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“Ittekimasu!” The boy in winter clothes said although there was no one in the house.
His smile was bright, brighter than the sun on the first day of the year.
Asano Gakushuu looked up at the clear sky. He grinned. Gakushuu ran from his front gate. His dad always said he shouldn't run but today, Gakushuu would forget all his dad’s orders.
Today’s his birthday. He won’t care about anything just for today.
As in previous years, Gakushuu's dad would not be home until January 2nd. This means Gakushuu was free to do whatever he likes.
Gakushuu is free to be himself.
Several people stared at Gakushuu, wondering where his guardian was. His steps were light as if he’s happy to be out of that house.
The strawberry blonde haired boy smiled at everyone he met that afternoon. Unlike his tall father, Gakushuu was small and thin. It seems that the busy schedule that often left no time for him to eat is starting to take a toll on his body. With two red cheeks, a sweet smile, and baby fat on those cheeks, Gakushuu looks younger than his age.
Unlike usual, it snowed last night. The new year has always been clear of snow, but last night it snowed quite heavily.
Gakushuu remembered last night he sat facing his window, watching the snow fall. He quietly brought a glass of hot chocolate to the room.
When he walked past a park in his neighborhood, Gakushuu spotted some snow left. A sweet smile graced his face. Gakushuu hurriedly ran into the garden.
There was enough snow to make a snowman.
That little boy crouched while making a snowman. The cold wind blew the strands of his hair, making his forehead exposed.
Gakushuu ran for pebbles and twigs around the park. He hasn't played in a long time. It was like being a 5 year old again.
There were two round pebbles that would suit as the snowman’s eyes. While still smiling, Gakushuu placed the two pebbles on the snowman's face. The branch he found was quite long, so Gakushuu decided to break it in two.
Now Gakushuu's snowman has a pair of eyes and hands. Feeling elated, he squealed while clapping his hands. “Yeay!”
He sat crossed-leg without minding that his pants could get dirty. “Hi! My name is Gakushuu! Asano Gakushuu! Today is my birthday! Now I’m officially 9!” He said excitedly, shaking the snowman's hand.
Gakushuu giggled happily. His violet eyes glowing in joy.
The boy spent his time talking to the snowman as if the snowman was a human. Gakushuu never got to tell his stories to anyone. He had no friends at school, everyone was avoiding him since he was so smart and he never stopped studying.
Dad told him the kids must be scared of him because he’s stronger than them.
But Gakushuu never wanted them to be scared of him. He wanted to be friends.
Never once, since 4 years ago has his dad spent time with him. The older man even told Gakushuu to not speak to him if it wasn’t necessary. He took all of Gakushuu’s toys and replaced them with tons of books.
Sometimes on a cold night, Gakushuu missed his fluffy teddy bear and his soft blanket.
Mom said Dad was sad. Gakushuu was sad too, he couldn’t hug his dad anymore. Everytime he tries to, Dad will shove him away.
Dad always told him to not cry, to always smile in front of his friends, but why wouldn't Dad stop being sad? It has been years. Gakushuu could make him smile again if Dad let him speak or even just give him a warm hug.
“Hey, Mr Snowman. You know what?” Gakushuu exhaled a heavy breath. “I envy my friends. Their parents are always there when school is over. I wanna hug my parents too. I wanna brag about my scores like what the others do all the time. I got 100! Even higher than their score!”
“I don’t know… why are their parents so happy when they didn’t get 100 at all? It’s just a mere 75. Why are they happy? I got 100 but Dad never smiled at me. Um… well, Mom looked happy when I got 100 in math. I suppose Dad was happy too?”
Drip…. Drip…. Drip….
Gakushuu’s face fell. Mr Snowman began melting.
“It’s not even that hot. Why are you melting already? I still have a lot to say.” The last sentence wasn’t more than a whisper.
The boy quickly hid his disappointed face. “Well!” A sweet smile appeared. “Nice to meet you, Mr Snowman! I’ll see you next year, I guess?”
