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It was quiet in the library, save for the turning of pages and whispers of patrons. Ash sat, book in hand, basking in the silence and serenity of the place.
His world had been so loud as of late, phantom gunshots still rang in his ears. His watch ticked, ceaselessly, expending time with each stroke.
He noticed the muffled patter of footsteps approaching, and looked up to see Sing nearing him. The Chinatown leader had a letter in hand, reading Dear Ash in bold print on the front. Ash knew immediately who it was from.
Sing gave it to him forcefully, like he expected a more emotive reaction than the one he received. Ash didn’t know how to feel.
The pair stepped outside and Sing rounded on him.
“Why won’t you go to him?” he asked, astounded at the lack of action from the taller man. “He’s going back to Japan today!”
“I know.” Ash blinked back his emotions, he couldn’t bear the thought of Eiji leaving, but knew that it was for the best. He’d become so entangled in Ash’s horrific world and staying would be too dangerous, too difficult for the both of them.
But Ash also felt responsible for his life in New York, and leaving seemed like abandoning everyone who needed him.
“Then why?” Came the response. “You’re his friend!”
Ha. Friend. Eiji meant more than that to him, they were tied together by their souls, entwined in each other's minds. Not that any of it really meant anything when Ash couldn’t afford to let another person into his heart. Couldn’t afford to deal with the damage that came with trusting someone else to be careful with it.
“That’s exactly why.” In the sense that it was kinder to the both of them to let him go. His voice was raised and he became guarded. Sing looked shocked at his reply. “I’m returning him to his own world. This world of killing… he doesn’t belong here.”
Eiji had been through enough in the short time they’d spent together. It was cruel for him to stay. Ash felt tears prick at the edges of his eyes, but he kept them from spilling.
“But there isn’t any time left,” Sing cried. “Can you at least give him a message?”
Ash stayed silent. There were too many things he wanted to say, but none of them seemed to matter. His heart couldn’t be conveyed in a few mere words.
“You stubborn idiot!” Sing shouted as he turned and left, running from Ash and his obstinacy.
It was better this way. Or at least that’s what Ash tried to tell himself, but he couldn’t get rid of the niggling feeling that he’d made the wrong decision, that something was in the works. He felt both heavy and empty, like he was just a titanium shell of a person. Impenetrable, but oppressive, taxing on his mind and body.
He kept the letter gripped tightly in his fist, wanting to read it but afraid of what it would say. Trudging along the street, he made his way to a bench. The incessant ringing in his ears was loud as he sat. With trembling fingers, he opened the envelope, and a plane ticket fell out.
A small, choked noise of surprise thrummed through him. The boarding pass was for 18.10 and when he’d checked his watch in the library it had been almost 15.00, although time had passed since then. He might be able to make it if he left now.
Carefully, he unfolded the letter nestled beside the ticket. He felt like he might burst, with sadness, and with joy.
‘Ash, I am very worried because I haven’t seen you and I don’t know if you are okay. You said to me before, ‘We live in different worlds.’ But I am not sure if that is true. We are from different countries, and our skin and eyes are different colours. But so what? We are friends. Isn’t that enough? What else do we need? I am very happy I came to America. I made many friends here. Above all…I met you, Ash.’
Ash wasn’t sure if ‘friends’ summed up his feelings towards Eiji.
‘You asked me many times if you scare me. But I never felt scared of you, not even once. From the first time I met you. Actually, I always felt that you are hurt, much more than me - that your spirit is wounded. I know you are much smarter than me, and bigger, and stronger - but even so.. I always wanted to protect you. Funny, isn’t it? But what did I want to protect you from? I think I wanted to protect you from your future. Because your fate was sweeping you away, like a flood.’
Boy, did the Japanese kid have a way with words. Snow began to fall as he read the letter, resting in his hair, awakening his skin with its freshness.
‘Do you remember telling me about the leopard in the Hemingway book?’
Ash did. He wasn’t sure if he could ever forget that moment. It was a memory embedded deep in his bones, one he would treasure for as long as he lived, and beyond.
‘He died at the top of the mountain, and you said he knew he would never go back down. But I said you are not a leopard, and that you can change your future. It’s true, Ash. You can change your fate.’
A sob wracked through his body, his mind alight with memories and thoughts.
'You are not alone, Ash. I am with you. My soul is always with you. Sayonara, America…Sayonara, New York. But I’m not saying ‘sayonara’ to you, Ash. Because this isn’t goodbye. I know we’ll see each other again someday. You mean the world to me, Ash.'
