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As soon as you climbed into the passenger seat of your car, you leaned the seat back as far as it would go and tried to find a semi-comfortable position so you could catch up on some sleep. After staying up all night trying to get the paperwork in order for this case, you were barely able to keep your eyes open. Under normal circumstances you wouldn’t have let Holder anywhere near the driver’s seat of your new car, but when he offered to drive and you realized you were so tired you were seeing two of him, you reluctantly handed over the keys. It was going to be a long drive, and it was probably better if you didn’t drive into a ditch within the first ten miles.
But after only about fifteen minutes, just as he had turned onto the highway and you had begun to drift off, Holder began patting down his jacket and feeling around in his pockets. The car began slightly swerving as he shifted his focus off the road. “Ah, shit.”
“What?” You groggily mumbled, biting your tongue against commenting on his driving.
He held up his nearly empty pack of cigarettes. “I thought I had another few packs. But I must a left ‘em on my desk. This is my last one and we don’t got time to stop for more.”
Without a word, you reached into the glove box, pulled out an unopened pack of his brand and tossed it into his lap. He stared down at it for a moment before looking back at you in surprise. “Damn, girl. Why you got these? You don’t smoke.”
“No, but you do. And I don’t think I’ve ever seen you for more than five minutes without one in your hand. And, no offense Holder, but you’re not always the most mindful about stuff like this. I figured sooner or later, you’d run out and I wanted to be prepared.”
A wide smile spread across his face. “Yo! That’s pretty dope. But one pack ain’t gonna last all night.”
You smiled and held up a finger, signaling him to wait. Reaching under your seat, you pulled out two more identical packs. Holder shook his head and laughed. “Oh snap. I gotta say, I wasn’t expectin’ that.”
“Oh, come on, Holder. When’s the last time I let you down?”
He looked you dead in the eye and with a straight face answered, “Never.”
You felt your face grow warm under his gaze and quickly turned away, pretending to look out the window. But instead, you admired his reflection in the glass. He kept looking at you for a few more seconds before shifting his eyes back to the road.
You still couldn’t believe that you had fallen for your lanky, laughable, loser of a partner. The man who claimed pork rinds didn’t count as meat because they were junk food. The man who you had never once seen out of a baggy hoodie and jacket. The man who constantly smelled like smoke and cheap body spray. Yet, here you were, daydreaming about the feeling of his lips against your, one hand running through his messy hair while the other pulled at the gold chain he always had hanging from his neck. Oh you have it bad for this guy.
When you had first met Holder over a year ago, you hadn’t thought much of him as a person let alone as a detective. However, as time went on and you got to know him better, he somehow had managed to worm his way into your heart. And now, he was all you thought about. But after six months of him not showing the slightest acknowledgment to any of your subtle advances, you had almost given up hope of ever having him look at you the same way. But maybe this case would give you one last attempt to garner his attention.
The murder investigation the two of you had been working on for the past three weeks had finally uncovered to a lead to the whereabouts of your top suspect. An anonymous tip had come in that Dominick Russo, a local lowlife who had been sleeping with your victim, was supposed to be at a party on the other side of the state tonight. It was the first time there had been any clues to his location since the night of the murder. So, even though it was Christmas Eve, it had been decided that the two of you needed to go try and track him down. Which meant hours alone in the car with Holder as well as an overnight stay in a hotel together. It was the perfect opportunity to try and show him that you wanted to be more than his partner on the job.
But right now, all you needed was some sleep. You reached out and turned on the radio. “Let It Snow” began ringing from the speakers and you smiled, settled back into your seat, and closed your eyes. However, seconds later, the car went silent once again. Cracking your eye open, you saw the radio was now off. You clicked the button, and the radio came to life once more. That is until, Holder reached over and clicked it off again.
You stared at him incredulously. “What are you doing?”
“I don’t like music while I drive. I need ta focus.”
“Come on, Holder. Please!” You whined. “It’s Christmas Eve! I’m already having to DVR all my favorite holiday movies I’m going to be missing, at least let me listen to some Christmas music while I try to go to sleep!”