Gakushuu brushed some snow from his clothes and stood. “Or maybe if the snow falls again, we could meet again! Bye for now!”
He gave the snowman a quick hug before running to the sidewalk again.
At Gakushuu’s right side there was a bakery. It was a famous bakery in his neighborhood. His mom used to take him there and let him choose between the cake or cookies he wanted.
Once again, those violet eyes which resemble amethyst sparkle. This time it’s from excitement from seeing sweet foods, especially cakes that he loves. Gakushuu has loved sweet food since he was a kid. Unfortunately, his dad never let him eat sweets so Gakushuu often sneaked some sweets to his room or ate it at school.
The sweet smell of freshly baked cakes made Gakushuu’s smile wider. He closed his eyes for a minute then when those sparkly eyes opened again, his legs rushed inside the bakery.
It took a few minutes for the bakery’s owner to realize there was a little boy glancing at his cakes. The boy’s hands didn’t dare to touch the cake display’s glass. What a well behaved boy….
“Hey, Kid. Need help?” The boy looked up at his voice. He expected the boy to be shy like kids around his age but the boy smiled politely.
The bakery owner was only a few years older than Gakushuu’s dad.
“Hello, good afternoon!” Gakushuu greeted. “I want a birthday cake please.”
His amethyst eyes continue eyeing the cakes. “Um, these cakes are too big. Do you have a smaller one?”
The bakery owner smiled at Gakushuu’s innocent tone. “Wait a minute. I have one that’s still freshly baked.”
Gakushuu’s eyes lit up hearing freshly baked.
He remembered when his house used to smell like cakes and cookies whenever his mom finished baking some. He missed the sweet smell. Gakushuu wondered if he would be able to smell it again in that house.
The black haired bakery owner came back with a strawberry cheesecake in his hand. Gakushuu pouted. Then he turned that pout into a smile, worried that he might hurt the owner’s feelings if he pouted like that.
“I’m sorry but I’m not a fan of strawberries. Do you happen to have any cookies and cream cake? That’s my favorite.”
The man was amazed at Gakushuu’s politeness. He instructed one of his workers to bring a cake for his little customer.
“Is this what you want?”
Gakushuu nearly let out a happy squeal, he was standing on his toes, not patient enough to wait. “Can I see? Can I see?”
The bakery owner lowered the cake so Gakushuu could see it better. Those violet eyes widened in joy.
The strawberry blonde haired boy looked up. “I’ll take that! How much is it?”
“It will be 5,000 yen.”
Gakushuu opened his pouch. The bakery owner could see some amount of yen inside the pouch. The boy must have been saving his pocket money for a long time.
“Um…,” Gakushuu glanced at the bakery owner. For a moment the older man thought the boy didn’t have enough money. “Can I have nine candles too?”
“Is it your birthday, kid?”
His strawberry blonde head nodded enthusiastically. “Yes! I’m nine years old now!” Gakushuu gave his best smile.
“What a cutie!” The cashier smiled warmly at Gakushuu.
A warm pat on the head from the bakery owner made Gakushuu’s smile widened. “Happy birthday! Since you’re cute and you’re a birthday boy, I’ll add more cookie crumbs on the top of your cake for free. Wait a minute, I’ll be back soon.”
It’s been a long time since Gakushuu was this happy. He couldn’t stop smiling. “Thank you!”
The cashier gave him a free candy. Gakushuu went home with a happy smile on his face while hugging his cake box. He walked slowly so his cake wouldn’t be damaged.
The walk back to his house took more time than when he left before.
Gakushuu’s steps stopped near the park. He searched for Mr Snowman.
“Oh,” he mumbled. “You completely melt. I thought I could still say hi to you before I return home. Well then,” Gakushuu waved his free hand. “See you again, Mr Snowman!” Then he walked away from the melted snowman.
Finally he stopped at his front gate. The house, more like a mansion, was still quiet. Of course Dad’s still away. Gakushuu will spend his birthday alone like the previous birthdays he had.
But he was wrong.
He saw his mom cooking at the kitchen when he was about to put his shoes in the shoe rack.
