Chapter Text
Hitsugaya spent most of the trip from Mami's apartment back to High Spirits vibrating with nervous energy over the likely reception awaiting them once their friends and allies got wind of their newly minted relationship. Though the overcast skies, glare of streetlights, and the swirling ash were reminiscent of an unseasonal snowfall and oddly beautiful if he didn't think about them too hard, it was neither the time or place for a leisurely stroll and he didn't even dare hold Mami's hand lest the Incubator find some way to use their relationship against them. Wrapped up in their masks and raincoats, they hunched over their stacks of notebooks and scurried for shelter as quickly as they could.
It was a relief when they reached the protective radius of the wards surrounding their destination, and Hitsugaya relaxed a fraction of a hair as they clattered through the sad ruins of the garden into the shop. They dusted themselves off as best they could before shedding their protective gear and stepping up into the private part of the house, which was unusually quiet for once.
This private moment alone with Mami, when it was just the two of them--that was nice, Hitsugaya thought absently. There was nothing like the knowledge that their entire timeline was doomed to make him appreciate the little moments he would have quickly forgotten otherwise.
He wished he could kiss her again, or at least squeeze her hand, but mindful of the surveillance cameras Urahara had installed everywhere in his domain, he did neither. Some things ought to be private, and he certainly didn't trust Kisuke Urahara not to use even a small gesture of affection against him later in the most embarrassing ways possible.
It was ridiculous to act as if they were walking into battle instead of reuniting with friends and colleagues, but Hitsugaya couldn't help his jumpiness. Everyone here was an ally in the war against the Incubator, but that didn't mean they weren't capable of wreaking havoc on the delicate balance between his personal and professional lives and all the secrets he was duty-bound to protect.
Once the shock that he and Mami were finally dating wore off, everyone would get used to it, and the teasing would hopefully taper off to manageable levels. Regardless of what Captain-Commander Yamamoto might think of their relationship--a problem for his future self to deal with, if it came to that--Hitsugaya trusted everyone currently in residence at High Spirits to be supportive, albeit in their own highly idiosyncratic ways.
"You sure about this?" Hitsugaya said out of the corner of his mouth as they marched towards the doom waiting for them in the living room. Even though Mami had been the one to boldly declared her feelings while he hung back, the last two hours felt like a fantasy or a fever dream that would pop like a soap bubble if examined too closely. "There's still time to change your mind and pretend this never happened."
Mami shook her head, sending a cascade of golden curls bouncing in every direction. Once committed to a course of action, she was unshakable, and she smiled at him with her head held high, her eyes shining with happiness. "Let's do it."
Thus reassured, he swung open the door and the two of them walked in side by side in what he hoped was a suitably dramatic entrance.
***
Dear Toushirou,
It feels strange to write to you like this, especially since the person I'm writing to isn't the same person I know. You two have so much in common that I feel like I know you already, even though we've never actually met, and we never will, except in these letters.
Maybe it's selfish of me to want something of myself--this version of me, anyway--to live on after I'm gone, and yet I can't help it. Regardless of how this other you feels about the other me, I want to share my story with you, so that I can walk into that final battle trusting that some part of me will live on... that in the end, I will not be forgotten and my life will not have been in vain.
***
Everyone in the living room was gathered around a low table at the center of the room, busily writing, with stack after stack of notebooks attesting to their industry. Even Kyouko had produced a surprising volume of personal reminiscences, no doubt intending to offer her future self a running start in the next timeline after so much time playing catch-up in this one.
Mami couldn't help but smile as she surveyed her friends--bold and confident Sayaka, with her recently discovered talent of water magic; relative newcomer Karin, who despite her deadpan stare and wisecracks was one of Toushirou's best friends; and the perpetually optimistic Madoka, now only slightly unbalanced by the eyepatch interfering with her depth perception. Even the once-mysterious transfer student Homura Akemi was there, the only person in the room who didn't need to write to her future self because she would remember everything from this timeline when she jumped to the new one.
There was no sign of Karin's twin sister Yuzu, but Mami guessed she was in the kitchen with Mr. Kaname and Mr. Tsubakishi, cooking lunch to feed the appetite of the crowd current housed at the shop. An army traveled on its stomach, and the five girls in the table alone could work up quite an appetite, let alone the adults and older teenagers who were conspicuous in their absence.
Mami couldn't decide if it was good or bad that not everyone was here for their big announcement, then decided that it didn't really matter. No doubt the news about her and Toushirou would travel through High Spirits like wildfire the way of gossip always did. She just hoped she was prepared for the consequences if anyone in the shadowy spiritual cabal in which he operated decided to target her to get to him.
