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Okay maybe Louis shouldn't have screamed. Because Harry didn't deserve to be treated as if he was the most awful boy in the world when, really, he was the loveliest. But Louis hadn’t been able to prevent himself from saying the mean words that left his mouth and now it was too late.
You have to understand him though. He thought he would have the most amazing night ever, the one he was waiting for months now. It was Halloween tonight and Louis and his friends had planned so many great things to do. They would eat dinner (some delicious pumpkin pie and cinnamon cookies with lots of sweets) then put their costumes on to go ask some treats in the neighbourhood that they would later eat while watching scary movies.
This was the perfect plan and Louis had been overly excited for it. He hadn’t been able to stop himself from jumping while getting dressed this morning, not even stopping himself to watch the beautiful leaves falling from the trees to cover the ground in a colourful layer. Not even when his mother made him some hot chocolate with marshmallows or when his sisters made some stupid but really funny jokes. This was gonna be the best night ever.
That was until his mother told him how the family from next door would come eat dinner that night. And sure, his mom didn’t know he had plans but he couldn’t help himself from being disappointed and sad that he wouldn't be able to spend time with his friends. Don’t get him wrong, he liked his neighbours, especially the younger one with the really pretty curls but still, they ruined the best night he would have ever lived.
So obviously, when they came up to the door later that day, when the sun had already set behind the houses of red bricks, Louis wasn’t in a great mood. He had tried to be nice, welcoming them with a “i’m so glad we get to spend Halloween together” but it sounded fake.
Luckily, his neighbors didn’t seem to notice, apart from the youngest one maybe, Harry, who looked at him with worry in the eyes. Now that Louis thinks about it, it was really cute for Harry to worry about his welfare. But at that time Louis was just busy thinking about how his friends were having fun without him.
If Louis hadn’t focused on that, he would actually have had a great night. His mom’s cooking was amazing (a delicious turkey with some mushrooms and sweet potatoes and in dessert an apple pie), the music was good and the fireplace in the corner lit up the room in beautiful orange shades. Except he was thinking about it and even the neighbours trying to talk to him about football, one of the things he loved the most, with Halloween, couldn’t make him happy.
So he was sulking, being as ridiculous as a child and he would later realize it but at that moment, it didn’t matter. He just wanted to get away from this boring dinner and go have fun with his friends like he was supposed to.
At one point during the night, Louis couldn’t do it anymore. He had to let off some steam and come back to finally enjoy this evening because even though he wasn’t with his friends, he wanted to spend a great halloween no matter what. This was a day he’s been dreaming of for so long and a change of plans would not screw it all.
So he went to his room on the upper floor, a typical teenager’s bedroom with posters up on the wall and clothes being where they shouldn’t be, and put on his earphones to listen to some of his favorite songs.
But then, in the middle of Mr. Brightside, Harry had interrupted. And while Louis had almost calmed down, Harry ruined everything. And he had been mean, really mean, screaming at him for daring entering his room, even though, usually, he didn’t care much. But that night, Louis cared so much. He just wanted to scream and sleep and even cry because it was too much. Everything was too much.
It wasn’t just about his spoiled plans, it was also the tiredness of the week due to the many exams he surely failed, this girl who was following him everywhere in school and couldn’t take a fucking hint and his “dad” who had tried calling him the night before for whatever reason when he never cared about him before.
Everything was so overwhelming and he had ignored it for days trying to see the good side : Halloween was coming. But he couldn’t pretend anymore. He couldn’t pretend he was okay because he really was not. He wanted to fall to the ground on his knees and cry for hours but he couldn’t and he lost it. And Harry had been here, at the wrong time.
Now, Louis felt really bad. Harry looked as broken as him, tears in his eyes and if Louis hadn’t been crying already, he would now because he had hurt an angel. Harry just wanted to make sure he was okay but here he was, tears flooding his cheeks, eyes so bright and still so beautiful.
The desire to sink to the ground was too strong now and Louis let it go, let himself fall on the ground and at the same time, let his fences fall. Louis just couldn’t stand up anymore, watching Harry tearing down because he had told him he hated him. Because nothing makes you hurt like hurting who you love and Louis loved Harry so much.
Harry was the most kind and generous boy in the world and he had fallen for him in the first few weeks of knowing him. It was more than 6 years ago, when they had just entered high school and were still shy little boys.
Harry was still as shy as before really but it was sweet and endearing and it didn’t mean he let people walk on him. He was always standing up for what he thought was right and Louis had always admired it because you had to be really brave to do this. Harry had the kindest heart of the world, helping everyone that needs help, spreading love everywhere he went and making the world so much brighter.
There were so many things that Louis loved about Harry but in reality, he loved him whole. He loved everything about him, every little detail, every flaw. Louis was in love with him and all his little things. And he wished that he would have been able to tell him because Harry had a hard time accepting who he was and loving himself. Louis dreamed for so long to help Harry see himself as Louis was seeing him and, in a way, he did, even though he couldn’t tell him he loved him.
When Harry was coming over to study or just to spend some time together, Louis complimented him a lot. He was telling him about how his jeans suited him or his hair looked beautiful. But there were still things he couldn’t do like kiss the dimples in Harry’s back that the boy was so insecure about or tell him how he loved his deep voice and wanted to hear it every night before going to sleep.
But Louis never did any of that because Harry couldn’t know Louis loved him. Harry didn’t know Louis was gay and even though Louis knew Harry would be really supportive, he also knew everything would change. Not because of Harry, Harry would be lovely about it, but because of him. If Louis told Harry his feelings, he wouldn’t be able to face him afterwards.