Hearing the sound of the front door opening, Gakushuu’s mom turned around. “Gakushuu! Where have you been? Why did you leave without telling me?”
Gakushuu blinked several times. “Oh. Sorry, Mom. I forget. I thought you were out with Dad.”
The blonde haired woman smiled. She stretched out her arms to hug her son. “I haven’t seen you today. Is it too late for me to say happy birthday to my dearest son?”
Gakushuu beamed, he shook his head. He ran to Mom. Before hugging Mom, Gakushuu made sure he put the cake box on the table carefully.
His mom’s hug was the warmest hug he ever knew. Gakushuu felt comfortable in Mom’s hug. The woman’s bony fingers stroked Gakushuu’s hair. “Happy birthday, Gakushuu. I love you so much.”
“I love you too, Mom.” Gakushuu whispered. He tightened his hug.
“My baby is no longer a baby.” Mom kissed his forehead. “It’s been a long time since you let me kiss you. Mom missed you so much, Gakushuu.”
Her hands were warm. Her heart was beating. His mom was here. It was enough for Gakushuu.
“Gakushuu, you are still a child. It’s okay if you wanna hug your mom and dad. You don’t need to grow up that fast. There will be a time for you later to be an adult. For now, why don’t you enjoy being my son?”
Gakushuu giggled. “Yeah. I guess it won’t hurt at all to be a child just for today.”
Mom cupped his cheeks. “You’ll always be my perfect son. You don’t need to try so hard to impress me. I love everything about you, Gakushuu. And I always will.”
Gakushuu’s cheeks began to blush. There were tears on those amethyst eyes. “Thank you,” he whispered.
“Now!” Mom clapped her hands. “Will you help me cook?”
“Huh?” Gakushuu watched as Mom turned to her cooking once more. “Mom, aren’t you tired?”
“Nope at all!” Mom gave him her brightest smile. “It’s for our family’s lunch. We have to celebrate your birthday!”
After hanging his coat, Gakushuu stood beside Mom. “Are you feeling better?” There was a worried look in his eyes.
Mom, being positive as always, smiled while showing her thumb. “Yup! Don’t worry, Shuu. Mom is better than ever! I’m sorry, you must be worried about me.”
“Uh, well…” Gakushuu decided to help Mom with the eggs. “You were at the hospital for months. Actually I’m surprised you are here. But I’m happy.” His voice trembled a little.
Mom looked away. Seemed like she tried to hide her tears. “Sorry for leaving you alone with Dad, Shuu. You must be lonely.”
“I…. that’s okay Mom. Really, I’m okay. You don’t need to worry about me.”
Gakushuu couldn’t remember the last time he cooked with his mom. It must have been a really long time ago. Mom was always sick as long as Gakushuu could remember. Sometimes when her condition was better, they would cook together or bake a cake.
Mom was an expert at making Gakushuu laugh. The boy screamed with laughter, making the house feel more alive.
“Not my flour, young man!” Mom half cried. “Oh, nevermind. I could always buy more.” Her response made Gakushuu laugh even harder.
“You ask for a flour war, hm?”
“No, Mom! No! I’m just kidding! You know I’ll never win in this game if you're my opponent!”
“Oh? Is that so?” When his mom was scheming something, she looked like Dad so much. Gakushuu wondered if that’s what people called a soulmate.
That was how The Asanos’ kitchen ended up covered in flour, just like the birthday boy’s face.
Mom laughed so hard until she cried, meanwhile Gakushuu pouted, not enjoying being his mom’s laughing stock.
“Alright, alright HAHAHAHAHA I’m sorry, Gakushuu. You look really funny.”
“Come here, I’ll help you wash your face.”
“I know better, Mom. At this rate, you’ll splash water on my face.”
“No, I….. pffftttt I’m not.”
“You are a bad liar!”
“Sorry hahahaha!”
Before Gakushuu finished washing his face, the front door opened again. He wasn’t sure but he bet his dad was home.
Dad is home.