As soon as he read the last sentence, Ash leapt to his feet, senses heightened and adrenaline coursing through his veins. He needed to get to the airport. To at least see him again, if nothing else. It was a foolish, selfish plan, but he knew he would regret it if he did nothing.
And then he was running, sprinting down the cool grey streets, faster than even his heart hammering in his chest. If he slipped up now, he may never see Eiji again.
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a figure lunge into his path. His reflexes were dull and tired from weeks of constant use, but he managed to sidestep the person. It wasn’t until he felt a sharp ache on his arm that he realised the man had been holding a knife.
The blade had managed to scrape a thin cut along his arm and it was bleeding, but it wasn’t deep. He reached into his coat pocket and pulled out his gun, aiming and firing without a second thought. The man slumped to the ground and blood began to pool.
Ash may have been fatigued and running on dregs but he hadn’t let his guard down. Reaching the airport in one piece mattered too much to him, his self preservation higher than ever, if not for himself, then for Eiji.
The rest of the journey was a blur. He may have taken a cab, he may have run the whole way on foot, he couldn’t remember much.
The sleeve of his coat was stained red but he couldn’t feel the cut anymore, amidst the pummeling emotions and his own heavy breathing. When he reached the airport he was bounding, streaking through the building.
He spied Sing and several others walking towards the exit and raced to them. Sing saw him with a surprised look and pointed a finger towards the gates. Ash nodded his thanks, hurtling in the direction he’d indicated.
He thought he heard a shout of “go get ‘em, lover boy!” from Sing’s group and smiled weakly.
As he ran, he pulled out the boarding pass from the envelope and found the gate it depicted. There was barely any time before the flight took off but he was in the right place.
He hadn’t gone through customs and didn’t even have his passport on him but he’d made sure to discreetly hand Sing his gun as he ran past so they wouldn’t throw him out. He had no baggage to check in anyway, only the clothes on his back.
The reality of the situation suddenly hit him - he was going to get on the plane and fly to Japan. He was going to be with Eiji. It was a stupid, scrambled plan but he wanted more than anything to go. The flight would land in Tokyo and he had no idea what would happen once he got there.
For some reason or another, he didn’t care. He may be leaving his whole life behind, but he would be free. And he would be with Eiji.
Ash rounded the corner and thrust the boarding pass to the flight attendant waiting for stray travellers. She looked a little starstruck at the attractive man out of breath in front of her and pleading to get on the flight.
The plane was due to leave any second and she let him on without realising he’d bypassed the security - it wasn’t like he was going to hijack the plane or anything anyway.
Ash made his way onto the plane, ignoring the stares from the rest of the passengers, and walked down the aisle, eyes flitting to the seat numbers until he saw him.
Eiji was seated by the window next to Ibe, an empty seat on the aisle side. Ibe looked up and noticed Ash, who had frozen in place, hands quivering and still clasped around the letter. He tapped Eiji on the shoulder with a grin and Eiji’s face turned to Ash.
There were tear stains running down his cheeks and his eyes grew wide at the sight of the American boy. Ibe got up from his seat, leaving a space for Ash to sit between them next to Eiji.
Ash could not quite believe his eyes. He’d come all this way and still there was a part of him that thought it was too good to be true, that he wasn’t going to and didn’t deserve to find Eiji here. An announcement came overhead telling the passengers to fasten their seatbelts and Ash moved to sit down, shuffling past Ibe.
“Ash,” Eiji murmured, fresh tears streaming down his cheeks. Ash threw his arms around the smaller man, his hurt arm twinging slightly. And then he was crying too, only loosening his grip to quickly fumble on his seatbelt as he felt the plane start to move.
“Eiji.”
“I thought - I didn’t think you were coming,” Eiji sobbed into his coat. He held him close, letting the fabric soak up his tears. The plane began to pick up speed and Ash faltered, eyes wide.
“I’ve never been on a plane before,” he said, uncharacteristic nerves present in his speech. Eiji smiled warmly and took his hand, squeezing it to distract him from the noise of the engine and the speed with which the plane was going down the runway.
“It’s okay, I’m here. Just focus on me.” His reassuring words were sweet like honey, if words could carry a taste.
Ibe pulled out a book and began to read, courteously letting them reunite in private, or as private as you could get on a public airplane. Ash grasped Eiji’s hand tightly as the plane left the ground and a swooping feeling in his stomach made him gasp.
