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Min Yoongi was smart. On his less humble days (or after he’d had several drinks) he’d go so far as calling himself brilliant or even borderline (or actual) genius. The fact remained, though, that no matter how self-aggrandising or self-deprecating he was feeling, Min Yoongi was smart.
This meant several things. One was that it’d landed him in the honors program for his composition program. Another was that he was pretty good at putting clues together and figuring things out.
Which was why, when he heard Jimin, Taehyung, and Jungkook giggling about his “kitten sneezes” a slightly bizarre string of events that had included bare handfuls of pepper being thrown in the air, air freshener being sprayed right in his face, and kittens appearing in his dorm suddenly clicked into place. He couldn’t figure out why they’d been trying to make him sneeze, though, until he realized the whole damn floor was giggling about his cute little sneezes.
So it was like that, huh.
Yoongi was also patient when he wanted to be and so he bided his time until the end of the school year, a few days before the students were expected to pack up and leave the dorms.
Yoongi wouldn’t be an RA his senior year. As much as he’d enjoyed the job in an odd way and as much as he’d really enjoyed the free housing, he knew he’d need to be able to focus as much as possible on his capstone project his senior year. Besides, Hoseok had found them a cheap enough apartment near campus that was pet friendly, so he could bring Cat. (“You named your cat “Cat.” Hoseok had said with a disbelieving tone. “Look, if it makes you feel better, we can say she’s named after Cat Stevens and it’s just Cat for short.” “I don’t think it does.”)
So it was three days before move-out and Yoongi wasn’t coming back to the dorms.
The perfect time for revenge.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” Hoseok asked him for probably the fourteenth time, gently stroking Cat while she purred from her perch on the back of the couch.
“Completely and absolutely.” Yoongi took a sip of tea and crossed his legs and his eyes remained steadily on Hoseok’s, as though he was reaffirming his conviction.
“It just seems a little petty, that’s all…” Hoseok continued, his voice fading out.
“Look, I don’t want to go out known as the hardass whose only redeeming quality is his sneezes. At the very least, I’m going out as a hardass with kitten sneezes who knows how to get back at someone.”
Hoseok laughed. It also sounded like approval. “Okay then, let’s do this.”
“Did you bring the stuff?” Yoongi leaned forward eagerly.
Hoseok unzipped his backpack and pulled out two large plastic bags, holding up the contents for Yoongi to see. “Oh, I’m ready.”
* * *
One of the problems with pranks, Yoongi mused, was the delayed satisfaction. He was a patient person, yes, but the whole point of a prank was the other person’s reaction and waiting for the pranked parties to find out what had happened meant paying attention. And now it meant half an ear always cocked waiting for something else to happen.
He passed the time playing with Cat with his door open and listening for some kind of sound to come from down the hall.
He and Hoseok had had less than an hour in the dorm room, according to Yoongi’s calculations. Maybe more but he couldn’t be sure. Using the master key to the dorms he’d been given as an RA was probably an abuse of power but sometimes power was just waiting to be abused, he rationalized.
It was almost a relief when he finally, finally heard what he’d been waiting for.
“WHAT THE FUCK.” Jimin’s voice was on the higher side but he could be loud when he wanted to and his voice could certainly carry. Right now his angry disbelief and shock echoed loudly enough that Cat stopped in the middle of swiping at a string and stared in the direction of the door frozen, with her ears on high alert.
The next sound was a surprise, though.
It was a laugh. A deep, very loud belly laugh with a slightly odd cadence to it.
Yoongi peeked outside his door and saw Jimin, Taehyung, and Jungkook all standing in front of their open door gawking at what was on the other side. Jungkook had a look on his face like a baby deer seeing headlights for the first time and if Yoongi hadn’t known him better, he’d feel sorry for the poor, innocent boy.
Innocent Yoongi’s ass, though. He’d seen Jungkook barrel through an entire freshman year of mischief.
A memory of getting air freshener sprayed in his face came to the fore again and Yoongi decided he might as well get in one more dig while he could.
“Hey!” He barked, striding down the hall toward the trio. “Quiet down. I know the semester’s almost over but some people on this floor still have exams tomorrow.” He wasn’t sure if that was true but he figured it could be.
“Sorry,” Jimin cringed, disappearing slightly into his over-large long-sleeved t-shirt, and gestured uselessly toward the room. “You should look inside, though.”
Yoongi made a show of poking his head in and let out a dissatisfied grunt. “Okay, whoever did this is getting written up.” He turned back to them with a steely glare, even though he was also doing his best not to burst into laughter. “So which one of you was it?”
“No, no, no…” They all shook their heads and waved their hands in unison, rushing to deny. Yoongi was pretty sure Jungkook went a little pale.
Yoongi looked back inside.
Nearly every object and surface had been decorated with googly eyes. Enormous ones staring out from the front of the dressers. Tiny ones peering up from text books. Laptops, pillows, and houseplants, all gazing into the middle distance with silly plastic eyes.
He was pretty proud of the job he and Hoseok had done, if he was being honest.
“Tell me who else has a key to your room then,” he demanded, mostly to cover up the deranged smile that was desperately trying to claw its way onto his face.
He looked back at Jimin, Taehyung, and Jungkook.
All of them looked at him blankly. Taehyung and Jimin’s faces seemed almost imploring but Yoongi noticed Jungkook’s lips moving ever so slightly, like he was doing an internal calculation..
“You did,” Jungkook said softly, almost a whisper.
“What?” Yoongi’s eyebrows shot up involuntarily.
“You’re the only other one with a key to our room. So it had to be you,” Jungkook said a little more forcefully.
Jimin and Taehyung both looked at him expectantly. The logic was sound.
And apparently there was more going on behind those Bambi eyes than Yoongi had thought.
“Wait, why would I…” Yoongi blustered, suddenly running out of things to say to the accusing faces of the soon-to-be-no-longer freshmen. “I mean, I would never… I’m an RA!” He finally burst out with..
“Kitten sneezes,” Taehyung said in the same thoughtful tone as Jungkook, his face perking up. “This is about the kitten sneezes!” He exclaimed.
“Wow…” Jimin finally walked into the room and started looking around. He opened their minifridge (which had it’s own set of large eyes) almost absently and let out another, “oh my god.” Every soda and cup of yogurt had been stickered with its own pair of silly, unblinking eyes. Yoongi was particularly proud of that one. “This is weirdly impressive.”
Yoongi braced himself, waiting for the probably deserved outburst from one of the three of them once it sunk in just how much of a pain it was going to be to take stickers off almost all of their possessions. (Yoongi was not helping with that. This was revenge, after all.)
Instead, there was another loud peel of boisterous, slightly odd laughter.
“I had no idea you were funny but this is hilarious!” Taehyung got out between raw peels of laughter.
Then his arms were wrapping around Yoongi, sweeping him up into an unwanted and unasked for hug.
“We are totally going to be friends now. Just awesome friends, this is so good.”
“Seconded,” Jimin shouted, still staring inside the mini-fridge.
“Oh my gosh, we’re going to have so much fun next year,” Jungkook echoed. “Especially since you won’t be our RA.”
“Friends!” Taehyung shouted, pulling Yoongi in for a second involuntary hug.
Yoongi let Taehyung embrace him, his own body having suddenly gone both heavy and limp.
Apparently his revenge had backfired.
Or maybe, the part of his brain that had dreamed up a thousand googly eyes cut in, it really hadn’t.
Either way, it looked like Yoongi’s senior year was going to be a lot more interesting and a lot less focused than he’d expected.