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Christmas 2021 was going to look much different than it has in the past. The Stabler family was missing one crucial part this year. This was the first Christmas without Kathy. The kids were missing their mom a little extra as the holiday approached.
Elliot missed his late wife, but he couldn’t hide his excitement about Olivia and Noah potentially coming by to celebrate with his family. He so desperately wanted to start threading his family together. Making sure Olivia knew that she was a part of him and his family and that Noah will be just as loved.
The day after Elliot took Eli home and Swafford was arrested for Mia’s murder Olivia sat in her living room staring at Elliot’s name in her phone. So much had happened in the last couple weeks. Wheatley’s trial. Eli’s incident.
She’s finally got some things off her chest. Told him just how she was feeling. Told him that it was hard when he showed up at her house. Told him that it can’t be a one way street anymore. That he needs to evaluate what they are to each other. That they both needed to take a minute to understand how they were feeling.
When Elliot said he wanted balance between them it made her speechless. She didn’t know what to say to him. After twenty-three years he acknowledged that whatever it was between them it was more than friendship. But she wasn’t ready to go further than that.
“How about we call it a friendship? How’s that for now?” That’s what she said. For now. It was the best she could do. Maybe they could become more in the future, but right now they needed to find balance as friends again. Then he invited her to his family’s Christmas get together. He had always known how much she wanted a family. How desperate she was to have one. Inviting her and Noah to his family was something she never expected him to do. It caught her off guard. She didn’t even know what to say to him. When he looked at her and said, “just come,” she felt a pull to him that she hadn’t felt with anyone before. A pull that was familiar, but only when it came to Elliot Stabler.
So she continued to stare at her phone. Looking at his name. She finally pressed call and waited on baited breath as it rang in her ear. She nearly hung up the phone call before she heard…
“Hey Liv,” he answered almost immediately.
“Hey,” she responded. “I was just calling to let you know…that if that invitation was still good. Noah and I would love to come over tomorrow for dinner.”
“Of course it’s still good,” he said. “We’ll probably eat around 4:00. Mom is making dinner. Maureen wants to bake cookies with the kids.”
“Okay, we’ll be there,” Olivia told him. Her stomach was doing flips. This was such a huge step in their friendship. It had been a very long time since she had hung out with the Stabler family all together. The only one of Elliot’s kids that maintained regular contact was Kathleen. Olivia was worried that the relationship she had once had with the Stabler children would be just as hard to get back as her relationship with Elliot.
“One more thing. I’ve got gifts for the kids to open. I want to make sure Noah doesn’t feel left out. Anything I could grab to wrap up for him?”
“Elliot, you do not have to buy my son gifts,” she rebutted quickly. She didn’t want Elliot to buy Noah gifts. It could give the boy the impression that Elliot is sticking around and Olivia still didn’t trust that he was.
“Liv,” he started, “if you don’t tell me I’m going to buy him something that he doesn’t like and I’ll feel like an idiot.”
Olivia relented easily and gave Elliot a couple of inexpensive gift ideas for Noah. Things he could pick up really fast before the gathering the next day. But continued to tell him that Noah would be getting enough gifts this year and didn’t need anything extra.
“Wait, Elliot, before you go,” Olivia started, “your kids are all grown. What kids are opening up gifts?”
“I guess you’ll find out tomorrow,” Olivia could hear that grin on his face. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Olivia.”
He hung up the phone before she could pry a little more. Noah came skipping out of his room and hopped up onto the couch with his mom ready to watch The Grinch before bed.
“Hey,” Olivia started as she pulled him closer to her. “Tomorrow we were invited over to my friend’s house for dinner for Christmas.”
“Really? What friend?”
“My old friend Elliot. You remember seeing him last winter when we went sledding?” Noah just nodded. “He invited us over to have dinner with his family. I told him that we would go join them.”
“Are there going to be kids there,” Noah asked, reaching for the popcorn bowl.
“I think so. I really don’t know,” she said honestly. “If you don’t want to go I will tell him that we will try for another time.”
Noah thought about it for a moment before responding to his mom. “It’s okay. He’s your friend and we should go,” he told her. “Plus, I think it would be fun to have someone to play with at Christmas. If there are kids there.”