If Dad’s here, Gakushuu needed to act like a grown up, not able to laugh freely like he did a few minutes ago.
I guess the fun is over.
I hope Dad will let me eat the cake…. The cake looks delicious.
“Gakushuu!” Gakushuu shot a glance when he heard his name. He almost couldn’t believe his eyes.
Dad brought like five shopping bags from different shops. The man never bought so many things in Gakushuu’s life. Dad was rich but he wasn’t the extravagant type.
“Where’s Gakushuu? Gakushuu! I bought your favorite snacks!” Dad called out to Gakushuu again while taking off his shoes.
Gakushuu was puzzled. Since when did Dad start buying him his favorite snacks? He was the one who forbade Gakushuu from eating snacks.
“Dad.” Gakushuu bowed to him. “You’re home.”
Dad smiled broadly at Gakushuu. A genuine smile.
When did Dad ever smile like that at Gakushuu?
“Son! Happy birthday! I canceled all of my meetings for today. Let’s have a party together!”
Party…? But Dad said birthday parties were lame and childish, that’s why they never celebrated Gakushuu’s birthday for years. He said celebrating Gakushuu’s birthday was just a waste of time.
Now he wanted to celebrate Gakushuu’s birthday. It’s kind of…. weird?
Well, it’s not like you turn nine everyday, right?
Gakushuu decided to ignore whatever it is that made his dad act differently. He missed his dad. He will enjoy his time with Dad while the man is still the man who used to love Gakushuu.
A wide smile appeared on Gakushuu’s lips. He nodded excitedly. “Mhm!”
“Oh? I see you already got the cake. It’s a good thing I forgot to buy a cake!” Dad said while peeping at the cake.
The boy ran to his father, hugging the man tightly. Dad laughed softly. His big hand patted Gakushuu’s head.
“Dad, I missed you.”
Dad hugged him back. “I’m only gone for a couple of hours. Guess you’re still my clingy baby boy, huh?”
Gakushuu tried his best to hold his tears. He inhaled Dad’s scent. A scent that used to ease his pain before it became a scent that scares him the most.
“Aww!” Mom smiled softly at them. “Lunch is ready! Oh, should I call it dinner? It’s getting late!” she giggled.
Dad let go of Gakushuu and walked towards Mom. “Dear, I supposed that it’s our dinner now.”
“Oh right!” Mom shoved Dad away when Dad tried to kiss her. “Later, Gakuhou. Not in front of the child.”
“Did you cook all of this alone?”
“Gakushuu helped me. Thanks to him I lost one sack of flour too.” Gakushuu and Mom exchanged a look before bursted into laughter.
“Seems like both of you were enjoying a flour war while I’m away.”
“So sorry, darling, we don’t have any intention to invite you or else you’ll instantly win the game.”
“What a shame.”
“I’ll claim my compensation then.” Dad’s right hand was on Mom’s waist and his other hand was placed on her cheek. He kissed her passionately.
Mom’s eyes were widened. Gakushuu sighed. He wasn’t surprised his parents decided to do this again in front of him.
“Ew gross.” He stared at them in disgust. “Should I remind you guys that I’m still a minor?”
“Shut up, Son. I’m trying to kiss my wife here.”
“Gakuhou!!”
Mom grabbed a spicy shrimp tempura and stuffed it into Dad’s mouth. Gakushuu laughed as his dad’s face turned red. That man couldn’t eat spicy food at all, unlike his wife.
“What the fuck?!”
“Gakuhou!!!”
“Oh my God. This is hot!” Dad yelled. “Like my wife.”
The wife smacked the back of her husband’s head. “Shut up, you filthy old man!”
Dad laughed loudly, making Gakushuu pout. “Hey, I’m still here! You guys act like I’m not here!”
His mother brought the food to their dining table. She kicked her husband’s leg when she saw that man tried to tease Gakushuu. “Don’t you dare make my son cry on his birthday!”
“Aw, darling, I’m just playing with him!”
“I don’t wanna play with you, Dad.”
“Ouch. That hurts, Son.”