“Nah, not gonna happen. Besides, it’s just the same few songs played over and over again. We ain’t doing that shit.”
“Hey! It’s my car, so I control the radio.”
“Hey,” he mocked playfully. “I’m driving, so I control the radio.”
You huffed loudly as you slumped back into the seat. Holder glanced at you out of the corner of his eyes before asking, “Whatup witchu and Christmas anyway? Why make such a big deal out of it? Especially those shitty Hallmark movies you always goin’ on about.”
You turn back to him in surprise. “Are you kidding me? Who doesn’t like Christmas? The lights, the decorations, the tree, the presents? It’s all so magical and exciting! Plus, it is a nice break from the monotony of every other day. Also, I love the whole atmosphere and aesthetic, you know? Warm fires and hot cocoa while you listen to holiday music, snuggled on the couch with someone special, both of you tucked under a blanket.”
“You use a blanket in front of a fire? While drinkin’ a hot beverage? Damn girl! How cold is your place?” Holder chucked amused at the picture you had just painted.
“I said it was an aesthetic, not what I actually do! I mean, it’s not like I actually have a fireplace or anyone to snuggle with!” Your cheeks burned as the words tumbled out of your mouth. You hadn’t meant to make yourself sound as pathetic as you just had. Holder talked a lot about all of his hook ups and latest conquests, but when he would ask you about your love life, you always played it off as just being a private person. Now, you had basically just admitted you didn’t talk about your love life because you didn’t have one. And yes, your plan on this trip was to try and get him to fall for you, but this didn’t seem like the best way to kick things off. Yet, when you quickly glanced over at him, he didn’t seem to have reacted to your outburst at all.
Clearing your throat, you tried to ignore your previous statement and continued. “Um, yeah, and as for the movies….my mom was sick a lot when I was a kid. She was a single mom and tried her best, but she would randomly get these horrible fevers and weakness that would leave her bedridden for days. It always got especially bad in the winter. So, whenever she would get like that, I would climb into bed with her, and we would binge Hallmark Christmas movies. I know they’re stupid, but they remind me of her, so I love ‘em. Everything always works out at the end, the girl and the guy end up together, and everyone lives happily ever after. And yes, the tropes and cliches are heavy-handed, but that’s what makes them great! You know what’s going to happen as soon as the characters discover they are locked in a room together or there’s a case of mistaken identity, but the way it’s executed is the exciting part.”
Holder just shook his head. “I still don’t get it, but if that’s what you like, you do you…… I’m sorry ‘bout your moms. How is she?”
You stared out the window once again. “Gone. Since I was 15. They never did figure out what was wrong with her but… just one time she got sick and she never got better.”
Holder shifted in his seat. “Damn. I’m sorry.”
You shrugged. “It was a long time ago.” You tried to sound as nonchalant as possible, but you could still feel the tears tickling the corner of your eyes.
Holder seemed to notice, because of course he did. “That don’t make it easier.”
“No…. it really doesn’t.”
This day was going from bad to worse. First, when you woke up from your much needed nap, Holder informed you that your new orders were to infiltrate this party undercover as husband and wife. You couldn’t believe your luck as you pondered all the possibilities that this would give you to make a move on your partner. However, after less than a minute of walking into the party, the two of you were mistaken for Russo’s cousins. So, instead of playing it up as a lovey-dovey couple, you and Holder were left pretending to be sister and brother. Just to make things worse, it turned out Russo had an air-tight alibi for the night of the murder, so that meant the entire trip had been for nothing.
And then, as Holder was driving you back, he mentioned he found a place to stay for the night that looked cheap yet clean. It was located in a small town just off the highway, and that had immediately piqued your curiosity. Small towns at Christmas were the best! They always went all out and had festivals and decorations and lights! Plus, all of your favorite romantic Christmas movies were set in small towns!
Yet, all of your hopes were crushed as Holder drove through the center of town. There was no hint of the holidays anywhere. No decorations, no lights, not even a tree. The only suggestion of the season you saw was a single faded sign next to the post office which had a sad looking snowman and the words “Happy Holidays” painted on it. That was it. All in all, it felt more like they were about to celebrate Tax Day than Christmas.