“You are growing up far too fast,” Olivia said and hugged her son a little tighter. “Okay, then we’ll go tomorrow.”
The Stabler family was quickly growing . Elliot, having four kids, knew that his family gatherings were going to be large. And he loved that their family Christmas gatherings would just continue to get larger and larger.
Right after demolishing his grandson’s block tower he heard the knock at the door. “Hey, they’re here! They’re here, guys!” Elliot headed quickly over to open the door.
The older four Stabler children and Bernie lined up to watch Elliot welcome Olivia and Noah into their family home.
Elliot eagerly opened the door to Olivia and Noah standing there smiling. “Hey, guys,” he said and ushered them into his apartment. “Here,” he said and went to help Olivia take her coat off. He took Noah’s as well and hung them up.
“Noah this is my friend Elliot,” Olivia said before acknowledging the five sets of eyes staring at her.
“I have heard so much about you, Noah,” Elliot said as he offered his hand to Noah to shake. “It’s nice to meet you.”
“Nice to meet you,” Noah said and shook Elliot’s hand.
Elliot led the two of them into the main area of the apartment where Elliot’s family was very obviously staring at the three of them. Not wanting to miss a single second of the way that Elliot and Olivia interacted.
“Noah, these are my kids, Lizzie, Kathleen, Dickie, and Maureen.” Each of the older Stabler children gave Noah a little wave. “Over there is my youngest, Eli,” he said, pointing at Eli. Noah gave a small wave back at everyone. “And this is my mom Bernie.”
Olivia watched Noah’s face fearing that he would start to get overwhelmed by meeting all these new people. This was one of those small things that Olivia had been worried about with bringing Noah to meet the Stablers. Keiran came running over with his brother in tow. “I’m Keiran and this is Seamus,” he told Noah. “We were trying to build a tower as big as grandpa, but he knocked it down with a ball.” Keiran gave his grandpa a disapproving look and Elliot threw his hands in the air as surrender. “Do you want to help rebuild it?”
Noah looked at his mother and waited for her to nod before he ran over with the younger boys to start rebuilding the tower.
“Grandpa,” Olivia asked with a cheeky grin. He was a grandpa and he didn’t tell her.
“Mine,” Maureen said. “Olivia, this is my husband, Carl. And those two are ours.”
“Wow,” Olivia said. “I remember you sneaking out of the house at age 14. Now you have kids of your own.”
“Oh, don’t tell them about that,” Maureen laughed and hugged Olivia.
“Okay,” Bernie announced and threw her hands up. “Enough of this. I have to finish dinner. Maureen and Katie come help me.” The girls followed their grandmother into the kitchen and started helping. The twins went to finish the tree and Elliot guided Olivia to a chair at the dining room table.
“I’m happy you decided to come, Liv,” he told her and poured her a glass of water from the pitcher sitting on the table. “The kids were excited to see you.”
“I could tell by the way they were staring as we walked in,” she laughed. She looked over to Noah playing with Keiran and Seamus then back at Elliot. “You’re a grandpa. Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Didn’t come up,” he said. “And until recently our relationship wasn’t the most solid. Didn’t seem like something to just tell you.”
Olivia’s smile faded. The past nine months with him have been hard. So much harder than she had ever imagined. There was so much that she wanted to tell him. He was really trying now. He was listening to her. Texting her about things that reminded him of her. It was getting easier to be around him. She reached out and took his hand. Earning them a knowing look from Dickie from across the room.
The two of them sat in silence as they watched the boys building their Elliot sized tower. Noah was easily getting along with Keiran and Seamus. Occasionally glancing over at his mom, who was smiling and laughing with Elliot. The boy still wasn’t completely sure about Elliot, but his mom looked happy enough around him.
Elliot stood up to head to the kitchen and Keiran quickly moved to stand in front of him to make sure he didn’t destroy it again.
“Stay back, grandpa,” Keiran ordered.
“He’s definitely a blood Stabler,” Olivia laughed.
“You have no idea,” Maureen said, rolling her eyes. “Those two will drive me crazy one of these days. Bull headed just like dad.”
Elliot kissed his eldest daughter on the side of the head and stuck his finger in the mashed potatoes.
“Dad,” Maureen smacked her father.
