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Jealousy is an odd feeling.
How does anyone really know if they're jealous? What is it? Is it the rationality? If so, then Albedo was exactly like he said. He was not jealous. He was too busy to be jealous and not just that, why would he be? He didn't have anything to be jealous over.
And he certainly was not jealous at how much time Eula was spending with Diluc.
But why was she spending time with him? Not that he cared, obviously.
But didn't she say she hated him? Wasn't he always too...Unwelcoming? Aloof? Withdrawn? Albedo didn't get it. He wasn't one to put others down, he didn't mind Diluc. He just didn't understand why he was so interesting all of a sudden. So much so that Eula had spent the whole day with him yesterday. What were they even doing together?
Within the recent months, Albedo had gotten fond of Eula. It started off with Eula dropping him things he needed, it saved him a lot of time when he had to test anything. An experiment was easier with her assistance. It then moved onto her escorting him to places. Eula was quick at her feet and her mind was no slower. Albedo, although somewhat of a renowned genius in Mondstadt, lacked social awareness. Eula even began helping now and again with Klee.
Eula wasn't someone to pride herself on being good with children but Albedo was more than impressed. Klee loved everyone but Eula and her had something sweet. Eula even baked a few things with Klee and somehow managed to go without damage at least 70% of the time (or 72.43 last time Albedo calculated).
Albedo likes that about her. She had her heart and head in the right place. She was stubborn, claiming her head set on this idea of revenge but really, it was more of a pride thing. Eula was indeed very prideful.
Maybe that's why she liked Diluc now. Diluc was somewhat prideful. Or maybe he just didn't care.
...Eula seemed like she cared though.
Albedo stopped himself every time he had a strange thought. What was up with that? He never had these kind of thoughts about anyone. He labeled them curious thoughts but Sucrose seemed to think they were ones of jealousy.
Albedo tried to explain it to Sucrose in a way to get the most unbiased opinion too.
He remembered himself saying "why would someone continuously wonder why someone is talking with another? Or perhaps hanging out with one another a lot more than usual."
Sucrose didn't even hesitate, "Oh! That sounds like jealousy, Mr.Albedo!"
Jealousy. Albedo never considered himself a jealous person. He was always too content occupying his own activities to be a jealous person.
What was jealousy?
Albedo turned around when he heard someone enter near his campsite. Was it Eula?
Before even thinking, he moved himself to go and take a look. He hadn't seen Eula in long. They went all yesterday without seeing each other. That was too long for Albedo.
"Allllbeeeedooooo!", Klee announced, jumping out from behind one the rocks.
Albedo smiled a tad at that, a small comfort, "Hello Klee."
"I made something for you!", She announced, tugging her backpack off herself to unzip it with excited aggressive.
Albedo let out a small chuckle, "What is it?"
"Ta-da!!!", Klee's face glowed as she pushed her achievement in front of Albedo. It was a mist flower crown, with a perfectly neat job.
Albedo was surprised, there was no chance than Klee would have done it single handedly. She wouldn't have had the patience, let alone the ability. Last time Albedo checked, Klee wasn't a flowercrown perfectionist.
"Wow. This is amazing, Klee," He praised, leaning down so Klee could prop it atop his head.
"I know! I know! I have one too!", She replied, pulling out a flaming flowercrown and putting it on her head, "Do you like them?", She asked excitedly, bubbling with excitement.
Albedo couldn't contain a smile with the look on Klee's face, "They're wonderful," He agreed, readjusting the crown he was given, "How did you make them?"
"I had master Diluc and Eula help me!", She replied, staring at Albedo with admiration. She seemed ecstatic with the crowns. They were beautiful. Of course they were, Eula made them. Or maybe he was wearing Diluc's work on his head. Albedo couldn't help but feel his happiness turn sour.
"Oh- really? When?", Albedo asked. Albedo was good at hiding things. His inner thoughts and feelings were unknown to people- most were nonethewiser.
"Umm well we started searching for them yesterday?", Klee told him, seeming as if she was recalling something, "Buuut we didn't make them until today. Master Diluc burnt his hand on a mist flower yesterday and couldn't touch anything so I had to wait," Klee was good at informing Albedo on everything. He kept a tab on everyone that way. Not that he minded, that was bothersome usually. Concerning yourself with others becomes tedious. Unless it was Eula.
He didn't mind that.
Until now at least.
"Where is Eula now?", Albedo asked Klee, who thought to herself again. She sat on one of the rocks in Albedo's campsite.
"I don't know. I left her with Kaeya after we gave him a sweet flower bracelet!", Klee giggles proudly.
Kaeya too? Albedo paused, his brain feeling as if it was lagging. His inner passive aggressive thoughts didn't stop. He felt awful. Perhaps he really was jealous.