Then, when you finally made it to the sleazy looking motel at the edge of town, you were informed there was only one room left available, which meant you and Holder had to share. So maybe things were looking up after all. A small establishment like this wouldn’t have lavish rooms, and more than likely….there would be only one bed. Your heart fluttered at the idea. It might be one of the oldest, most cliched tropes in cheesy romance, but it was one that always excited you. And the thought of sharing a bed with Holder…
But, once again, nothing turned out the way you wanted. As Holder had pushed the door open to your room, you were greeted by the sights of not just two large beds, but also a fold-out couch. What kind of shitty roadside motel has rooms with fold-out couches! So, you had each placed your things on your respective beds and you went to take a shower.
And this was where you were now, thinking about the complete mess of a day it had been as you stepped out of the small tub and dried off your damp body as quickly as possible before the steam left and the chill returned to the air. You eyed your sleep clothes loathingly as they lay in a heap on the counter. You had never expected to be sharing a room with Holder so you had only packed your baggiest, shabbiest pajamas (honestly it was just an oversized t-shirt and a pair of small shorts). It was definitely not what you imagined you would be wearing the first time Holder saw you in your bedtime attire.
Once you were dressed and toweling off your hair, all the lights flickered and went out. With a loud sigh, you called out to your partner. “Holder!....Holder, do you know why the lights just went out?” You exited the bathroom, but your partner was nowhere in the darkness of the room. “Holder?”
Suddenly, the door to the room opened, and Holder hurried in, shaking the snow from his hair and shoulders. The light from outside illuminated the room and Holder paused as he noticed you standing there, arms wrapped around yourself against the cold he was letting in. He quickly closed the door, once again plunging the pair of you into darkness.
You heard him fumbling towards you before his voice sounded next to your shoulder, “Yo, what up with the lights? They was on when I left for a smoke.”
“I have no idea. I got out of the shower and everything turned off.” You shivered slightly as the heat began leaking from the room. “I guess this means the heater’s off too.”
“You cold, mama?” You felt a rustling beside you and then a ball of fabric was placed in your hands. It took you a moment, but you soon realized what it was.
“Is this your hoodie? Damn, Holder, I didn’t know you ever took it off. I was starting to think it was just fused to your skin. Like seriously, when was the last time you washed it?”
“Oh, ha ha. Well, if you ain’t gonna use it-”
“No,” you quickly snatched it back as he tried taking it from you. “Thank you, Holder. I really appreciate it.” You slipped the large sweatshirt over your head and it fell to the middle of your thighs, just past the edge of your shorts.
You felt him take a step closer to you, until you were almost touching. Softly, he murmured, “You know, if you’re still cold, I could-”
Both of you blinked sharply as all of the light abruptly came back on and you heard the heater churn back to life. You looked up at Holder towering over you, only a few inches between your bodies. Your breath caught in your throat as you took in his physique without the hoodie for the first time. His tattooed arms were toned and muscular in ways you hadn’t expected. And his torso…under his tight t-shirt you could see the curves of his well-developed, lean frame. The baggie hoodie had been hiding how fit your partner really was.
Breathlessly and still gaping at his chest, you asked, “You were saying?”
“Yeah, well, I guess it don’t matter anymore.” He turned abruptly, stalked into the bathroom, and slammed the door shut behind him, leaving you staring after him, confused and a little hurt.
When the door finally opened again 45 minutes later, Holder nervously stuck his head out. “I-uh..maybe don’t look.”
You sat up from where you had been laying on your bed, checking your emails on your phone. “What do you mean? Is something wrong?”
“I don’t…I didn’t know we was sharing a room. I don’t really have any..” He stepped timidly into the main room. He was wearing nothing but a pair of black boxers. “Um, this okay?”
You stared intensely at his face, using every ounce of willpower not to gawk at his bare chest or let your eyes travel a little farther south. “Yeah, Holder, it’s fine. Do you want your hoodie back?”