Olivia sat back and watched the Stabler family interact. Joke with each other. Watched Noah getting along with the younger ones so easily. It was easy. Surprisingly easy. Against Bernie’s wishes Olivia insisted on helping set the table for dinner and they brought all of the food over. Elliot made sure that Olivia was sitting next to him with Noah by her side.
Elliot said a quick prayer and the young boys quickly dug into the food. Clearly starving to death. The dinner conversation was light and silly. Elliot asked Noah about his dance classes and Noah told the table all about his latest rehearsals. Kieran talked about his soccer practices and how he liked playing soccer indoors because it meant he could play when it was cold out. Olivia pried into Maureen’s life a little more. Telling Carl a little bit more about Maureen as a teenager. Maureen was horrified and Kathleen was just happy Olivia wasn’t telling her teenage stories.
The sun went down and the young boys headed for the Christmas tree as the adults cleared the table. They all opened their gifts and Olivia was impressed that Elliot managed to find exactly what she had said Noah wanted. Noah wasn’t expecting to receive presents at Elliot’s house and was so excited when he saw a few packages under the tree with his name on them. And by 9:00 the boys were fast asleep on the floor as the adults slowly started cleaning.
“Liv, can I talk to you,” Elliot said as he took her arm and pulled her towards the garden.
Olivia stopped what she was doing and followed him. The entire night has been so perfect. Noah got along with every one of the Stablers.
“I cannot believe you have grandsons the same age as my son,” Olivia chuckled. “Your kids grew up to be incredible, Elliot.”
“That was all Kathy. I wasn’t around much,” he admitted. “That will always be something I regret. I still feel like I missed so much. Trying to be better with Eli.”
“You’re a good dad, El,” she told him. “Everything you do is for your kids. You proved that this week. I’ve never seen you like that before. You changed.”
“For the better?”
“Yes,” she laughed. “You calmed down quickly at the hospital. You didn’t explode on anyone during the investigation. At least not the way you used to. I’m proud of you, El.”
Silence fell over them. Neither knew what to say. They had so much that they wanted the other to know, but they didn’t know where to start. She wanted to tell him everything right there. The look in his eyes pleading with her to fully trust him again. Trust him with what had happened to her in her life. Trust that he was going to stay right there with her and hold her through anything else that happened.
“Liv,” he started, “I meant it. I want to know. I want to know everything that’s happened to you. Whatever you want to tell me. Whenever you’re ready. I’m here. And I’m sorry I wasn’t the past ten years. There’s no excuse.”
“Elliot, I came here with Noah because he said it was okay. I do not want him getting close to you if you’re just going to disappear again. Not on a UC assignment. Not back to Rome. I need you here,” she told him. “I don’t even want him getting close with Kieran and Seamus when he may get pulled from them. I have to protect him.”
“Olivia, I’m not going anywhere,” he said and noticed that she looked cold. He didn’t have anything to wrap around her and he didn’t want to have this conversation inside with his large family all listening. He already knew they were not so discreetly watching from inside the apartment. So he did the only thing he could think of. He hugged her without hesitation.
Olivia didn’t know how to react to the hug. Feeling his arms around her. Not like a hug, but more of Elliot completely enveloping her into his body. Warming her. Comforting her. But she let her head rest on his shoulder. Let herself feel the heat radiating from his body. The pricks from his facial hair trying to grow again. His arms wrapped tightly around her. His hands pressed into her body. It was nice. It was comfortable.
“I promise you, I’m not leaving,” he said again. “If anything comes up at work I will make sure Bell knows that I have to tell you. Because this friendship is a priority to me. You are a priority.”
Those words made her stop and look at him. A priority. He’d never made her a priority. She was his partner. Nothing more. But they were slowly letting their guards down. Building that trust again. She reached up and touched his face. Let her fingers glide along with jawline. Her thumb caressing his cheek. He didn’t let her go. She didn’t want him to. She didn’t want this moment to stop.
“I should get Noah home,” she said. She didn’t move. “I may need help getting him into my car though.”
Neither moved. They didn’t want to. So they didn’t. Even though they could feel at least three pairs of eyes peering at them through the glass doors.
“Thank you for coming, Liv,” he said just above a whisper. “It means the world to me. Getting to know Noah. He’s a good kid. This Christmas wouldn’t have been complete without you.”