After so much build-up and anticipation, the reveal itself was an anticlimax. Mami had opened her mouth to speak, but Karin had already beaten her to it. "Finally figured it out, huh?"
At least everyone else's reactions were fun to watch. Homura blinked, a hint of surprise threading across her face before she quickly smoothed it away, but Madoka squealed with glee and Kyouko nearly choked. Sayaka was in shock, her mouth flapping up and down like a fish out of water, and while Mami wasn't usually prone to schadenfreude, it was fitting payback for how often she'd Toushirou and Mami about their relationship in the first place.
"That's right," Toushirou said, his eyes flickering from Karin to Homura to Kyouko and back again, as if daring anyone to contest his statement. "You got a problem with that?"
"Nah," Karin said. "We've all known from the beginning. It was just a question of how long it would take you two to admit it."
"'Bout time if you ask me," Kyouko said, having finally recovered from her coughing fit. She tapped Karin's shoulder. "Bet you're wishing you hadn't bet me a box of pocky now, aren't you?"
Karin sighed and dug into her school bag. "Here you go," she said, dumping the box into Kyouko's hand.
"You had a betting pool going about us?!" Toushirou sputtered.
"Of course we did, Frosty, though I was betting on Mami makin' up her own mind, not you." Kyouko nudged Sayaka, who was still staring open-mouthed at Toushirou and Mami as if they'd broken her brain. "Don't forget you owe me one too now."
Sayaka's brain finally caught up to the events. "Mami and Toushirou are dating?"
"What, you've been teasing us about it for so long and you didn't believe your own prophecies?" Toushirou said wearily, shaking his head. "Looks like you'll have to find something else to pester us about now."
"Ahahaha, that's great, Mami, Hitsugaya. I'm so happy for you two!" Madoka said, clapping her hands in delight. "Congratulations!"
"Thank you, Madoka," Mami said.
Homura didn't say anything at all, meeting first Mami's gaze and then Toushirou's with her expression carefully blank. Whatever she saw must have convinced her, because she nodded and shrugged her shoulders as if to imply their relationship was none of her business.
All right, well, if Mami read her correctly, they had Homura's tacit support, which was all to the good. She and Toushirou was extremely close, and could easily sabotage his relationship with Mami if she'd truly objected. In fact, it was safe to say that she and Toushirou had no future together without Homura's help--
"Well, if nobody else has anything to say, I'm going see what mischief my uncle has wrought in my absence," Toushirou said.
Kyouko perked up. "Now this I want to see!"
"Don't push your luck," Toushirou said. "Knowing him, he'll record our conversation and play it on endless loop when he wants to annoy me instead of doing any real work. I'll see you at lunch," he said to Mami, and stalked out of the room before anyone could interject.
"Well," Mami said, settling down at the table as Madoka and Homura made room for her. "That went better than I thought it would, actually."
"Uh, Mami?" Sayaka said. "You two really are dating, right? This isn't just some prank you pulled to mess with us?"
"Heh! That's a good one!" Kyouko said through a mouthful of pocky. "Either way, I'm not giving this stuff back."
Mami shook her head. "We're not messing with you all, though goodness knows it was tempting to give you all a little taste of your own medicine."
"I know we gave you two a hard time about it, but only 'cause Toush has been my friend for a long time, and he's always so grim and serious," Karin said. "It sounds crazy, given everything that's happened, but he's relaxed quite a bit since he met you. I think you two are good for each other."
"Me, too," Mami said.
"Okay, this is getting too lovey-dovey for me," Kyouko announced. "I'm glad you and Frosty are happy together, but I really don't need to know all the details."
"Who knows, you might change your mind when you meet that special someone!" Sayaka said.
"Damn it, it's not gonna be like that!"
"Stranger things have happened!"
Toushirou was right, Mami thought, listening to her friends' banter. As long as she and Toushirou denied that they were dating, everyone teased them mercilessly, but the same people accepted they were actually dating with comparatively little fuss. Mami needed to write that wildly counterintuitive lesson down as soon as possible to save her future self a great deal of trouble in the next timeline.
"Oh, and Karin?" Mami said as she recalled one of those teasing moments in particular.
"Yeah?"
"He is a good kisser. Just so you know."
And having dropped that bombshell, Mami opened her journal and set to work, grinning like a madwoman as the conversation exploded around her.
***
Dear Mami,
Was it necessary to give Karin even more ammunition to work with? We are never going to live this down in this or any other timeline. My other self will never forgive me, at least until he meets you--and then I hope he'll understand why I acted as I did, even if he doesn't agree with my choices.