And there was one thing worse than not being loved back by Harry, it was to lose their amazing friendship. Sure, it wasn’t the romantic kind of love that was shared between them but Harry still took Louis in his arms whenever he was feeling sad or nostalgic and he was still coming to all of his football games to be his personal cheerleader as Louis liked to call him and, even though it wasn’t the truth, Louis could still sometimes pretend Harry was loving him as much as he dod
Louis knew that it was wrong not to tell Harry the truth, not to be honest about how he was feeling because Harry would surely feel uncomfortable if he knew that every time he was biting his lips because he was stressed, Louis wanted to kiss him so bad.
Louis has been feeling really bad about it. Whenever he caught himself watching intently at Harry, he immediately beat himself up in his head for thinking non-friendly things. The first time Louis realised he was in love with Harry, years after he had actually started liking and loving him because Louis could be really oblivious sometimes, he had been feeling like a monster. He was supposed to be Harry’s best friend, to help him whenever he felt bad or wanted to talk to someone he liked but wasn't brave enough to do it.
Instead, Louis fell in love with him.
If at first he had been able to pretend he wasn’t in love with Harry, it wasn’t the case anymore a couple weeks later. Every time Harry was talking to someone in a bit too friendly way, Louis was feeling a wave of jealousy overwhelming him. When Harry was hugging him in his room, he couldn’t control the goosebumps coming up on his skin and the desire to kiss him. And whenever Louis was thinking about how, one day, Harry would meet someone and love them like Louis loved Harry, he felt like he could die from how much he was hurting.
Tonight though, Louis wasn’t the only one who was hurting. Harry was as well and it was because of Louis. Louis who had hurt the person he loved.
Louis knew he should apologize and say something, anything, but he couldn’t think and he couldn’t breath and his heart was constricting in his chest and beating too quickly, as fast as his tears were falling down on his damp cheeks. Harry must have noticed how Louis felt (of couse he noticed, he was the most caring human in the whole world) because he picked him up from the ground and curled him around his chest.
“It’s okay Lou. You’re okay.”
Louis wanted to tell him that it was not okay, that he was not okay, because he hurt his sweet creature, made him cry and he had never felt this much pain in his entire life but he couldn’t say a word. All that left his mouth were whimpers and cries and jerky breaths.
During the long minutes it took him to stop crying and coughing, all Louis could think about was how much he loved Harry. How he would never be able to love anyone else as much as he loved the person hugging him and whispering sweet words to him right now. All he could think about was “i love you”, “i love you”, “i love you” until eventually, it slipped out of his mouth.
The reaction he got was nothing he could have ever imagined. He dreamed about it so many times, how Harry would react if he confessed his feelings. All the scenarios were made of immediate distance, rejection and kindness but it never occured to Louis that, maybe, Harry could love him back.
But Harry definitely didn’t want to put distance between them when, just a few seconds after his confession, he asked him if he could kiss him. And if the passionate kiss Harry had given him afterwards was anything to go by, maybe Harry did like him back.
The kiss was like a butterfly landing on a beautiful flower at first. Sweet and delicate. Their lips were brushing gently against each other, making them shiver at the same time. And then, when their lips suddenly crashed with all the impatience of finally kissing the person you loved for the first time, after dreaming of doing so during so many years, it was like a fire was burning inside them. Their hands were grasping everything they could, both of them wanting to be as close as possible and to feel the other person against their skin. And while they kissed and kissed again, the tears were still falling down on their cheeks.
Except this time, they were tears of joy.
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After kissing for what felt like hours, but maybe were only a few minutes (Louis didn’t really know, kissing Harry was like going to another universe where time didn’t exist) Louis and Harry decides to lay down on the bed, Louis half on top of Harry, their limbs entwined, and to talk things out.
“I’m sorry Curly”
“What are you sorry for ?”
“For being this mean to you, I shouldn't have. I promise I didn’t mean it, I don't hate you. You’re the person I love the most in this world, I could never hate you.”
“It’s okay Lou. I was hurt for a bit, yes, because I believed you for a second when you said you hated me but then I looked in your eyes and I saw all the pain and the love in it and I knew you didn’t mean it.”
“But it’s not okay though. Just because I am hurting doesn’t mean I have the right to inflict my pain to other people… I’m so sorry Harry, I was really shit with you.”
“Do you wanna talk about it ?”
“About what ?”
“About what’s happening. I knew something was wrong when you opened the door earlier and I know that you’re currently hurting.”
“I, I just, I…”
“You don’t have to tell me anything Louis if you’re not ready for it. I just want you to know that I'm here for you.”
“No, I want to tell you ! It’s just hard to admit that i’m not this strong boy that i’m trying to be.”
“But you are strong Lou, so strong. And you know why ? Because you are trying. It takes so much strength to keep going on, to just go through the day. Sometimes just taking a shower is a hardship and that’s okay. I’m so proud of you for waking up every morning and trying your best.”
“...I miss my dad. He called me yesterday and I didn't pick up but god did i want to. I know he’s been awful in the past but I still can’t stop missing him and wanting to see him even though I know he hasn't changed and he’s still so bad for me.”
“I understand Louis. Even though he was an awful dad, he is still your father. It’s okay to have this hope that maybe he could be a better dad now. It’s okay to wish he was by your side, that he could see how amazing his son is and be proud of him. And it’s okay to miss him but missing someone is not a reason to re-enter a toxic cycle.”
“I know you’re right but it’s just…hard.”
“I know it is but I'm here for you okay ? Always.”
“Thank you Harry. Thank you for always being by my side and for supporting me. Thank you for loving me.”
“You’re so easy to love Louis. You’re the best person in the whole world. I love you.”
“I love you.”
“Do you wanna go trick or treat ?”
“Yes please.”
And if Louis thought that, by coming to eat dinner, his neighbours had ruined the best night he would have ever lived, he now knows that, thanks to them, he will live the best life anyone could ever have.