"Kaeya said it was very beautiful. He said he wish he could keep it forever!", Klee told him, "I wish flowers didn't wilt…"
"Me too," Albedo agreed, trying to ignore the thoughts in his head. Was Kaeya trying to sweet talk Eula? No, surely not. He wouldn't try. She's not his type but...Kaeya really would sweet talk anyone.
Albedo's brain left an image of an incredibly suave Kaeya holding Eula's gentle hand, kissing it softly. Albedo shook that off. That was an awful thought. Surely Eula wouldn't buy into such sweet talk.
"Did you give anyone else a gift?", Albedo asked.
"Oh- just you, Kaeya and Amber!", Klee reported.
Amber. Albedo liked Amber, despite her being a little too over excited and talkative. He didn't mind that. He liked talkative as he wasn't usually one to talk, unless it was something specific he had obtained knowledge on.
But Eula liked Amber. Or at least- she did at some point. Albedo remembered overhearing a small conversation where they joked about Amber being her wife if Amber liked girls too. Albedo specifically remembered that. He didn't feel so attached to Eula back then so he never minded it but now? Now it hit different.
Albedo tried his best to speak with Klee. He asked what she made, where they found the flowers, how they got them, where they made them and somehow, each question made his jealousy worse.
They were made with Diluc, obtained with the help of Diluc, they were made beside the winery, Diluc's winery.
Albedo carried on. He persisted the whole conversation. Klee was innocent on his horrible feelings, he was going to pretend they weren't there. Klee was excited, who was Albedo to destroy that.
Soon enough, the torment ended and Klee popped off from the rock and sung her excited good byes. She left, ready to fulfill her last few rambunctious hours before bedtime.
Albedo was alone again.
He stared around, this place he had built, it didn't mean much. He'd learnt a lot in Mondstadt, friendships was one of them. He had a few people he spoke to. Not many but he cherished those he felt comfortable enough to. But the one he cherished most was Eula.
He was selfish, wasn't he.
Albedo, although he wasn't one for small noises, made a small whine at his thoughts.
He missed Eula, that was it.
Just like that, almost as if the timing was perfect, there was a throat being cleared behind Albedo. He flipped around to see the one and only Eula Lawrence. It felt like so long since he'd seen her.
"Eula?", Albedo asked, pretending like seeing her was just an average thing for him. He could hide anything behind his expression.
"Albedo," She responded with a small scoff, "I see Klee gave you my wonderfully crafted flower crown," She began, a small grin on her face. She was proud of her crown. It looked perfect on Albedo. It fit him very well.
"Oh- Yes. She did. I like it a lot," Albedo bowed his head with a hint of a small smile, "You made this?"
"Hm? Does it not look like my work?"
"Oh- no. I just heard you had some assistance," Albedo excused, the last thing he needed to do was upset Eula.
"Well. Somewhat. Diluc assisted me in the method," She told Albedo honestly, leaving Albedo with a lightly empty feeling. He wasn't sure why it mattered so much to him. It was stupid and most of all, inconvenient.
"Oh. I didn't know he could do that," Albedo kept himself neutral, finding it difficult somehow. He wasn't used to such feelings, why would Albedo of all people need to concern himself with jealousy?
"I didn't know either. I'm glad Klee enjoyed it though," Eula hummed, catching something was up with Albedo. Although Albedo wasn't a very good small talker, he tended to just not talk rather than say anything.
"Me too," Albedo responded, gazing towards his embarrassingly messy desk, "How is he?", Albedo asked after a heavy silence.
"Diluc?"
Albedo nodded. She didn't have to say his name like that.
Like what?
He wasn't sure. He just didn't like it.
"He's okay, I guess. He didn't seem too insufferable today," Eula scoffed, her sarcasm showing itself again. There was a point where Eula meant it but clearly, that changed, "Him and Klee actually got along great. I was surprised. Seeing Diluc with a smile is uncanny."
Albedo nodded.
"A smile suits him."
Albedo nodded again.
"Klee made him play airplanes. She was tempted to pretend to blow up the winery," Eula laughed.
Albedo swallowed thickly with a painfully empty smile at that.
Albedo knew how much Klee wanted to play airplanes. Usually Eula would do it for him, as she had the height and strength Albedo lacked.
Albedo lacked a lot, didn't he?
Albedo was never one to self reflect, unless it impacted his work. Albedo had always been someone who just- well- liked work. He dedicated himself to it. It fascinated him beyond anything. At least it did, for a long time. Until he found a feeling that was incomparable to a successful hypothesis. A warmth that not even alchemy could give him.
However, this was the downfall and it was dreadful. Albedo hated it. This new feeling was no longer welcome. It made him reassess himself, worry, mindlessly fixate, it was too much.
"Do you like Diluc?"
Well, that's one way to find out.