(His loss if he doesn't, though.)
***
Mami spent the rest of the day running the gauntlet of friends and allies over her relationship with Toushirou, though their reactions were more or less as she expected. Mr. Hitsugaya smiled and welcomed her politely to the family, and his aunt wrapped her in a bear hug until Mami could barely breathe. Mrs. Kaname gave her a conspiratorial wink and Mr. Kaname offered Mami his sincere congratulations. Mr. Urahara tittered behind his fan whenever she and Toushirou were in the same room with him, offering increasingly provocative advice--"Don't forget to use protection, you two!"--in a largely successful effort to make them both squawk with outrage and embarrassment and their friends convulse with laughter.
But it was Orihime Inoue's reaction that surprised Mami the most, especially when the older girl yanked on her arm and dragged her off so they could speak privately. "So you and Hitsugaya are writing each other letters for Akemi to take back in time with her?" she demanded.
Mami nodded, utterly bewildered as to where this was going. "What our other selves will make of it all, I don't know, but that's the plan."
"Oh! That's so romantic!" Inoue squealed, so loudly that Mami nearly jumped out of her skin. "You're so lucky, Tomoe!"
"Lucky?" That was not the first word that popped into Mami's mind when she assessed the situation. 'Confused', yes. 'Nervous', yes. Maybe even 'awkward' or 'unbelievable'--
"Of course! I always wished I could do my life over--so I could be born in five different towns, stuff myself with five different types of food, and have five different careers. And no matter what, one thing would be the same--I'd always fall in love with the same person, just in five different ways. But you actually get to do it! I'm so jealous!"
"C-couldn't you?" Mami stammered. "I mean, you made a time capsule for Homura, too, didn't you?"
Inoue smiled sadly at her. "I did, but it doesn't work like that. There's a person I've known each other for a long time who I'd like to be closer to, but I don't think Akemi going back a month would make any difference. But you and Hitsugaya never would have met if Akemi hadn't brought you together, and if you fell in love this time, it'll probably happen again--"
"Maybe," Mami said. "I mean, a lot of terrible things happened this time, too, and we don't want them to happen again. Maybe changing that will make it so Toushirou and I never make a connection."
"Oh! That reminds me of a story my brother used to tell me!" Inoue said. "Long ago in ancient China, there was a old man whose only son was a master of horses, with a beautiful stallion that everyone admired. One day, the stallion jumped the fence and ran away and everyone in the village shook their heads about what bad luck it was. But the old man just said, 'Who knows?'"
Mami blinked, uncertain of how the conversation had pivoted so quickly into a non sequitur.
"The next day, the stallion returned, followed by twelve wild horses!" Inoue continued, and she let out a furious neigh, re-enacting the scene with her hands. "Everyone in the village agreed it was such good luck! But the old man just said, 'Who knows?'
"The next day, the son went out to train one of the wild horses and fell and broke his leg! Bam! Everyone in the village agreed it was such bad luck! And the old man just said 'Who knows?' and tended to his injured son.
"A few days later, the emperor's army arrived, conscripting all able-bodied young men in the village--except for the old man's son, with his broken leg. Everyone in the village was extremely jealous of such good luck! But the old man just said 'Who knows?'"
"Is there a point to this story?" Mami asked weakly.
"'Who knows?'" Inoue shouted with glee. "The point is that we don't always know what it means when something happens to us. Sometimes the seemingly bad things are what lead to good things later on."
Huh. Mami had never thought of it quite like that. Viewed in that light, maybe she really was lucky after all.
"Of course, I'm right!" Inoue chortled when Mami confessed as much. "Maybe! Who knows? But I don't think you have to worry about you and Hitsugaya. If it's meant to be, it'll sort itself out, no matter how many lifetimes it takes."
"Thank you," Mami said, oddly touched by this show of support. "I--I hope you find happiness yourself."
"Oh, I'm not unhappy! I'm fine the way I am. But it'd be nice if maybe someday..." Her voice trailed off for a second before she took a deep breath and met Mami's concerned gaze once more. "I admire your courage, Tomoe. You didn't keep your feelings inside the way I did."
"There's still time," Mami said softly.
"Maybe," Inoue said, but Mami could tell she didn't really believe it.
***
Dear Toushirou,
Ever since the accident, I've lived with the knowledge that life is fragile and that I could die at any moment--ironic, given the nature of my wish. A magical girl's life is a dangerous one, and I was prepared to sacrifice myself without question if it meant saving innocent people from witches. Even so, it's hard knowing that you and I and everyone that we love will disappear when Homura goes back in time to save everyone who died in Asunaro.