“Nah, you keep it. Looks much better on you then it ever did on me anyways.”
Heat bloomed across your face as you snuggled deeper into the warm sweatshirt. It smelled so much like him it almost felt like you were wrapped in his embrace. You averted your eyes as he padded across the room to the window. Leaning against the wall, he pulled the last cigarette out of his pack and lit it up.
“Is that your last one?” you asked.
“Nah, I still got one more of the packs that you gave me. You’re a real lifesaver. Wouldn’t ‘ave made it through today without ‘em.” He took a long drag off it before releasing a large cloud of smoke from his lips. There was just something about the way Holder smoked that made butterflies dance in your stomach. The way his hands caressed the cigarette between his fingers, the way the end flared with each rise of his chest, the way the smoke danced between his lips before encircling his head. Before Holder, you had always hated watching people smoke, but he had it down to an artform.
He pushed the curtain aside just enough to glimpse outside. “Snows gettin’ heavier. If it get too bad tonight, we might be stuck here a few days. So, fingers crossed.” He ground what was left of his cigarette into the windowsill and walked over to his bed, flopping clumsily onto the covers.
You rolled over and gazed at his long frame, biting your lip to keep a wistful sigh from escaping. Instead, you murmured, “’Night, Holder.”
“’Night, Y/N.”
You continued staring at him until your eyelids began drooping and you felt sleep overtaking you. And as you drifted off, you let yourself think about the possibilities of the morning. Maybe we’ll get snowed in tonight. Maybe we’ll have to stay here for a day or two. Maybe, just maybe, something… will….. finally work…. out…….
As sunlight slowly danced across your face through a crack in the curtains, you slowly blinked awake. It took you a few seconds to remember where you were and what you were wearing. But as soon as you did, you jumped out of bed and rushed over to the window. Taking a deep breath, you threw open the curtains and your heart plummeted as you took in the landscape outside. As the sun had risen, it had melted most of the snow from the night before. All that was left was a few sad muddy piles of slush.
Just as you mentally let out a string of expletives, you felt Holder walk up behind you to look outside. You couldn’t help but notice he was still just in his boxers. He quietly cursed to himself, “Damn! What the hell’s a guy gotta do to catch a break?”
You turned to face him, confused. “What do you mean? All the snow is gone. We can leave whenever.”
Holder blushed slightly as he rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah…so..uh, I know how much you love those shi- I mean, sappy movies an’ I know what they mean to you ‘cause of your moms. So, I’ve been trying to make things seem like one of those movies.”
You still weren’t grasping what he was trying to tell you. “Wait, what do you mean? How could you do that?”
He sighed and padded over to where his jeans still laid crumpled on the floor. Digging around in the pocket, he pulled out a wadded-up piece of paper. As he walked back to your side, he tried straightening out the slip as much as possible. His eyes were glued to the floor as he thrust the paper into your hands. Glancing down, you recognized Holder’s chicken-scratch handwriting and somehow managed to make out the words:
fake date – husb/wifesm town – nice xmas decs, all movies in sm townxmas magic – find extra xmasy spotonly one room – call to rent out other rooms/ only have 1 bedhuddle 4 heat – cut power?- snowed in – luck?
You looked back at your partner, more confused than ever. “What the hell is this, Holder?”
“While you was asleep in the car, I looked up a bunch of those things they do in those movies. I tried to get ‘em to work for us but every single goddamn one failed. I’m the one who suggested we went undercover, but not as brother and sister. I tried finding us a cute small town ta stay in, but it’s apparently the only one in the entire fucking country that don’t do Christmas. Then, I called ahead an’ rented out all but one room. Never thought it’d leave us with this huge place. I was tryin’ for only one bed so…you know. And…I sort a cut the powerline last night so the heat would go off and we would have ta snuggle for heat. But who figures a shithole like this would be able to fix it so quickly?” He shook his head and sighed heavily. “Gettin’ snowed in was my last chance. But it seems even Mother Nature ain’t gonna cooperate.”
