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“C’mon we can stay here for a bit.”
While finding shelter, Choso and Yuuji go back to Nanami’s apartment. It’s been a month since they’ve had proper shelter. They’ve been sleeping under bridges and abandoned tunnels.
“We’re no longer troll people.” Yuuji laughed.
“What does that mean?” “Nevermind.”
There’s a spare key under the mat for him. The keys are marked with a “I.Y.” written with Sharpie by Nanami, and it makes him miss him all the more.
“Itadori-kun, you are allowed to stay in my apartment if you need to. If I am not here, there is a spare key under the mat. I put it there specifically for you.”
“Really?”
“Yes, I trust you, so do not betray my trust.”
“Okay Nanamin!”
They walk in, and Yuuji explains that there is a spare room. It’s where he used to stay whenever he crashed at Nanami’s house.
“One of us can rest while the other is on lookout,” Yuuji explains.
“Alright,” Choso responds.
Nanami’s apartment is clean from when Nanami last cleaned, which was before he left for Shibuya. It looks lived in, like Nanami’s ghost was still present. The house plants around the house were starting to wither, however. Yuuji knows if Nanami were alive, he’d be annoyed by that. Nanami always took good care of his plants. Yuuji goes into the kitchen to fetch water for the plants. As he fills the small watering can, he notices an envelope on the kitchen table. The envelope is under a vase filled with withering red Poppies. From the sink, he can see that there’s some sort of kanji written on it though it’s too far away to see what it says.
“Yuuji, I’m gonna take a quick shower. I’ll be back in 10 minutes.” Choso shouts, snapping Yuuji out of his thoughts.
“Yeah, okay.” Yuuji looks down at the sink. The watering can has been overflowing. “Shit,” he mumbles and turns off the faucet. He walks to the living room and starts watering the plants. Nanami usually has a schedule of which plants need to be watered each day, but all the plants seem to be withering, so he takes it as a sign to water all of them. Yuuji’s thoughts wander back to the envelope. Who was it addressed to? Did Nanami write it, or was it addressed to him? ‘If Nanami saw me now’ Yuuji chuckled quietly. Nanami was constantly getting annoyed and Yuuji for being too nosy.
“Itadori-kun, stop being so nosy.”
“But look! It’s an album of you as a child! I need to see this!” Yuuji exclaimed. In his hands was a photo album that Nanami’s mother had given him when he moved into his current apartment. ‘For safekeeping’ that’s what Nanami remembered his mother saying to him.
“We’ll look at it after we eat dinner. Aren’t you hungry?”
“I am, but promise we’ll look at it later?” Yuuji looks up at him with puppy dog eyes holding out his pinkie.
“Fine, I promise.” Nanami rolls his eyes, knowing damn well he cannot say no to those eyes.
But Yuuji was allowed to be nosy once in a while. He sets down the watering can and goes over to the kitchen table. The envelope is surrounded by withered poppy petals that have fallen off the flower. When he picks up the envelope, he recognizes the handwriting. It’s Nanami’s handwriting, as neat and proper as ever. It says To: Itadori-kun. It makes him miss him all the more.
Dear Itadori-kun,
If you see this, then it means I am dead. In the event of my death, I will leave you ¥10,000,000 I have accumulated over the years for you and all of my assets. Use this money wisely.
When I first enrolled at the Jujutsu College, I met a boy by the name of Haibara Yu. He was unconditionally kind, cared deeply for others, and could light up a room with just his smile alone. He died in my second year. Because of his death, I lost all hope which ultimately left the Jujutsu world.
When I came back, Satoru asked me to help mentor you. He told me he wanted to leave you with an adult who understood people’s pain. When I finally met you, I saw that you had the same quality Yu had. Both of you are unconditionally kind and care deeply. I felt the need to protect you, let you still have a childhood the way Yu couldn’t. I couldn’t stand by and watch another young sorcerer die prematurely. You still have time to figure out the world.
When I took you in, I would have never thought that you would teach me anything, but I was wrong. You taught me that there is still hope in this world. You taught me to have faith in humanity. You taught me this with everything you do. Yuuji, you will go through things in life that will leave you questioning your faith but don’t ever let it change you. Your kindness is the core of who you are, don’t let anything change that. Please do not give up, and I have faith in you. I know you will do extraordinary things, even more than what you have done now. I know you will change the world.
