe when she’s sober.

He opened the door all the way, picked up Rena again, and carted her into her bedroom. Gently laying her down on her bed, Chat turned to find her kitchen to get her a glass of water, but she snagged his wrist.

Peering down at her revealed tears streaming down her face. Her pitiful request was the last thing he’d expected to hear from her. The last thing he wanted to hear.

“Stay?”

Chat hesitated, his gut twisting into pretzel shapes. “Rena…” Turning back to her, he smoothed her bangs off her warm forehead. Her cheeks bloomed with apples that glowed green in his night vision.

Swallowing hard, Chat found himself sinking down onto his bed despite knowing it was a bad idea. “Look, Rena, I…”

Rena still hadn’t let go of his wrist. She brought his hand up to her face and buried her eyes in it, and through a quirk of the super suit, Chat could feel the wetness of her tears on his palm.

Heartbroken sobs erupted from her lips, wringing Chat’s heart like a torn rag. What happened? he wondered, but he didn’t realize that he’d spoken out loud until she answered.

“Nino broke up with me.”

“... Ah.” It was all that Chat could think to say. “That sucks.”

Rena let loose a broken laugh that felt more like a gut punch. “Tell me about it.”

“Does…” Chat hated this traitorous thought. But he had to ask. “Does this have anything to do with your crush on Adrien Agreste?”

Rena lowered her head to the pillow again, her eyes sharp and entirely too sober for his liking. He wondered absurdly whether she’d been faking being as drunk as she’d been. “It has to do with my crush on you, yes.”

Chat’s mind raced. Alya knew his identity? Did that mean Nino knew, too? And why did Alya have a crush on him of all people? “You said you didn’t have a crush on me–”

“I lied.”

With that simple statement, that bold confession, all the breath was knocked from Chat’s lungs.

“Oh.”

What could he say aside from that? Alya and Nino had seemed like such a solid thing–she even called the two of them together “DJWifi.” But apparently she’d had a crush on Chat–on Adrien--and she couldn’t let go of him?

Humor was Chat’s last defense. That and lying. But he didn’t want to toy with Alya’s feelings; honesty really would be the best policy here.

But what did he feel? He had to admit that Alya was incredibly attractive to him. She was smart, clever–she probably figured out his identity all by herself ages ago–and too beautiful by half. Sexy, even, with her flared hips and–

Wait, did he have a crush on Alya?

Chat cracked a watery smile. “I’m not your rebound, am I?”

Rena’s eyes were glassy and bloodshot, though from the alcohol or crying, Chat couldn’t tell. “What?”

“I…” Chat didn’t know what he wanted. He could picture a future with Alya, if that’s what she yearned for. “How serious is this crush?”

“Do you think my boyfriend would have broken up with me if the crush weren’t serious?”

“That bad, huh?”

Something in his tone apparently made Rena giggle, and once again Chat was struck by the alcohol on his friends’ breaths. She bit her gorgeous, kissable lip, and on impulse, Chat reached forward with a delicate finger and loosened the pink flesh from the grip of her teeth.

Rena gasped, and Chat dragged the pad of his clawed thumb across her lip, learning forward to peck her on the mouth. He pressed his cheek against hers, feeling the tear tracks below his mask, making a decision he hoped he wouldn’t regret.

“Rena,” Chat whispered into her ear, knowing he was taking his future into his hands with these words and very much looking forward to it, “call me when you’re sober.”

Notes:

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