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Loki couldn’t believe he was standing here at the end of the world and all he could do was look into those blue eyes and melt. He wished he could stay here forever with him—Mobius, the man who changed everything.
It was cold in the Void, but that wasn’t why he wanted the agent’s arms wrapped around him. Loki had finally realised, after everything, what Mobius meant to him. He now knew that he had grown and changed because of Mobius, and that he never willingly wanted to be separated from him again, except when he must. Right now, at the end of all things, Loki needed to get his soft human away from here, away from the terror that was Alioth and whatever lay behind.
Mobius stood before him, his usual calm and collected self even in the face of danger. It was something that Loki greatly admired. Mobius would never back down from what was right. He would always do what was necessary even if it meant throwing away everything he had ever known.
His eyes twinkled like they always did when he looked at Loki. A joy that Mobius only expressed when he looked at him, only him, or at least that was what Loki hoped it was. It made his guts twist in delight, feeling like his stomach had turned into a million butterflies. His pulse spiking, his breathing shallow, and that constricting feeling across his chest. Loki wasn’t used to feeling this way, it’s no wonder it took him so long to realise just what this was.
For Loki was used to certain feelings. Jealousy, betrayal, hurt, to name but a few. He was used to feeling love from his family, but that was always twinged with disappointment and shame. He had never experienced someone looking at him with nothing more than love and admiration. It made Loki’s head spin even thinking about what that meant, so he had locked it away until right now when he could no longer ignore it.
His eyes truly saw Mobius for the first time. The way the wind ruffled his silver hair, blowing his brown jacket and beige tie around. The way Mobius stares at him fondly with those lovable blue eyes. The way he is just waiting there, already assuming the Loki doesn’t want to touch him more than he has to, and Loki can’t help smiling to himself on how wrong Mobius is. It makes Loki wonder if Mobius knows that he is wrong about Loki’s feelings, that while he knows a lot about him, he doesn’t know all of him. Not yet, at least.
The wind circles around them, sweeping away Loki’s hesitation. He doesn’t want to be separated from Mobius any longer. So much has passed between them. So much betrayal and hurt, so many assumptions made when they could have been honest with each other if only Loki knew how to do that. If only Mobius knew how to do that too.
For Loki now knew just how little he knew anything about himself. His mother’s words ran through his head: ‘always so perceptive about everyone except yourself’. She was right. He hadn’t a clue about himself. He barely understood Sylvie, never mind his other variants. Just what was it about himself that made him so unaware of his own thoughts, his own wants and desires, who he really is.
He knew what Mobius thought. Years of trauma, neglect and hurt had forced Loki to close himself off from the world. It caused him to strike first before others did the same to him. It made him isolated, lonely and numb to all his feelings. Except that couldn’t be true, he was nothing but a ball of emotion, spilling feelings at every turn.
Mobius had still said no. That’s not how it works. That the emotions kept spilling out because they had been locked away for so long. That eventually emotions spill over. That it’s like a leaking tap dripping water into a plugged sink; the water reaches the top and just pours over, like a sudden waterfall when prior to that the water had been contained.
It didn’t make sense to Loki until he finally saw his variants, how closed off they were to discussing anything. All except his older self. He had plenty of time to reflect on his feelings, how much he cared for Thor, how much he missed him. Loki didn’t want to wait thousands of years all alone to heal his inner wounds. That was a life wasted.
It was this man, this unassuming man in the brown suit that had helped Loki see a different path for himself. He helped him see that he wasn’t a monster, though he was sure he still acted like one most of the time. In his mind, Mobius’ words spoke: ‘you can be whoever you wanna be, even someone good’. Loki knew now that he didn’t need to be a pawn for someone else. He didn’t need to be what his father wanted, or his mother, or Thor. He didn’t need to be what Thanos thought he was, or the Avengers, or the billions of humans on Midgard. He could choose who he was, who he could be.
Mobius would never say it was all his doing. He would say it was Loki who made the change, and it was but it was also more than that. This man, this simple office drone had changed Loki. He had pulled him out of the timeline and gave him a chance to be whoever he wanted to be.
The trouble was that Mobius didn’t see how much Loki relied on him. Loki wasn’t that sure of himself at all, and Mobius had been a rock to cling to in the desolate world of the TVA, in a time outside of time. He wanted nothing more than to cling to that man once more.
So, as Mobius held out his hand, waiting on Loki shaking it and wishing him goodbye, Loki faltered. He watched as Mobius tried to keep his hand out despite the fear growing in his eyes, but that wasn’t it. No, not at all. Loki wanted to say goodbye properly, not just with an unfeeling handshake. Mobius meant so much more to him than that.
Shaking his head gently, he smiled to himself once more. His black curls blowing around his shoulders as he pulled himself together and took a step forward. He opened his arms wide, desperate to pull Mobius closer to him, to feel his steady presence within a tight embrace.
It had been a long time in the making. Mobius had always touched Loki in small ways but never big ways. Had he been holding himself back? The way Mobius softened into the hug said everything. He wanted this with Loki. He needed it as much as Loki did. It was nice, to mean so much to someone. He could feel Mobius smiling and it was the complete opposite of what he was doing: crying. He couldn’t stop the tears running down his face. It was like what Mobius said; his emotions overflowed more and more these days.
His tears were bittersweet. He felt joy at holding Mobius so close, but sadness that they must part. He felt protective of Mobius, but also wanted to be comforted by him. He felt safe with Mobius, but also scared that he might get hurt.
What if Mobius did get hurt? What if Loki did? What if this was the last time that they would hold each other? That thought burned into his mind and he wished. He wished that Mobius would be safe, that they would see each other again. He wished that he could show Mobius exactly what he felt for him. He wished that he was brave enough to say the words.
Yet, he wasn’t brave enough to speak. He was merely brave enough to show with his actions. Pulling away from Mobius slightly, he let his hands cup the agent’s face. It was so tender, so gentle and he saw Mobius’ eyes crinkle in confusion. Without waiting for permission, Loki leaned forward and let his lips brush against Mobius’. It was brief and soft and left Loki wanting. His eyes opened and he looked into those blue eyes again. A storm of emotion were raging there, torrents of water overturning a barricade that held back all his feelings for the trickster god. His eyes flickered between Loki’s eyes and his lips, and that’s when it happened. Mobius pulled Loki back in for a deeper kiss.
This time, when their lips met, they pressed themselves together as close as they can. Their lips gliding over each other’s until Loki’s parted in a gasp of pleasure. That’s when Mobius slipped in his tongue, caressing his as he swirled his own around his mouth. It was all Loki could have dreamed of if he had ever let himself dream. The fact that Mobius was here, in his arms and kissing him deeply, was so unbelievable to him that he couldn’t think. Loki let the kiss happen, let Mobius lead as he did with most things. Loki had let him know he wanted this and now Mobius wet and warm mouth was covering his and he tasted delicious.
They were so engrossed in each other that they had forgotten that they were not alone until they heard a loud cough. Loki was grinning widely as they pulled their lips apart. He watched Mobius chuckle softly while they gazed into each other’s eyes again. He didn’t want this to end, but if they stayed like this much longer Sylvie would have more to say and they would have to listen.
“Well, see you later, Loki.” Mobius smiled at him, softly biting his bottom lip as he turned around and walked away through the time door. Loki only let out a breath once he had walked through. He needed to pull himself together, but this time to tackle whoever Alioth was guarding.
He glanced at Sylvie. She was smirking. “What?” Loki raised his eyebrows waiting for an answer. He knew he wouldn’t get one. In the distance Alioth growled. It was time to end this and then get back to Mobius.