You glanced back at the list then back to Holder. “Wait, you cut the powerlines?” He shrugged slightly. “Okay… all of that’s actually really sweet…but I don’t really understand the point… What was your end goal here?”
He shuffled his feet, still looking at the floor. “I wanted you to feel special. Like you was the girl in those movies. The ones where everything always works out, the girl and the guy ends up together, and they live happily ever after……You know what I’m sayin’?”
Everything finally clicked and you stared at him in disbelief. “Holder, are you saying you like me? Like in a romantic, want to take me out on a date kind of way?”
He muttered something too muffled for you to understand. “What?”
“Damn, girl! Yes! Okay, yes. I liked you from the start, but I figured you wouldn’t like someone like me.” He turned so you were now looking at his back. “I know I’m a screw up an’ an addict an’ I don’t have anythin’ to offer you, but I just thought, maybe, if you saw me like one of those guys, you might give me a chance.”
You felt your heart simultaneously swell with joy and shatter in sadness. Holder liked you back! You weren’t the only one who had feelings for the other! But at the same time, how could he think that was all you saw him as? How did he not see the amazing person you had come to care so deeply for?
Walking around so you were now standing in front of him, you saw Holder’s eyes screwed shut as he tried to block out everything around him. Gently, you reached up and cupped his face in your hands. He slowly eased his eyes open and searched your face, looking for any indication of how you were feeling.
You smiled softly as you said, “Holder, I can’t say I liked you from the start. I was an idiot and when we first met, I did judge you and I am so extremely sorry if I ever made you feel those things about yourself. Because that is not the man I see before me. That is not the man who I have come to know. And that is not the man who I have wanted, who I have dreamed of calling mine for months.”
Now it was his turn to be confused. “What?”
“I like you too. Like in a romantic, want you to take me out on a date kind of way. You know what I’m sayin’?” You playfully nudged his nose with yours.
His eyes grew wide before a smile spread across his face. “Yo, are you serious?”
“Very. I just never thought you would see me...like that…”
“How could I not? You’re the best, smartest person I’ve ever met. And you’re fine as hell, girl!”
You laughed before growing more serious. “I can’t tell you how much I appreciate what you tried to do for me. But there’s one big thing you left off your list. The thing that every movie ends with.”
“And what’s that?”
“A kiss.”
As he tilted his head down, you tilted yours up to meet him. But just seconds before your lips touched, something caught your eye. You placed one hand on Holder’s chest, causing him to pause.
“Um, Holder, I didn’t see anything about mistletoe on your list, correct?”
He shook his head, confused. “No, I didn’t have any idea where to get some, so I didn’t try. Why?”
You just point up to the ceiling. Both of you tip your heads back to stare in wonder at the small plant now dangling above your heads.
Holder’s face scrunched in bewilderment. “How the fuck did that get there?”
“So, it’s not just me? That definitely wasn’t there last night?”
“Hell no. I stared at that spot most of the night while I listened to you breathin’.” He turned to you, suddenly embarrassed. “Shit, I didn’t mean anything weird by that. It was just har– difficult! It was difficult to know you was right there and I couldn’t… that I wanted…”
You patted his chest reassuringly with a grin. “It’s okay, Holder. I know what you mean. I felt the same way.”
He relaxed slightly under your touch, but then you both remembered the reason for your concern in the first place. Looking back at the ceiling, you both realized there is still no explanation for the mistletoe hanging there.
Finally, you said, “There are a few ways that might have gotten up there that I don’t really want to think about…So, let's just chalk it up to your Christmas magic from the list.”
Holder smiled down at you, holding his arms out wide, “Hey, everything makes sense, it just depends on how you perceive it. So, if we perceive this as Christmas magic, that’s what it is.”
You shook your head softly but gave him a wide smile. “Thank you again for everything you did for me, Holder. Thank you for making this, us , possible.”
He gently placed his hand under your chin and tilted your head towards him. “Anythin’ for you, mamacita. Anythin’ at all.” And as he pressed his lips against yours for the first time, you really did believe in Christmas magic.