I’m sorry our time together has been cut short. I want you to know that I love you like a son and will always love you, even in whatever next life lies ahead for me.
I hope we meet again in the next life, Itadori-kun. You’ve got it from here,
Nanamin
“Yuuji, why are you crying? What’s wrong?” Choso snaps Yuuji out of his trance. “Shit, I didn’t even realize I was crying. I’m sorry for worrying you.”
“Are you okay?” Yuuji still looks at the letter. God, how he missed Nanamin. He missed his harsh words that were oftentimes laced with concern and love, he misses the incessant bickering with Gojo, he misses the sandwiches they always shared together, he misses all of it.
‘Nanamin,’ Yuuji thought. ‘I know you wouldn’t want me to dwell on it. But please, don’t be mad at me for mourning you, even if it’s just for one moment. I promise you. I’ll try to move on even if it takes everything in me.’
“I lost someone close to me in Shibuya. He was like a father to me. This was his apartment, well technically mine now since he left it for me….” He trailed off. “I just-I just miss him so much.” Yuuji starts to break down, curling into himself. God, how he would do anything to bring him back, even if it was for a moment. He would tell him how much he loved him, how much he missed him. He’d tell him how he’d keep on living, just like his last words.
“You’ve got it from here.” Those words will forever haunt him, though he knows that wasn’t Nanami’s intention. He knows Nanami wants him to keep on living, not to let the trauma he’s been through change him. It’s like Nanami cursed him in the best way possible; he cursed him with a reason to live.
“When I lost my brothers, I felt immense grief and anger.” Choso starts. “I lost the two people who understood me and who loved me unconditionally the way I love them. I let the anger consume me to the point that I hurt you. When I finally remembered you, I realized that I needed to protect you and find our other siblings. It gave me a new purpose in life. Our brother’s purpose was to lead us to each other. I think the one you lost in Shibuya understood that you have a purpose in life that has not been fulfilled yet.”
“But I don’t even know what my purpose is! What the hell can I do to change anything!” Yuuji cries out.
“You may not know now, but you will eventually. The one you lost knows that you will do amazing things and change the world; the note is proof of that. It’s a matter of time before you realize that yourself.”
“But I feel so useless now! I couldn’t save Nanami, and I couldn’t save Nobara, I couldn’t save anyone!”
“I know the feeling. I felt useless too, but you will overcome it. Grief is one of the toughest things you can go through in life. You feel like you feel worthless like you should’ve died instead of them. But you have to get out of that mindset before it consumes you. Little brother, you have already done remarkable things. You go against powerful curses without any fear. That, in itself, is remarkable.” He takes Yuuji’s hand. “Please realize it for yourself and the ones you lost.”
Yuuji pulls Choso into a hug, crying into his shoulder. “I’m sorry for hugging you, but I really need it right now.”
“It’s okay, little brother. Anything for you.”
“I’m sorry about what I did to your brothers.”
“It’s okay, they would understand. I know they would do the same thing if they were in my position. Us brothers have to stick together no matter what.” Yuuji is still confused why Choso insists on calling him brother but lets him. He’s already done so much for him anyway; what harm would a word do?
They stand there for what seems like an eternity, to Yuuji. He lets out all the grief he’s been feeling these past couple of months. All the tears are probably staining Choso’s shirt, but right now, it doesn’t matter. What matters now is trying to get through all the pain he’s felt since this whole thing started—the pain of losing his grandfather, Nobara, Gojo, and Nanami. Yuuji has to get through it for everyone.
“Yuuji, when was the last time you slept?” Choso asks.
“No idea, to be honest.”
“I’ll be lookout tonight while you rest.”
“Okay.” Yuuji starts to feel the effects of exhaustion creep up on him. Pushing himself by staying up will only cause problems for him and Choso later on.
“Will you be okay?”
“I think I will be for now. Thank you, Choso, for comforting me. I really needed it after everything that’s happened.”
“Anything for you, little brother.”
He hopes Nanami is proud that he’s taking his last words to heart, wherever he is. He hopes that Nanami is relaxing on a beach somewhere in the afterlife, with a book in his hand and a sandwich ready to eat, finally getting the relaxation he deserves. ‘I’ve got it from here’ Yuuji starts to drift off.