Gakushuu’s house has never been this lively before. That thought came to his mind several times as he watched his parents bickered over little things and then laughed at their sillines.
His parents were classmates in their college days. They were friends, group mates, even partners in teaching before they decided to be husband and wife.
Warm…. I miss this feeling.
Mom yelped and snatched him from his thoughts. “Asano Gakuhou! Put me down this instant!”
Dad was carrying Mom in his arms. Now he’s swinging while singing. If Gakushuu didn’t know his dad, he probably would have thought the man was drunk.
“Asano Gakushuu! Hey, Gakushuu! Help your mother, will you?”
Gakushuu grinned. He ran towards his dad’s back then he jumped. Both of his parents yelled his name. Gakushuu giggled as he clutched on Dad’s neck.
“Piggyback!” The boy rested his chin on Dad’s shoulder.
“God, give me strength. I think I’m gonna get back pain from this.” Dad grunted.
The Asanos spent their time playing together. It looked like they already forgot their dinner. Mom will need to reheat their dinner after this.
They were eating Mom’s homemade ramen after fifteen minutes of laughing non stop. Gakushuu was hungry. He didn’t know laughing could take all of his energy.
“We should stop saying happy new year and start saying happy birthday Asano Gakushuu every time the year changes.” Mom said then took a sip of her ramen soup.
“Agreed.” Dad chimed in.
Gakushuu groaned. “Stop it. You’re making me embarrassed.”
His parents loved to tease him a lot. Their playful smile sometimes makes Gakushuu annoyed but today he found their smile eased a lot of his pain. He didn’t know that he was in pain until now.
Gakushuu missed his parents’ touch. He missed being a spoiled little kid. All this time he was alone. He will treasure this moment for a long time.
“Gakushuu, you’re lost in your thoughts a lot today. What’s wrong?” Mom asked him.
He shook his head. Gakushuu looked up from his bowl to look at his parents. “Nothing. I…. I’m just….,” his eyes sting. Tears were threatening to stream down his face.
“I’m happy.” He managed to smile. “Spending time with both of you makes me happy. It’s been a long time since we sat together like a family.”
His parents’ gaze softened.
The birthday boy looked at his parents in turn. His father’s amethyst eyes just like his, his mother’s sweet smile. Gakushuu will remember all of this.
“Mom,” he gazed at his mom’s face. She was pretty, like always. Mom was the most sweet, soft, lovely woman Gakushuu knew. Her caresses could brighten up Gakushuu’s bad day. Whenever he had a nightmare, his mom will be there to soothe him. Her hug was Gakushuu’s favorite thing in the world.
“Dad.” People said Gakushuu was a mini version of Dad. He saw his dad’s childhood picture and he looked exactly like the man over 25 years ago. Dad could be silly some time, Gakushuu would team up with him to piss his mom off. They were partners in crime. At least before Dad turned into someone else. It doesn’t matter. Now Dad is here.
“I love you. So much.” Gakushuu whispered. “Please stay. Don’t leave me alone. I love you so much. I don’t wanna be alone anymore. Please, never let go of my hand.”
He said those words while trying not to cry. Gakushuu couldn’t hide his shaky voice.
Mom wiped her tears. “Baby, I will never leave you. Not for once. I will be there, guiding your every step. I’m sorry, you must be very lonely all this time. Sorry, Gakushuu. I should be there for you.”
Dad grabbed Gakushuu’s hand. His hand was warm, as warm as his smile. “I left you too much alone, right Son? I’m sorry I have a lot of work to do. But Gakushuu, I’m doing this for you. For you to have a bright future. I apologize if you felt left out. It wasn’t my intention.”
Gakushuu couldn’t hold back his tears. Those tears streamed down his red cheeks. Dad’s thumb wiped away his tears. Mom hurried to his side, kissing his cheeks.
His dad kept rubbing Gakushuu’s cheek with his thumb.
“I love you, Asano Gakushuu. More than you know.” Dad placed a kiss on Gakushuu’s forehead.