She didn’t say anything. She simply looked into his eyes. So honest and vulnerable. The Elliot that she had always wanted to know.
“Thank you for having us. The holidays are usually just the two of us,” Olivia told him. “It was nice spending it with your family.”
“You’ve always been a part of our family, Liv.” He held her a little tighter. Telling her that she was it. That whatever was going on between them was it for him. This is all he had wanted for over two decades. “No matter what.”
They continued to stare at each other. Olivia wrapped up in his arms. “You should get Noah home,” he said, finally taking a step back and pulling her back towards the door. “Tonight was good,” he said.
“It was great,” she responded. “We should do it again. Well, not Christmas, but a night together.”
“Did you just ask me out, Benson,” Elliot’s shit eating grin spread across his face again.
Olivia didn’t know what to say. She didn’t mean for it to come out of her mouth. She stood there, silent. “I…”
“Liv, I’m joking,” Elliot said and took her hand.
She didn’t think as she placed her hand on his face again and took a step closer to him. He could feel her breath on him. Feel her body against his.
Olivia kept telling herself to stop thinking so much. To remember that Elliot was trying. He was actively changing. Asking her questions. Telling her that they can move at her pace. She kept telling herself that it was too soon to be anything more than friends. That she didn’t fully trust him yet. Not with what she wanted to give him. But there she stood staring into his blue eyes. Eyes that she was sure she’d never see again.
Inside the apartment Bernie, Kathleen, Lizzie, and Maureen were all watching the scene unfold on the patio. All completely abandoning the cleaning. Dickie, Eli, and Carl watched the girls from a distance.
“You think he’s gonna make a move,” Kathleen asked.
“It’s been 23 years,” Maureen said. “You’d think that since they’re both single they could figure it out.”
“They didn’t last time,” Lizzie added.
“But they were still working together,” said Kathleen. “Now they’re not. No longer partners. Not in the same command. Not even in the same department.”
They continued to stare. None of the Stabler children had said it out loud, but they would be happy if their dad were to start seeing Olivia. In more than a friendship way.
Dickie walked over to the kitchen. “Come on. I once asked if Liv and dad had ever slept together.”
All at the same time the girls looked at their brother.
“You did what,” Maureen nearly yelled.
“I was 16,” Dickie said defensively. “Olivia had me in an interrogation room. I figured they had. I still do.”
“Oh, for heaven’s sake,” Bernie said and threw her dish towel on the counter. She walked over to the doors leading to the patio and smacked the window, getting the attention of Olivia and her son. “If you don’t do it now you’re not gonna get a better time.”
All of the Stabler children quickly looked away and chuckled to themselves. Trying desperately to not let their dad see their laughs.
Before he could think. Before she could stop him. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her closer to them. He could feel her heartbeat against his chest.
Her breathing hitched. As she felt him hold her closer. Her hand resting on his chest. Mere inches from each other. Both wanting to. Both feeling the pull to the other. Knowing that this moment was the moment, but neither knowing how to initiate.
“You wanted a friendship,” Elliot started in a low tone. “Stop me.”
Olivia didn’t say anything. She didn’t want to stop him. He brought her closer to him. They could both feel all the eyes staring at them and yet it also felt like they were the only two in the world. She stared into his eyes. So warm and inviting. He was intoxicating and she couldn’t think straight.
Having her in his arms was making him weak. He thought his legs were going to give out beneath him. That his lungs and heart were going to fail him. She was so beautiful standing there. So close. The moon shining down on her. Making her eyes shine more than they already did. Catching the highlights in her hair. She was perfect.
“Hey, my friend, Olivia,” he started just as he had days prior. “I love you.” He knew that saying it could completely derail their renewed friendship, but he had said it twice before and she either didn’t process it or hear it. He needed her to know. To hear him. To understand that his feelings were deep and because of that he would never leave her again.
“Just kiss her,” they both heard Dickie shout from inside the apartment.
Without thinking. Without waiting for her to protest, Elliot pulled her closer and closed the gap between their lips. Olivia let herself melt into him. Let herself be held up by his strength. She always knew that this moment would be perfect. She felt her heart swell. Knowing that she loved Elliot with her entire being. That nothing was going to change that. No matter how hard she had tried over the years. It would always be Elliot Stabler. It would always be the two of them. Partners for life.