Eiji noticed the dark red blotches on his sleeve and looked up with a worried expression.
“You’re hurt!” He tenderly rolled the sleeve up to expose the cut and Ash winced. “What happened?”
“It’s not that bad,” he shrugged. “Some guy tried to stab me on the way here but I dealt with it.”
Eiji should have been used to a story like this after all he’d experienced himself in America, but he was still dismayed. As soon as the seatbelt sign was turned off, Eiji dragged Ash to the bathroom to clean the wound, asking a flight attendant for a first aid kit on the way.
It was cramped in the single stall, and they bumped into each other every time the airplane made the slightest movement. Ash sat down on the closed lid of the toilet seat and let Eiji tend to him. His delicate fingers washed away the dried blood and put ointment on the cut. He didn’t ask anymore questions and Ash was grateful for that.
“I’m sorry for not contacting you,” Ash said, quietly. Eiji stood between his legs as he dressed the wound.
“Yeah, well, next time you need to let me know you’re okay!” Eiji huffed. “I was worried sick.”
Ash didn’t say anything, content to just watch Eiji’s nimble fingers on the bandages. He was overwhelmed with emotions, and also felt like throwing up because his stomach was not agreeing with the altitude. Eiji hovered over him, fretting over the cut, tossing bloody tissues in the tiny bin. His dark hair hung over his eyes and Ash found himself reaching up to brush it away.
“Okay, done! Be careful with yourself though,” Eiji announced.
He looked up at the touch of Ash’s hand in his hair and their eyes met.
Ash had seen so much anguish in those eyes, far more than he should have in the time they had spent together. There were so many words that wanted to erupt from his tongue, he wanted to scold Eiji for leaving him, wanted to crack jokes, wanted to melt the boy with his sentences of how much he cared for him, but it was too difficult. Instead, he pulled Eiji’s head down to meet his lips, hoping to convey it all in a kiss.
They’d kissed before, in the prison. It hadn’t been anything meaningful, only served to pass along a message, but it had felt right. Ash remembered the taste of Eiji’s tongue on his, the surprise with which he reacted.
This was so much better. So soft and substantial and everything he could have dreamed of. Eiji melted just like he hoped, sweet and supple in his hands. When they parted, the breath shared between them was warm.
“Not bad for an airplane bathroom,” Ash teased, resorting to humour to ease the tension. The plane suddenly jolted and he grabbed Eiji with a look of horror on his face. Laughter broke out from the Japanese man, and he embraced the blond with vibrancy.
“It’s humanising to know you’re scared of both pumpkins and airplanes - not just some fearless gang leader after all!” Eiji laughed, and Ash squeezed him tight.
“Thank you, Eiji,” Ash mumbled into his chest.
“What for?” He asked.
“Just… being there. And for the plane ticket, that was super useful. I don’t know what my life would have been like if you hadn’t arrived in New York all those days ago.”
Eiji petted his golden hair, remembering all of a sudden that they were still in the bathroom of a plane.
“We should probably go sit back down, Ibe might be worried,” he commented.
“Just a bit longer. I was stabbed today,” Ash emphasised. He reached up and pecked Eiji on the lips again.
“What if someone really needs to use the toilet?” He giggled.
Ash stood up and backed him into the stall door, pressing their bodies together. He kissed him again, tongue flicking out and licking Eiji’s mouth open. Eiji was weak in the knees as Ash leaned into him with renewed sensuality. Their tongues seemed to dance together and Ash’s hands wandered along his waist. Eiji pulled back with a dazed grin.
“Not now. There’ll be plenty of time to make up in Japan,” he smiled.
Ash pouted, letting Eiji extricate himself from the American. He wanted to kiss him again, he couldn’t believe he hadn’t done it sooner. Although, he had a lot of bad memories with intimacy, and Ash wasn’t sure he would be prepared to open up any further.
Eiji picked up the first aid kit and opened the door, returning it to the flight attendant as they made their way back along the aisle to their seats. Ibe looked up as they arrived, he eyed their dishevelled hair and clothing and decided not to point it out.
They sat down in their respective seats and Ash tried not to look too afraid at how high up they were. Eiji spoke to him to distract the blond, telling him about all the places they could travel to when they reached his home country.
There were so many sights to see and foods to try and Ash felt an unfamiliar fuzzy feeling in his stomach, unrelated to the flight. He eventually nodded off on Eiji’s shoulder and didn’t wake until they landed, excited for once about what the future would hold.