Eula responded with a look at first. A look of confusion, turning into mild offense. She didn't understand what Albedo even meant by such a question, "Diluc has his uses."
Did that mean Albedo didn't? No, it didn't, but- it might. Albedo knew these thoughts were irrational but somehow managed to cling onto the 'what if'.
"Why are you asking, Albedo?", Eula was onto him already. She had her arms folded, a sign of her seriousness.
"Observant as always," Albedo replied ambiguously, causing Eula to narrow her eyes.
"Don't toy with me, Albedo."
Albedo wasn't even sure where this was going. He didn't know why he even asked. Now he was in a situation like this. Yet again, another careless mistake Albedo could have easily avoided.
"Don't ignore me either."
He was caught, or rather, he exposed himself.
"You've spent a lot of time with him recently," Albedo stated, confident he wasn't out of line for stating the obvious, "I just wanted to know."
"It doesn't concern you."
Well, that was cold. Albedo's pupils thinned. Were his suspicions confirmed?
"I haven't seen you recently," Albedo admitted. Usually, he would have dropped it by now, but he couldn't. He hadn't seen Eula in so long. He couldn't deal with those thoughts.
He spent too long not saying anything about how he felt, now, all he felt was resentment and jealousy.
Eula was still giving him that look. That look of annoyance and frustration he couldn't shake off easily. Even in this moment, where she stood and stared menacingly, he couldn't help but admire her. She was certainly beautiful. Not only physically, but all round.
"I missed you," Albedo admitted. Those three words were something Albedo never thought he'd say, "I was worried."
Vulnerability and feelings were not Albedo's forte.
"Worried?"
It wasn't Eula's speciality either.
"I didn't want to lose you. I guess."
Eula, remaining confused, entered closer. A heart to heart was difficult for the both of them and Eula's responses made this evident.
"I don't understand."
Eula didn't get it. Despite her smart wit and amazing intuitive skills, Albedo's emotional code was something she was unable to crack.
Even Albedo was still trying to decipher it.
"I guess," Albedo breathed, "I guess I missed your company. You seemed to be busy these recent days."
Eula scoffed at that, finding it amusing, "I never read you as the clingy type."
Ah. Albedo knew that tone. A lighthearted joke, "I'm not clingy," So why did he take it so seriously?
"Hm? So what are you then?"
Now she was taunting him. Making him think again. Albedo didn't need to think anymore than he already had been for the past few days.
"I'm not clingy. I'm not making you stay here. You can leave if you want," Albedo wasn't the type to be clingy. Or jealous.
And certainly not flustered.
"That hurts," Eula amused with a sarcastic tone. Eula wasn't ever the playful type, not to most anyways. One thing Albedo did admire was Eula's attitude. She could always switch between a powerful icy stare and a lighthearted smirk.
"I didn't mean to offend you."
Albedo, on the other hand, he found things hard to express. He had trouble discovering his feelings. He knew a bad feeling from a good one. That was all he had. The rest was still blurry.
"I don't understand what's gotten into you," Eula sighed, this time, she was genuine, "I'll go, how about that?"
Albedo experienced a panic. He flipped his head towards her face. He didn't mean it. He didn't mean what he said. Well, he did, she could leave of course, but only if she wanted to.
"No," Albedo answered quickly, grabbing her arm with a gentle touch. Albedo was certainly acting strange. All these new feelings had lead to new actions. Albedo and physical touch were an extremely rare pair, "I didn't mean it. I don't want you to," Albedo went quiet. A feeling of shame was surely not one Albedo was used to.
"I don't want you to leave."
After this, Eula understood. Albedo didn't need to say it. Eula herself didn't understand how she knew but she knew. He didn't need to try and explain.
"I didn't know you felt like that," Eula whispered. It seemed automatic at this point, despite the two of them were never being the sentimental types.
"I didn't want to say anything. I thought the feeling would go away. I'm not used to this."
Warmth.
A hug from Eula was always warm, warmer than what you'd expect of Eula. A cryo user with a warm hug.
"I know."
Understanding.
Eula understood a lot of things Albedo didn't, she knew how he felt better than he did sometimes. Eula was a miracle in some senses.
"Can I stop it?"
"I don't think so."
You couldn't stop a feeling, Albedo knew that, but he wanted to ask either way.
"I guess," Eula paused, "I guess it's not a bother to me. Does it bother you?"
Of course it did.
Eula nodded. She felt his answer.
She was good at reading him.
The two of them never set anything out concretely. They didn't know what was so different about one another. Love was such a stupid word, but how else would they call it?
For now, this was enough. This pace was okay. Slow and steady. Labels were complicated and confusing.
"I'll spend the night with you. If you want. We don't have to talk."
She knew Albedo, she knew what he wanted.
Immersed in her hug, he nodded.
"I'd like that."