It was easier to accept the inevitability of my death when I was alone. It's harder now that I have something precious to me, something I don't want to lose.
***
"Mami!" Hitsugaya shouted as he rushed to her in the aftermath of this latest skirmish. "Your arm!"
"It's nothing," she said, lying through gritted teeth. The red stain on her white sleeve was rapidly expanding despite her efforts to staunch the flow with her hand--and from the way she carried herself, that arm was almost certainly broken. "I was careless and the familiar grazed me, that's all. Don't worry about me. The others need help more than I do right now--"
"No!" He yanked the scarf from around his neck and pushed her hand away, wrapping the turquoise fabric around the wound to form a makeshift bandage. Healing kido was not his strong suit, and he didn't dare mess with something delicate and finicky like setting bones, but he wasn't going to let her pretend everything was fine when it wasn't.
Blood trickled down Mami's face from the scratches on her forehead. Given how she'd been tossed about in that last scuffle, she might well have a concussion, too. "Toushirou--your scarf--"
"There," he said at last, tying the knot and surveying the results with satisfaction. "That ought to hold until we get back to High Spirits." He eased her uninjured arm around his shoulder, letting the broken one dangle awkwardly at her side. "Come on. Let's go find the others."
Later that evening after Tsubakishi had healed her arm and head injuries, she tried to return the scarf--now free of bloodstains--only to stare in blank confusion when he refused it.
"Don't worry about it. Sakura always calls me your knight in frosty armor, right?" Hitsugaya said, trying to keep his voice light. "It's about time I gave you a token then, isn't it?"
"Oh," Mami said. "Oh. Oh. Oh."
Once he would have been flustered at how quickly she dissolved into hysterical laughter, or perhaps even insulted by it. Now, though, he couldn't help chuckle weakly at the absurdity of it all, knowing how much this meant to her.
"Thank you. I'll--I'll wear it with pride," she said when she was capable of speech again.
***
Dear Mami,
Tomorrow Akemi will go back in time and we'll be starting over again at the beginning again. Maybe it doesn't work out between us in that new future. Maybe we end up being different people, living different lives, that don't look anything like this one. Maybe it's just too weird being burdened by pasts that we don't even remember.
Whatever happens, I'm just glad I got to know you in this life. So many things went wrong but you--you were always right.
When in doubt, please remember that I am an idiot when it comes to all things emotional, and respond accordingly.
***
Walpurgisnacht loomed over the ruins of Asunaro, a fierce gale stirring in her wake that made Mami grateful for Toushirou's firm grip on her hand. The fringes of his turquoise scarf around her neck billowed in the wind, clashing violently with the gold in her hair and magical girl costume.
"How much time do we have left?" she asked, glancing back over her shoulder to where Homura and Inoue crouched in the rubble as silent witnesses to the destruction.
"Too much," Toushirou said grimly. "We can't risk the Incubator targeting Akemi in all of this, or making another hougyoku. We need to--"
"I know," she said. They'd done the best they could in this timeline, and now the only thing left to do was to hold off the destruction long enough for a fresh start, buying Homura the precious seconds she needed to make her escape.
Her throat hurt. Her head hurt. Her chest hurt. Everything hurt, and yet she couldn't, wouldn't give up, not when they were so close to the end.
Her mind made up, Mami ripped the scarf from around her neck and crumpled it into a ball. "Homura!" she shouted, tossing the scarf at her friend. "Give this to the next me when you meet her!"
Even with the wind, her aim was true, and Homura caught the projectile neatly out of the air. The scarf flapped wildly in her raised hand and she gazed back at Mami and Toushirou with the same unreadable expression she'd worn back when they'd first broken the news about their relationship. Then, as before, she nodded, and the scarf vanished into her shield with all the other precious relics she would carry to the new timeline.
(Was it Mami's imagination or was Inoue mouthing "Good luck, bad luck, who knows?" along with her thumb's up? Either way, she couldn't help but smile sadly.)
"You ready?" Toushiro said from his place at Mami's side.
Mami nodded. The pain and fear had drained away, leaving her suffused with a deep, unutterable calm, and so much love it felt like her heart would burst--for Toushirou, for her friends, for their future selves who were counting on them, even though they didn't know it yet, and for all the lives that would be saved by their sacrifice. "Let's do it. Together."
Her last thought as they launched themselves at the massive witch and the rush of battle took over once more: See you on the other side--