“Me too. Mom loves you more than your dad! I love you the most!” Mom gave him a big smile then she kissed his nose tip.
The older man chuckled. “Alright, this time I’ll give in. Okay, Gakushuu, let’s stop this crying session and let’s start a photo session!”
“You silly man!” Mom smacked Dad’s arm. “We should blow the candles first!”
“Oh right! Okay, okay, Gakushuu, will you help me with the cake?”
Both of them set up the cake carefully. Dad awed at the cake. He said the cake was a great choice.
“I’ll eat all of it.”
“No! I bought it with my own money!”
“I was the one who gave you the money.”
“…..”
Gakushuu looked at his dad with teary eyes.
“GAKUHOU!!” Mom looked at Dad as if she wanted to swallow him whole.
“I’m sorry, Gakushuu! I was just kidding! You can have all the cake for yourself!”
Mom and Dad stood across from him. His mom helped him light up the candle.
All nine candles were lit, making Gakushuu’s cake look even more pretty. Dad started to sing a birthday song. Mom sang along, her gaze was soft and looked happy.
“Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, happy birthday…. Happy birthday, Gakushuu!”
The flames seemed to sway to the rhythm of the song. Gakushuu's cheerful face was illuminated by the flames which then dimmed as he blew. He looked up to look at his parents who looked proud.
Gakushuu left his cake to run to his parents. He hugged them who then hugged him back. Dad carried Gakushuu so that they were now equal in height. The little boy hugged his dad’s neck, his temples pressed against his dad's temples. Dad’s other hand was hugging Mom. Mom rested her cheek on Gakushuu’s back. Her arms wrapped around her husband and son.
I wish I could stop the time right here. I wouldn’t mind being stuck in this moment forever. It’s all I ever want.
There are no words that can adequately describe how much Gakushuu loves his family.
Dad kissed both Mom and Gakushuu’s forehead. “Son, will you lend us your phone? Let’s take a family picture.”
Gakushuu nodded enthusiastically. Dad lowered Gakushuu from his arms.
Their last family photo was taken when Gakushuu was 5 years old. Now Gakushuu is 9 years old, of course they need a new family photo.
Dad mounted the phone on a tripod. Then he set the timer. He hurriedly ran towards Mom and Gakushuu. Both of them hugged Gakushuu. Gakushuu smiled widely, his first sincere smile when he was about to be photographed.
The flash of his phone’s camera took a picture of the three of them. Gakushuu's gaze darkened for a moment. When Gakushuu opened his eyes again, his head was on the dining table. His neck hurt from sleeping in the same position for hours.
His heart sank. Right next to him was the cake, still in the box and his phone. Gakushuu's trembling hand reached for the phone. He silently wished he would find his family picture in his gallery.
A tear escaped from his violet eyes.
There was no family picture.
The last photo in his gallery was a photo of his math homework.
No matter how often Gakushuu looked up at the sky and prayed, his family will never be whole again. Gakushuu’s mom died when he was 6. The woman lost her battle with an illness she had suffered for a long time.
His dad? That man had changed since before Gakushuu's mom died. He never wanted to talk to Gakushuu if he didn't have anything to teach Gakushuu. Gakushuu thought his father hated him.
The house was pitch black. It seemed that Gakushuu had been asleep for quite a while.
Gakushuu slowly took the cake out of the box and started to stick the nine candles in. The boy lit all the candles. Gakushuu's nine birthday candles were the only light in the dark house.
The birthday boy sang in a hoarse voice. “Happy birthday to you…. Happy birthday to you….” His hands clapped to the beat of the song.
“Happy birthday… happy birthday… happy birthday…” Gakushuu couldn't finish the song. He lowered his head. The boy’s cry was heartbreaking.
“Mom….”
“Dad…..”
No one ever answered. He still remembers the warm atmosphere of the house. His parents’ laugh that had warmed his heart is now gone.
Gakushuu was alone, without anyone by his side, on his birthday.
“Happy birthday, Asano Gakushuu.”
One final blow and the house went dark again, leaving the boy sobbing alone.